Threase
January 25th, 2005, 01:16 PM
Okay, I'm not looking for pity, I just need to get this off my chest... I can't talk to my parents and most of my close friends because they'll either think I'm pathetic or they'll get annoying that I'm "bitching" again... so here it goes...
My gym class is actually 2 classes (a grade 12 boys class and a grade 12 girls class) put together, and most of the people who join are fiercely competitive. I myself only joined because you get to do a lot of amazing things for this class, like camping, rock climbing, archery, bowling, billiards, aquatics, etc... I don't even mind badminton, because it's either a one-on-one or a two-on-two thing.
The classes I absolutely refuse to do are soccer, basketball, and volleyball. I'm petrified to team sports like that, because I don't know how to play most games and I'm afraid of the ball (yeah I said it, I'm an 18 year old that's afraid of a soccer/volley/basket ball.). I'm also afraid of letting my team members down while playing, cause like I said they're VERY competitive and they tend to yell at their teammates if someone screws up (at least the boys do, some of the girls are nice...). So anyways, I got lucky this year and didn't have to take a single one of those sports.
That is, until I walked into the big gym yesterday and was told that we had to play ALL THREE of those sports all afternoon. We were put into 6 teams and told which sports we had to start on. My team started with indoor soccer, which is the lesser of the 3 evils. I grabbed a pinney and took my position at the very edge of the gym, where no one would ever pass me the ball. My teacher didn't like that and kept urging me to get in the game, but I wasn't going to budge. Then one of the nicer girls came over and told me that she didn't really know how to play either, but that I should try and I might end up liking it. So I started edging towards the middle of the gym, trying to pick someone to block. Just then, one of the more competitive guys kicked the soccer ball right at me. If I hadn't put up my arms to block myself, I'd have been hit in the face.
As soon as I got hit, I started freaking out inside. I started shaking and I couldn't breathe properly, and soon I had tears in my eyes. I knew I was being stupid, crying over getting hit in the arm, but I had truely been scared... My teacher said it was time to go to Volleyball (the worst of the 3 evils), so I tried to give her my pinney and I told her I couldn't do it. She understood why I was upset, but she only told me to go to the bathroom and take a minute to compose myself. I practically ran into the washroom and started crying. I was hyperventiliating badly as well. I sat in that bathroom for at least 15 minutes, just trying to calm myself down. I thought I was okay again, so I started walking from the changeroom to the gym... but when I got close to the gym and I heard everyone shouting and stuff, I started hyperventilating again. It took me another 20 minutes just to get myself in the gym. But by then, there was no way I was going to play. I sat by my bag and curled into the smallest ball I could, but my other teacher saw me and told me to get in the game... all I could do without bursting into tears again was shake my head and look down at myself... one of my male teammates looked absolutely disgusted with me as he told my teacher that I hadn't played all period...
I'm so humiliated, I don't want to go back to that class again. I know that if I have to do that again, I'll just freak out and people will think I'm pathetic. One or two of them stared at me in the hall today, looking as if I were an insect... I normally brush it off, but I can't today and I don't know why...
My gym class is actually 2 classes (a grade 12 boys class and a grade 12 girls class) put together, and most of the people who join are fiercely competitive. I myself only joined because you get to do a lot of amazing things for this class, like camping, rock climbing, archery, bowling, billiards, aquatics, etc... I don't even mind badminton, because it's either a one-on-one or a two-on-two thing.
The classes I absolutely refuse to do are soccer, basketball, and volleyball. I'm petrified to team sports like that, because I don't know how to play most games and I'm afraid of the ball (yeah I said it, I'm an 18 year old that's afraid of a soccer/volley/basket ball.). I'm also afraid of letting my team members down while playing, cause like I said they're VERY competitive and they tend to yell at their teammates if someone screws up (at least the boys do, some of the girls are nice...). So anyways, I got lucky this year and didn't have to take a single one of those sports.
That is, until I walked into the big gym yesterday and was told that we had to play ALL THREE of those sports all afternoon. We were put into 6 teams and told which sports we had to start on. My team started with indoor soccer, which is the lesser of the 3 evils. I grabbed a pinney and took my position at the very edge of the gym, where no one would ever pass me the ball. My teacher didn't like that and kept urging me to get in the game, but I wasn't going to budge. Then one of the nicer girls came over and told me that she didn't really know how to play either, but that I should try and I might end up liking it. So I started edging towards the middle of the gym, trying to pick someone to block. Just then, one of the more competitive guys kicked the soccer ball right at me. If I hadn't put up my arms to block myself, I'd have been hit in the face.
As soon as I got hit, I started freaking out inside. I started shaking and I couldn't breathe properly, and soon I had tears in my eyes. I knew I was being stupid, crying over getting hit in the arm, but I had truely been scared... My teacher said it was time to go to Volleyball (the worst of the 3 evils), so I tried to give her my pinney and I told her I couldn't do it. She understood why I was upset, but she only told me to go to the bathroom and take a minute to compose myself. I practically ran into the washroom and started crying. I was hyperventiliating badly as well. I sat in that bathroom for at least 15 minutes, just trying to calm myself down. I thought I was okay again, so I started walking from the changeroom to the gym... but when I got close to the gym and I heard everyone shouting and stuff, I started hyperventilating again. It took me another 20 minutes just to get myself in the gym. But by then, there was no way I was going to play. I sat by my bag and curled into the smallest ball I could, but my other teacher saw me and told me to get in the game... all I could do without bursting into tears again was shake my head and look down at myself... one of my male teammates looked absolutely disgusted with me as he told my teacher that I hadn't played all period...
I'm so humiliated, I don't want to go back to that class again. I know that if I have to do that again, I'll just freak out and people will think I'm pathetic. One or two of them stared at me in the hall today, looking as if I were an insect... I normally brush it off, but I can't today and I don't know why...