anyone have any advice?

[Gwenhwyfar]

My 5 year old daughter started Kindergarden this year and I thought it was going fine, untill I got called into the school to see the teacher. She sat me down and asked me how I felt about my daughters memory problem....I was like what memory problem? Apparently Joee(my daughter) cant remember any of the poems they do everyday, nor can she name shapes, count to 10 or write her numbers.....I couldnt believe it! I was like, she sure rattles off those poems at home and she can do all those things at home, she must be really nervous or something, I was really upset, I could tell she thought I was lieing, shes going on about practicing at home...Joee's listening to all this and then we here her go "this is red, she fell out of bed, ouch she said, I bumped my head"...she said it real quietly, the teacher was like, OMG! why dont you do that for me here at school?!! well that was all we could get out of her.....my kid is not like this at home, she's loud and confident...bossy even!

Does anyone have any ideas what I can do to help her out?...she told me the teacher asks her to do it in front of everyone and she just gets embarassed...I feel really bad for her...any advice would be muchly appreciated!

[rhee]

You can try to get her into activities where she performs as a group like dance, chior or theatre to build her confidence. However, some children are just shy around other people and forcing her to read in front of others is not something the teacher should continue doing knowing it makes her uncomfortable. It isn't anything to worry about. She is learning and that is what is important.

[Yvonne Belisle]

Talk to the teacher about your concerns. Let the teacher know that perhaps your daughter isn't ready to stand in front of the class. Ask if the teacher has some ideas for activities to build her confidence in front of a group and follow the advice the other person gave on dance or another similar activity. Also ask her what she dislikes about being in front of the group. There may be a simple reason or it could just be that she is shy when the spotlight is on her.

[bluglass]

how many weeks into school? It can take several weeks for a child to adjust even if they are used to such adjustments. Public school is quite different than anything your child has probably encountered to date. And you could just be encountering a new or previously unknown facet of her personality. If she isn't demonstrating mastry of concepts and the teacher can't guage how she is doing that is problematic but not insurrmountable.

Don't get too weirded out at this point. Children often behave quite differently for parents than other caregivers. Work with the teacher. Ask for copies of the materials. Don't ask for dog and pony show from your child but do ask her about her day, what she is learning. Ask her to teach you the poems and songs, let her be the teacher and you be the student. Let her be in charge.

We had the same and the opposite problem last year. We know our son has learning differences and I couldn't get those respected. On the other hand the teacher made the same complaint about materials we knew our son knew cold. She didn't believe me and at the same time refused help for the problem. In your case ask the teacher what she recommends to help your child be more demonstrative. There should be other resources in school to help everyone if it comes to that.

Good luck.

[Ceres]

i can see no benefit to your daughter to make her keep public speaking engagements at this early age! going to school is a big enough transition. its likely a non issue she will outgrow given a couple years and i cant see how pushing the issue in a five year old is helpful at all. if the teacher insists, i have heard mothers have great success tellings teachers their doctor recommends______ or that their doctor says the behavior is normal ;)

[Gwenhwyfar]

Thanx guys!, I have her in Sparks (brownies for little ones) but something where they perform a little might be a better idea.

Shes been in school since September, I took some of the worksheets they do home last week and Joee had no problem doing them for me....but today I had another meeting with the teacher and she asked Joee to sit down and do them right there for us, well Joee would start writing her numbers and when she would get to 7 she would ask 8 comes next right? the teacher was like, I dont know, does it? well that threw her off, made her second guess herself...it was down hill from there....same thing with identifiying shapes, she'd say thats a rectangle right? teacher says, I dont know, is it?...again my daughter second guess' herself, gets all embarrased and clams right up.......I also notice that the teacher will say "count Joee" when Joee pauses while writing her numbers, well I can see her counting in her head but the teacher keeps saying count!, Joee, yoo hoooooo, count!, so I say honey can you count outloud? so she starts counting out loud to have the teacher cut her off and say..you can see she cant consentrate right?.......I know she was counting in her head, she lost count while writing the numbers around 7 and was trying to figure it out in her head, she wasnt sitting there gapping out....Im getting more frusterated, should K be so hard on a kid? It seems weird that at the same time there teaching her how to count to 50 there teaching how to count to 100 by 10s.....while learning what all the shapes are called, there phone number(say and write), birthday, address, whole name (written with no help), colors, Poems (like one for every color under the sun), and god knows what els, Joee can do ALOT of theese things but is so abnormal that she gets a little tung tied or nervous and clams up?.........the teacher is making me feel like my kid is slow and I really dont think she is....or am I one of those parents who say "o no, not MY kid"....I sure hope not, I hate it when people do that!

[Tzhebee]

I had a similar problem with my daughter in the 1st grade. Her teacher would tell me that she was "day dreaming" instead of doing her lessons. Or that she was unable to focus and concentrate on things. So, I asked if the school councelor could observe her. And I started watching her more closely when she did her homework. The problem wasn't that she was not focused, she was just thinking (similar to your daughter and her counting). But the teacher was just not patient enough for how my daughter was a "deep thinker" as the councelor put it.

I ended up asking if she could be transfered to a different teacher. She did just fine after that.

[Lady Jade]

IMHO it sounds like this teacher is setting up to suggest that your child needs medication for her "inattentiveness". Public schools (at least in my area) are demanding that most students get put on some medication like Ritalin or Straterra for this perceived "problem". My sister actually got threatened by the school system that if she did not get her son on some medication and counseling for his "ADHD", they would turn her into Children's Services for neglect! My stepson's mother pulled him out of public school and took him off medication when she found out (inadvertantly) that 90% of the boys in his elementary school were on ADHD medication. We took our son out of conventional education for the same problems, he does very well on his computer home school program.

I am NOT suggesting that you pull her out of school, just be prepared for that day when the teacher actually works up to telling you she thinks your daughter needs medication for her "problem".

ADHD is an "epidemic" in this country because people don't know how to interact with Crystal and Indigo children. They process information differently, they interact differently, they think differently and conventional methods are not working to keep them focused during the school day...so let's pump 'em full of drugs and keep them sedated and calm.

Sorry, maybe this was a little :fofftopic , but after reading your posts, this was my first reaction. Your daughter sounds completely normal to me. The teacher sounds inpatient and uncaring and just wants all her students to "perform" on cue. Well, some kids don't respond to that attitude, yours appears to be one of them.

[Temptation]

I agree with LadyJade completely.

Your child is fine. She's only 5 years old for Pete's sake! Every child is different
and trying to put them all into the same mold is not the answer. And, please, whatever
you do, do NOT put her on any kind of medication. She doesn't need it. Don't
let anyone tell you she does.

To me the problem is not your child, it's the teacher. This woman's teaching methods
are not right for your little girl. Is it at all possible to have your little one moved to another class?
The wrong teacher can be very traumatizing for a child this young. I don't know about
Crystal or Indigo children, but I do know that some children are different and need
a different approach. It takes a sensitive and caring teacher to recognize this fact.
Unfortunately it's often not the case and a lot of teachers out there have no idea what
they're doing.

I wish you and your little one all the best. You sound like a very caring Mom. Take good care of her. :)

[Jackiedanielz]

....but today I had another meeting with the teacher and she asked Joee to sit down and do them right there for us, well Joee would start writing her numbers and when she would get to 7 she would ask 8 comes next right? the teacher was like, I dont know, does it? well that threw her off, made her second guess herself...it was down hill from there....same thing with identifiying shapes, she'd say thats a rectangle right? teacher says, I dont know, is it?...again my daughter second guess' herself, gets all embarrased and clams right up
Considering that she is 5 yo & in Kindergarten, she is still learning. And by asking these types of questions she's not looking for an easy way out or the answer. She's looking for reassurance that she is processing this new stuff correctly, which will ultimately build her confidence. She's obviously not getting the this from the teacher, the teacher is actually making it worse.

.......I also notice that the teacher will say "count Joee" when Joee pauses while writing her numbers, well I can see her counting in her head but the teacher keeps saying count!, Joee, yoo hoooooo, count!, so I say honey can you count outloud? so she starts counting out loud to have the teacher cut her off and say..you can see she cant consentrate right?.......I know she was counting in her head, she lost count while writing the numbers around 7 and was trying to figure it out in her head, she wasnt sitting there gapping out....
I can just picture this teacher snapping her fingers at Joee. Yoo hoooo, stupid teacher, SHE"S THINKING. Yoo hoooo. Makes me sick. I woulda had a few words with that teacher if I were there. It was quite obvious to me just from reading this that all she had to do was ask her to talk out loud. Seriously, who does she think she's teaching? These are 5 yo's here! There's no need to treat any child like that. (sorry I'm po'd at this situation)

the teacher is making me feel like my kid is slow and I really dont think she is....or am I one of those parents who say "o no, not MY kid"....I sure hope not, I hate it when people do that!
Its not you at all. I seriously suggest talking to the teacher about the way she is teaching these students. If she's making you feel that your child is slow, imagine how she's making these children feel. Scared, embarassed, MAN KINDERGARTEN IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN! And if it doesn't work I'd talk to her higher up & try to switch Joee to another teacher.

Good luck!

[BrigidMoon]

i can see no benefit to your daughter to make her keep public speaking engagements at this early age! going to school is a big enough transition. its likely a non issue she will outgrow given a couple years and i cant see how pushing the issue in a five year old is helpful at all. if the teacher insists, i have heard mothers have great success tellings teachers their doctor recommends______ or that their doctor says the behavior is normal ;)
I totally agree :) Excellent post. :)

[Wolf O Volos]

You know... it sounds to me like the *teacher* here is the person with the Issues. Don't think there is anything wrong with a child being afraid, or second guessing themselves, when the person they are looking to to *teach* them does not give them something any more solid than "I don't know, is it?"... At this young an age of development, they need confidence building and positive reinforcement... not some idiot calling herself a teacher making them second guess themselves... Just seems to me that this particualr teacher is pushing her own innnadiquacies off on your daughter, and makes it your daughter's problem that she cannot reach her through the teaching method she employs. If it was MY daughter, and I witnessed a teacher reacting to her with such a condescending remark, and I *knew* my child actually DID know the facts... I would be straight to the principal of the school after letting the teacher know what I thought of her teaching skills. If nothing else, I would have my child put into another teacher's class to see if she got over her social anxiety when taught by someone who empowered her instead fo breaking her down and embarrassing her. It is Kindergarten for crying out loud, not Boot Camp......

"and that is all I want to say about that" -Forrest, Forrest Gump

[Gwenhwyfar]

oh thank you all soooo much! youve made me feel so much better, and more sure of myself and my daughter! Im going to call around to a few other schools and ask to talk to their K teacher...Im going to ask about teaching methods and ciriculum...Im curious to know if all the schools are teaching the same things, the same ways....maybe theres a school out there better suited for us. My main concern is that this woman is going to turn Joee off of school and ruin her self esteem. Thank you for bringing the medicating children to my attention, Ill be on the look out...Ill never do that!

You guys are right, I think its the teachers teaching methods not my kid. Thank gods I noticed before my kid hates school. it is supposed to be fun in Kindergarden! Thats how I remeber it anyways..

Thanx again you guys, your the best!http://mysticwicks.com/images/smilies2/hug.gif

[Valkie]

I just want to say, you're child is normal, the teacher is uptight, and do what you know is right for you daughter.
Now.... Just to play devil's advocate a bit :smoke:

I know in Mass things have been getting worse over the past 5 years in the school system mostly due to the education reform act. My 2nd had to perform much more than my 1st did at the same age (they are only 2 years apart). Teachers are being pressured to perform, which translates to the kids have to perform. If they don't, they don't just risk loosing their jobs, the town's school system risks loosing some very important state funding. At the same time, there is this new group of children coming into the system that don't/can't learn the same way that these teachers were taught to teach. Unfortunately, people in the systems haven't figured this out yet so they keep making the same mistakes.

[Gwenhwyfar]

I just want to say, you're child is normal, the teacher is uptight, and do what you know is right for you daughter.
Now.... Just to play devil's advocate a bit :smoke:

I know in Mass things have been getting worse over the past 5 years in the school system mostly due to the education reform act. My 2nd had to perform much more than my 1st did at the same age (they are only 2 years apart). Teachers are being pressured to perform, which translates to the kids have to perform. If they don't, they don't just risk loosing their jobs, the town's school system risks loosing some very important state funding. At the same time, there is this new group of children coming into the system that don't/can't learn the same way that these teachers were taught to teach. Unfortunately, people in the systems haven't figured this out yet so they keep making the same mistakes.
Thanx Valkie!

I dont know if thats whats going on here or not, although it wouldnt suprise me. Its a shame for the kids, and heartbreaking to watch the ones who cant keep up. Iv decided Im definatly not ok with how that teachers treating my daughter, the more I think about it the more it reminds me of my dad drilling me with flash cards and testing me with my textbooks when I was in about grade 4-5...thats like 4 years older than my kid now, he'd get all frusterated and mad and Id feel like the biggest looser. Im not having my kid feel like that. I feel bad that I sat there and watched it today without saying much about it....Im going to call around and see what some other schools have to offer, Ill let you all know how it goes.

[Pandoras]

My niece goes to an excellent school, but she had a difficult time during second grade. Like your child, my niece is bright and she appears assertive at home. But at school, she was introverted, didn't socialize much, was slow to finish her assigments. She liked her teacher and the teacher liked her (they even sat together at lunch), but the teacher's methods just didn't work well with her. She hung in there though and my sister and I had to work extra hard with her (and with the teacher), but she finished the year with very good grades. Now in the third grade, she's having a terrific year.

Your child sounds normal to me, but I wouldn't be so hasty to switch your child to another class. I know you want to do the best for your baby, but these kinds of things are going to happen. Are you going to run and rescue your child from every disappointment or challenge? Life is full of these and learning to adjust, deal, and maneuver through difficult situations is an important part of life.

However, keep an eye on the teacher. If she suggests your child might be slow or needs medication, then don't hesitate to get a second (and third and fourth) opinion, talk to the principle, or switch your child to another class (or school).

[KaliGiri5]

My 5 year old daughter started Kindergarden this year and I thought it was going fine, untill I got called into the school to see the teacher. She sat me down and asked me how I felt about my daughters memory problem....I was like what memory problem? Apparently Joee(my daughter) cant remember any of the poems they do everyday, nor can she name shapes, count to 10 or write her numbers.....I couldnt believe it! I was like, she sure rattles off those poems at home and she can do all those things at home, she must be really nervous or something, I was really upset, I could tell she thought I was lieing, shes going on about practicing at home...Joee's listening to all this and then we here her go "this is red, she fell out of bed, ouch she said, I bumped my head"...she said it real quietly, the teacher was like, OMG! why dont you do that for me here at school?!! well that was all we could get out of her.....my kid is not like this at home, she's loud and confident...bossy even!

Does anyone have any ideas what I can do to help her out?...she told me the teacher asks her to do it in front of everyone and she just gets embarassed...I feel really bad for her...any advice would be muchly appreciated!

Sounds like my niece and nephew Tejah & Malik
Tejah is shy and real quite when she's away from home.
real sensitive lil girl who worries about messing up all the time.
if you get too loud with her..she'll cry and she will make you feel sooo bad.
she cries for everything..like doing her work wrong for school.
Malik on the other hand...gets bored and seems like his memory is real bad.
but his memory is perfect with video games and cartoons.
all I can say is that you let your daughter know that everything is ok and how good and smart she is.
she might be like our Tejah and fear of messing up stops her.

[Zoritsa_Nepenthe]

At the same time, there is this new group of children coming into the system that don't/can't learn the same way that these teachers were taught to teach. Unfortunately, people in the systems haven't figured this out yet so they keep making the same mistakes. I couldn't agree more with you...but wanted to add,that I think they're already in the school system,which is why the so called *need*for meds is so high among school children(especially boys)today.I know my son doesn't/can't learn the same way the teachers are trying to teach anymore....and it's been a struggle to try and find the best way to teach him so he takes it all in...and all without meds.From the teachers all I hear is,"he needs to see someone about his innattentivness",yet from his Dr. and others I hear,"It's normal...he's an active boy"...makes me want to strangle them all :ahhhh:

Gwen,I wouldn't worry about your daughter...sounds like she is doing just fine :uhhuhuh: .I would be prepared to put up a struggle with her teachers though,as they seem to expect the same results from every student nowadays and label those who don't conform to their standards.

[diamondtiger]

These posts are full of wonderful suggestions, and I would seriously consider every one. May I make another though? Have you talked to the teacher about how your daughter interacts with the other children in her class? Can you maybe go and observe (without teacher or child being aware of your presence)? This situation sounds very similar to one I went through with my daughter when she was in Head Start. Kaelyn is very outspoken and confident at home, but at school she was the quiet one who didn't want to participate. She's a sensitive little girl and worries about upsetting people she cares about (including her teachers). She fears disappointing these people, because she relates disappointment with anger and rejection. Don't ask me why, she as born this way. At 6 months old all one had to do was look at her and say her name without a smile, and she would break down in tears.

Anyway, back to the Head Start story. I asked her about her not wanting to participate after the teacher brought it to my attention. She told me that she didn't tell the teacher stuff, because she “might be wrong and the other kids would laugh and the teacher would get mad”. I went and observed her in class and watched how the teacher interacted with the kids as well. I noticed that she only played with the kids that she played with out side of school, and would shy away from new relationships. When I asked her about this, she said she didn't want other kids to laugh at her.

I talked to the teacher and suggested that she incorporate assertiveness to her curriculum. Mind you, I wasn't asking her to train a bunch of bullies. Only to teach them that it's okay to tell someone no and/or that you don't like something. In short, teach them to stand up for them selves, and encourage it.

{At home they pretty much know the boundaries and how people will react to them (their behavior). School is entirely different, as it is a “whole new world” and it's big and it's scary. Teachers are new, they are making new friends; and mom and dad aren't there to protect and comfort them. In other words, they are out of their “comfort zone”.}

So, the teacher did agree that this would be a good idea. She found a way to incorporate assertiveness through roll playing. Also she began to, rather than settling issues for the children, teach them how to work out problems through talking to each other. Not only did this give them a sense of “control”, they gradually became more comfortable with class participation and began to respect their peers.

At home I worked with Kaelyn on academics, but I also made it a priority to show her that it's okay to make mistakes. I would intentionally mess up on something that I KNEW she'd “call me on”, just so I could demonstrate that everyone makes mistakes. In doing this, I would laugh at myself, saying “Silly me!” and I would thank her for showing me how or where I messed up. :lol: One day, towards the end of the year, I picked her up after school and her teacher reported to me that “Kaelyn is doing soooo much better. She gets involved with class projects and she does the cutest thing. When she makes a mistake she'll bop herself on the forehead and say.' Duh! Silly me!' Then she'll start over like it's nothing.”

[Jenne]

Yeah, I have to agree w/most (if not all) here who said this seems to be more the teacher's top-down methods and bottom-up expectations of your daughter (i.e. methodology). She's clashing her personality with your daughter's, and it's costing your daughter dearly.

If it were me, I'd go in and help out in the classroom. This is an EXcellent way to not only observe your child, but also be a helping hand when she needs you. You get a clearer view of how the teacher operates with the whole class and with your child in particular.

Good luck, Hon...your kiddie is obviously a wonderful child, just needs better methodology!

[Gwenhwyfar]

Hey thanx everyone, I had no one els to talk to about all this and youve all been so great! Iv been reading this thread and rereading...Iv decided a course of action. Rather than give up at this school and make Joee start all over again making new friends (she made new friends in class and she interacts pretty well with all the kids) I thought Id ask her first what she wanted to do. After explaining what changeing schools would entail I asked her if she liked her class, her teacher and if she wanted to stay there....she said well I dont like it when my teacher gets mad in my ear, but the helpers are nice and I want to keep the friends I have, so Ill stay. I told her alright, we're gonna work on this stuff your teachers teaching you, and youll learn it on your own time, theres no hurry, no worry! Iv told the teacher I want to sit in on class a couple days a week, help out if I can, she said OK....so for now thats what Im doing, gonna watch. Work with Joee on feeling fine with not knowing the all right anwers and its ok to try get it right even if you say the wrong thing, just since yesterday Iv taught Joee alot of things the teacher said she couldnt grasp so Im hoping that helps too. But I still wonder why the teacher couldnt get her to learn things in 2 months what I can show her in a few hours.....and she seems to get it just fine. Im gonna keep a very close eye on this teacher and if this doesnt help Ill have to try something els...maybe a new school.

Thanx to all of you for taking the time to read all this and respond, I appreciate it!

[Ceres]

i wanted to add - your daughter IS only five! thats too young to learn she is just going to have to deal with school problems. imo, five year olds need their mothers and a home environment far more than they need school experiences! you are doing the right thing sticking by her and being her advocate at this point - she NEEDS you. when she is older, ten, twelve, there is plenty of time to learn how to cope with difficult and unfair situations at school and elsewhere, and it sounds to me like you are the sort of parents who knows this time will come. keep doing what u are doing!
this essay might also interest you: www.cantrip.org/gatto.html
it sounds as if this teacher is very "old school"

[Gwenhwyfar]

i wanted to add - your daughter IS only five! thats too young to learn she is just going to have to deal with school problems. imo, five year olds need their mothers and a home environment far more than they need school experiences! you are doing the right thing sticking by her and being her advocate at this point - she NEEDS you. when she is older, ten, twelve, there is plenty of time to learn how to cope with difficult and unfair situations at school and elsewhere, and it sounds to me like you are the sort of parents who knows this time will come. keep doing what u are doing!
this essay might also interest you: www.cantrip.org/gatto.html (http://www.cantrip.org/gatto.html)
it sounds as if this teacher is very "old school"
Wow, that essay was brutal....sounds like we're raising a bunch of disfunctional robots....sad to know that was written by a teacher who probably isnt far off from the truth, thanx for the link it was a good read! And I hear what your saying, Im glad my daugter wants to keep trying where she is because Iv always taught her not to give up, but if I see no improvement in her or continue to notice the teacher being to hard on her I will have her change schools. And I have an appointment at one of the other schools nearby for friday afternoon, she's letting me come in a see what her class has been doing this year, kinda give me something to compare to...

[Wolf O Volos]

I was just curious Gwenny.... Is she doing any better in her class now? Has the effort been put forth to actually teach her, or is the teacher still attempting to be a drill seargent who wants to see all children medicated?

Fill us in, eh?

[Dawa Lhamo]

IMHO it sounds like this teacher is setting up to suggest that your child needs medication for her "inattentiveness". Public schools (at least in my area) are demanding that most students get put on some medication like Ritalin or Straterra for this perceived "problem". My sister actually got threatened by the school system that if she did not get her son on some medication and counseling for his "ADHD", they would turn her into Children's Services for neglect! My stepson's mother pulled him out of public school and took him off medication when she found out (inadvertantly) that 90% of the boys in his elementary school were on ADHD medication. We took our son out of conventional education for the same problems, he does very well on his computer home school program. It's quite possible. My little brother's third grade teacher told my mom that she should have him put on Ritalin for his ADHD (which he doesn't have), and my mom basically told her to leave us alone. ^_^ [particularly since Tourettes runs in the family, and Ritalin is a catalyst for Tourettes.] But there was another kid in his class, whom the teacher suggested medication for, so his mother went to the doctor and got the prescription, but never administered it. So a few weeks later she visits with the teacher, and the teacher was saying how much the kid had improved and how he was doing better on all his work and such. It's a load of crap, IMO. ^_^ This particular teacher had just been transferred from special-ed, so it's possible that's why she was diagnosing all her students with disorders, but the problem is more widespread than just her.

From what you say, your daughter seems perfectly normal. I was one of those children who was completely scared of doing anything wrong. I would cry if I missed one problem on my homework. ^_^ It's possible that she's just nervous, or as another person said, just a deep thinker, very methodical, and the teacher's impatience and condescension is creating the problem. In my little brother's case, he's just very methodical, and works everything out carefully before he answers. Timed tests are not his friends. ^_^ I would agree with previous posts about not putting her on meds. You know your daughter best, after all.

Anyway, I think your decision was the best one. I hope, for both of your sakes, that it works out. Good luck.

Tashi delek!
Dawa Lhamo