To kill, Or NOT to kill?

[Ramarious]

Hey everyone. I have a problem. I,m married with 4 kids. Our budget is pretty tight, but we do okoy. Well now she,s pregnant again. I know the Gods don't give you more than you can handle, but we are unsure what to do. We're not ready, but we don,t want to kill our child. Please Help.

[misschief]

that's up to you and her, not all of us. you need to figure out if you can handel knowing the child was there, and then gone. if you can't ... which i think most people can't... then there is you answer. i don't think money is a very good reason for abortion, but that's just me. it's your life, you have to call the shots.

[FlyingBear]

My first instinct says to put the baby up for adoption and then get yourself a vascetomy. My husband had it done, one of the best choices he ever made.

Talk to the people at the WIC office, see what help you can get from there.

Abortion is a very personal choice, if you decide to go that route. It's a choice only the two of you make together.

[Tzhebee]

I feel for you and your situation. :hugz:

I can tell you that I was in your wife's shoes just over a year ago. We have three kids, money was more than tight and I chose to let my child go...

I regret it to this day and still have problems coping with my decision. But, like Leo said...it's your guys' decision.

I'm sending you some strength for whatever you choose.

[Faeawyn]

LadyLeo is correct about it being your personal decision. You need to ask yourself....what will this additional child mean to my family....to my other children....to our lives. How far along is your wife? If she's only a matter of weeks, then the fetus is actually only about the size of a peanut....and you're not killing a "child". You're killing the "possibility" of a child. I have no doubt that if you decide to have this child...you will love it as much as your others. So I'm not concerned about resentment. Ladyleo is also correct in the fact that you need to consider whether abortion will effect you adversely. Will you have guilt? Or will you be ok with your sacrifice? Personally, I feel that if the child was not planned, and if it will take away from what you're able to provide for your other children, then perhaps its not the best time for another. You and your wife really need to talk this thru and decide for yourselves :hugz: Best of luck to you.

[Darakash]

Hey everyone. I have a problem. I,m married with 4 kids. Our budget is pretty tight, but we do okoy. Well now she,s pregnant again. I know the Gods don't give you more than you can handle, but we are unsure what to do. We're not ready, but we don,t want to kill our child. Please Help.
:hugz: :hugz: :hugz:
This is so tough! I recently thought I might be pregnant (thankfully turned out to be a false alarm) and was facing a similar decision. As most have already stated it is of course your decision, and I know, being married, with other kids the idea of putting a child for adoption seems alien as does abortion. One question I have, is besides the monetary stuff, which I can relate to, is another child in the house to be cared for something that (given plenty of money) you and your wife would want or feel capable of doing? I don't know, but maybe looking at it from that side might help in this difficult decision. My thoughts are with you, as is my empathy.

DK

[Yasmine Galenorn]

First, I'm with the others who say that this should be a choice you and your wife make together. We can't make it for you.

I have a friend who is married, has three kids, and a few years back she became pregnant shortly after her third was born. They couldn't handle having another child monetarily at the time, and it would have been rough on her body and her soul to cope with another baby. I went with her while she had the abortion, and held her hand, and she came out fine--sad, but fine. Her husband and she decided that if it was meant to be, the child would come back when they were ready. After another year or so, he got a vasectomy and their family is stable and happy.

This isn't the choice for everyone, but--and this is just my opinion--if your other children will have to do without because of this child, I don't consider it fair to them or your family as a whole. Take care of the ones that are with you now. And I happen to agree with Faewyn--if the pregnancy is early, I personally don't consider that you've 'killed' anything except the vague promise of what might be this time. I know a number of women who've had abortions and they all came through it unscathed emotionally--it depends on the woman. (And yes, some of them already had children).

Consider getting a vasectomy, whatever happens. My husband had one, (we decided we wanted to remain childfree) and it was a good decision for him and for us as a couple.

Good luck, whatever you choose to do.
Yasmine

[Xentor]

Admin mode

Moved to Family and Parenting

[Ramarious]

You all are right. It is are decision to make. Thank you all for your input. You've raised some points that we didn't think about. It shouldn't be a money thing. I think it's more mental for her. I read her your responses and we talked. We're keeping the baby.:) She thanks you all for your time, energy. And I thank you for being the support group I never had. Thanks for caring. :hugz:

[Little Willow]

My problem with abortion (other than the obvious) is that it can also hurt the womans womb, and then there's the "what if" question. If you decide to abort ... you will alway wonder what that child would have grown to be. I'm not saying ... have the kid ... because that is totally a decision only you and your partner can make. I really do sympathise and I know it sounds cruel, but you have to do what is best for you, whether that be abortion, adoption or whatever. No-one can make that decision for you. Just know that whatever you decide there are people willing to listen. I wish you the very best of luck luv. I don't envy you your position ... but remember ... it's not just one life you're dealing with ... it's yours, your partners and the rest of the family's. Whatever you decide will have a serious impact on the rest of these lives one way or another. (((huggles)))

[Yvonne Belisle]

There are sites out there that really help you stretch your money. Try going to your local freecycle site you can find it at www.freecycle.org That can help you find items you need to make things easier on your family such as clothes for the kids as they outgrow what they have and a crib plus other baby essentials. www.stretcher.com can give you tons of ideas for stretching the family dollar without feeling like you are. Did you know that calling the companies that make the products you use every day and telling them you like their products often results in coupons for a free product or a higher denomination coupon than you can normally get through the paper? We do this every six months. You may also want to do searches for free samples of the products you use. They also often come with higher denomination coupons. If either of you smoke contact the cigarette company and see if they have a coupon program for prefered customers marlboro, camel, winston and several others all do. If you run a search in the Green Room you can find how to make your own cleaning products at a fraction of the cost of storeboughts. They are also better for the environment. If you want more ideas on how to stretch the money so that things are not so tight now that you have made your choice just let me know I will be happy to help.

[misschief]

You all are right. It is are decision to make. Thank you all for your input. You've raised some points that we didn't think about. It shouldn't be a money thing. I think it's more mental for her. I read her your responses and we talked. We're keeping the baby.:) She thanks you all for your time, energy. And I thank you for being the support group I never had. Thanks for caring. :hugz:well then, i'm glad i posted. good luck :)

[Ramarious]

well then, i'm glad i posted. good luck :)
:hugz:

[fahawk]

Maybe since your wife ( you) will have her hands full soon..asking for help..a friend or relative..just to come and lend a hand- it can really make a difference..
someone to help with a few chores around the house/ help with the baby or other kids....sometimes that is what a mom (parents of a new baby) really need and appreciate..
just getting a break..
it is hard to ask for help sometimes..but can really make a difference when you do :)
Prioritize- what can you live without $$ money wise..might relieve the stress
Best wishes

[soilsigh aingeal]

Just wanted to offer a :hugz: