Flar's Freyja
December 31st, 2004, 11:31 PM
Gracious Mother,
It seems I blinked my eyes and the year went by. Can't say that I'm not glad that this one is gone! You've taken me through a lot of changes, all good even if there was pain involved. I've spent the past few weeks in reflection upon what I intend to do next year and here I am, already. It's time to close some doors and open new ones.
I must say, my heart saw more damage this year than ever this past year. Reaching out in friendship was really a burn, wasn't it? I've never been such a poor judge of character in my life! I'm still blown away by the number who called themselves friends and then turned like rabid dogs, tearing me apart (seemingly) behind my back. I'm still not sure why I attracted, or was attracted to, such toxic people. The meanness, disrespect and sicknesss were unbelievable. I watched what they did to others and was dumb enough to continue to allow them space in my life, to open myself and my heart, to have compasssion. What was I doing, waiting my turn? I'm finished asking why, and I'm finished caring. I've given it plenty of time and space, and not one has ever come to me to ask the truth, except the one that hinted around but couldn't be honest. My address book is clean. They no longer exist. My broom sweeps the floor clean and the shit flies out the back door, carried back to where it came from, where it can multiply in its own stench. This door is now closed.
What a whirlwind of change this year brought as well. Ups and downs, confusion, chaos and disarray. But the cloud has cleared, things are falling into place. I look back one more time and laugh. The year's been rough, but looking at the whole picture brings a laugh. I say goodbye and close the door, with joy.
I feel light as I walk up the hill. Your beautiful light glows in the night sky and the air is cool and fresh. New, clean. I open a new door, and I see all that is waiting for me. You see, the chaos has left perfection in its wake. Somehow, I've managed to create the perfect conditions to create all I desire. I have everything I need, and it's actually been here for a while now. The foundation is there, and I can only build up from here.
Last night You told me that the real purpose of life is to be happy, and I promised you that I will be friggin' happy every friggin' day. And we laughed about that. I will keep my promise by focusing on the things that I have that are all I need to be happy. They are here and nothing else matters. There's been a major weeding out this year, and what's left of the garden is beautiful.
Well, they say that what you're doing on the first day of the year is what you'll be doing the rest of the year. I'm working, and that's a good thing. I thank You for that, and for all we have created together.
Blessed be.
It seems I blinked my eyes and the year went by. Can't say that I'm not glad that this one is gone! You've taken me through a lot of changes, all good even if there was pain involved. I've spent the past few weeks in reflection upon what I intend to do next year and here I am, already. It's time to close some doors and open new ones.
I must say, my heart saw more damage this year than ever this past year. Reaching out in friendship was really a burn, wasn't it? I've never been such a poor judge of character in my life! I'm still blown away by the number who called themselves friends and then turned like rabid dogs, tearing me apart (seemingly) behind my back. I'm still not sure why I attracted, or was attracted to, such toxic people. The meanness, disrespect and sicknesss were unbelievable. I watched what they did to others and was dumb enough to continue to allow them space in my life, to open myself and my heart, to have compasssion. What was I doing, waiting my turn? I'm finished asking why, and I'm finished caring. I've given it plenty of time and space, and not one has ever come to me to ask the truth, except the one that hinted around but couldn't be honest. My address book is clean. They no longer exist. My broom sweeps the floor clean and the shit flies out the back door, carried back to where it came from, where it can multiply in its own stench. This door is now closed.
What a whirlwind of change this year brought as well. Ups and downs, confusion, chaos and disarray. But the cloud has cleared, things are falling into place. I look back one more time and laugh. The year's been rough, but looking at the whole picture brings a laugh. I say goodbye and close the door, with joy.
I feel light as I walk up the hill. Your beautiful light glows in the night sky and the air is cool and fresh. New, clean. I open a new door, and I see all that is waiting for me. You see, the chaos has left perfection in its wake. Somehow, I've managed to create the perfect conditions to create all I desire. I have everything I need, and it's actually been here for a while now. The foundation is there, and I can only build up from here.
Last night You told me that the real purpose of life is to be happy, and I promised you that I will be friggin' happy every friggin' day. And we laughed about that. I will keep my promise by focusing on the things that I have that are all I need to be happy. They are here and nothing else matters. There's been a major weeding out this year, and what's left of the garden is beautiful.
Well, they say that what you're doing on the first day of the year is what you'll be doing the rest of the year. I'm working, and that's a good thing. I thank You for that, and for all we have created together.
Blessed be.