Hypospadias - I don't know if i am making the right decision (PG)

[spirit wind]

I really need some nuetral help/advice here.

My 11 month old son has been diagnosed with Hypospadias. It is where the wee hole on his penis is located on the underside instead of the normal front position. His foreskin below is only about 1mm below this hole.
The doctor has recommended surgery to correct this for cosmetic reasons as it can cause pyschological problems later in life. It is not severe enough to cause physical complications, other than maybe a few more urinary tract infections than a 'normal' male might get.

I have found a couple of sites to explain this a little more in depth, as i am a little stressed over this decision and can't quite think straight therefor description may be a little off...

http://www.heainfo.org/shell_whatis.htm - My son has Hypospadias and not Epispadias.

http://www.isna.org/drupal/node/view/81

Mainly, the drawbacks of having this condition is having to sit while going to the toilet (or ultimately weeing on his feet), peer teasing when older, sexual dysfunction when older. And maybe a few more that i can't think of right now.

Having surgery could mean scaring, lessened feeling (there is another name for this but i am a little word challenged - please forgive me) and a few other risks that go hand in hand with any surgery.

My son is on the wait list to have this done, though i can take him off it at anytime.

What i mostly want to know......

Am i doing the right thing?

[morrigen]

:hugz: My little boy is 18 months old...my heart goes out to you.

The first thing that came to mind is...it's better done now than later. But then of course, that was my *initial* thought, and I started considering how every decision I've made for my son is always pre-empted and followed by thoughts of "Am I doing the right thing"...and I will worry myself sick...

The best advice I ever got was this...Every parent *ever* who loves their child, ends up having to face some hard decisions...and truth be known, we never really know for sure if our choice was the right one. But someone has to make the choice for these children who are too young to choose for themselves, and who better to make that choice than the one most concerned for their welfare - the parent.

The best you can do, is to do the best that you can. No-one can see into the future and all we have is the here and now to make our judgements in.

I wish I could be more help. And for what it's worth, as long as the procedure has minimal risks, and it would seem to be the case...yes, I personally think you're doing the right thing. :)

[HorseCrow]

Yes, get it done early (best when he is between 1 and 5 years old). I have only ever seen good results from this (fairly simple) procedure. The psychological effects of not having it done can be devastating for him when he gets older.

It will be fine :hugz:

[Wolf O Volos]

I am a person who actually has assisted a surgeon, many times I might add, in this procedure. Any questions you have, I could do my best to give you an objective oppinion.

As for what I really think of putting your child through the procedure... Hypospadias is a disfigurement... take it from a guy... once he is a teen, and other guys are making fun of him because he pees from way under the head... if you know what I mean... It is gonna be a lot worse. Teenage boys obsess over becoming men, and to a LARGE number of them, their manhood is directly related to the size and condition, of their member. Once other people get word ( and don't think if he is in any sports where he might shower around the other guys... swimming, football, basketball...etc... they aren't going to someday notice) it could be the cause of a lot of ridicule, and could effect his developmental growth, mentally speaking, into manhood.

Another thing to consider... if your child will ever want to become a father, having a hypospadias may impair his abilities. Not too sure if the literature you posted on the web pages states anything about that... but it is a concern.

In the end, it is YOUR decision to make for him... at least at this age. And if you wanted to wait it out, so he can make his own informed decision on what is to be done with his body, I would at least ask the doctor you are seeing for this, what kinds of drawbacks, ramifications, or advantages there would be in waiting until he is older and a little more able to decide for himself.

Just my 2 cents on it

[Tsuchimaru]

What wrong with sitting to urinate? -I- do that....:lol:

[Morgance]

with the large disgusting factor of the bathrooms/urinals at our school, Tshuchi, EVERY male should do the same.

If I was in your situation spirit-wind, Im not sure what I'd do. On one hand I'd want to give the decision to my son when he's older; and on the other hand I'd want to have the operation done now so it'd be less complicated.

The only problem with the former decision is once he reaches a certain age (probably a long the lines of when he can decide from himself wheither or not he wants the operation) he'd not one to approach his parents about issues with his 'manhood'.

Either way, Im pretty sure the operation should be done. It'd save him a lot of hardship later in life. Even if the guys aren't hard on him for his condition- girls could be. If the girls your sons age grow up to be anything like the girls I've met- they'll be horrible to your poor son. Anyone who believes 'kiss and tell' is dead is significantly wrong.

If you think about it- the first time men see porn, or another man's genitals, they'd autmatically compaire themselves to them wheither they want to or not. It's a natural thing, I believe. (correct me if Im wrong). If your son perceives himself as different, it can affect him psychologically.

[Tsuchimaru]

with the large disgusting factor of the bathrooms/urinals at our school, Tshuchi, EVERY male should do the same.


Agreed! And people wonder why I never use public washrooms...yuck...

[Morgance]

exactly! It's a whole "no thanks, I'll hold it for another five hours" thing. I've gotten very good at that. I wont go anywhere near a washroom that has more than 10 people frequent it in the hour. *shudder* The thought of what is growing in there. Im afraid I'll pick up some undiscovered disease. 'publicwashroomathira'

[spirit wind]

Thank you everyone.
Your replies have been a big help.

I have been in 2 minds about this. I want him to have this done and done now so that he wont have to go through the pain when he is older, the scarring etc would be gone by the time he is ready to be toilet trained, and at least if i have it done now he wont see much of a difference between himself and other kids. I am thinking Kindy here, kids can be cruel. Also i would have to inform the teachers of his school about it so they would be prepared if he did wee on his feet. So to stop all the ridicule (which i KNOW he will recieve over this) i am definately going through with it.
I would have liked to wait until he was older for him to make that decision for himself, but i am sure he wont mind if i make it for him. I was actually holding off circumsisng (sp?) him until he was old enough to decide for himself if that is what he wanted done. But now that decision is out of my hands as well, as they apparently use the foreskin to reconstruct.

So i will just be a total mess on the day, i was when my daughter had grommets put in, and i know it will be harder on me than it will be on him. I just have to keep thinking that this is the right thing to do for him and hopefully he will thank me when he is older.

Thanks everyone for your input

[Wolf O Volos]

I am thinking you are doing the right thing by your son here Spirit Wind. Honestly. When they have it done as infants, it tends to heal MUCH better, and the chances of having permanent and odd looking scars is much less, from what I understand.

Like I said though... make sure you talk about ALL of your options with the doctor. If you, or your insurance, or whomever, is going to be paying this doctor all of this money to preform a surgery, it is his obligation to you, and to your son as the patient, to go over ALL of your options... the drawbacks, concerns, possible outcomes of the surgery, and what-not. Don't be afraid to ask a million questions, or to make suggestions if you see that you want to add some onput. This is your child, and it is the job of the surgeon/doctor to make sure your child gets out of this exactly what you want him to.

[spirit wind]

LOL one good thing about being in Australia... I don't pay when it comes to medical treatment :)

But i will be asking the doctor many questions, getting a list started already. The childrens hospital here welcome any and all questions and they are great about answering them, they make sure you understand everything before going ahead with it. Then while the child is in surgery they have dedicated volunteers that wipe your tears and bring you coffee/tea etc and offer a shoulder to cry on while you are an emotional mess!! They are great.

So, thank you guys, you have made feel as if i am doing the right thing for my child. I appreciate it. :)

[morrigen]

I didn't realize you were in Aus! The joys of medicare...I'm glad you don't have the financial worries with the procedure then. I'm over the other side, in Brisbane.

Let us know when your little boy goes for surgery, and I'll send healing energy and hold him (and you) in my thoughts...maybe you could start an energy thread in Energy Requests, and get everyone sending energy for him...

[spirit wind]

I didn't realize you were in Aus! The joys of medicare...I'm glad you don't have the financial worries with the procedure then. I'm over the other side, in Brisbane.

Let us know when your little boy goes for surgery, and I'll send healing energy and hold him (and you) in my thoughts...maybe you could start an energy thread in Energy Requests, and get everyone sending energy for him...
HI Morrigen, i actually forgot you were in Brisbane.

I am thinking of starting an energy thread, but will be doing it closer to the date. I am trying to find out the wait list times for this procedure. If i was private i could choose when i wanted it done :) Oh well, i'm sure i wont have to wait more than 6 months. Hopefully sooner as i just wish it was all over and done with and have my boy happy and healthy again.

Thanks for your thoughts and i will take you up on that offer of energy when the time is nearer.

[LacyRoze]

My son, who is now 14, was also born with this condition. We were told that if we choose to have the surgery to have it done either while he was young or after he was in his teens and old enough to be involved in the decision. Due to the waiting list time it wasn't done when he was young. Now that he's 14 he doesn't want to go thru with the surgery. He urinates normally, standing up. He's been lucky and no one has teased him about it. We've talked to him since he was old enough to understand and explained he's just a little different and showed him how he's different. Maybe I'm just lucky but my son has accepted this with no problems..

[spirit wind]

My son, who is now 14, was also born with this condition. We were told that if we choose to have the surgery to have it done either while he was young or after he was in his teens and old enough to be involved in the decision. Due to the waiting list time it wasn't done when he was young. Now that he's 14 he doesn't want to go thru with the surgery. He urinates normally, standing up. He's been lucky and no one has teased him about it. We've talked to him since he was old enough to understand and explained he's just a little different and showed him how he's different. Maybe I'm just lucky but my son has accepted this with no problems..
Hi LacyRoze

May i ask how severe your sons hypospadias is? The doctors say that my sons is mild to moderate as the hole is still on the glans, whereas it could be anywhere from the glans to the scrotum and has even been found between the scrotum and the anus. Thank Goddess my sons isn't that bad.

I am mostly doing this so as not to put him through any ridicule and/or self esteem probs later in life. I feel much calmer about the decision now and know that i am doing the right thing. Yet i am not saying that you did the wrong thing. Your boy sounds happy about his decision. I just wish i could be sure that my little one would be happy with himself if i didn't go through with it. It is the hardest decision i have had to make in his short little life. And now i have found out he has Chordee as well, which can go hand in hand with Hypospadias, so the doctors can fix that at the same time.

I just hope i can deal with all of this without going insane with worry... :)

[spirit wind]

The hospital rang today. My son is now officially on the waiting list and the administrator that phoned me said it would probably be in Feb next year. I have to go in and see the surgeon about a week before for her to explain the procedure to me. I think that is when i should bombard her with all my questions :)

[LacyRoze]

My sons was also classified as mild/moderate. Don't second guess yourself. You are doing what you feel is right for your son. We would have had the surgery done when he was young but the waiting list was 4 yrs long. or this reason we decided to wait and let him be involved in the decision...

[spirit wind]

My sons was also classified as mild/moderate. Don't second guess yourself. You are doing what you feel is right for your son. We would have had the surgery done when he was young but the waiting list was 4 yrs long. or this reason we decided to wait and let him be involved in the decision...
I think if the waiting list was any longer than it is, i would wait until he is older. Thank goodness it is only 3 or so months.