fiancee died, need some support

[skyeborn_soul]

I don't really know how to start this. My fiancee Levi died on the 6th of this month of drug overdose/poisoning. He got hold of laced cocaine and died in his sleep. I first found out at work and I didn't know what to do. Since then I've found out his roommate tried to wake him up for work (we're both employed by Best Yet Market) and found him foaming at the mouth. He somehow decided he didn't need to call emts , and went back to bed! Later when he found him dead he wouldn't call anybody from his apt. and so he walked to BY and told the manager who called. I was told to come into work early, and when the police confirmed it was him, they didn't tell me. NOBODY was going to tell me. I found out from a co worker who decided her job wasn't worth me not knowing. I've been in shock since that day, and it only sank in that this was really happening on Saturday when I went to a viewing with his family and saw his body. He's getting cremated so they didn't fix him up or anything, and he looked so.... I can't even describe it. It was horrible. I feel a tiny bit better though knowing for sure it was him, and not wondering if they had the right person anymore. His family gave me all his clothes and his suitcase and duffel bag, all he owned was in those two bags. But I only have one picture of him, and none with the two of us together. I feel so guilty about never doing that, I never thought I would need pictures until we got married. I don't have any of my son and him either. My son's not his bio. child, but he didnt care and neither did my son. Levi was Daddy. To top all of this off, I found out there's a good chance I'm pregnant, and if I am it is my fiancee's. I don't know what to do at all. I'll definitely keep the baby, but I'm only 20, and I'll have two children under 5. I'm so scared and depressed and lonely, I really need people who understand what I'm going though and that I can talk to. Thank you, MW, so much for having a place I can vent all this. and also thank you, anybody, if you reading this, for taking the time to. bb to all.

[juelle]

Fate and life can be cruel. I went through a lot this past year, and the only thing that keeps me going is strength and hope.

I too regret not having more pictures of my ex and i before he passed away, and even he used to comment that we needed more.

But, i feel him, in the memories, in music, and in love that he gave me.

Keeping the baby, if your pregnete is your own choice, and a hard one to make. I will send you some calming energy and some strength.

blessed be. :hugz:

[Druchii]

I don't really know how to start this. My fiancee Levi died on the 6th of this month of drug overdose/poisoning. He got hold of laced cocaine and died in his sleep. I first found out at work and I didn't know what to do. Since then I've found out his roommate tried to wake him up for work (we're both employed by Best Yet Market) and found him foaming at the mouth. He somehow decided he didn't need to call emts , and went back to bed! Later when he found him dead he wouldn't call anybody from his apt. and so he walked to BY and told the manager who called. I was told to come into work early, and when the police confirmed it was him, they didn't tell me. NOBODY was going to tell me. I found out from a co worker who decided her job wasn't worth me not knowing. I've been in shock since that day, and it only sank in that this was really happening on Saturday when I went to a viewing with his family and saw his body. He's getting cremated so they didn't fix him up or anything, and he looked so.... I can't even describe it. It was horrible. I feel a tiny bit better though knowing for sure it was him, and not wondering if they had the right person anymore. His family gave me all his clothes and his suitcase and duffel bag, all he owned was in those two bags. But I only have one picture of him, and none with the two of us together. I feel so guilty about never doing that, I never thought I would need pictures until we got married. I don't have any of my son and him either. My son's not his bio. child, but he didnt care and neither did my son. Levi was Daddy. To top all of this off, I found out there's a good chance I'm pregnant, and if I am it is my fiancee's. I don't know what to do at all. I'll definitely keep the baby, but I'm only 20, and I'll have two children under 5. I'm so scared and depressed and lonely, I really need people who understand what I'm going though and that I can talk to. Thank you, MW, so much for having a place I can vent all this. and also thank you, anybody, if you reading this, for taking the time to. bb to all.

...I wish I had words that could convey my sorrow. My heart goes out to you. I almost lost my friend Stephanie to a heroin overdose, but I feel as if there is nothing I can say. If you need anything, let any of us know. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

[Madjek]

:hugz:

[trippingdaisy]

I've lost a few of my friends to drugs, and the pain was excrutiating. to loose your partner like this is just so..... wow, my heart is breaking for you, and I cant even think of the right words which may be of the slightest comfort to you.
You and your child are in my thoughts, and sending energy to you at this awful time.

if you wanna talk some more, please feel free to pm me.

send also, big huge comfort hugs, while dabbing the tears from our eyes.

love trip

[Odilla]

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I've never lost a friend, so I don't know what you are going through. All I can do is offer my support, and plenty of hugs *hugs*

Stay strong, and remember him in your heart.

[Ulu]

OMG, sending all the love and good thoughts I can. My step son died of a simular drug OD a few years ago. It's just so hard to comprehend that this persons so full of life is really gone. If I can help you please PM me. Just hold on, it will get better.

[Teresa]

:hugz: :hugz: :hugz: Sending You energies.My heart goes out to You with my deepest sympathies!

[redlady]

:rubhead:

[Carickah]

I shall keep you in my thoughts.




k

[kissesree]

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_9_6.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm41496US) http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_12_5.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm41496US)things will get easier.......

[Autumn]

Hugs love and support through this difficult time.

[semi]

I'm so very sorry.

[Earthy]

I'm so sorry :hugz:

[~Elise~]

Ohhh--my heart is breaking for you. I'm so sorry. Healing energy sent.

Elise

[Valerie]

:hugz: I don't know what else to say except that I'm sorry. :hugz:

[bridgewitch]

sweetie, there absolutely are no words. We all make choices in life and he did and now you must. All you can do is rely on the guidance you recieve from the divine source. Please do not keep the last time you saw him as the picture memory in your heart. All you saw was a shell, not the spirit. If the pic you have is a happy one, then you can get a friend who can do such things, me I can't, add you and your son to the pic and have a happy one you can display for you both. At least know that here you have much support and anyone will be glad to listen to you and help you thru this. Peace!

[arienh]

Oh my, I'm so sorry. You must be going through hell right now. Please PM me if you need to talk to someone. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[Chrystiona]

Huge hugs. you are in my thoughts.

[RubyRose]

Aww. So sorry. :hugz:

[Nighthawk]

I can scarcely imagine the pain you must be feeling......:hugz: My heart goes out to you...

[kitsch]

wow, hon, i'm so very sorry to hear that. we never expect these things, and i can't even imagine how you must feel. we're here for you.

[BlessedByTheGoddess]

:hugz: I wish I knew what to say to this. I have lost a sister who is in the end my BEST friend ever and my dad but never just someone who was a friend. I am very sorry that this happened to you. Please take care of yourself and I will keep you in my thoughts! :hugz: B*B

[shamannathwife Tasha]

Hello, I'm sorry to hear about your fiancee. 3 days ago my cousion died and was only 23. He had ceral possie ( dont know if i spelt it right). he had namonia and my aunt was taking him to the hostipital and he died in the car :atantrum: I am so upset over it. :awwman:And so is the whole family. Dang it I just hate it when someone close to you is there one minute and bamb your whole life changes seconds later. I guess none of us really know when we have to go and its are time to go thats a sad thing. I hate death. Well the funeral for my cuz is tommorow me cant make it got work so ill go to the second viewing in the morning missed the first well gotta run but before i do heres a big hug for you (shamannathwife Tasha gives skyeborn_soul and her little boy a big hug)

i will keep you in my thought take care

[charmedkisses1]

oh my God I'm so sorry dear

[Raven Reed]

:hugz: You are in my thoughts.

[ObsidianSunrise]

:hugz: You are in my thoughts Dear. I'm sending you and your child strength and comfort.

[~*Ginger*~]

:hugz:

[Calyx]

I am so very sorry for your loss, hon. :hugz: We are here for you.

[Little Willow]

Luvvie you must be going through hell. There's not much I can say except to add that if you are pregant and you decide to keep the baby, I'm sure you will get loads of loving support from your family and that of your fiance's. it will be like having a part of him to keep, something that shows your love for one another. Let us know if you are pregnant luv and let us know what you decide. And don't let anyone bully you into your decision. It's a difficult situation to be in and only you knows what is best for you.

I'm not gonna say that things will get better because there will always be times when your heart will ache for him to be around, no matter how far in the future that may be, but the pain will lessen. As Bridgewitch says, try not to remember him as you last saw him. Remember all the good times you shared together. Be thankful that he was in your life, no matter how short that time may have been. You could possibly write down all the things you did together as a reminder in years to come. I wish I'd done that when I lost my dad (I was 12). Although our memories are with us forever, a lot of the detail clouds and you're left with only half the picture.

My love and prayers are with you and your son.

[Scarlettvixen]

:hugz:
energies being sent to get you through this awful time in yr life hun

[6th Angel]

I am so sorry. :(
Please feel free to PM me if you need an ear.
I´m also sending you energy..............................................................................................

Take care and Bright Blessings.

[happyprincessfairy69]

There is nothing I can say that will bring him back or fix your pain. Your loss is still very recent, and the only thing that will heal it is time. Maybe talk to a counsellor if you feel it will help, which I have no doubt it will. I hope you can work through this horrible loss, I am so sorry it happened to you.

[audi]

*hugs*

[~Shadow~]

I am sorry for your loss. Drugs are the ruination of our society. You never know what you are going to end up with when you buy them, and to ingest them, shoot them, or snort them - you are playing Russian Roultt with your life.

I know your pain. I wish words could comfort you, but alas, they can't. Your comfort is in having two little ones there that will love you no matter what, and one that will remind you of the love you shared with his/her father.

My mum was 19 and had 2 little kids. She basically grew up with us. We have a good relationship too, and have a closer bond than many older parents have with their children.

Someone can use Photoshop to put the pictures together into one. If you take it to a place that has a color laser printer, you can print one out and frame it. I hope you find some help in accomplishing that.

What I can't understand is the reluctance to call the Paramedics, or your co-workers to tell you. That shocks me. What kind of roommate did he have?? (no need to answer that one) I must think he has some responsibility in this. What was it laced with? Strychnine? Maybe finding who sold it to him would be a good thing so others don't also end up dead.

I am so sorry for your loss.....

[amberwolf]

I am so sorry for your loss sweetie sending you and your little boy :hugz: and healing energies

[greenwitch]

*tight hug* oh dear I probably can't even imagine what you're going through, as I'm only sixteen.... I'm in a serious relationship.... but still, you have a child who loved him and possibly one on the way..... I know what death feels like, several people in my family have died in the last few years and its horrible.... *hug* you know that we're all here for you... life will indeed be complicated and tough, but you'll make it through. be strong, the goddess will guide you..... *last big hug*

Blessings and Love, Comfort too...
Adra

[Fairyelf]

thats terrible to hear,
I cant even imagine how you might be feeling.
All I can say is that I wish you the best in life and
I hope that you feel better soon.
I am sending you some positive and healing energy.

Blessings

[skyeborn_soul]

thank you, everybody, for your kind words and advice, it really has helped me through this tough time. Now I have a question, to any woman who had children (this is about pregnancy)... I'm 5 days late for my period. I've been very nauseous, tired, and my breasts are very sore. I feel inside that I am carrying my fiancee's child. But this morning, I starting bleeding a little. Now it's not much, and it's off and on, but I do feel a little pain in my lower right side, and I'm not sure whether I'm experiencing implantation discomfort, or... miscarriage. I don't want to assume the worst, since I want this baby more than anything right now. I know I should know this sort of thing since I've had one child already, but with him, I didn't know for sure until 3 months and I don't remember experiencing anything like this. Please, anybody, help me find out what's going on. I'm really nervous right now, I could use the experience of another woman to ease my fear. thank you so much.

[skyeborn_soul]

on a different note, i found out my fiancee's roommate was a coke dealer, and that more than likely he knew the drugs were laced, and let Levi take them. i've also since found that he's quitting the store where we both work, because he has been harassed by other members of the store. I would loved to have joined them, but the law hasn't yet proved he is responsible. I don't know if there's still any investigation ongoing, I'm afraid to think the authorities just wrote this off as some junkie getting his just desserts. Unfortunately, the police around here do carry that kind of mindset. I live in a predominantly rich town with a growing lower middle class population (myself included) and there's definitely an air of bias surrounding the opinions of those who make lots of money about those who don't. And, of course, the police do. I hope if there's justice to be done, it will be done swiftly. I pray for it every day, hopefully it's doing something.

[trippingdaisy]

skyborn soul, I've never had a baby, but I think if you have the slightest doubt you need to get to a doctor or a hospital NOW! you will also be able to find out for sure whether you are pregnant. have you anyway of getting there? is there anyone who could go with you?

love trip

[Semele]

(Hugs) I am sorry for your loss.

As for the bleeding, there are several different things that could be going on. Stress can cause a delay or irregularity in the menstrual cycle. It is also fairly normal to bleed (spot) a bit in the first trimester of pregnancy. Either way, you need to find out so that you will stop having the not knowing anxiety adding to everything else.

Once you know the results of a pregnancy test, you can set on your path of healing, whichever dierection it may be. Not knowing is a roadblock to your self healing potential. Get a test asap.

Good luck for the results you really want and need.

[skyeborn_soul]

I don't know how to start this one off. I guess with.. it's official, i'm miscarrying. I know it's not my period, I don't ever get cramps this bad. I'm bleeding pretty heavy too. I feel numb. I knew this could happen, but this time I wanted a baby. I know i'll be ok eventually, but right now i feel so close to overload. first my love and now this.. i've read that God never gives us more than we can handle, but I think They have overestimated my abilities. I only hope there isn't something worse around the corner that I'm being geared up to deal with.

[skyeborn_soul]

I'm so confused. I don't want to seem like I'm making things up, but something is going on that is really freaking me out. Earlier, I was bleeding (not as heavy as I first thought, and no clots or anything) with baaad cramps, and all of a sudden they both just went away. I've only had a little bleeding since 2, and nothing that looks like anything serious. And only tiny pains too. I'm not sure at all what's going on, I'm prepared to accept anything at this point. I'm just going to keep praying and see what happens.

[skyeborn_soul]

oh, and i'm also going to wait at least another week before I take a test, because since its only been 5 days since i missed my period, i dont know if i would get an accurate result. (those 5 day early tests DO NOT work for me the way they should)

[raveon]

hi skyeborn,
my heart goes out tofor your loss and I will pray for you,but make sure that if you are take it easy and do what your doctor says to do.Ill be here if you want to chat about anything that is happenning .

[The High Queen of Faerie]

oh gods, i'm so sorry :hugz:

i'll light a candle for you when i can. hang in there sweetie, and blessed be

[Witchzee1]

i've read that God never gives us more than we can handle, but I think They have overestimated my abilities. I only hope there isn't something worse around the corner that I'm being geared up to deal with.
Sweetie,

God/dess will not give you more than you can handle. I'm sure there is a reason for all that you are experiencing even though it may not be within our power to see the devine plan.

Stress (which you have most certainly been under for the past several weeks) can absolutely cause all kinds of problems. But the best possible thing you can do is go to your doctor!

All of us here at MW can guess and speculate about what may or may not be going on with you but YOU NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR! :hugz:

I know everything is scary right now but at least if there IS a problem, once you see the doctor you can know what it is and how to take care of it in a way that will be in your best interest. And knowing will certainly relieve some of the stress!

I am soooo sorry you have so much on your plate right now.

Sending hugs and healing energy.

[trippingdaisy]

please try and see a doctor if you can, I cant stress this enough. they may be able to help you, and the stress of not knowing, on top of everything youre already going through is just going to make things worse
I know we've never met, but I'm really worried about you hugbubble.

please, please try and see a doctor, or at least speak to one, and let us know how you are.

best wishes and energies,

trip

[skyeborn_soul]

I did end up going to see a doctor yesterday, when the bleeding started again. He said it looks like I've already passed most of the blood and everything, but they want me back in about 48 hours to recheck and make sure, and that if I get any kind of fever or nausea to go to the hosp. right away and they'll get me on antibiotics and do a D&C. I asked him if I could go back to work ( I really don't want to, and my manager knows about my situation and is understanding, but my family needs the money so bad) and he said as long as I don't put too much stress on my body, I should be fine, but to definitely take more time off if anything feels not right. So I go back to work at 12 today until 7 pm, and hopefully nobody will ask me too many questions. I made the mistake of telling some of my co workers, and now I'm dreading having to go and tell them I lost the baby. They were just as excited as me, and they all loved my fiancee, so they were looking forward to watching me get big and talking to the baby and everything. But at least today I'm much more stable emotionally today than I was yesterday, definitely not "okay" but I had a little visualization when the bleeding came back that calmed me down. I saw the Lady reaching inside my body and pulling out a newborn baby, a girl. She held her in Her arms and I knew She would keep my child safe until the time comes when I can have her. I started crying because I knew now I was going to keep bleeding, but I felt a lot better. Then a little later when I went to the doctor I was prepared for what they told me. I'm still sad but now I don't have any of the anxiety I had before of not knowing, even though this wasn't exactly what I wanted to know about. Anyway, I just thought since quite a few of you were concerned about me seeing a doctor, I should let you know that I actually did see one. If anything else develops, of course I will let you know.

[trippingdaisy]

thank you for letting us know... oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I'm all choked up. I'm glad that you did get to see a doctor, and I'm always here if you need a shoulder to cry on. this must be so hard on you, so go easy on yourself ok? and make sure you give yourself time to heal.
*tripping daisy hugs skyborn soul*

much love to you,

Trip xxx

[raveon]

Im sorry for your loss and if you need to talk Ill be here for you.In thoughts and prayers.Ill light a candle for you.Hugs to you

[Scarlettvixen]

:hugz:

[Jenne]

Ye gods what a trial you've been through, Hon. And survived it. :hugz: and healing prayers for you. Hang in there.

[moonbaby]

awwww hon i hope ur ok!!!


ill cvhat anytime if u need to talk to some1

[Blondie]

Well, let's hope the eye of the storm has ended. Peace be with you.

[Tarbh Nathroch]

Sorry I missed this thread for so long.

I wont devalue what your going through by saying I know what your going through or how you feel.

I was very much in love with a girl who was killed in a car accident. I hadn’t proposed or anything but I know our life would have been great, she was one of only three people I ever told I loved. I still live with the loss of what could have been. It destroyed me. I was completely lost as I’m sure you are and it will get worse for a while. My mental and emotional state at the time eventually lost me my job. It was a very low time in my life.

It does get better I swear it really will.

I have a wife, that’s the third person I said I love you to, and a daughter and life is fantastic but I and you will always carry that other person in your soul. I don’t really remember the death and the time after it anymore but our four years together are as fresh as when it was happening and it just makes me happy to think about. I’m sure in time you will find that true as well.

Peace and healing to you and yours.

[cerunnos]

i'm only 17 so i've never had the misfortunate chance to lost a fiance, but i have lost a sister, cousin i practically lived with for a year and my uncle who was also a good friend, so i can only say i can try to imagine what you are going through, you'll never get over it, but it will get easier, i'm sorry i can't give advice but if you'd like to talk message me and we can, be strong for your child [or maybe children] and bless'd be xXx

[skyeborn_soul]

I had to go and tell the people I work with yesterday about the miscarriage. I think a lot of them thought I had been lying, but I really don't care. I know it's the truth. Worse than that though, was that all day I couldn't stop thinking about him. I know it's normal, and I'll be doing it for a long time, but there is nowhere in that store I don't have some memory of him. I think some things are harder because we did work together. Much as it's been a benefit, with everyone there knowing what's going on and being very supportive, it's also a bit more depressing because sometimes I still catch myself looking toward the back doors, waiting for him to come out with a bunch of boxes and blow me a kiss. I wish I could just change jobs and hope it would be easier, but I don't think I would get the same good treatment somewhere else, and I've just been offered a management position too, so I have a lot of good reasons to stay. I know things are going to get a little easier now, but it's still going to be a long time before I can talk about him or think about him without having to hold back tears.

[Sowelu]

Skyeborn, you are in my thoughts and prayers!:heartthro

[raveon]

if you need to talk,you know ill be here for you.

[Leighla]

I am very sorry for your loss. That is very sad. I will light a candle for you.

[ororo]

All my prayers go to you tonight. You already know you're going to be okay. So I won't try to console you. But, just so you know, you have my prayers and strength to help you.

[2-G]

:hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz:

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I'll keep you in my prayers.

[Dallin]

Ah shoot... I'm sorry to hear that :( I only wish I could help more, but know I'll be sending you positive vibes tonight :hugz:

[moria636]

oh... thats horrible... ive never been through such thing... I hope that you will have much strength in this time... I send you strong energy and healing energy to help you through this... and if you are pregnant I prey for good fortune for you to get through it and to have lots of help.... and like so many on here if you ever need to talk or anything just to vent I to will be there to listin...

[skyeborn_soul]

Thank you so much everybody, for everything so far. I'm starting to feel a little better, each day goes by a little easier. I've begun to notice more and more things happening in my house, i.e. columns and orbs of light in different rooms, particularly when I've ben thinking of Levi. Twice I've smelled things that let me know he's near, once was tobacco (he smoked, I hated it, but it was his only bad habit) and the other was, how do I explain it, like his cologne and deodorant, but more than that, like his smell itself. I don't know if that made any sense. I've started meditating again, mostly to relax but also to reconnect with all my senses. The last few weeks I have shut myself off from the psychic abilities I had been trying to strengthen, and now I feel I'm ready to pay attention to things I've been ignoring. Not only that, but since I know Levi's near, maybe I can communicate with him, and try to help him go wherever he might be supposed to, if he's stuck or anything. I don't know. I do know though, that all the energies everyone has been sending me has helped so much, I wish I could express it in words. I never imagined so many people would care so much, and I'm extremely grateful to every person who took the time to write something to me. I'm going to keep you all updated on anything that happens when I try talking to him, and since I don't have that much experience talking to people who've died, maybe some of you can give me feedback. Well, I better be going, but I just wanted to share that with you. Everybody have a great day.