Does anyone else just feel out of it?

[blueangel]

Last night I went out to dinner for a friend (admittedly not a good friend but a friend nonetheless) as it was her 21st birthday. I was looking forward to chatting to her about what she's been up to recently. I was unware however that she'd invited 15 people... and I knew only 1 vaguely, the rest I didn't know at all.
So I was sat at this table not knowing anyone really thinking "is this it? are these my friends?" I feel like I don't have any friends... I have a great BF and I go out with his friends. I have to good friends but they don't know each other and they've both moved away. How's a girl to go and make new friends? I feel like I should have done that years ago.
The girls I was out with all wore a black strappy top, too much make-up (it looked plastic), long striaght hair (mine's short and out of control) which was even the same colour because they all have dark hair with blonde streaks, silver jewellery and they all smoke (I don't). I don't think I could have been more unhappy. No-one had an ounce of individuality. How can I make friends with people like that? What is there to talk about? I did try but they pretended not to hear me talk because I tried about 4 times.

I think I need to make my own new friends. I just don't know how. I mean, I know lots of people but when it comes to it and i need a friend (like if i fight with my BF) i have no-one. moreover, I really want to find some pagan friends because I think i'd have more in common with them than with one of those fake barbies I was out with last night. I'm just so lonely right now.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

[Faeawyn]

I'm sorry you feel down. It's been my experience that friends just kind of find each other. I don't know how it works, but one day, it the strangest place, you'll meet someone and start chatting and hit it off. What about a local pagan shop? Maybe they would know where people more your type hang out? Are you in school? Do you work?

[audi]

sorry to hear that hun. u always have us! take care. *hugs* :wave:

[ShamanFeather]

I know how you feel. We finally met up with some pagan groups and invite them over. Now admittedly my living room is odd decorated with two computers, a giant eagle kachina where the tv in the entertainment system is, a coyote pelt and numerous kachinas and spiritual objects of varying cultures, but they all seemed all nervous and apprehensive and didn't want to come over in the first place. In addition everytime we try to call these people to do things they all are 'busy' which I'm not so sure of. It seems very hard these days trying to meet people. Its very disheartening and makes me feel very sad. They say like attracts like, of course they say opposites attract, but I'd sure like to attract some healthy interesting individuals with good hearts that we can share a good discussion.

America is so much of an individualist nation with an emphasis on depending on yourself and being an individual that I wonder if that is why so many people end up being lonely because we are all afraid to talk to people. On the same token it seems that most of my people at my very large work place all are interested in the same thing such as quilting, and the younger generation here is into drinking which my fiance is not at all and I believe you don't need alcohol for a good time.

It ends up feeling very sad and torn up as I feel like I need people to talk to more then just on the internet.

I wish I could tell you more, and I know this probably didn't help much. But I too should say thanks for listening to my words.

*hugs* I wish you good fortune and good friends on your travels through life, may the light always shine about you and keep you warm and the wind be to thine back.

[Gwenhwyfar]

I used to be the same way. I started going in a local chat room (my area) and made tons of new friends. I was going out with differant people every day, if I didnt click with them Id go home, go back to the chat and start again. I had fun, met some good people and some bad, but came out on top with a couple really nice new friends...you could try that.

[sincerebliss]

My sister is actually going through something very similar. Her boyfriend has tons of friends and now she has none. She is just feeling so down and depressed because she thinks something is wrong with her. She si a great person and there is no reason she shouldn't have any friends. Sometimes I think that people are meant to be out of your life for a reason. Maybe your soul is telling you that you need to take time for yourself instead of worrying about everyone else. Things will work out, you'll see. :)

[Jenett]

What I've found about friendships is that it helps to know what I'm looking for.

Do you want people you can do things with (movies, specific activities?) Do you want people you can just hang out with? Do you want people you can call at 3am and get support? For me, those are all different kinds of friendships. I've found it helps to approach things differently depending on which one I'm sort of aiming at.

It also helps to be open to what comes along.. and to remember that some kinds of things don't rely on physical location: some people, including me, have very strong and supportive online relationships. They just take some specific kinds of maintainence.

But if I were looking for people to do things with, I'd start by looking for groups that did those things, or that were likely to have people who did those things. For example, if you want people who read a lot, who are interested in learning, you might look at volunteering in a local museum, or at various historical recreation or reenactment groups.

Some groups also tend to be more comfortable for some people - there's a lot of people who are Pagan who are also involved in the Society for creative Anachronism, or renaissance faires, or in science fiction fandom. If you're interested in any of those sorts of things, it can be a great way to meet like-minded people. (You will have to wade through people you don't click with well, too, but that's normal.)

Volunteering can also be a great way to meet people - especially somewhere like a local library or humane society or something where you get people with similar interests.

Mostly, expect it to take time. You might also do some magical work to encourage potential friends to come into your life. You need to be a little careful how you focus this (being fairly open-ended about it, without lots of specifics works - something like "people I can be good friends with for a while to come." or something.) but if you do that and then are open to new opportunities, you might meet some cool people.

[TheSpiritWithin]

Do you know what I would say?

Hurray!

You know who you are and who you fit in with and know when and where to be.

You feel it is a fault but the people that eventually fall in love with you fall "DEEP"!

(if you have not already noticed!)

Be yourself, be free. Judge. Get judged! Judge those who judge you!
This is social evaluation.

Personally, I feel if you are totally honest and totally yourself and not ashamed of it you can learn from everyone you meet, even if they do seem a little lower on the food chain.

Love, hugs, and kisses.

Julie
xo

[blueangel]

Thank you all so much for your replies. It has cheered me up soooo much just to see how many of you cared to write something. I'm really going to look out for some pagan groups. There don't seem to be any overtly pagan shops around but then it seems to be quite underground, I think. I'm really looking forward to making friends. I just love chatting when there is something good to talk about. I'm also going to work on developing my online relationships as this thread has shown me how good people can be.
Thank you and stay in touch

x

[arctic splash]

I know how you feel, I think. I think it must be a projection of myself, on some level, but I really hate going to dance clubs -- not only because I can't dance -- but because I always sense in the air so much superficiality, and no intimacy... and it really depresses me.