Hugs and a listening ear

[serena]

I really need a hug right now.I live alone with my two girls 12 and 15.My 15 yr old suffers from ADHD,asthma and epilepsy.My 12yr old has Dyspraxia-behauvorial problems,learning difficulty,co ordination problems,asthma and epilepsy.I have epilepsy,diabetes,osteo arthritis,depression and other medical conditions.A year gone october the care i was getting stopped.I have held my hand up to needing help with the housework because i can't manage because of my disabilities and the children don't help despite trying everything.Today the social worker came to see me for the first time in two years,and her first response was god this place is a mess.Well it was ok when i had the carers come in,but unfortunatly it has gotten worse with no help.Now it seems s services are powerless as to what to do because care workers are only allowed to help with personal care,and i can't have direct payments because this is for personal care only.The bottom line is i will have to pay someone privatly to help clean my house on a regular basis.What's hurting me is that the s worker told me is if i'd been elderly and the house been as it is i would have been forced into care,and she was surprised it hadn't been sugested the girls go into foster care.Ontop of this my s worker from the children and families team phoned and said she had visited my youngest in school and the teachers had complained about her trousers not fitting properly.My s worker said i should get it sorted because they were falling down.My problem being is getting trousers to fit Ashleigh because she has a big tummy and needs elasticated trousers but needs size 10 but even then they are two big.Other than that she fits into some boys trousers but are not suitable for the school dress code.My s worker said i'd not tried hard enough and she could find her trousers that fit although she didn't know where.I asked that if she could do better then take her shopping,she said no that's your responsibility and at the week end i want you to take Ashleigh shopping and try harder to get trousers to fit.On topof this she told me that unless the house was cleaned up the girls would be taken into care.Yet i don't abuse them,neglet them,do drugs or drink,leave them home alone.They have suffered no serious injury or been hospitalised due to serious illness,yet if i did i would get help.It's really too much to cope with.

[audi]

awww wow. what a situation! *hugs* i really wish i could come over there and help you out! can your daughter wear a belt? might help keep her pants up. so sorry you have to put up with this. please take care. i hope something will be able to work itsself out. hang in there. you are in my thoughts. *hugs*

[Xander67]

Hi Serena. :wave:

I have ADHD .. I can only immagine what you are going through... I will send you energy and pray all goes well....

Well, Here in the UNited States, it is like that too.. as far as with the house situtation, my cousin and her husband Both work and this summer they had got a letter saying if they didnt mow thier lawn, and clean the front porch that they would be fined...so I went over and cut the lawn for them and helped them with the porch...

Is there anyone here that is close to Serena??

Serena, I think the best thing to do would be to call your DR ... they have agencies that provide assistance long term and short term...

My Mother was a home health aide.. and she would spend part of the day at someone's home, helping them with the housework..cooking... and makeing sure everyone gets their medication on time... they have visiting nurses also...

If you get in touch with them, and just give them a copy of the letter you got, or tell them your situation... I am sure they will be able to help. Or they can tell you who can. You don't have to go through this alone...
I imagine it is all you can do to keep track of all the meds in the house ..I used to have to fix my grandmother's meds... The meds alone can be stressfull...

:hugz:
feel free to PM me if you need to talk.

[Gwenhwyfar]

I'd get a lawyer, and if you cant afford one go to legal aid...thats crap, they cant threaten you like that or tell you how to dress you kid. Im so sorry to hear you have these problems, youd think your s worker would have something better to do than threaten a loving, well meaning mother... Ill keep you and your girls in my prayers xx

on a side thought...wont the girls help you clean up a bit, do they realize whats at stake?

[trippingdaisy]

I'd get a lawyer, and if you cant afford one go to legal aid...thats crap, they cant threaten you like that or tell you how to dress you kid. Im so sorry to hear you have these problems, youd think your s worker would have something better to do than threaten a loving, well meaning mother... Ill keep you and your girls in my prayers xx

on a side thought...wont the girls help you clean up a bit, do they realize whats at stake?


F*** them, serena, if you need help in the home, I will help you, if it keeps your kids where they are. Its no problem. I have epilepsy, too, and I will go out of my way to prove that the only problem I experience , is other peoples attitudes. Please PM me.......... I've lived with this as a kid, and I've never allowed anyone to tell me what I can and cant do! neither should you, or your children! love Trip xxx

[Xander67]

:yourock: Trippingdaisey!!!
:thewave:

I am in the USA, but if I lived closer, I would offer to help too...

[trippingdaisy]

:yourock: Trippingdaisey!!!
:thewave:

I am in the USA, but if I lived closer, I would offer to help too...


MWAH!!!!
I'm not joking though, hugbubble. serena, I have plenty of free time. whetether you would like me there spiritually or physically, I am more than happy to be an ally. yes, epilepsy is a pain in the ass, but it doesnt have to rule your life. if you need help with the DSS, or with day to day life, I will help. do you have DLA for you and your kids? if not, you should.
At the moment I am being told I am not well enoough to work, nor ill enough to be considered incapacitated. I'm looking after 'problem' children, regardless of what anyone says. It nourishes me more than you could know. If I can help you in anyway, I will be more than happy too.
anyone who says you are incapable needs to have a word with themselves.
any help or support is with you on a click of a finger!

love Trip xxx

[serena]

Over here the carers are only allowed to do the bare minimum,help with personal care and tidy round the bathroom and kitchen.I'm not classed as severe enough to warrrant more help,and most of the care as gone over to age concern,so i'n not old enought either.They can't take my kids off me without getting a court order,and to do this they mustgo to court.What gets me is if i'd been abusing my kids,on drugs or drink i would have every help going.In the end a neighbour came in to do a blitz and i owe her £15 but it's worth it,at least this way i'm able to keep on top of it,trouble is the s workers never see it just after it's been done and i'm scared of slipping up.Thing is i'm in agony trying to keep on top of things and this neighbour is very forthright andsaying things it's a wonder you havn't got rats,this is pure lazyness,you need to nag the kids,and you need to keep on top of things and why don't you but this cleaner it really shifts the grease etc etc.This reminds me of my dominant mum and left home to get away from her.I was crying buckets and she was totally unfazed,and when i told her i try to nag the girls every day but it makes me ill,she said i know,but how can she know.It's sympathy i need right now,not told what to do.

[serena]

they know what's at stake but it's like braying my head against a brick wall each time.Told them about going into care,but it's slow progress getting through.

[serena]

Just to add what my neighbour said she said maybe the kids should go into care,it might shock them.doesn't she realise my world would collapse and be pointless without them,i would hurt too much to care about living.Iv'e four kids all together and my eldest(boy)ended up in long term care,which started off as respite care to give me a break from his behaviour,and i was putting up with abuse from his step dad.But it ended up being long term care because each time he came back his bad behaviour started again.My eldest daughter ran away from home and when i came to Wales to live she wouldn't come because her dad and his parents had her spoilt rotten and i was everything evil under the sun.They both have their own places now and i have a better relationship with both of them.My daughter will be 19 on valentines day,and my son has just turned 22 and going to be a dad in april.I do get DLA for me,Jade and Ashleigh,but i take them on holiday abroad once a yr and the money from our DLA's pays for the holiday,and if they need days out to go swimming or the cinema etc then it pays for that also and taxi fares.

[trippingdaisy]

serena, is there no-one who can come over other than this neighbour? If you pardon my language, I would personally tell her to get back under her f________ bridge and never come out again. How dare she say those things to you. surely she must realise that if you could do it yourself, you would, and letting such a sanctimonious idiot like herself into your home is a last resort.I hope the kids soon undertand the seriousness of the situation, and help you out more, too. its very hard to grasp such a concept when your young, but hopefully they will soon, and if you need anything- even if its just a shoulder to cry on, get in touch, ok?
love and hugs and energy,

Trip

[serena]

tried getting in touch but couldn't through private messaging.I wish there was someone else,Penny(neighbour)said she had a friend looking for a cleaning job,but i'm reluctant to let her into my home.Penny was knocking on my door this morning asking if i had the twenty quid i owed her because she really could do with it right now.Thing is she said 15 for 3 hrs but me and my mouth said i was going to give her 20 anyway and of course she never turned the offer down.Now i'll just wait and see what ot have to say when they assess my needs and draw up acare plan.I'm crippled with pain today from head to toe,it's not fair.Even another friend/neighbour who recomended Penny said there you go i told you you could do it,all you have to do now is pace yourself and she's a nurse,yet doesn't sypathise just says you have got to stop playing the victim here and do it just get on with it.

[serena]

By the way what's this Karma power?iv'e only 11 yet i saw a new member who only joined jan this year had over a hundred.

[-Ember]

Where in Wales are you, Serena? When I was there last fall I interned with a group that might have some ability to point you toward resources if you are close to them. If you are near the Swansea/Abertawe area, let me know.

[trippingdaisy]

tried getting in touch but couldn't through private messaging.I wish there was someone else,Penny(neighbour)said she had a friend looking for a cleaning job,but i'm reluctant to let her into my home.Penny was knocking on my door this morning asking if i had the twenty quid i owed her because she really could do with it right now.Thing is she said 15 for 3 hrs but me and my mouth said i was going to give her 20 anyway and of course she never turned the offer down.Now i'll just wait and see what ot have to say when they assess my needs and draw up acare plan.I'm crippled with pain today from head to toe,it's not fair.Even another friend/neighbour who recomended Penny said there you go i told you you could do it,all you have to do now is pace yourself and she's a nurse,yet doesn't sypathise just says you have got to stop playing the victim here and do it just get on with it.


I've PM'd you, sweetie, I dont know why it didnt work when you tried- sorry its taken me so long. *HUGS*

Trip.