WinterBorn
December 4th, 2004, 01:01 AM
My whole life I always warned myself never to get involved with people I might not actually desire or want. For example I dated a guy who I thought I would be attracted too when I would truly meet him but when we do my assumptions were right all along I was not attracted to him at all. I felt like I did so much wrong considering I place myself in that situation to begin with. At the moment I am dating a younger guy who is sweat and I am attracted too without question. Are relationship however been rocky because of me not sure about myself. In the begining of the relationship I cheated on him twice and told him about it almost losing him twice. My heart droped for the first time in my life I knew I was truly in love. I was one of those people that hated those who wanted to committ sucide and cutt themselves. I found it foolish because it was so harmfull and would not help anyone but I found myself depressed and doing the exact thing I was against. *sighs* He yelled at me countless times because even though he is young her has more experience then I ever could imagine. His life was a mess when he was younger... He had the typical serial killer actions but he knew it was wrong and fought for his own sanity with my help. Anyway I just felt like a totall jerk and oneday I thought things were ok.. We decided to start a new but then he told me once again he is breaking up with me because he talked to a friend who doesn't know the situation and he complained to him about doing so evern though in my boyfriends heart he couldn't. I been very loyal to him ever since I made the mistakes I did... He understood in his own why on what was going on for he knows how it feels to lose yourself and your own morality. I eventually cried my way back fighting. What made it worse was it was online. Instead of calling me he started to break up with me online. I wrote long pms back telling him I loved him and he never blocked me or said anything... Eventually we ended starting a new and we been fine ever since. Every once and awhile we have a fights like last night we fought over why we don't talk as much as we use too.. In reality we do but I been busy with school I spread out the time during the day calling him almost every few hours and at night we talk for a least a good three hours. *sighs* He knows I hate when he acts so mad at me at things I can't controll but I guess that is something we over came. It seems me and him realized we love each other and it seems many people do on how this relationship was rocky then became strong again. I was glad. ^^ I mean who is to say what will be in our future.