sibling trouble, my sibling

[Silverwolfthorn]

i really need some advice on how to handle my sister, i've tried everything possible litrelly and nothing works. I'm 14 nearly 15 and my sisters 12. every opotunity she gets shes messing about trying to provoke a reaction. little things like, her with her feet up on the coffe table banging her heel when im the only one in the room trying to watch something on the telly. little things

Then sometimes, like just now she will come into the computer room and flick my ear and yell "im just getting some paper ok fatty?" im not fat, i'd like to loose a few pounds but thats all. but she says i'm fat and i cant cope with it. then she would hang around and shout things, ignoring doesnt work because she just goes on and on and on. i sit at the comp shaking with anger (literally) and then i snap turn round and smack her one. course she whacks me back and shes stronger than i am and faster and if i annoy her she'll go in my room when im out and tear pages out of my Witchcraft books.

she blackmails me with information about things she finds in my room (ie love letter) despite my best efforts to hide everything. i can avoid her all day and she'll make an effort to burst into my room and p*ss me off. she bangs on my door everytime she goes past to go to her room and it's just not fair. i cant reason with her she just goes all silly.

It's so childish me and her fighting, but we have always done it, i took an overdose almost two years ago because life getting on top of me, her included but not just her.

Worst of all my mum says i do the shouting and the hitting and it's all my fault and if i treated her better she would be nicer to me. but it just doesnt work. i do nothing to provoke her and she does everything under the moon and sun to provoke me.

i dont know what else to try, theres nowhere i can go, nothing i can do, im just stuck. and it makes me want to do drastic things

[Abren]

:hugz: the curse of being the eldest.
the only thing thats ever worked for me, is next time don't tell her and don't yell, hard as it is. Just go tell your mum she's getting on your nerves.
I hit my brothers, and then i'm the one who gets into trouble, and when i say they started it, and my dad always says that i should tell, rather then use violence
also, try getting a lock for a drawer, or a for your door. Or get your mum to say she's not allowed in your room. Then when she blackmails you with intromation she could only have got from you're room, she's in trouble to. My dad told my brotehrs never to go in my room. after the yelling they got last time, they stopped
Hope that helps. If not, sorry

[CzechWoods]

silverwolfthorn, namaste.
first of all i agree with you, that some silblings can be a hell to support. i believe you did the right thing in talking to your mom, and i find it disturbing she did not react approprietely.

please try again. do it in a neutral place with your sister NOT around. be frank and honest but do not get hysteric. try to tell her, in a calm manner, that things have gotten out of hand. tell her - just the way you did here, that the situation makes you feel very disturbed, and that you fear you could overreact, if nothing happens.

your mother is in charge (damnit) she must understand, that your situation is burning.

your sister is very disrespectful. she should not be abusive towards you, and she is. she has no rights violating your room, and destroying your property. your mother must be made clkear, that by giving birth to two kids she has the resonsibility for both. letting things go lose is no sollution.

i assume though, that you should talk to your sister too. i know it sounds hard. but try to stay calm. simply tell her, that you dont know, why she always seeks to pick up fights with you. tell her you would like her being nice to you, and that you dont want to fight. ask her WHY she is doing this to you. she obviously wants attention. WHY ? do you have cuddle time with your parents ? is it possible she feels neglected ? tell her how much she hurts you when calling you fat. make her understand, that you would defend her anytime, and cannot understand why she tries to harm you on the other hand.

if all fails, get a phone book and look for a social guidance center. I dont know what it is called in england; its where you can talk to social workers in case of family issues going wrong. these counselors - i am sure - will really help you get the situation into normal. they will also show you ways, to put your mom back into her charge as parent.

wishing you strength


i really need some advice on how to handle my sister, i've tried everything possible litrelly and nothing works. I'm 14 nearly 15 and my sisters 12. every opotunity she gets shes messing about trying to provoke a reaction. little things like, her with her feet up on the coffe table banging her heel when im the only one in the room trying to watch something on the telly. little things

Then sometimes, like just now she will come into the computer room and flick my ear and yell "im just getting some paper ok fatty?" im not fat, i'd like to loose a few pounds but thats all. but she says i'm fat and i cant cope with it. then she would hang around and shout things, ignoring doesnt work because she just goes on and on and on. i sit at the comp shaking with anger (literally) and then i snap turn round and smack her one. course she whacks me back and shes stronger than i am and faster and if i annoy her she'll go in my room when im out and tear pages out of my Witchcraft books.

she blackmails me with information about things she finds in my room (ie love letter) despite my best efforts to hide everything. i can avoid her all day and she'll make an effort to burst into my room and p*ss me off. she bangs on my door everytime she goes past to go to her room and it's just not fair. i cant reason with her she just goes all silly.

It's so childish me and her fighting, but we have always done it, i took an overdose almost two years ago because life getting on top of me, her included but not just her.

Worst of all my mum says i do the shouting and the hitting and it's all my fault and if i treated her better she would be nicer to me. but it just doesnt work. i do nothing to provoke her and she does everything under the moon and sun to provoke me.

i dont know what else to try, theres nowhere i can go, nothing i can do, im just stuck. and it makes me want to do drastic things

[SSanf]

OK. I am sure no expert in this but it sounds to me like your sister is really dying for attention from you and she will get it any way she can. Negative attention is better than no attention. Being older you must sure seem the glamorous one to her no matter how she teases you.

I think you need to give her a lot of positive feedback to cut down on the negative stuff. Don't try to brush her off and close her out so much. She wants to interact with you. Spend some time just focusing on her. Encourage her to talk with you about herself and her concerns. You have been there done that and are a huge resource to her. Or, you could be. Go for walks with her from time to time. Play cards.

And, for no particular reason, if you can manage it, sometimes just give her a spontaneous sort of squeeze around the shoulders just to show that you know she is there and you love her. She needs acknowledgement.

Change your role in her life. Take the time to be the wise older sister that you truely are and you may find you have a great new friend that will last a life time.