Does this make me heartless?

[LittlePerson]

On thanksgiving day just before my hubby and I ate, we poured some wine and made a toast of thanks. I said all the things I was thankful for and then he took his turn except I had left him out of mine. His first one was me, for putting up with him (said jokingly) but I didn't even realize I'd left him out of mine till part way through my meal. I felt so bad, I apologized to him and he wasn't upset about it, but I was. Did I do that on purpose even though I didn't realize it? In a lot of ways I'm still upset that he's not working though he does help out so much with things at home, the cleaning, dishes, laundry, cooking... Why then do I still harbor this feeling and is it what caused me to forget to say thanks for him directly in my toast? Does it make me heartless? I said thank you for my life first thing in which I was thinking of him too but briefly and not saying his name aloud. I know it's spilled milk, but it makes me worried. Though everything makes me worried. Worrying makes me worry.

[Rockprincess]

I don't think it means you don't love him at all. Maybe that you take him for granted a bit, which is something you could make a resolve to remedy, but no more than that.

:hugz:

[LittlePerson]

Thanks. I think I need to create a mental list of all the things he does do for me other thank work (which has me so hung up) and realize I can be grateful for those things. Heck I can do it now if it'd make me feel better.

He helps me when I'm sick.
He drives me to work and picks me up everyday.
He always does the dishes.
He makes me laugh.
He thinks of me in little ways.
He does the grocery shopping.
He does the laundry.
He loves me though I'm fat.
(As Mark Darcy would tell Briget Jones, he loves her wobble bits. And my hubby loves mine.)
He still comforts me when I'm crying.
He will work on my mom's computer for her.
He makes me cookies.
He listens to me when I'm sad.
He gets me a drink when I'm thirsty.
He cooks dinner while I exercise or sit on my butt after work.
Aww, I really need to think of all these things he does for me.
A lot of men want women to be all these things for them when they work each day and I have the opposite of that and don't even know it. I know I'd like him to work, but it's not everything. It will work out. It has to, even if he doesn't go back to working I need to realize he still loves me. And I love him too but I take him for granted. Auww, I need to tell him I'm still grateful for him don't I? I will for sure tonight.

[narleymarley03]

He sounds like a wonderful man.

[xmezumiiru]

Does it make me heartless?

Is this a case where he is so much a part of you, that you don't consider him separate anymore? When I love that deeply, I tend to forget that the person or thing in question is not part of me. It is like taking it for granted, but the people who love you should know how you are. If this is the case, I would not say it is heartless, but rather you love them so much you make them part of your reason for being.

[Tanya]

Thanks. I think I need to create a mental list of all the things he does do for me other thank work (which has me so hung up) and realize I can be grateful for those things. Heck I can do it now if it'd make me feel better.

He helps me when I'm sick.
He drives me to work and picks me up everyday.
He always does the dishes.
He makes me laugh.
He thinks of me in little ways.
He does the grocery shopping.
He does the laundry.
He loves me though I'm fat.
(As Mark Darcy would tell Briget Jones, he loves her wobble bits. And my hubby loves mine.)
He still comforts me when I'm crying.
He will work on my mom's computer for her.
He makes me cookies.
He listens to me when I'm sad.
He gets me a drink when I'm thirsty.
He cooks dinner while I exercise or sit on my butt after work.
Aww, I really need to think of all these things he does for me.
A lot of men want women to be all these things for them when they work each day and I have the opposite of that and don't even know it. I know I'd like him to work, but it's not everything. It will work out. It has to, even if he doesn't go back to working I need to realize he still loves me. And I love him too but I take him for granted. Auww, I need to tell him I'm still grateful for him don't I? I will for sure tonight.


Leave this on the pillow for him tonight.... give him a warm hu and a oily backrub.

[LittlePerson]

I told him last night how much he is appreciated though I don't say it enough. It's true that there are still times when I feel he should read my mind, like for instance he didn't know why I had made such a fuss about trying to make homemade bread stuffing for thanksgiving instead of using the box kind (which we did and I only did to save money). He didn't want me to cook more than I had to or get frustrated (I don't cook all that well and we do do a lot of cooking together when I do), so he was looking out for me. But after that was all over I had said that all I cared about cooking for thanksgiving was stuffing, that is why it'd had been so important to me. But he didn't know. So, I'm making it for Christmas. And he kept saying can't you make it more than just for a holiday? And I had said no that making it for holiday is what makes it special. He didn't understand. When I said I didn't care if we had a turkey or anything else but the stuffing he understood. But I always fail to really make myself clear about things when I'm talking. Good communication is the key to a successful marriage.

I know that now. Just the other week we went out to the movies and had pizza with free passes and coupons I'd recieved and though he was sick I had pressured him to go out and he had faked saying he felt better and then he was mad at me for it. I apologized and felt bad. But see I could've waited and he could've said, he just didn't want to go he was feeling that bad. He wouldn't go to the doctors (though we have ins for it) so how was I to really know he felt that bad? Communication. I told him so that we both at fault for miscommunication and for me being hasty.

It really is important to communicate and appreciate. And I do think of him as a part of me. When things get rough I think of our marriage vows and it helps me. Sickness and health, richer or poorer, good times, bad times. No matter what we made a committment, together. I know that I'm not totally heartless. When I said I was thankful for my life I was including him silently, but he should have heard me really say it is all. I am going to work on that. I know now that just because he hasn't been working for about a year and a half doesn't mean that he's doing that as something against me. There are still so many wonderful things he does and is to me. I just need to remember them. When he's ready to work again, he will and no amount of pressure from me will change that. It just shows him that that's all I care about him is his willingness to work, but I don't want that. So, no more nagging and I am going to work on appreciating him in all those other ways more.