Is True Happiness Even Possible?

[Kadynas]

Do you think it's possible to ever be consistently happy? I'm not talking about perfection here: every life has the day to day annoyances and such. What I'm talking about is the sense that, in general, you're more happy than not? Or do you take the Denis Leary view, that happiness comes in small doses and we should just appreciate what we can get?

I don't know if it's because I have problems with depression/anxiety or what, but I just wonder if trying to be happy is even a realistic goal... :huh:

[Threase]

I believe it's possible to be more happy than unhappy. Like you said, every day may have it's stresses and anxieties, but I believe that if you can truly let go of those stresses, and you take everything in stride, you can be happy.

[Infinite Grey]

Do you think it's possible to ever be consistently happy? I'm not talking about perfection here: every life has the day to day annoyances and such. What I'm talking about is the sense that, in general, you're more happy than not? Or do you take the Denis Leary view, that happiness comes in small doses and we should just appreciate what we can get?

I don't know if it's because I have problems with depression/anxiety or what, but I just wonder if trying to be happy is even a realistic goal... :huh: Though I am often compared to Denis Leary (and once told I look like him :wtf: ) I definitely believe that true enlightenment is possible... just that not many of us will every reach it.

[Tsuchimaru]

During Sept-Oct, I had almost no happy moments....my depression had gone down to the deepest depths it's ever been to...I thought about suicide daily, but I managed to pull through somehow. I've been much more happier lately, thanks to both my friends and the beauty of Nature.

Anyway, now I'm rambling, lol. I think it is possible, but it depends on the individual and their perspective. I, for instance, become happy by simply gazing at the clouds moving in the blue sky. :)

[Aedrais]

During Sept-Oct, I had almost no happy moments....my depression had gone down to the deepest depths it's ever been to...I thought about suicide daily, but I managed to pull through somehow. I've been much more happier lately, thanks to both my friends and the beauty of Nature.

Anyway, now I'm rambling, lol. I think it is possible, but it depends on the individual and their perspective. I, for instance, become happy by simply gazing at the clouds moving in the blue sky. :)

:foh: I didn't know that... well, sort of...

Yes, I believe you can be truly happy. I believe that you have to believe in true happiness in order to experiance it, though. I also believe that you have to decide to be truly happy- it doesn't just come to you.

[Verthandi]

Do you think it's possible to ever be consistently happy? I'm not talking about perfection here: every life has the day to day annoyances and such. What I'm talking about is the sense that, in general, you're more happy than not? Or do you take the Denis Leary view, that happiness comes in small doses and we should just appreciate what we can get?

I don't know if it's because I have problems with depression/anxiety or what, but I just wonder if trying to be happy is even a realistic goal... :huh:
I kind of hope that no one finds true happiness. Without the downs in life, how can you know the ups?

[Shanti]

Ummm I would have to say yes as its all perspective.

[Kadynas]

I kind of hope that no one finds true happiness. Without the downs in life, how can you know the ups?
Oh I totally agree with you there... I guess what I'm getting at is the feeling that you're basically satisfied with your life /overall/. Sometimes it just seems that there's way more downs than ups, you know? :)

[macrocosim144]

I think its all in our perceptions ... the downs and ups can certainly together form a true happiness to simply exist in this beautiful and sometimes savage world. Each and every situation in life has in itself the seeds of total damnation and salvation. The key for me has become how I will react to any given situation and how much happiness I can share with others. That seems to keep me on an even keel for the most part and when I am down the ones I’ve cared for almost always are at my side to cheer me up. So yeah I think its possible to achieve total happiness when one lives in the moment and has reverence for life and all its dimensions.

[6th Angel]

True happiness comes in moments. You can be truly happy watching a movie or admiring a sunset or talking with your best friend, or you can be truly miserable in the moments that life challenges you. The key is to truly appreciate and embrace the happy moments. If happy moments come by and you´re more focused on yesterday that you crashed your car, then you´ll have less happy moments to live by and remember. _cloud9_

[Tarbh Nathroch]

“True” as in 100%....No, not gonna happen for anyone.

“True” as in 98.4%....to the point where the happiness out weighs the sadness and you forget about the 1.6% sadness…Yes.

[lilromantyc]

Purely talking about having more happy moments than down moments and being so content with life that the down moments don't seem to matter...I had that for awhile. Lost it. Haven't found it again yet. But I believe it is possible to acheive. It just takes some time. I know what it's like to have the so many lows that they just keep pulling you further and further down until you can't find the happiness again...but it can't stay that way forever. :smileroll What can I say, even in depression, I'm eternally optimistic.

[wakywitch]

Yes I beleive true happiness is attainable.

[BrigidMoon]

As long as you accept yourself and love yourself, yes. Those for me personally are my requirements for being happy.

[morrigan]

in order to be truely happy we first need to be truely honest with ourselves.. once we can do this we can then understand what is needed to find our happiness.. Blessed Be ~Morrigan~

[Aidron]

Yes, I do believe it is a reality that can be obtained. Perhaps not as easily by some, and even still perhaps not by all. We all have limitations, some that we may never overcome.

I am consistently happy. Frankly, I'm rarely sad, depressed, or down. Make no mistake, I can get that way and I'm hit very hard by it (scorpio moon, we feel things very deeply) but I find so much joy in just the smallest things. Whether it's jumping out from a closet and yelling "BOO!" to scare my mum or making funny faces at someone as I drive by. Merely looking at something Rainbow Brite puts a smile on my face from ear to ear.

I see no reason to not be happy. Life is wonderous, full of its many complexitiex and intricate details. Each one containing a lesson to be learned and each one just waiting to be poked fun at. :D

[kissesree]

Do you think it's possible to ever be consistently happy? I'm not talking about perfection here: every life has the day to day annoyances and such. What I'm talking about is the sense that, in general, you're more happy than not? Or do you take the Denis Leary view, that happiness comes in small doses and we should just appreciate what we can get?

I don't know if it's because I have problems with depression/anxiety or what, but I just wonder if trying to be happy is even a realistic goal... :huh:all you need is a morphine drip.....

[FaerieGothMommy]

Kadynas, i'm with you on this one. I suffer with bouts of depression & anxiety.. and some days i will be on top of the world & looking forward to the future, some days i will be sinking lower & feeling like i'm at a dead end.
I put other, as i don't know. But all my life, happiness has come in doses.... I'd like to think one day i will be happy for the rest of my life.

[BabblingImp]

As long as you accept yourself and love yourself, yes. Those for me personally are my requirements for being happy.
I think you said it there BrigidMoon, it is one of those things that you have to feel it to be it, oh yes you will have problems in life, it wouln'd be very exciteng if you didn't! And jut think if you were happy all the time you wouldn't have lived would you?

[Temptation]

Yes, I believe it's possible. :uhhuhuh:
I think life is wonderful and worth living, even when things don't work out the way we planned. Everything happens for a reason, the bad is there so that we can recognize the good times when they come around. Living the good moments fully and learning from the sad ones, knowing that good times are just around the corner again, is the key to consistent happiness. Life is a cycle of ups and downs; accepting this is the first step to true happiness. And it all begins with accepting ourselves (and others) for what we are, warts and all (not that I have any ;) :tongueout ).

[PoisonIvy]

It's possible...it just don't last very long! :bigredgri

[Twig]

leave it to the druid to bring science into the mix

I usually ponder a question but not this time. I hit no so fast I surprised myself.

Scientifically no. Bliss would be maddening in a very short time. We need the release of anger hurt and pain in our life for those are teachers and balances to the psyche.

The mind is a fragile thing and I can understand and appreciate the buddist point of centering the soul to a quescient point because of this.

EDIT - as the peer counselor kicks in

I don't know if it's because I have problems with depression/anxiety or what, but I just wonder if trying to be happy is even a realistic goal...

Yes it is a realistic goal. :) If your feeling are a real concern to you or others or affect your daily routine consider a profesional counselor.

My way of battling it was to get to really like the person I saw in the mirror each morning. that is the basis of a LOT of depression I've learned. If a person does that then their happiness on a day to day basis is much easier. Sounds easier than it actually is.

May your days be bright with Peace.

Twig
:elf:

[LacyRoze]

I believe happiness is attainable. I also believe that we must have tose down times to truly appreciate happiness. It's that down times that make us grow as a person. It's the down times that make us truly look at ourselves and see what we're made of. Without the down times how would we recognize the good times??:cutesanta

[happyprincessfairy69]

Yes it's possible! I'm a truly happy and content person. And the only way I got to that point was by accepting that I have crappy bits but I deal with them and accept them anyway, I laugh at myself and at pathetic, awkward situations, and I have realised that nothing in life will ever be perfect, so you can't expect it to be. Yeah I have bad days, everybody does. It's all about the way you deal with them. But I am truly happy with life because of this :)

[Mnemosyne]

I firmly believe that happiness is possible. At the moment, I am very happy with my life. A few years ago, it was a different story though. I didn't have that self-love. Since I've attained self-love, everything in my life has gone so smoothly. Do I experience sheer happiness always? No. If I did how would I be able to understand the value of happiness. All my happy moments would just become mundane and montonous.

[Dark Phoenix]

Everyone has their ups and downs but it depends on what you focus on and what meaning you attach to events. I have always battled depression and anxiety although these it is most often anxiety the Depression has gone away but when you chang what you focus on it becomes more manageable.

[Marchosias]

Hmm. Well, my friends Jack and the Captain here seem to believe happiness is in short reach. :smoke:

Depends on your standards of happiness.

Sitting here, with a Djarum Black, and some drinks, watching Pulp Fiction, I really couldn't be more content.

[6th Angel]

Sitting here, with a Djarum Black, and some drinks, watching Pulp Fiction, I really couldn't be more content.
Exactly, happines is a relative thing. It comes in the little moments you can enjoy.

[Kadynas]

:lol: Some interesting answers from you all... (I ran out of karma!)

But just to clarify, what I'm looking for is not all sweetness and light 24/7. :lol: I guess I just wish there was one thing I can point to and say "This is what makes it worthwhile, this is why I'm enduring all the pain/annoyance/stress/etc..." And while an outsider could give me a thousand things to point to, they just don't do it for me... There's something missing that I can't figure out... :huh:

Even though the depression/anxiety stuff, I /do/ seem to have this odd optimism that pops out. The trouble with that optimism is that I seem to be continually let down by reality. :lol:

[Aidron]

:lol: Some interesting answers from you all... (I ran out of karma!)

But just to clarify, what I'm looking for is not all sweetness and light 24/7. :lol: I guess I just wish there was one thing I can point to and say "This is what makes it worthwhile, this is why I'm enduring all the pain/annoyance/stress/etc..." And while an outsider could give me a thousand things to point to, they just don't do it for me... There's something missing that I can't figure out... :huh:

Even though the depression/anxiety stuff, I /do/ seem to have this odd optimism that pops out. The trouble with that optimism is that I seem to be continually let down by reality. :lol:


Sweetness and light 24/7 is not happiness, it's absolute agony. I'm not directing this so much at you as I am those who believe consistent happiness a state where you are happy 24/7 365 days out of the year. :rolleyes:

If you have nothing that makes the end of the day seem worth it all, then the only advice I know to offer you is to double your efforts in searching for it. Whatever it is that will fill you with a sense of wonderment and serenity after all the toils and troubles life may throw at you, it's out there. It simply may not yet be known to you (or any of us) yet.

P.S. I'd offer to loan you some Rainbow Brite stuff, as I just know looking at all of it would fill any void you have, but I can't! I'm selfish and... um, no! It's all mine! :yikes:

:hehehe:

[wakywitch]

Kadynas--I'm here for you anytime! ((hugs))

[Flar's Freyja]

Yes, and I keep having to remind myself that I already have it.

[WandererInGray]

Yes, I do believe it is a reality that can be obtained. Perhaps not as easily by some, and even still perhaps not by all. We all have limitations, some that we may never overcome.

I am consistently happy. Frankly, I'm rarely sad, depressed, or down. Make no mistake, I can get that way and I'm hit very hard by it (scorpio moon, we feel things very deeply) but I find so much joy in just the smallest things. Whether it's jumping out from a closet and yelling "BOO!" to scare my mum or making funny faces at someone as I drive by. Merely looking at something Rainbow Brite puts a smile on my face from ear to ear.

I see no reason to not be happy. Life is wonderous, full of its many complexitiex and intricate details. Each one containing a lesson to be learned and each one just waiting to be poked fun at. :D
*smiles and hugs Raven* That's why I love you.

I agree. And in the post that Kadynas stated it wasn't about 100% goofy happy all the time. That'd just be weird. But to be happy, even if things suck at the present moment to me means that you are able to have the belief that they will get better.

*hugs Kadynas* Hon, you may have a mild case of depression if it's something you wrestle with on a constant basis.

[Aidron]

*smiles and hugs Raven* That's why I love you.

But of course! I'm berry wuvable! :bouncysmi


I agree. And in the post that Kadynas stated it wasn't about 100% goofy happy all the time. That'd just be weird. But to be happy, even if things suck at the present moment to me means that you are able to have the belief that they will get better.

*hugs Kadynas* Hon, you may have a mild case of depression if it's something you wrestle with on a constant basis.


I know I personally could not stand being happy 24/7 365 days a year. I need anger, I need self-pity, I need sadness. They have their time and places, and I indulge in them. But that's me, typical libran wanting my balance. It feels good to be angry once in awhile, and I like tearing people a new one when they've pissed me off. I find happiness in that. So I guess I'm the exception to the rule in that I'm consistently happy, but then again I'm not truly surprised cause when I look around at this great big world I see miserable fleshy things at every turn.

Kadynas... you wanna color in my Rainbow Brite coloring book with me? I'll let you use the GREEN crayon! :D

[TaysatWesir]

Yes at least that’s how I see it sorry.

[Rudas Starblaze]

yes, i think its possible. i've found happiness, and i havent even met her yet,,,,, hhmmmmm 2 more weeks, then, happy, happy, happy,,,, ok you get the point.

[Teresa]

For me there has been much struggling to move along the path to true happiness but even with things being tight nothing left over or to spare I can say I am happy and very thankful for my partner.All the pain, sorrows,struggles,sadness along the way was worth it.
(I was once told that true happiness was being loved by others.One thing they forgot to mention was that You must love Yourself first.)

[Kadynas]

But of course! I'm berry wuvable! :bouncysmi




I know I personally could not stand being happy 24/7 365 days a year. I need anger, I need self-pity, I need sadness. They have their time and places, and I indulge in them. But that's me, typical libran wanting my balance. It feels good to be angry once in awhile, and I like tearing people a new one when they've pissed me off. I find happiness in that. So I guess I'm the exception to the rule in that I'm consistently happy, but then again I'm not truly surprised cause when I look around at this great big world I see miserable fleshy things at every turn.

Kadynas... you wanna color in my Rainbow Brite coloring book with me? I'll let you use the GREEN crayon! :D
:lol: I agree we need to have the whole spectrum of emotions; I just wish my "highs" were a little higher. :lol: I think depression is a good possibility but I'm really wary of being medicated for it... I have a kind of phobia when it comes to drugs of any sort. Usually I'm able to "trick" myself into staying on an even keel, but lately it's been really hard. :)

And yeah bring on the Rainbow Brite coloring book! I used to LOVE that show when I was little! :D

[Katya]

yes

[diamondtiger]

"I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances. " - Martha Washington (1732 - 1802)

I guess I just wish there was one thing I can point to and say "This is what makes it worthwhile, this is why I'm enduring all the pain/annoyance/stress/etc..." For me, it's all about the little things. I started a thread here a while back for this very reason. Love Is (http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=77491)... because I think that happiness surrounds us every single day. Sometimes though, we look so hard to find it, that we don't see it when it's right in front of us. Does that make sense?

I was walking out in the pasture the other day, and my dog started barking. I looked in the direction in which she was barking, and one of many paints out there comes running past us; head held high, tail up, mane and tail flowing in the wind... it was truly a beautiful/amazing sight. Something so “insignificant”, that a lot of people might not even notice or think twice about, made me feel so.... warm. At that moment, every thing around me seemed to vanish, all of my thoughts just disappeared. All I could see, smell and hear was that horse. I felt the cool air and warm sunshine on my face, and it felt good, like soft kisses. The moment was.... awesome.

I walk in the pasture a lot. The horses are always around. When they get “frisky”, I usually hurry to get out of their way. This time though, I just stood there; watching her run till she had reached the heard and mingled in.

[misschief]

Do you think it's possible to ever be consistently happy? I'm not talking about perfection here: every life has the day to day annoyances and such. What I'm talking about is the sense that, in general, you're more happy than not? Or do you take the Denis Leary view, that happiness comes in small doses and we should just appreciate what we can get?

I don't know if it's because I have problems with depression/anxiety or what, but I just wonder if trying to be happy is even a realistic goal... :huh:of course it is.. but it's like anything else.. if you aren't willing to do the work to get there, you won't ever make it.

[Hærfest Leah]

Or do you take the Denis Leary view, that happiness comes in small doses and we should just appreciate what we can get?

I don't know if it's because I have problems with depression/anxiety or what, but I just wonder if trying to be happy is even a realistic goal... :huh:

I used to think so but now after examining my life and how things go now I am starting to take Denis Leary's view too. I have preoblems with depresion, anxiety, impatience & anger meyself, although not on anythign are them I'm still trying to find ways to manage them but some days are to much to manage. And it doesn't help at all when you try to talk to family members and they have that suck it up/we all have problems view.

[Lady Avalon]

I live it every day and every day I thank the Goddess.

[Kadynas]

"I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances. " - Martha Washington (1732 - 1802) For me, it's all about the little things. I started a thread here a while back for this very reason. Love Is (http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=77491)... because I think that happiness surrounds us every single day. Sometimes though, we look so hard to find it, that we don't see it when it's right in front of us. Does that make sense?

I was walking out in the pasture the other day, and my dog started barking. I looked in the direction in which she was barking, and one of many paints out there comes running past us; head held high, tail up, mane and tail flowing in the wind... it was truly a beautiful/amazing sight. Something so “insignificant”, that a lot of people might not even notice or think twice about, made me feel so.... warm. At that moment, every thing around me seemed to vanish, all of my thoughts just disappeared. All I could see, smell and hear was that horse. I felt the cool air and warm sunshine on my face, and it felt good, like soft kisses. The moment was.... awesome.

I walk in the pasture a lot. The horses are always around. When they get “frisky”, I usually hurry to get out of their way. This time though, I just stood there; watching her run till she had reached the heard and mingled in.
Sounds wonderful! :D Maybe it would help if I ever saw the Sun here! It's either gray skies, rain or snow... S.A.D. is a problem for me as well, but this feeling has been with me for most of the year.

[mcc]

Do you think it's possible to ever be consistently happy?
Since "consistently happy" isn't going to mean the same thing to any two people, there really isn't an answer to that, is there?

[Tabby]

True happiness means different things to different people. I mean if you think true happiness is something unrealistic..like having all the money in the world..or having everyone in the world love you..then you will never be happy..

True happiness to me is being happy with yourself, to not hate getting up in the morning..to come home and have someone look at you like they are happy to see you and that you are their world. To know that if your day is bad..tomorrow will get better and you have someone there to help you through it...

*shrugs* That is what true happiness is to me... As mcc said, it is different for each person..

[equinox2]

Raven Greywind wrote:

I see no reason to not be happy. Life is wonderous, full of its many complexitiex and intricate details. Each one containing a lesson to be learned and each one just waiting to be poked fun at.

It is possible to be happy most of the time. Our world is a wonderful place, and we only need to make a small effort to look for it’s beauty, and it’s beauty appears all around us.

At the same time, our minds have a tendency to lose sight of this fact, to fall into ruts, to focus on the petty, and to sweat the small stuff. This is no accident. Our minds are the product of millions of years of evolution, and unhappiness can be a motivator to get us to improve our lives. Thus, our ancient ancestors that were unhappy much of the time worked to fix that, and their efforts resulted in their having more kids. Having more kids meant that their genes became dominant, and so we contain those same genes. There are tons of examples, but take just one – sexual jealousy. None of us are happy when we see a competitor flirting with our mate. It burns us up, because the ancient humans that didn’t get mad, and let the competitor flirt, lost their mate, didn’t have kids, and so of course we don’t contain their genes. The same goes for other things that make us unhappy, such as hunger, threats to our mates, envy of other’s mates, etc.

With our rational minds, something new is possible though. We can evaluate each issue, and choose to respond to it or not. Either way, we can decide not to let it get us down. We can also shun needless worry, and most importantly, we can remind ourselves of all the good things we have. This allows us to appreciate every moment, something that a more primitive mind cannot do. It takes effort, and it takes persistence, but it allows us to live by ol’ Abe Lincolns words:


Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

For me, the fact that I don’t know I’ll exist beyond death actually helps me enjoy every moment of my life. I’ve written a little about this appreciation here:
http://www-personal.engin.umich.edu/~leta/TREATISE/tjdeath.htm

To be happy most of the time, first we need to recognize that our emotions aren't written in stone, but instead are partially just biological mechanisms. It's kinda like Neo realising that the matrix isn't "real". Then, we need only to assert our control - to decide to be happy. It is simple, but not easy. It takes practice and discipline. You can do it. For me, it helps me to remember that most humans for the past several thousand years lived nasty, dirty, sickly, cold, violent, and short lives by comparison to ours. I refuse to waste my precious life being unhappy when such a wonderful life has been handed to me on a silver platter.

Maybe it'll work for you too.....

Have a FUN day, everyone!

[Radocs]

Yes.

[diamondtiger]

Sounds wonderful! :D Maybe it would help if I ever saw the Sun here! It's either gray skies, rain or snow... S.A.D. is a problem for me as well, but this feeling has been with me for most of the year.Have you tried a sun lamp? We don't have many days with out sun here, but I hear they work wonders for those who are “stuck” in this sort of climate. http://www.lightyears2.com/SkinLight.html

[Faerwolf]

I think true happiness is a moment, a single solitary moment, that can be repeated but rarely consecutively. I don't think TRUE happiness is an obtainable goal for lets say FOREVER, with no balance of other emotion. The world just doesn't work like that

[Dorchadas Síofra]

I don't know honestly. Heh, it doesn't seem possible to me because I honestly can't remember how it feels. I'm starting to come back a little from major depression, but i still have a longggg way to go to find out if happiness exists. Maybe it does. I'd like to think it does, just doesn't seem entirely possible to my mind currently.

But I don't think one can stay happy 24/7 for their entire life. Can't have good without the bad right. It all depends on how you deal with the downs to see what happens next.

[Wolf O Volos]

Not in this life... not for me...

[wakywitch]

Not in this life... not for me...


What is wrong?
Do you want to talk?

[Celtic Solstice]

(Sorry this is long, but I've been thinking too much!)

Happiness (in my opinion) is fickle.

Let’s put it this way: yesterday, I needed to get home quickly from church to drop the kids off with a sitter, so that I could have lunch with some folks and then after that go to a cookie-exchange. I piled the kids into the car with barely enough time to get home on time for the sitter…(1) THE CAR STALLED! Five minutes before I could get it started… I get home five minutes after the meeting time for the sitter. (2) The sitter is gone. His footprints are in the snow, up the walk and down… I think, well, I will just have to take the kids, but I need to go inside because I left the diaper bag at the church (3). It’s then that I realize I did not get a key from my husband. (4) The spare key is not where it belongs (5). A window is unlocked, but I cannot get it open. (6) It is cold and my fingers are sticking to the metal rod I am trying to open the window with. (7). I decide to go to the lunch as is with the kids. I get there and discover that my youngest has peed all over his shirt and pants (8). The only diaper I have is two sizes too big (9). I put it on anyway. Everyone starts lunch without me, and when I ask my husband if he can get the youngest (now changed) eating, he suggests that I do it (though I do not even have my food yet) - (10). I get lunch and the kids start to fuss. (11) I realize I am late for the next event (12). I get a key from my husband, and manage to lose it on the way home (13). I need to go into the house to get directions to the next place, so I determinedly get the window open YIPPEE!! The window is at chest height and I am standing in snow and have tendonitis in my thumbs (14) I manage to lift myself up and into the house. I call the friend who is hosting the cookie exchange for which I am already 30 minutes late - no answer (15)…



OK… so what do you think? Was I happy after all that? or sad?

Hehehe! HAPPY! JOYOUS even! Go figure. By the end of it, I was thinking that I might set the record for the number of things that could go wrong and still retain cheerfulness. This is why I think happiness is a fickle being. I had every reason to collapse in tears - instead I was laughing... At the end of it all, I was ready to take on the next challenge. YIPPEE!!

How did I do it? Mind over reality or some such! PFFFT!

Nope - just plain LUCK!

It drives me nuts - folks who say that happiness is just a matter of choice. Choose to be happy, they say. That same person who declares that you just need to "choose to be happy" gets irritated and unhappy to the infinite degree when faced with the same challenges I faced above. It’s like people who are mean to you and when you complain say, "YOU choose your reaction. CHOOSE not to be hurt by me," and then turn around and get all upset when you accidentally hurt THEIR feelings. *Grin*

Why do I feel this way? It is simply because I have experienced points in my life where I was at the mercy of my hormones. I’ve been sad when I should be happy, and happy when I should be sad. It’s just biology. I'm not going to beat myself up over it because I was sad and someone else thinks that I can just "choose to be happy or sad."

Of course it is possible to be happy all the time… if you are lucky enough to have the right chemistry. It is not just choice, or good things happening in your life. Everything could be wrong, and you might still be happy. (Or right, and you sad).

I think the biggest mistake of our generation is the idea that our goal in life is to be happy all the time or even most of the time. Rather, we should enjoy happiness when we have it, just as you enjoy good health when you have it. We should weather the blues when we suffer them, just as you weather ill health. If it is more than the blues and you are clinically depressed, get treatment; just like you might take an antibiotic if infected by bacteria.

The balance of happiness and sadness will probably vary from person to person. It is not a measure of character or lack thereof, if your balance is heavier in the happiness side than the sadness side or vice versa. What is a measure of character is how you handle either state. You shouldn’t have to smile when you are sad, or be cheerful, or hide your feelings of gloom, less you be judged "of poor character." When you are happy, treasure it as a blessing - do not gloat over it and how superior you are to all those "gloomy people." Especially treasure it if you have experienced lows - it helps if you are low to remember those times when you were happy.

That was (is) the thing that helps me when I have been down. The first time I experienced depression so low that I fully understood a person wanting suicide, I thought it would never end. It took a lot of willpower and stubborness to keep going - to believe the unbelieveable - it WOULD end. The next time, I knew it would - and it did not last so long.

It helps to remember that when you have a cold, it is easy to forget ever being well. It is easy to imagine that you will have a cold forever… that first day of wellness is a marvel. You think WOW! how could I have forgotten! Depression is like that - it makes you forget, and then when you are well, you think how could I have forgotten happiness. It is easy when well to forget that the cold was real and not fun. Even if you are happy most of the time, depression feels like forever in comparison.

My advice is "enjoy the happiness" when you get it, and keep going through the sad parts, and get help if it does not go away… but most of all, hold those good times tight! They are precious!

Do I think you can be happy most of the time? Most of us, have a pretty good shot these days. If your chemistry is messed up, they can usually fix it. The path differs for each of us. I suppose there really are people out there who can actually just choose to be happy or sad and do not have a clue what it is to be at the mercy of your chemistry - theirs is one path. For the rest of us mortals, we will probably weather some blues that we cannot understand and happiness that makes as little sense. We will gain strength from the hard times and rest & meaning in the other. We will find our own way.

Celtic Solstice

[Kadynas]

:lol: Great post, Celtic Solstice! And it shows me even more why I don't want to have children: a day like yours and I would've went off the deep end! :hugz:


It drives me nuts - folks who say that happiness is just a matter of choice. Choose to be happy, they say. That same person who declares that you just need to "choose to be happy" gets irritated and unhappy to the infinite degree when faced with the same challenges I faced above. It’s like people who are mean to you and when you complain say, "YOU choose your reaction. CHOOSE not to be hurt by me," and then turn around and get all upset when you accidentally hurt THEIR feelings. *Grin*
Oh I know what you mean... I'm a very emotional person and I find it very hard not to take things to heart. I mean, I won't imagine an insult where there is none, but I will take a real one harder than most. Add to that that I'm an empath and suck up others negativity like a dirty sponge and it's a wonder I don't have an ulcer yet! :lol: The only thing I've managed to keep is my sense of humor... "Mind over matter" only gets me so far. :lol:

I'm existing... I don't have any suicidal thoughts at the moment or anything, I just feel totally dissatisfied with my life. I go through the motions of my day, thinking about how I'd rather be anywhere else than where I am at that moment. I don't want what I've got, I want things I'll probably never come close to getting, and I'm wallowing in self-pity. (Not material things... it's a long story...) :lol: I'm just at a real crossroads and I have no idea what it is that will make me feel "happy" or even what happiness really is... Hence this thread. :lol:

[diamondtiger]

It drives me nuts - folks who say that happiness is just a matter of choice. Choose to be happy, they say. That same person who declares that you just need to "choose to be happy" gets irritated and unhappy to the infinite degree when faced with the same challenges I faced above. It’s like people who are mean to you and when you complain say, "YOU choose your reaction. CHOOSE not to be hurt by me," and then turn around and get all upset when you accidentally hurt THEIR feelings. *Grin* I understand what you're saying.. however, I don't entirely agree. It's like this... someone says something to you that you are offended by. You're right, we don't really choose whether or not we feel insulted by a remark. But, we do choose how we will react to said remark. For instance, if you walk up to me and say “your momma dresses you funny”.. I may be hurt/angered by your words. But, the choice too punch you in the nose or walk away is entirely up to me. I think of it more in terms of : I control my mood... not.. my mood controls me. For instance, I'm trying to quit smoking. A lot of little things are getting on my nerves right now. I can't control that. However, I can control how I react to these small irritations. For example; yesterday my SO said something to me about staying out of each others way..(he's quitting too). It came off as him being snappy. I was a bit perturbed by this, but I chose not to respond with harsh words. What good would that do. I realized that it wasn't him that I was upset with, it was the lack of nicotine. I chose to say nothing at all, rather I took a deep breath and turned on the tv. Did we fight/argue/get mad? No, we both did our own thing until the cravings passed, then we talked as normal.

So yes, in a sense, happiness is a matter of choice, as much as it is hormones. I can either feel rejected by my SO's need for space at a particular moment (when I may need comfort and closeness) and get upset and feel hurt. Or I can realize that he's not rejecting me, and that he's simply fulfilling his own need, and in doing so he'll be better able to fill mine; and be happy. Does that make sense?

[Celtic Solstice]

I understand what you're saying.. however, I don't entirely agree. It's like this... someone says something to you that you are offended by. You're right, we don't really choose whether or not we feel insulted by a remark. But, we do choose how we will react to said remark. For instance, if you walk up to me and say “your momma dresses you funny”.. I may be hurt/angered by your words. But, the choice too punch you in the nose or walk away is entirely up to me.

The thing is that you are talking about two different things. If someone hits you, you can choose not to hit back, but that does not change that it HURTS (And, a person who denies that it hurts would cause most people to wonder). If someone is mean & hurtful to you, it hurts. Feelings are not something you pick and choose.

In regard to your actions in response to the feelings - I agree with you. Of course, you can definitely choose not to strike back. You can choose to pretend it did not hurt - but it will still hurt... You can also choose to be honest, and admit that it hurt, either to yourself alone or the person who hurt you. A person who cares about you will try to not do the thing that hurt you. If the person responds that that's your tough luck if they hurt you and you should just "choose not to be hurt," this is probably not a good person to stay around. A person who does not care about the effect of their words and actions on other people around him or her is not someone you want to trust your life, heart or much else with (especially if this is compounded by the hypocrisy of expecting you to adjust your behavior to suit him or her). Emotional abuse is every bit as real as physical abuse - it is not just a matter of a person "choosing to be hurt or not hurt." Emotions go too deep for that.

The thing is that our "Blue" emotions serve a purpose when they are in working order. They warn us of people we might not want to be around for instance (in the case of a mean person). They warn us that we have just lost a part of our support network (in the case of a death). They warn us that we might *have* to fight back (in the case of an unavoidable threat to us or our own). Emotions are not entirely in our control because they are there to protect us. The downside of this is that we cannot always choose to feel a thing... I mean try feeling that you are in love sometime. *grin* The other downside is that the chemistries in control of these response can get messed up and I am sorry - you can choose all you want but it is not going to make one wit of difference if the bio-system is not operational.

That said, I also agree with you that you can recalibrate your understanding of another's words. For instance, say you have a person who speaks with a native accent that you identify with a person in your past who was cruel to you. This person, in contrast, is as nice as can be, but your first reaction is to judge by your past experience. You can change your point of view and recognize your prejudice and over time change your gut-level response.

This would be appropriate and feasible - but only if you allow yourself the freedom to examine the emotion and its source. We should not be afraid of our darker emotions. Embrace them and learn what they have to tell us. Don't waste time beating yourself up for feeling the "wrong" thing.

Celtic Solstice

PS: Back on the happiness question - I think the happiest people are those who can find peace and pleasure in life whether they are happy or sad... I sometimes think that we are missing a word in the English language. Happiness describes a feeling. Sadness describes a feeling... but we need another word ... something that kind of says: "I am in balance with the universe. I am depressed right now, but that is OK - I will heal. I am joyous right now, and I will treasure it and not question its passing because it will come again. I am angry right now - but I will find peace. I am peaceful right now, but I may later feel called to fight..."

I kind of think that "happiness" is the wrong goal (perhaps because it seems that when you are depressed the harder you strive for happiness and beat yourself up over your failure the worse you feel :ballonsmi )... Contentment is perhaps a better word.

[Amethyst Rose]

I'm happy...truely happy. I have a wonderful life....a loving husband and adorabe son, my own home, no financial worries, a family that loves me. Dogs that love me, friends that love me. There really isn't a single thing that is wanting. :)

[dr_zeus440]

if trying to be happy isnt a realistic goal, then theres no point in being alive.

life really is what you make it.

[Druchii]

:) Yep!

[Avalon]

I'd like to think so.

[ravenmyst]

I guess that would need a time limt on it for me to say yes, in a life time, I do not think true happiness can be sustained, and for some reason I dont think it would be good for you. Yes for short periods, no for a larger length of time. Then again I am somewhat cynical

[SacredWithin]

I think you can be. I think it all depends on how you are willing to look at life and deal with the issues that come your way. I guess this question could be somewhat like asking a person, "Are you happy?". We know that not everyday is full of joy. How owuld we know joy if that was all we had? I think we have to know downs to know the ups. :)

[arctic splash]

It's totally realistic. I have felt that way quite often. That's not to say that things can't happen to take away that happiness for a while... but I think it's definitely possible to be so happy that the occasional ups and downs are practically meaningless.

[diamondtiger]

The thing is that you are talking about two different things. If someone hits you, you can choose not to hit back, but that does not change that it HURTS (And, a person who denies that it hurts would cause most people to wonder). If someone is mean & hurtful to you, it hurts. Feelings are not something you pick and choose.

In regard to your actions in response to the feelings - I agree with you. Of course, you can definitely choose not to strike back. You can choose to pretend it did not hurt - but it will still hurt... You can also choose to be honest, and admit that it hurt, either to yourself alone or the person who hurt you. A person who cares about you will try to not do the thing that hurt you. If the person responds that that's your tough luck if they hurt you and you should just "choose not to be hurt," this is probably not a good person to stay around. A person who does not care about the effect of their words and actions on other people around him or her is not someone you want to trust your life, heart or much else with (especially if this is compounded by the hypocrisy of expecting you to adjust your behavior to suit him or her). Emotional abuse is every bit as real as physical abuse - it is not just a matter of a person "choosing to be hurt or not hurt." Emotions go too deep for that.

The thing is that our "Blue" emotions serve a purpose when they are in working order. They warn us of people we might not want to be around for instance (in the case of a mean person). They warn us that we have just lost a part of our support network (in the case of a death). They warn us that we might *have* to fight back (in the case of an unavoidable threat to us or our own). Emotions are not entirely in our control because they are there to protect us. The downside of this is that we cannot always choose to feel a thing... I mean try feeling that you are in love sometime. *grin* The other downside is that the chemistries in control of these response can get messed up and I am sorry - you can choose all you want but it is not going to make one wit of difference if the bio-system is not operational.

That said, I also agree with you that you can recalibrate your understanding of another's words. For instance, say you have a person who speaks with a native accent that you identify with a person in your past who was cruel to you. This person, in contrast, is as nice as can be, but your first reaction is to judge by your past experience. You can change your point of view and recognize your prejudice and over time change your gut-level response.

This would be appropriate and feasible - but only if you allow yourself the freedom to examine the emotion and its source. We should not be afraid of our darker emotions. Embrace them and learn what they have to tell us. Don't waste time beating yourself up for feeling the "wrong" thing.

Celtic Solstice

PS: Back on the happiness question - I think the happiest people are those who can find peace and pleasure in life whether they are happy or sad... I sometimes think that we are missing a word in the English language. Happiness describes a feeling. Sadness describes a feeling... but we need another word ... something that kind of says: "I am in balance with the universe. I am depressed right now, but that is OK - I will heal. I am joyous right now, and I will treasure it and not question its passing because it will come again. I am angry right now - but I will find peace. I am peaceful right now, but I may later feel called to fight..."

I kind of think that "happiness" is the wrong goal (perhaps because it seems that when you are depressed the harder you strive for happiness and beat yourself up over your failure the worse you feel :ballonsmi )... Contentment is perhaps a better word.
I think we are actually saying the same thing, yet speaking differently about the matter. Of course we can't choose when it comes to feeling our emotions. I said that. What I also said was that we can choose the way we react to our feelings. Believe me, I know all about emotional abuse. I lived with it for 9 years, being married to one of the biggest/worst emotional manipulators/abusers I've ever had the displeasure of knowing. I was depressed for most of those years; feeling worthless, ugly, you name it-he had me believing it. He even made me feel fat, though I weighed all of 97 lbs through out the marriage (with the exception of two pregnancies).

The thing is, when I finally “woke up”, I realized that even though he was saying/doing things to cause me to feel this way; it wasn't him who MADE me believe them to be true. I made the choice to “make him right”. I controlled my reactions to his abuse. And when I finally realized this, I was able to begin healing and gain strength and confidence in myself; and I left him.

“The other downside is that the chemistries in control of these response can get messed up and I am sorry - you can choose all you want but it is not going to make one wit of difference if the bio-system is not operational.”

This I will not totally disagree with, because I am aware of and do understand that chemicals in the brain are what cause us to experience emotions. However, I also believe that we are, to some degree, able to balance (if you will) the chemicals which cause depression/happiness/contentment.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “I think, therefore I am”? If a person (and I'm not saying ALL, because I am aware that there are those who suffer from bi-polar disorder and so on) believes they are sad, then they will be sad. In turn, if a person believes they are happy, they are happy.

There is a phenomena called “Voodoo Death”, in which a healthy person dies apparently just because he/she believes that a curse has destined death. A story: A woman eats a piece of fruit and later finds out that it came from a taboo place, and dies within hours of eating the fruit. She believes in the magic and believed that she was sure to die.

The woman wasn't destined to die because she ate the fruit. She believed that she would, because there was some magic spell/hex on the fruit and in turn began acting as if she were going to die. She rejected food and water and died as a result of her behavior/belief.

Similar examples occur in almost any society. Not in that people always believe they'll die because they are hexed, but people with minor illnesses or injuries die because they “expect” to. I believe that it's much the same in terms of depression. One may think/believe that they should be depressed, then begins "acting the part", and in doing so they actually become depressed. Basically a self full fulled proficy.

This being the case, even with depression, it makes sense that one would benefit from simply believing that treatment will help/make them feel better. Simply put, therapy outcomes vary with the clients attitude. If one sees hope, then there is hope. It is said that even those who suffer from severe depression can greatly benefit from a simple empathetic/caring ear.

[~Anamorata~]

I believe it's possible...just because you don't see it every day, doesn't mean it's not there, or that it can't happen.

[Wolf O Volos]

People can write out these long dissertations on the philosophy of how happiness is just a biochemical response, or a way of changing your thinking... but you know, It really does not matter WHY I feel the emptiness and crushing sadness I feel... I JUST FEEL IT> I could choose, so to speak, to not let this sadness effect me. I could choose to try to sugar coat the sorry twist of fate that has left me empty and dying inside... but then what would that make me? A robot? Completely NUMB? And what would be the point of THAT? To completely rid yourself of sadness and pain would be to lessen the joy you feel when you finally have something go right for a change. No light without darkness, no love without hatred, and all of the other philosophical opposites; they all add up to BALANCE.
As for me. I stand by my first response. That for *ME* it is not possible anymore.

[Celtic Solstice]

This I will not totally disagree with, because I am aware of and do understand that chemicals in the brain are what cause us to experience emotions. However, I also believe that we are, to some degree, able to balance (if you will) the chemicals which cause depression/happiness/contentment.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “I think, therefore I am”? If a person (and I'm not saying ALL, because I am aware that there are those who suffer from bi-polar disorder and so on) believes they are sad, then they will be sad. In turn, if a person believes they are happy, they are happy.

I think that you are mostly right that we are mostly agreeing and I mostly agree with your response - even mostly this part. :hehehehe:

I think in some things (as I described) it is possible (AND healthy) to re-assess our feelings and even change them by just thinking ourselves better. As I said, when everything is functioning in perfect working order, emotions respond appropriately and adjust themselves to new information - and you can provide yourself with that new information and truly feel good about something that initially rubbed you wrong.

I just feel that we #1 need to honor our emotions - there is no such thing as a "bad" emotion - it is just how we feel, and "bad" emotions -if appropriate - are there for a reason; #2 if there is a biochemical reason for your response, you cannot think yourself out of it - bipolar is only one example of a bichemical response; migraines can wack you out mentally; pregnancy hormones; etc. Treatment is not a cruch or a cop-out - I think we need to respect this #3 When a misunderstanding occurs or some other kind of inappropriate response occurs, we have a duty to ourselves and those around us to adjust it - to apply a little "think therefore I am" logic... it has its place. I'm not denying this - but I think the first 2 need to be where we start -

Honor your feelings and those of others. Respect your feelings and those of others. Recognize what we control and what we do not; what they do and do not; Act and react accordingly.


People can write out these long dissertations on the philosophy of how happiness is just a biochemical response, or a way of changing your thinking... but you know, It really does not matter WHY I feel the emptiness and crushing sadness I feel... I JUST FEEL IT> I could choose, so to speak, to not let this sadness effect me. I could choose to try to sugar coat the sorry twist of fate that has left me empty and dying inside... but then what would that make me? A robot? Completely NUMB? And what would be the point of THAT? To completely rid yourself of sadness and pain would be to lessen the joy you feel when you finally have something go right for a change. No light without darkness, no love without hatred, and all of the other philosophical opposites; they all add up to BALANCE.

That's soooo true! (sorry for being a "dissertation writer" - kind of this uncontrollable urge on my part... I start simple and somehow it just keeps going and going and going...).

I used to fear the lows, but they are part of the flavor of life... We don't need to deny them - that only makes them worse - appreciate them and celebrate the joy when it comes! It gives you greater appreciation...

[sari0009]

"Is True Happiness Even Possible?"

True Happiness is not a stable stagnant absolute, of course. The phrase "true happiness" sounds to be (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E-prime) an absolute so can the question itself misleading/incomplete for some?

For small children happiness is less complicated but for the rest of us it often results from a balance of various facts, needs being met, emotions, dynamics, people, and things--the fewer unnecessary expectations the easier it is to achieve and the more frequent it is, I've found. Hence, I like a simple life that comes of knowing my priorities, strengths, weaknesses, faults/opportunities and various assorted particulars, and that's something I work at on a regular basis. Like freedom, happiness is easily lost if things are not maintained and advocated for...

I will add that there is a time, place, use, rhyme, and a reason for pain and sorrow for all our feelings and fantasies tell us something about ourselves and as far as I'm concerned, I feel far more alive and make better choices when I pay attention to these messages, even if it's momentarily quite difficult, painful or upsetting to do so ... but I'm happier more often for the effort.

Seems that it's far easier to take joy in a song, a cat, a flower, or a hug without unresolved issues or unnecessarily expectations/burdens.

So while I may revel in joy and love and feel incredibly happy on a frequent basis, to the point of ecstasy at times, I don't expect "true happiness" and, as part of being true to myself, I try to be equally real and fully present in moments of joy as I am in moments of disappointment, pain, sorrow, and such ... and I'm happier more often this way.

Results may vary. ;)

[Mister Sandman]

'Happiness' is a condition, rather than a sensation. 'Pleasure' is a sensation, and accounts for the positive response to a particular stimulus. But happiness as a state of being, really amounts to 'self-acceptance.' If we are content with who we are, then we can remain in the essential, overriding 'state of being' that is happiness, even if there are negative reactions to experience: hence some people can be 'happy' even when burdened with the most trying circumstances, because they are at peace with the self that is dealing with them.