emotions mixed up, not sure how to feel

[Shadowulfe]

merry meet,
i just recieved an email from my aunt sandy that totally threw me off gaurd and the only way i can explain is to post some of it here it goes...

"The reason I am writing this is for your mother. I talk to her every once in a while and I told her that she was a grandma (between both you and little Jimmy) She cried when I told her. She asked me if I could get your address, phone number, anything to just get in touch with you. She has missed you so much through the years. I know she was always close to you."

i havent seen or heard from my mother in at least 13 years. she up and left while i was in school during 8th grade (1991-92 school year) I was always close to my mom until she left. i agreed to exchange info because i would like her to at least see her grandchildren, but the way she left, still hurts me to this day.

[Teresa]

:hugz: Perhaps it's time for healing for the both of you.If You do arrange to meet try not to have any expectations.Then You will not be disappointed.Maybe You will finally get the answer to why she just up and left.Time will lessen the pain,but if You want to salvage the relationship with Your Mom there will be much work ahead.This is a New Year.A time for changes and healing and understanding.I wish You the best and will send you calming energies as You seek within Yourself what is the right thing for You to do.

[LadyTrinity]

Why did your mother just up and leave?? :strike:

[Shadowulfe]

Why did your mother just up and leave?? :strike:

it had to do with my father, alcohol, and spousal abuse on an almost nightly
occurance

[SSanf]

I think this may not be a popular answer. But, why do you want to have anything to do with this woman who abandoned you to the vagaries of fate at such a vulnerable age?

Unless she was in fear for her life, there was no excuse. And, if that were the case, why were you not removed from such a fearful situation?

I feel she made her bed, let her lie in it. I would let her briefly see the child perhaps in the care and protection of a third party, but I would encourage no intimate exchanges or further contact.

She could have seen you and maintained a relationship even if it was under the protection of the court. I do not care what her excuse is. There is no excuse. Parents who bail on there children at a young age do not deserve them when they are old.

Be loyal to those who were loyal to you. They are the ones who have earned and deserve your love, respect and the pleasure of the companionship of you and your child.

Beyond that, do what you want to do. You will, anyway.

I have absolutely no pity for parents who do not fulfill the basic obligations of parenthood and then show up when the job is done expecting to be welcomed back with open arms. They deserve nothing but disdain.

[audi]

sounds like an interesting opportunity. i hope that it works out to the best for everyone involved. take care. *hugs*

[KaliGiri5]

sometimes women get into situations and feel they have no other choice.
when a man in the same situation follows the same path...nobody cares
as a woman it's an extra burden..NOT talking about you being a burden
but what we must do to be seen as a good mother..good wife..good daughter so on
you have no idea what your mother was going through at the time she felt the need to escape.
maybe past events..maybe she felt trapped in a situation and couldn't take you.
there is many reason that could have made her do this.
if she didn't want you..trust me..you would have never heard from her again in this life.
I would imagine seeing you again and having to face you when you ask "why?"
will be the 2nd hardest thing she's ever done..1st being when she left.

I lost my son like this..
I didn't leave him..I left his father
I took both my sons with me..
I had no place to go..no family no friends
so me and my boys slept in my car.
I at the time had an 8th grade education and homeless

his father abused me..I couldn't take staying with that bastard another day
I tried to take my own life.
it was winter and snow out so I begged my mother whom i'm not close to,
to take my boys in just to sleep and stay out of the cold while I try to find a job.
after 2 weeks I started at BK working the window..
after a week..I lost my job because my son's father told them I was on drugs and a bunch of other lies.

when I went to my mother's to get my boys,
I was informed that she made a deal with the father and gave him my son.
I went to the police..I even broke into his home looking for my boy
I never saw him again..he reported me for being homeless to the child protection people.
I was arrested for breaking into his home(my ex home) and for assault because I jumped on his father and broke his nose because he wouldn't tell me where my son was.
one day my boy will find me and never know what I did to get him..
he will just be filled with anger & hurtful feelings.
he will assume..I never wanted him
I have tried to make contact with him..he's not ready
he may never be ready..
so when you feel you are strong enough..I would give her a chance
sometimes things are beyond our control.
_violin_

[Sage Rainsong]

If you feel like you need to forgive her and talk then do it. But you shouldn't do it simply because you feel obligated to. Whatever your emotional decision is it is yours and is totally valid.

[Angelwulfe]

I think this may not be a popular answer. But, why do you want to have anything to do with this woman who abandoned you to the vagaries of fate at such a vulnerable age?

Unless she was in fear for her life, there was no excuse. And, if that were the case, why were you not removed from such a fearful situation?

I feel she made her bed, let her lie in it. I would let her briefly see the child perhaps in the care and protection of a third party, but I would encourage no intimate exchanges or further contact.

She could have seen you and maintained a relationship even if it was under the protection of the court. I do not care what her excuse is. There is no excuse. Parents who bail on there children at a young age do not deserve them when they are old.

Be loyal to those who were loyal to you. They are the ones who have earned and deserve your love, respect and the pleasure of the companionship of you and your child.

Beyond that, do what you want to do. You will, anyway.

I have absolutely no pity for parents who do not fulfill the basic obligations of parenthood and then show up when the job is done expecting to be welcomed back with open arms. They deserve nothing but disdain.

you simply don't know what happened. so it's not really your place to pass judgement. theres plenty of fathers who leave their kids and most people think oh a dadbeat dad whatever and if he's back in the picture again or starts doing helpful things once in a while he's praised for being such a great father while mothers do most of the work of childrearing and still get shamed for whatever reason wheather being young or having enough of an abusive relationship and leaving. if it's ever a mother who leaves her family it's horribly unforgiveable. in society mothers are often made out to be unconditionally nurturing their never alowed to have a breaking point. i don't aprove of what she did but theres more do it than she's a horrible person for leaving the family. it's much more complex than that.