Borrowing yet more trouble?

[Carickah]

As if my problems aren't bad enough, I embarked on an endeavor over the last few days where I was updating some archive material to my LJ here from my paper journal because it almost got trashed. All the stuff was from the point where I found out that my wife wasn't happy with our relationship. Before that, I was completely oblivious. Then she told me that not only had she been unhappy, she had been unhappy for 3 years. It cut deep and it still hurts. Going back over this stuff made me long for the good days, wonder just how badly I fucked up and how I failed to fix it. Part of me still wants this to be just a passing phase and I want her back. Part of me wants to just move on from all this, especially, since I have found someone I am really interested in... and then part of me just wants to curl up and die. As I finished up the last back-dated entry, this song came on and I started bawling....

"If I Could Turn Back Time" Cher

If I could turn back time
If I could find a way I'd take back those words that hurt you and you'd stay

I know I am just pretty much whacked, so if someone could just give me a good ole kick in the arse or something, I'd appreciate it. Sorry I keep hogging the bandwidth with my problems. I guess I don't get enough of it....


k

[Scarlettvixen]

:hugz:

[Faery-Wings]

No advice, but here's to a melencholy "wishing things were different" for both of us.
:cheers: <- crying in our beers

[Shatril]

I wish I could fix this for you.

Love n :hugz:
Shatril

[Wintersteel]

I wish I had some comforting words to share.. or say that I can relate.. Hang in there! They say time heals.. But I will send you some positive and healing energy.. :hugz:

Blessings!

Wintersteel

[Moonlight's Daughter]

I am sorry that you are in so much turmoil. Just remember it takes two for a relationship to have problems. Its not all your fault. She was the one who kept silent for 3 yrs. In my opinion, part of her unhappiness was her own fault since she didnt speak up, becuase you cant change your situation unless you talk to the other person about what is bothering you. You just cant expect them to know what your feeling if you dont tell them. I am not trying to attack anyone, just how I see it.

Hugs,
Brandiwyn

[Carickah]

I am just one confused idiot. I keep bouncing between such extreme ends of things. On one hand, having gone back and moved everything over to my LJ, I want things to go back like they were. Then I bounce to the possibilities that this new person has brought into my life... both the good and the not so much.

She's a great and fun person to be around.... she seems to like me, but she is half my age, is very christian-oreinted... but we spend a lot of time discussing all kinds of things (kinda like these guys --->) :chatty:

There is so much more to it than just that... I've only touched the tip of the iceberg, here... And then I start thinking about all the things that might happen to cause that relationship to have problems. One of the big ones is that I actually tell her how I feel and she shies away from it and our friendship suffers from it. Another one is the question of whether or not I would be in the way of her spiritual development.

gaaak!!! so many questions, so many worries... that makes me just wanna curl up in a fetal position and forget the world even exists. I would welcome any comments on this.


k

[Shatril]

I am just one confused idiot. I keep bouncing between such extreme ends of things. On one hand, having gone back and moved everything over to my LJ, I want things to go back like they were. Then I bounce to the possibilities that this new person has brought into my life... both the good and the not so much.

She's a great and fun person to be around.... she seems to like me, but she is half my age, is very christian-oreinted... but we spend a lot of time discussing all kinds of things (kinda like these guys --->) :chatty:

There is so much more to it than just that... I've only touched the tip of the iceberg, here... And then I start thinking about all the things that might happen to cause that relationship to have problems. One of the big ones is that I actually tell her how I feel and she shies away from it and our friendship suffers from it. Another one is the question of whether or not I would be in the way of her spiritual development.

gaaak!!! so many questions, so many worries... that makes me just wanna curl up in a fetal position and forget the world even exists. I would welcome any comments on this.


k
Hummm, you should stop worrying, and let the relationship develop as it will. If you start forcing any aspect of this it will just crumble. Another thing to consider is a quote from Buddha, "The things that we spend time on (as in thinking/worrying) will manifest in our life." So spend your time in appreciation of the relationship that you DO have with this person, and NO time thinking about what MIGHT happen in the future. It is probably a little premature that you worry about her spiritual development. Who is to say at this point that you weren't put in her path as a teacher. Someone to discuss the alternatives to Christianity. NOTHING happens for no reason. You were supposed to meet her and interact, so meet this on the light side. Be happy and grateful for the time that you will have with her. And most of all focus on the enjoyment. :hugz:

[The High Queen of Faerie]

As if my problems aren't bad enough, I embarked on an endeavor over the last few days where I was updating some archive material to my LJ here from my paper journal because it almost got trashed. All the stuff was from the point where I found out that my wife wasn't happy with our relationship. Before that, I was completely oblivious. Then she told me that not only had she been unhappy, she had been unhappy for 3 years. It cut deep and it still hurts. Going back over this stuff made me long for the good days, wonder just how badly I Loveed up and how I failed to fix it. Part of me still wants this to be just a passing phase and I want her back. Part of me wants to just move on from all this, especially, since I have found someone I am really interested in... and then part of me just wants to curl up and die. As I finished up the last back-dated entry, this song came on and I started bawling....

"If I Could Turn Back Time" Cher

If I could turn back time
If I could find a way I'd take back those words that hurt you and you'd stay

I know I am just pretty much whacked, so if someone could just give me a good ole kick in the arse or something, I'd appreciate it. Sorry I keep hogging the bandwidth with my problems. I guess I don't get enough of it....


k
if you think i'll give you a kick you're insane.

i can totally relate... man, i know how much it hurts to be in that situation. if you ever need to talk, send me a pm.

love and light :hugz: i'll light a candle for you

[Carickah]

Feeling a bit like a fool. No, I've not done anything new to rate this. Well, except maybe think too much. I still am looking for gainful employment. That is part of it. But also, I feel like such a fool over Candice, the new person in my life.

Part of me wants to march right up to her and just lay it all out for her. Part of me enjoys the little game we play. It seems like when she is really down and everything, tho, she pushes me away. That hurts a little, although we've only known each other for about 6 months and it is a prudent thing to do.

She's confused, I'm confused.... we are both a bit depressed, although I dare not show her how bad I am for I feel the need to be strong and be there for her.

And I feel guilty for feeling so down with so many other horrible things happening out there right now. Of course if something doesn't break, it looks like I could be out of my apartment very soon. Then I would be no good to anyone. I feel like that cliff edge is back and I'm just a step away and can't see it for the fog again.

Dammit, I hate this feeling. I feel so close to being overwhelmed with all this. But I can't afford to be this way. I need to clear some of my shit off so I can help her with her issues. Gods.

I am sorry that I have been posting this kind of crap out here, guys. I really hate leaning on people so much. But I am hurting and if I were to keep it all pent up, I'm worried about what the outcome would be. I still worry about it in times like these, but you guys help so much. I wish I had some way of telling you just how much you guys help.


k

[Scarlettvixen]

hun :hugz:
post it on here and let it out
we would all rather that than you did something stupid and permanent