Would You Do IT?

[diamondtiger]

Would you ever join a group/forum/community that your husband/wife/SO is a part of, without consulting him/her about it before hand? Let me go further and explain that your joining would have nothing to do with being “nosy” or spying. Consider a group that you would be sincerely interested in, because you could/would actually benefit from being a part of the community. Okay, so what's the “right” thing to do? Ask your partner if it's okay that you join? Or, join already because you want to?

[Karma Chameleon]

I would might try to feel the out first, ask what they would think if I joined.

[Temptation]

I would join without asking if it's ok for me to do so. I'm an adult and can make my own decisions. Just because he happened to join the community first doesn't mean he has the right to say who can or can't join. I would tell him that I'm going to join, but I would certainly not ask for permission.

[diamondtiger]

I did not vote in this poll, because I am undecided. You see, we share an interest in a particular subject and the forum in question focuses on our hobby (if you will). Now this is going to sound childish, but it's not meant to be. I found the forum for him. He's joined others and I am free to browse for information at my leisure. This forum however, is closed to the general public, meaning if I want to view the threads and he's not around or is indisposed, I have to be a member. Sooo... I face the dilemma of seemingly “following” him around the net, or pestering him to “let me see”. He is in no way controlling, so would more likely than not look at me like I'm crazy for asking permission. But, would it be disrespectful to just go on and join, based on that assumption?

[misschief]

i don't think i would at all. i like my space.

[teishabee]

I would definatly tell him before. Im undecided whether it would be asking or just saying Im joining.Personally I wouldnt mind of my So joined here but then there are other boards I might feel the need for my own space.

[MockingbirdOxygen]

My husband is my very best friend. So, if I had any doubts, I would just tell him, hey, I am feeling weird about this, yada yada yada, and this is why, and just wanted to run all that by you even though I know I don't need your permission to join, I even did a poll about it on MW just to get some others' opinions, but you know what, I'm just gonna talk to you about it because yours is the only opinion that matters...(hint hint) :whatmewor

[diamondtiger]

My husband is my very best friend. So, if I had any doubts, I would just tell him, hey, I am feeling weird about this, yada yada yada, and this is why, and just wanted to run all that by you even though I know I don't need your permission to join, I even did a poll about it on MW just to get some others' opinions, but you know what, I'm just gonna talk to you about it because yours is the only opinion that matters...(hint hint) :whatmewor:lol: You're absolutely right! And I realized that as soon as I made my last post. DUH! :fishsmack That is the ONLY logical thing to do, in terms of respect. Anywho.. that's what I'm gonna do. I'm still curious as to how my friends here feel about the matter though.

[wakywitch]

I would join with out hesitation--if it was something that interested me.

[Xentor]

Admin mode

One of our members tried to reply, but inadvertently hit the report button. Here's their reply:


Why would it matter? You are supposed to be as one. Do you ask yourself for permission?

[coyoger]

Why would you have to ask? Join the group. If he/she is so insercure about you being there, then discuss it.

[SacredWithin]

If it's a community I'm very interested in, then why would I ask? Maybe I'd be silly and pretend I was a stalker and say I know where they live and which room the computer is in and all, but why ask? It's not like I'm snooping.

[MockingbirdOxygen]

:lol: You're absolutely right! And I realized that as soon as I made my last post. DUH! :fishsmack That is the ONLY logical thing to do, in terms of respect. Anywho.. that's what I'm gonna do. I'm still curious as to how my friends here feel about the matter though.
Glad I could help...and I know what you mean about finding out how your friends feel, too; sometimes it is nice just to know what other people would do in your situation...kinda of a "WWMWD" :lol:

Hey, I liked what the person said about "you don't have to ask yourself permission, do you?" although I couldn't help but make a lil joke to myself about it, thinking..."hmmm, maybe if I ask myself permission before I post some of the things I post it will give me time to think before I post something that might get me in trouble..." :rotfl:

I think that by reading these posts it is interesting to find out how other people view relationships, which just comes down to, "everyone is different so what's right for some is not necessarily wrong but just not the right thing for another" So if you have the kind of relationship where you already know what your husband would think, and you know it's something trivial that doesn't matter, maybe you wouldn't need to discuss it, but that wouldn't mean you're being disrespectful; it would just mean you guys don't sweat the small stuff. If, on the other hand, you were married to me, you would probably know that I always want to know even the minor details and discuss it...:D

[diamondtiger]

I think that by reading these posts it is interesting to find out how other people view relationships
You're right. It's always good to “hear” what others think. Helps to put things into perspective sometimes. Thanks you all :)

[Pan]

I don't understand why you'd have to ask.

[Yasmine Galenorn]

I would ask my husband first, because he asks me. It's a mutual respect thing--"Is this a place where you want some space in?" Like he never gets in my purse without asking (he'll bring it to me, usually) and I never get in his wallet. It's not like we're hiding anything, but just a little respect for personal space. (And if y'all are wondering why he never shows up here, I show him threads now and then on MW, but he's more interested in talking computers than paganism by all means--he's Pagan, but doesn't really feel the need to discuss it).

Yasmine

[jinx1_2]

I would do what I wanted and let them know what my decision was just to give them advance warning in case they had a problem with it.

[WickedBttrfly]

It depends on how bad I wanted to join. Everyone needs their space, so I'd prob ask first just to make sure he wouldn't feel crowded. Unless I really wanted to join. Then I'd just be, "Yo, I'm joining." lol

[6th Angel]

I´d ask him first, just out of respect.

[Aidron]

I would ask, if only to confirm whether or not this is a place, time, or group that he needs for himself, personal space in other words. I don't care how many people wish to profess to me the idea of being one with your partner, you simply are not. You are two entities that create a sum greater than you both are, a pairing, a marriage, a couple, whatever. That does not mean you need toss aside individuality or the fact that you are seperate beings, because you are. No matter how deep your relationship is you will always be seperated to a degree. As such, we need time away from things that appear to be constant in our life. Too much of anything will cause us to become bitter, resentful, and ultimately repel that which is the source of animosity.

As such, I would of course ask what their thoughts are on me joining. Depending on the answer, however, I may tell them "Tough, get over it." or "Very well, you can have this... but now you owe me 50 foot rubs!". If their reason is that this is a time they use to get away from me as they need that just as I do, then they can have it for themself. I may ask to be invited on occasion once in awhile if they have no problem with that. If their reason is something along the lines of they joined first and thus decide whether I am allowed to or not, then I'm not only going to break up with them, but break their legs for being such an idiot.

[Shanti]

Well we dont do anything without the other knowing so since I would know, I would prob already be a member!!!

We both are on MW. I am the only one on MWad but I go there when he is around so if he wants to add his 2 cents, he can! :)

[HolographicJoe]

if it's as innocent as you say, what's the hold up? Just join. I'm sure he won't think you're following him, that would be silly. If you were keeping tabs on him you wouldn't ask, you'd do it stealth, so just mention that you're joining tell him your screen name and party down.

And if it's a hobby :heybaby: you both share, what the hay? Same deal.

[KaimelarFeylove]

I think i'd ask, just because i'd want them to do the same

[Luminessence]

I would ask first. I know sometimes I like to have things that are just for me alone, and so I try to extend the same consideration to others.

[OriginalWacky]

I woudl talk to The Mate first, but not because I need permission. I would talk to him because I would want to know if it would bother him. If it would, then I would need to figure out whether it bothering him was more important that me wanting to join, or vice versa.

Of course, considering that we met on an email list, my guess is that it would never bother him if I joined the same things. And I wouldn't be bothered by hom joining the same things I'm in either. Of course, I haven't joined his knife throwing lists, though I have a fair interest in it, but then again, I've spoken with a few of the guys and gals over the phone, and I can read his mail anytime. In fact, he often has me read it. And he hasn't joined some of my lists, but that's more because he isn't very interested in cross stitching and losing weight. Hehehe.

With him, I am completely allowed to be my own person, and I try to accord him the same respect. However, being my own person doesn't mean disregarding his feelings. So while it wouldn't be asking him if it was okay the way a child might ask a parent, I consider it a sign of respect to at least give him the opportunity to voice any objections he might have.

[diamondtiger]

I woudl talk to The Mate first, but not because I need permission. I would talk to him because I would want to know if it would bother him. If it would, then I would need to figure out whether it bothering him was more important that me wanting to join, or vice versa.

Of course, considering that we met on an email list, my guess is that it would never bother him if I joined the same things. And I wouldn't be bothered by hom joining the same things I'm in either. Of course, I haven't joined his knife throwing lists, though I have a fair interest in it, but then again, I've spoken with a few of the guys and gals over the phone, and I can read his mail anytime. In fact, he often has me read it. And he hasn't joined some of my lists, but that's more because he isn't very interested in cross stitching and losing weight. Hehehe.

With him, I am completely allowed to be my own person, and I try to accord him the same respect. However, being my own person doesn't mean disregarding his feelings. So while it wouldn't be asking him if it was okay the way a child might ask a parent, I consider it a sign of respect to at least give him the opportunity to voice any objections he might have.That's pretty much how it is with us too. He won't tell me what to do/not to do, and vice versa. But yeah, I still think it's right to “ask” before I just join. Which btw, I did last night, and explained my reasons for asking. And I got the “look” :lol: “Why are you asking...?” :rollseyes: He said, “You'd prolly be bored, co's not much goes on there; but join if ya want.” He usually tells me about different discussions going on around his boards, and most of them I can look at when I want (if I want). This one though, like I said, is closed to non members; so if I want information or have a question and he's not logged in or around to log in, I'm pretty much SOL until he is. I don't want to “pester” him about little things that I can find out on my own. Sooooo...

Anyway, thanks guys/gals for your input. It's always great to see how other people handle such matters.