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View Full Version : Tips to Survive the In-laws?? Help!



BrisaDelMar
December 19th, 2004, 05:47 PM
Well the time of year has come again.. Family coming over and staying. You know that saying... "house guests and fish start to stink after 3 days".. well that applies. You see, this year it's not just family, but specifically my In-laws. *sigh*
I have been with my husband for going on 9 years. In those years, my in-laws have more than accepted me, they've basically adopted me. Which in itself is wonderful. But.. here in lies the problem.. They've NEVER stayed at our house. We've always gone there. They are extreme Christians. We are not. I respect their choice of beliefs, but they do not accept ours. We have books and books about religions, and crystals, and dreams, and reincarnation.. and on and on. My husband and I were discussing whether we should be mindful of their religion and move our books. Or if we should just "wing it" and leave them where they are. If I start moving one thing, I'll have to move many. But I don't want to offend, or get into any heated discussions this Holiday season. I just want to enjoy my time with them, and their time with our kids.

Do any of you have relatives coming over that are on a complete different wave-length and you have to cope? Any ideas on what I should do?

BrigidMoon
December 19th, 2004, 05:49 PM
I'd wing it. It's your house, and you have a loving welcoming house - if they get that feeling from you and your home, they will be just fine :) That's what the season is about anyway :)

MorningDove030202
December 19th, 2004, 06:05 PM
I can tell you this, my inlaws didn't know my altar was an altar. Infact after they found out I was Wiccan they did some research and read about altars, and made a comment about how I didn't have one out. And I looked at my FIL and pointed at my altar and said, what do you think that is? LOL People tend to ignore what they don't understand, and even when they think they understand they can go into denial about stuff and still continue to ignore/not realize the pagan things in your home. At the most I would put away books with "Witchcraft". I've always kepts my witchcraft books in my room anyway so it's not a big deal. Honestly my inlaws have been more pickie about my house being clean, LOL. I'm not the best maid in the world lol! If they don't understand the artistic value of nudity, I'd take down anythin nude too, or keep that stuff in your bedroom. If it's clean, not scary, and looking seasonal with the holiday decorations, they may not even notice. If they do ask the first thing I tell people that arn't pagan friendly is that I'm into mythology, so I have lots of books on that. Crystals are just down right beautiful and if anyone say anyting you can just say you like them because they are natural works of art.

The trouble with hiding things, is that you will have to keep hiding your stuff, and it's just not fun. It feels dishonest to me, and I don't want to be a dishonest person.

Let us know how it goes!
Dove

BrisaDelMar
December 19th, 2004, 06:09 PM
The trouble with hiding things, is that you will have to keep hiding your stuff, and it's just not fun. It feels dishonest to me, and I don't want to be a dishonest person.


Yeah, that is what I was talking about. If I move one thing, then I have to move two, then three.. and so on. I have a lot of books on my bookshelf.. maybe they won't even notice. LOL.
Thanks

Ahautenites
December 19th, 2004, 06:29 PM
I suppose killing them isn't an option...

:p

I think Dove gave you great advice. :) The only other thing you could do would be to foot the bill for them to stay at a hotel if they feel too uncomfortable in your home.

~~Cypher~~
December 19th, 2004, 07:14 PM
Wild Turkey, Jack Daniels, Cabo Wabo, Jim Bean, Deisel, Vodka, Gin, Jonny Redd.. and what ever else you can get... pour it into a big cup, and drink fast, there ya go... now ya can survive anything... just um.. dont drive... please... it won't be a pretty site... and i say that with first hand knowledge...

Ahautenites
December 19th, 2004, 07:18 PM
Ah yes... the good old standby drink cleverly titled, "The In-Laws Are Coming."

Ceres
December 19th, 2004, 07:32 PM
it was supposed to be a joke BUT...if there are no addiction issues involved, its surprising how much of a social lubricant a bit of alcohol can be!
that said, i think u should leave your stuff where it is. if u have been accepting of them, i think its reasonable to expect the same from them. i also think dove is right - a lot of stuff isnt really clearly pagan and goes unnoticed.

Dawa Lhamo
December 20th, 2004, 02:31 AM
My grandparents are extremely Christian and they must simply ignore the things in our house. I mean, we've got a 2 foot by 3 foot painting of a demonic-looking wrathful deity with a nimbus of fire over the TV, a foot tall buddha on the piano, various other paintings of deities, runes above the door, concrete Medicine buddha and Kwan Yin in the yard... granted we don't have a neon pentacle (yet... lol) but I'm convinced that they just purposefully ignore it for the sake of familial peace. (If they were told we weren't Christian, they'd have a moral obligation to disown us.) Really, we don't think of it as particularly pagan, but when we have people over who are new pagans or pagan-friendly, they are wowed by how pagan our house is. ^_^

I hate hiding anything. Last year, my suitemate made me close my door when her parents came over, and I really resented her for it. I know that her parents would harrass her over it, but it still sucked. I am not ashamed, and it is nothing to fear. Unless you really think they'll pick it out and harrass you for it, I'd leave it where it is. I wouldn't be overt about it, but I wouldn't go out of my way to change my space for them.

But that's me, I'm not married, and I don't know your inlaws. But, if my crazy-intolerant grandparents can manage to ignore our house, I don't think it's a stretch to think that your inlaws might be able to do the same.

Tashi delek!
Dawa Lhamo

morrigen
December 20th, 2004, 07:04 AM
I am of the firm belief that if I am good enough to invte someone into *my* home...and they accept that invitation....then they are accepting me and my home as it stands

If they are rude enough to take issue with the way my home is, that's their problem not mine.

That said, my MIL has come in and critisized our decor (very goth), even to the point of saying it will permanantly warp our child's mind...

I told her, quietly and gently, that I would never dream of walking into her house and critisizing her (incredibly bland) tastes,and that I thought she had better manners....

She humphed and grumphed, but she doesn't actually say anything anymore, just does a wonderfully funny CBF (cat's bum face) and minds her own beeswax.

Then again, it sounds like your IL's are much nicer than my MIL.

BrisaDelMar
December 20th, 2004, 09:25 AM
Then again, it sounds like your IL's are much nicer than my MIL.

Nicer yes. Quiet about what they believe, no. My In-laws are very outspoken about their beliefs. .. For example in a store once, my mother-in-law heard a woman exclaim,"OH MY GOD!".. and my Mother-in-law said, "Don't use the Lord's name in vain." While I admire their dedication to their belifs, I find their lack of tact, annoying. :) Maybe this is all for nothing. Maybe they will just come in the house, be so envolved with my children they will forget about what's in our house. Honestly, I'm not so concerned with my mother-in-law as I am with my Father-in-law. My father-in-law used to be a smokin', drinkin', cussin'...sort of guy. Then he "found" the Lord. (he wasn't that hard to find, I keep mine under the couch..?) Anyway.. now, he is gung-ho christian... "the bible says this.. the bible says that.."
Well anyway, thanks for your advice. I do agree that I should leave my house as it is. And yes if I invited them, then they should be gracious enough to say nothing. And if they don't.......

There's a Holiday Inn.. down the street.

(Ever wonder why they were called that? Holiday Inn, I mean?... Must have been some medling in-laws...over for the Holidays) _whistle_

BrisaDelMar
December 24th, 2004, 05:36 PM
Well.. Christmas Eve now. I'm still alive. No one has said anything about the books and other bits and pieces of things in our house. Which I am thankful for. Although, I am still going crazy. They've dragged me EVERYWHERE! I will be so happy to have my house back. My kitchen has been re-arranged a few times, I've been cooking like a madwoman, and I'm so ready to just sit down and relax. Right now I'm sneeking away to the computer.. like a 5 year old child. haha

Any one else have Holiday guests? Anyone else ready to have family members leave? :bigredgri

Copperaven
December 24th, 2004, 07:26 PM
Any one else have Holiday guests? Anyone else ready to have family members leave? :bigredgri

yes and YES

if they weren't so nice to me I would have killed them by now :flamer:

have a wonderful holiday

Copper

lynn271
December 25th, 2004, 04:08 AM
Well.. Christmas Eve now. I'm still alive. No one has said anything about the books and other bits and pieces of things in our house. Which I am thankful for. Although, I am still going crazy. They've dragged me EVERYWHERE! I will be so happy to have my house back. My kitchen has been re-arranged a few times, I've been cooking like a madwoman, and I'm so ready to just sit down and relax. Right now I'm sneeking away to the computer.. like a 5 year old child. haha

Any one else have Holiday guests? Anyone else ready to have family members leave? :bigredgri

Oh yes. My parents have been here since Wednesday night, and my inlaws are coming for the day Saturday. No religious conflicts, none of them are particularly devout and although I'm sure they suspect that my religious beliefs and practices are, well, unconventional, they won't ever ask and I probably won't tell. I have books and such out too, but they all know I read a lot of nonfiction on lots of different subjects so nothing on my shelves is going to surprise them or even attract their attention unless they want to borrow it.

My dad will hold forth for hours about politics. That would be OK because he and I can argue and rant and appear to be ready to kill each other and it's fine, we enjoy it and we know we'll never agree, but it upsets my mom...she thinks we're really getting angry. So we have to cool it when she's around.

Lynn