Sad lonely and depressed

[lady Reddragon]

:help: Anyone Have any encouraging words for a girl who is sick and tired of waiting for true love? I am 36 and I have never been "In Love" I am beginning to believe it is not meant for me. It hurts so much when all my family and friends are happy with their mates or significant others. I just wonder what I did in my life to not ever of had a real true love. Sorry if this is depressing to you all I just had to get some feeback I feel like I am the only one.

Thanks so much :heartbrea

[-Ember]

Wish I did. I could feed you the lines I stopped believing for myself. I'm younger(23), but haven't come anywhere close... And I'm not, btw, holding out for some unbelievable and unlikely definition. I've had 3 people ask me out in the last 10 years. One because a mutual friend thought everyone should be dating and we were the only unattached people she knew and we got along okay. She actually did the asking to both of us on our behalf. One was a random salesperson while shopping (which weirded me out more than a bit... having someone--particularly a complete stranger-- ask out of the blue when you just *don't* get asked is really suspicious/weird/odd.) And one pretty much told me it was because I was unattractive enough that I might be availible to a loser such as he believed himself to be. Really flattering, that one.

Beside crying a lot and developing a healthy degree of cynicism and just dealing with it (accepting that you have a big hole in your life that hurts like hell and taking care of it, not asking too much of yourself, letting yourself have bad days and letting yourself not feel guilty about not wanting to go to happy couple events, etc) I don't know.

[Ceres]

u guys ever try the singles ads? i met my husband thru the newspaper ones 12 yrs ago.

[-Ember]

Nope. Frankly, at this point in my life I'm just not up to it. I'm not going to go seeking rejection, and that is what all of the evidence tells me to expect. Maybe someday. But not now.

Also, there may be some nice guys, but most of them (at least locally) seem to be looking for either life long commitments or overnight flings. I don't really want to do either. I don't want to really try to start figuring out dating amoung people who are looking for something... and from a friend going that route, there seems to be more than a few who are in that "settle for something okay" mode, and I don't want to be someone's settled for SO.

[Temptation]

:help: Anyone Have any encouraging words for a girl who is sick and tired of waiting for true love? I am 36 and I have never been "In Love" I am beginning to believe it is not meant for me. It hurts so much when all my family and friends are happy with their mates or significant others. I just wonder what I did in my life to not ever of had a real true love. Sorry if this is depressing to you all I just had to get some feeback I feel like I am the only one.

Thanks so much :heartbrea

Well, you're only 36. Still plenty of time to find that special someone. It'll happen when you least expect it. You'll see. :)

[rhee]

It will happen and when it does there will be no doubt. Try to make yourself more available by trying something new or going somewhere where lots of men hang out. I'll send some energy in your direction if you send me a fish taco from Rubios :dancy: (I just can't find any on the east coast). I'll send the energy anyway!!! Happy hunting.

[Zander770]

:help: Anyone Have any encouraging words for a girl who is sick and tired of waiting for true love? I am 36 and I have never been "In Love" I am beginning to believe it is not meant for me. It hurts so much when all my family and friends are happy with their mates or significant others. I just wonder what I did in my life to not ever of had a real true love.:rant:

Hey, there, lady Reddragon, and Welcome:

This is, umm . . . I DO so appreciate your "honesty," truly. I'm just as honest, myself, and sometimes? Sometimes to a real fault!

Can't tell you how many times I've actually "snitched/NARCed" upon mySELF!!!

Whew . . . However, it seems to me that--your "being" 36 yrs old (I'm "only" 40, btw!) and asking such a "profound question" tells me . . . Well? It "tells me" quite a few things, perhaps the most telling is this:

That, indeed, you KNOW WHAT love IS. Right? I mean, how in the world could a person say, "I'm 36 and I have never been 'In Love'" without ever "knowing" and FEELING what "love's" like?

They couldn't.

Seriously, I'd like for you to define YOUR "definition of 'LOVE,'" then! Really!

See? Now I'VE gotten myself "all in a tizzy," because . . . I'll admit it; I've been pretty damned depressed and "out-of-it" for WEEKS (And that isn't to say that I've not had "dates," and even "dates" w/women whom I "used to love," deeply and truly--I don't want to "get into" ME, here) and, it's just that . . . Well? I guess you and your post just "struck a cord," in me, tonight, that's all.

As mentioned, I'll be 41 later this month and . . . so will my 5 year old so, whom I've not seen since 31 October 2003 (albeit, just recently, I've spoken to him on the telephone. His mother and I are in court, currently. She and I "communicate" via email. And only live NINE MILES AWAY) . . . and?

Did I (ever) "love" his mother? Yes, I did. Hell YES, I did! And? Sometimes, I still do.

I think.

Ugh!!!

I've "been in love," EXACTLY . . . FOUR times in my 40 year existence. This is a very real and true fact I'm telling "everyone," publicly, here, now. Is that "a lot?" Yes? Not "too many times?" No?

Ya know? WHAT??!!?? "It" ("love") "numbs the brain," at times, I think!

It's like that "Sex in America Survey" that they broadcasted last month on "PrimeTime Live"! Sh*t! ALLLLLLLLllllllllllll of the women I know were "up in arms"--and I was kinda "scratching my head," as well, to their "statistics" and over many MANY of their "results," myself!--especially when they told us that, on average:

Men had had TWENTY-ONE different sexual partners in their lifetime; Women--ON AVERAGE, remember--had had SIX.
Six.

Why were "all my 'women' friends" all sooooooooooooo "pissed off?!?" I'll tell you EXACTLY why:

'Cause none of them . . . Not ONE of them had "ONLY had sex with only 'SIX' . . . . six differnt "PEOPLE," let alone 'only' MEN!!!"

They were "insulted!" They were "made to" feel . . . "different" and not "normal."

Hell, most of them--"on average"--had no Less than SIXTY different sexual partners in their ("so far!") lifetime's! And? And that, right there, sorta made me "jealous," you know? Or? Was it more a "feeling" of ANGER? "jealousy" and "anger?" Hmm, I wondered: Exactly whom was "mad" or "envious" over?

Was this feeling over "myself" or was it all about my "women friends?!!?"

I know as a matter of fact that "the mother of my son" has been with--at least--over ONE-HUNDRED different "people" in her THIRTY-FIVE year old lifetime.

Me? It's well over SIX but LESS THAN twenty-one. And? So?

So WHAT, ya know? And, moreover (I can already "hear you" saying this!), who ever SAID that "Sex means LOVE," besides YOU, "Mr. Man?"

My point? If you're anything like me, lady Reddragon--and? I KNOW that you are because if you weren't then you simply wouldn't Be Here, Now--then, no, you're "not a 'virgin,'" either. So?

So, really, then; seriously: I think, at least, for ME ("Please?"), you're going to have to "define"or place some "perimeters upon" what, exactly, it "IS" that YOU "dub LOVE!!!"

Why is this such a "difficult topic," for me, tonight, all of the sudden, to . . . "Pontificate" upon? Geez . . . my ex (NO! NOT "The Mother Of . . .!!!") showed-up last night and . . .

And? It sucked.

Why do ya think that we call 'em Ex's, anyway?!!!?

Thx for the topic, tho, lady Reddragon, and . . . And? "Phoenix ain't 'too far' away," now, then, from BEAUTIFUL San Diego, IS it?

Nope . . . A mere "stone's throw away . . ."

:fofftopic

[Zander770]

Nope. Frankly, at this point in my life I'm just not up to it. . . . there may be some nice guys, but most of them (at least locally) seem to be looking for either life long commitments or overnight flings. I don't really want to do either. . . . there seems to be more than a few who are in that "settle for something okay" mode, and I don't want to be someone's settled for SO.
I AGREE with you, Ember.

However, when you put it like "they're either; 1) Looking for 'life-long' commitments," or; 2) Looking for 'one-nightstands,'" I mean . . . Well?

What's the "middle-ground" that you'd be . . . umm . . . "Looking for," then?!?

This "topic," tonight . . . Geez! It's merely my "Good Ole Friend" SYNCRONICITY "sneekin' up on me," as per usual, yet again . . . Because?

I reFUSE to "settle for" (or, WORSE, I'd think) "Be 'somebody's' settled FOR!"

I'm going for a WALK!

[semi]

I say if you want something, go out, find it, take it. Easy to say, very difficult to do. But I learned that you can't sit and wait for something to happen. You have to try to make it happen. And even if you can't, it's better to try than to just wait.

I always wanted to be a husband and father ever since I was little kid (I was a weird kid). I had a lot of fun dating in my twenties, but nothing really clicked for long term relationships and I always thought "Well, whatever, maybe next time." Hit my 30s and finally found that one special woman willing to tolerate me. That lasted 6 years and when she left, I died. Stayed dead for a bit, but then I thought "No, I'm not going to settle for this. I refuse to not have what I want."

So now, I'm looking, actively looking, instead of just waiting for destiny or fate. Screw destiny and fate. Create your own path. Don't wait for others to ask you out, you ask them. I used to be very shy, still am sometimes, but I still take the initiative and ask, even when I think that I don't have a chance in hell. My attitude is that if there's ten people you're interested in, but you wait for them to ask, maybe one of them will. But if you ask all ten, maybe you'll find that more than one is interested. And I don't mean you have to approach people with the intent of dating. I rarely do that, almost always it's just a friendly thing where we just go out for a beer or coffee or something, no pressure, and if it clicks, great, but if not then you at least made a friend.

Rejection is a terrible crushing feeling that I know well. But you have to get up and keep going. It doesn't matter if you get rejected 1000 times. maybe #1001 will be the one you're looking for. But you won't find that person until you weed through the first 1000. You can't settle for being sad and alone. This is your world and your life and you should get out of it what you want. But you can't wait for what you want to come to you, you have to go out and get it.

I hope all this came out the right way and doesn't seem harsh or offensive. It isn't an attack in any way, just a way of looking at things. You can be a victim of circumstance and accept loneliness or you can fight. And the fight can be exhausting and painful and you may not win, but at least you tried.

Gaaaah! Words not coming out right. But Lady Reddragon, Ember, and Zander770, I hug you. Everything will be ok. Now get out there.

[Ceres]

that was well said (semi)civilised man!

[wakywitch]

(((hugs))) Lady RedDragon.

[Moonlight's Daughter]

My thoughts are with you. However I beleive very strongly that first you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else the way they deserve to be loved. Second, that no other person can fill you up and make you whole. YOU have to do that. Other people can ENHANCE your happiness, but only YOU can make you whole.

That said, I know what it is like to be lonely. You can activley go searching or be the best person you can be and love will find you. I am struggling with that every day, but I truley believe it.

Blessed be,
Brandiwyn

[lady Reddragon]

LOVE= Your heart beats faster just thinking of the next time you will be with that special someone, hear their voice, feel their touch. Knowing everytime you are together no matter if you are makeing love or arguing about something super intense everything will be good in the end. Knowing you want to grow old with that person. Knowing they love you just as you are not wanting to change anything. Someone who stay with me when i have just a cold or a flu having them just be there makes you feel better. Someone who loves you DESPITE your family. I could go on but hope you get the picture of my idea of Love Zander770. PEACE

[lady Reddragon]

Its not that I have given up I have way to much pride for that (lol) It's every man i go out with is the wrong man. Hopeing and dreaming i really do have a soulmate is all. Thanks for all the encouraging words everyone in here it's nice to be around people who have my similar interests. :boquet: