Rhianna813
December 2nd, 2004, 07:06 PM
Hi All,
Yes I need to gripe..... so bare with me. Part of this is Pagan related so it's tough for me talk about it with those in our pagan circle of friends OR with non pagan folk.
A few years ago I started a pagan networking group in my town in hopes of meeting other pagans. Shortly there after some new friends and I put on a Winter Solstice celebration which drew a large audience. Very successful and I was so happy that I could be apart of co-ordinating these things. About that same time I started DH who is also Pagan. He began helping out with the networking and created a Resource publication for it to advertise small business and local events. By the next Winter Solstice he and I basically co-ordinated the whole thing with some volunteer help. Things seem to be going great.
During the last 3 years we have gotten married and had a baby and many of my interests have turned closer to home. I am always looking for ways to get others involved to help us, to broaden the circle of community. Well DH doesn't want this. He wants full control over all these things and has slowly taken much of it away from me in seems. And last Winter Solstice I had a 4 week old baby so I did not participate at all. Now it feels like I am totally out of loop.
What really bothers me is not so much the balance of power or who does what but the intent behind it. Our visions for these events are totally different! With the Winter Solstice event specifically I had run the ritual part in the past but last year I could not so we had some friends do it. DH has no problem just "out sourcing" it and doesn't seem to care what it looks like. For the third year now he is really into door prizes. He gets businesses in the community to donate items (mostly pagan or natural stuff) and anyone who pays admission can win a prize. Now this is cool and very generous. But this is the biggest part for him and he advertises it like it's really important.... to draw more people. He has spent a good amount of time taking pictures of all the prizes and posting them to the website. Everything else related to the event is the same. He just takes last years advertisments and updates the picture. He basically doesn't do anything to liven up the event. He also hasn't asked for volenteers or decorations or music or who will run the kids art table........ He is rather blaise' about it... like it will just work itself out. He will just call some friends and ask them to do whatever they want. In some ways this is a "no worries" attitude but knowing him as I do.... it's more of a don't care attitude. If things don't go well he is "oh well they only paid $XX to get in anyway. My wish is make these events as community oriented as possible, get alot of people involved, and change things around a bit every year. He seems to be wanting to run it like a business and I am not sure why. He is not making any money on it LOL I think he gets a huge ego boost from it.
And finally the other part that bothers me is if I don't ask about these projects he simply doesn't talk to me about them. He makes calls, does computer work, runs errands and says nothing. In the end he will work hard and people will come and have a blast BUT the process doesn't sit well with me. I think because we are married my compliants come off more like a "nagging wife" then a concerned participant. And as you can see bringing this up with friends here totally looks like I am not supporting my DH and of course he is hugly popular for "running" all these things that I started. Yes, that was bitterness :bug: I am starting to think about just bowing out of them. There is an all women's Pagan group in town too that does a lot of events and community stuff.
Thanks for listening! I feel better.....
Rhianna
Yes I need to gripe..... so bare with me. Part of this is Pagan related so it's tough for me talk about it with those in our pagan circle of friends OR with non pagan folk.
A few years ago I started a pagan networking group in my town in hopes of meeting other pagans. Shortly there after some new friends and I put on a Winter Solstice celebration which drew a large audience. Very successful and I was so happy that I could be apart of co-ordinating these things. About that same time I started DH who is also Pagan. He began helping out with the networking and created a Resource publication for it to advertise small business and local events. By the next Winter Solstice he and I basically co-ordinated the whole thing with some volunteer help. Things seem to be going great.
During the last 3 years we have gotten married and had a baby and many of my interests have turned closer to home. I am always looking for ways to get others involved to help us, to broaden the circle of community. Well DH doesn't want this. He wants full control over all these things and has slowly taken much of it away from me in seems. And last Winter Solstice I had a 4 week old baby so I did not participate at all. Now it feels like I am totally out of loop.
What really bothers me is not so much the balance of power or who does what but the intent behind it. Our visions for these events are totally different! With the Winter Solstice event specifically I had run the ritual part in the past but last year I could not so we had some friends do it. DH has no problem just "out sourcing" it and doesn't seem to care what it looks like. For the third year now he is really into door prizes. He gets businesses in the community to donate items (mostly pagan or natural stuff) and anyone who pays admission can win a prize. Now this is cool and very generous. But this is the biggest part for him and he advertises it like it's really important.... to draw more people. He has spent a good amount of time taking pictures of all the prizes and posting them to the website. Everything else related to the event is the same. He just takes last years advertisments and updates the picture. He basically doesn't do anything to liven up the event. He also hasn't asked for volenteers or decorations or music or who will run the kids art table........ He is rather blaise' about it... like it will just work itself out. He will just call some friends and ask them to do whatever they want. In some ways this is a "no worries" attitude but knowing him as I do.... it's more of a don't care attitude. If things don't go well he is "oh well they only paid $XX to get in anyway. My wish is make these events as community oriented as possible, get alot of people involved, and change things around a bit every year. He seems to be wanting to run it like a business and I am not sure why. He is not making any money on it LOL I think he gets a huge ego boost from it.
And finally the other part that bothers me is if I don't ask about these projects he simply doesn't talk to me about them. He makes calls, does computer work, runs errands and says nothing. In the end he will work hard and people will come and have a blast BUT the process doesn't sit well with me. I think because we are married my compliants come off more like a "nagging wife" then a concerned participant. And as you can see bringing this up with friends here totally looks like I am not supporting my DH and of course he is hugly popular for "running" all these things that I started. Yes, that was bitterness :bug: I am starting to think about just bowing out of them. There is an all women's Pagan group in town too that does a lot of events and community stuff.
Thanks for listening! I feel better.....
Rhianna