Odd question about love

[XantheKelsylva]

Is it possible to win over someone who is head-over-heels in love with a fictional character? What if that person lives on another continent?

I'm falling in love with a guy I met online-- I can't stop thinking about him and even have a little trouble acting normal I have such a huge crush on him. We're becoming good friends, but I'm afraid to tell him how I feel. Not only have I had huge failures with crushes in the past (I've never had a crush who liked me back at all), I'm afraid he'll hate me if I tell him how I feel because he's so defensive about his love for a certain fictional character from a video game. He draws tons of pictures of her, even a hentai manga in which he makes love to her. On the other hand, there's a zillion reasons why I like him and why he's so unlike anyone else I've ever met and why I don't think I'll ever find anyone like him again if I just drop it and now and then I even feel like he likes me too. I don't know how I can like someone so much when I haven't even met him in person before.

The other problem is that he lives on a different continent than me, so even if I did get him to like me back it would be almost impossible to really get together.

Is my crush on him as bizzarre as his crush on a fictional character? Is there anything I can do? I feel pathetic crying over a guy I've never even met because he has another girl already-- even though she's not real.

[Xander67]

I do not think it is Bizarre.

Many People who are Oceans Apart have met and are persueing a relationship...

some even from MW :)

[XantheKelsylva]

But is it possible for him to love me when he's SO in love with an imaginary character? I've never had a crush return my feelings, ever. In fact, a lot of them get scared when I tell them how I feel. It depresses me just to think about it. And don't I have even more of a disadvantage if I'm trying to win him over through the internet?

[Invidosa]

But is it possible for him to love me when he's SO in love with an imaginary character? I've never had a crush return my feelings, ever. In fact, a lot of them get scared when I tell them how I feel. It depresses me just to think about it. And don't I have even more of a disadvantage if I'm trying to win him over through the internet?

Wow, ok this one is a two parter:

Pursuing a relationship with someone from a land far, far away. That is the beauty of the world that we live in. We now have the technology to cross the world in communication. I don’t think I have to remind you to be careful though, I mean we have all heard of predators, nuff said.

That said, this obsession he has with a fictional character would really give me pause. I mean, I will not deny that I have had some serious attractions to fictional characters, but if my boyfriend calls I will gladly put the book down and spend time with him. I mean it’s kind of scary if you want my honest opinion, especially because you said that he is defensive about it. To me it seems that the key is to find out if he has a grasp on reality vs. fantasy before you pursue anything here.

I am truly sorry that you have had such bad luck with crushes. It’s especially lousy when people are cruel about it, as so many can be. All I can say is to go slowly here. Become close and flirt your brains out. This is another charm of the internet, at the VERY WORST, you still don’t get turned down face to face.

lots o' love and hugs to you, good luck _pounce_

[Myrica]

I met my first boyfriend over the net. He lived on the other site of the country, but Belgium isn't such a big country, so I had the chance to meet him. But, I had been chatting with him for months before I met him, In this way I fell in love with him twice. He had some personal issues (he can't commit himself to another person) so after some fights that I couldn't understand at the time, I left him.
I don't regret that I had a relation with him, I loved hime very much. I somethimes still think about it and smile. I havent talked to him so much any more, but the few times I heared something from him I felt good.
I have an other boyfriend now, but it are stil precious memories.
You can try. You can perhaps show you feel somehow jalous of how much attention he gives to his fictional character? You could ask him to make a nice drawing of you? Flirting ;)
On the other hand, if its an other continent, don't aspect to much. You can image what problems it gives to have a real relationship when you are so far appart. If you want to be together, there is always someone who will have to leave home. I know how hard it is to have a realtionship with a 100km distance, you don't have the same friends, you don't know each others lives,...
Just try to get some fun :$ ... and don't take it all tooo serious. One day true love willl cross your path. Just believe in it. And don't worry to much, you won't regret trying.

[The High Queen of Faerie]

i fell in love with my ex ages ago. we 'dated' online for a year though we'd never met.

now i don't believe in love.


good luck to you.

[Myrica]

i fell in love with my ex ages ago. we 'dated' online for a year though we'd never met.

now i don't believe in love.


good luck to you.

One day somebody will be there for you... don't be to negative :)
Trying to cheer you up here... I have problems with my boyfriend atm but I believe in love because I know how much I love him.

[Tea Leaf]

You have to do what feels right to you. You can't help who you fall in love with.
My b/f lives an ocean away as well, and we have been together 7years and still very happy.
Good Luck!

[ollathair]

I met my current wife online. I was divorced and living alone in England, she lived in America. Well, we IM'd, voice chatted, telephoned, wrote letters for a year and then I came over here to see her ... we'll have been married for two years on the 19th of this month :)

It can work ... if you want it to. But one person has to take the plunge and tell the other his, or her, feelings. It's just the same as face-to-face dating. You have to talk :)

But, as invidosa said, you also have to be careful, you know?

[Rian]

Is it possible to win over someone who is head-over-heels in love with a fictional character? What if that person lives on another continent?

I'm falling in love with a guy I met online-- I can't stop thinking about him and even have a little trouble acting normal I have such a huge crush on him. We're becoming good friends, but I'm afraid to tell him how I feel. Not only have I had huge failures with crushes in the past (I've never had a crush who liked me back at all), I'm afraid he'll hate me if I tell him how I feel because he's so defensive about his love for a certain fictional character from a video game. He draws tons of pictures of her, even a hentai manga in which he makes love to her. On the other hand, there's a zillion reasons why I like him and why he's so unlike anyone else I've ever met and why I don't think I'll ever find anyone like him again if I just drop it and now and then I even feel like he likes me too. I don't know how I can like someone so much when I haven't even met him in person before.

The other problem is that he lives on a different continent than me, so even if I did get him to like me back it would be almost impossible to really get together.

Is my crush on him as bizzarre as his crush on a fictional character? Is there anything I can do? I feel pathetic crying over a guy I've never even met because he has another girl already-- even though she's not real.


I totally met my husband online about 5 years ago... he was still in high school, and I had been out of it for about two years. It's hard, meeting someone online. I won't deny that. He lived on the other side of America from me... which is almost as bad as living across the ocean when you're young and poor.

I don't know what to tell you about his apparent obsession with the video game charachter... but a real person is so much better than a person on paper. Perhaps if you give him reason to love you for who you are (without pushing the issue, y'know?) then he will realize this himself? I really don't know...

I wish you luck though. Just let things happen, don't push for the realtionship...let it come to you!

[XantheKelsylva]

I totally met my husband online about 5 years ago... he was still in high school, and I had been out of it for about two years. It's hard, meeting someone online. I won't deny that. He lived on the other side of America from me... which is almost as bad as living across the ocean when you're young and poor.

I don't know what to tell you about his apparent obsession with the video game charachter... but a real person is so much better than a person on paper. Perhaps if you give him reason to love you for who you are (without pushing the issue, y'know?) then he will realize this himself? I really don't know...

I wish you luck though. Just let things happen, don't push for the realtionship...let it come to you!

I've been letting it just happen, and for some reason I feel like he's starting to like me back because we have so much in common it's amazing. We even have the same favorite opera and opera singer. We even did some of the same things as kids-- including things I thought only I did. In fact, we have almost the same birthday (he's 2 years older though) so we're both crazy Geminis :D We keep making all these "OMG, you too?" type exclamations about each other. It's so cute! Every time I tell people about him, they say we'd be perfect for eachother. I show them his picture and they say, "Awww, you'd be such a cute couple!"

I think that maybe his obsession is similar to things I've done when I'm frustrated with my real love life. For example, when I couldn't get a date for the prom junior year I talked about how one of my characters was better than any real guy and I didn't want anyone else and so on. What I really meant was that I wanted a real person like that character and I was frustrated. I wouldn't be surprised if that was what was really going on since he's so much like me. It's hard to tell though. I've also noticed that he tends to exaggerate a lot, possibly because English is his second language so he doesn't realize how excessive some of the stuff he says is. So maybe some of what he says is a slight miscommunication.

I've been having a lot of fun with this now that I trust him not to be an asshole. My best friend knows all about him and we like to joke about what it would be like if the two of us met. Last night I even had a dream in which we were together, and I took that as a good sign because the last time I dreamed about someone I met online we ended up meeting.

[Cielamara]

...The character obsession is disturbing.
But different-continent relationships can work. You'll have problems, especially with lingual barriers. I've been with my sweet Finn for seven months and five days now, and I'm still crazy about him...and as far as I know, he still adores his American. :)

[Druchii]

Is it possible to win over someone who is head-over-heels in love with a fictional character? What if that person lives on another continent?

I'm falling in love with a guy I met online-- I can't stop thinking about him and even have a little trouble acting normal I have such a huge crush on him. We're becoming good friends, but I'm afraid to tell him how I feel. Not only have I had huge failures with crushes in the past (I've never had a crush who liked me back at all), I'm afraid he'll hate me if I tell him how I feel because he's so defensive about his love for a certain fictional character from a video game. He draws tons of pictures of her, even a hentai manga in which he makes love to her. On the other hand, there's a zillion reasons why I like him and why he's so unlike anyone else I've ever met and why I don't think I'll ever find anyone like him again if I just drop it and now and then I even feel like he likes me too. I don't know how I can like someone so much when I haven't even met him in person before.

The other problem is that he lives on a different continent than me, so even if I did get him to like me back it would be almost impossible to really get together.

Is my crush on him as bizzarre as his crush on a fictional character? Is there anything I can do? I feel pathetic crying over a guy I've never even met because he has another girl already-- even though she's not real.

If you have to worry about winning over a fictional character, then I would say it ain't worth it.
NOTHING beats the physical fact of having a relationship work out right there in front of you.
I tried the internet relationship thing. I would have a better chance of passing myself off as the Pope, than ever try that again. :lol:
There is nothing wrong with your feelings, they might just be a little misdirected.
BUT, in so saying love is many things and one of them is that it is undefineable by nature.
Soooo, if you want my opinion...
Let it go, find someone nearby, and just be friends.
And I like Johnny Depp a LOT, but I never met him.
Just food for thought. Best of luck on whatever you decide. :)

[XantheKelsylva]

Ok, now something really weird happened. The last time I had a boyfriend online, before we met I had a dream that predicted it.

A few nights ago I had an extremely vivid dream about being with this guy and it was quite clear that I had gone to visit him. The weird thing was the accuracy of the dream. I could swear I haven't seen pictures of where he lives before, but when I looked up pictures of the city after having that dream they were so close to what I saw in the dream it was scary. Also after having that dream I asked a friend, "if we were to get together, would he come here or would I go there?" and without even thinking she said, "You'll go there." But the fact that I remembered the dream so well and that the images in my mind matched up so well with actual photos is what really stands out about this.

[Boogins]

I can hear that you really want this to happen, and yes, online relationships can work--but there is nothing more powerful than fantasy in the human mind. Yes, he might like you. But do you want to be constantly compared, even at the subconscious level, to a video game character?

In the end, this has nothing to do with an online relationship. This has everything to do with your competition for his affection. Don't do this to yourself. I can't believe that you will not lose and lose big if you pursue this.

[WhiteDragon]

He makes love to this character? Excuse me?
Girly, I agree woth boogins on this one hon. Run fast and run hard...

[XantheKelsylva]

I can hear that you really want this to happen, and yes, online relationships can work--but there is nothing more powerful than fantasy in the human mind. Yes, he might like you. But do you want to be constantly compared, even at the subconscious level, to a video game character?

This might sound crazy, but I love him so much that I wouldn't mind being compared to her if it meant being with him. Right now I feel like I'd do anything just to be with him and have him return my feelings.

I know it sounds stupid and I should find someone else, but the thing is that I rarely like a guy enough to want to go out with him and once I have a crush on a guy it usually gets so intense that I can't function. It's not that I'm picky, it's just that it's rare that I find myself really attracted to someone. And the worst part about this guy is that ever since I met him I've been even less attracted to other people, so it's impossible to get out of this.

The other thing about him is that I get really really ecstatic every time I get a note from him to the point where it's like a high, and then when I don't hear from him for a night I get depressed and overdose on caffeine.

Like I said, I seriously feel like I would do anything to be with him.

[Boogins]

Hon... my point is... you never will be with him if he is that obsessed. In his mind, you will never be you. You will be her. Your face will be hers. What you say will be her words. That's not love, and it's not being together. Please, try and hear me.

You are worth more than this.

[parintachin5`]

Oh, sweetie. Listen, I feel for you- but as a few others have already pointed out, please hear this. It's easier to "fall in love" with someone who's physically removed, whether another state or country. It's safe. Even if you don't agree so far please keep reading. You say you've never had a crush return feelings for you. I was in your boat for many, many, many years. Many. It builds a huge fear of rejection- you become so used to someone you like not liking you, that you assume it will always be that way. After all, why should thigns change? But see, you attract what you need at the time. Sometimes what you need is the protection from being hurt, and so you fall for people you subconsciously (meaning even if you rationally think about it you still don't get it) know will not or, in this case, cannot love you back. This seems counter-intuitive- after all, if you're afraid of being hurt, wouldn't the best thing be to find someone who loves you and live happily? But it doesn't work like that. You're a lot more fearful of being hurt than you realize- and it's comforting to have this sort of crush, because it allows you all the feelings of happiness and closeness and intimacy without actually having to be close and intimate.

It is possible to meet someone online. I know people who have. But only when the people eventually met up, and REPLACED internet contact with face-to-face contact. You're in a situation with a guy who himself escapes reality with a fictional character.

What you're doing with this internet relationship is completely normal, and I think many people go through a phase of falling for those who cannot possibly return the feelings. As long as it only lasts a few (months, years, but not forever) it can be healthy and just what you need to take the time for yourself to get comfortable with yourself. But please don't cause yourself this agony of thinking that you love a guy who you don't even know.

There's a book I think you would really enjoy reading; it helped me a lot. It's called "The Road Less Travelled" by M. Scott Peck.

[Zhr Morgana]

Wow, ok this one is a two parter:

Pursuing a relationship with someone from a land far, far away. That is the beauty of the world that we live in. We now have the technology to cross the world in communication. I don’t think I have to remind you to be careful though, I mean we have all heard of predators, nuff said.

That said, this obsession he has with a fictional character would really give me pause. I mean, I will not deny that I have had some serious attractions to fictional characters, but if my boyfriend calls I will gladly put the book down and spend time with him. I mean it’s kind of scary if you want my honest opinion, especially because you said that he is defensive about it. To me it seems that the key is to find out if he has a grasp on reality vs. fantasy before you pursue anything here.

I am truly sorry that you have had such bad luck with crushes. It’s especially lousy when people are cruel about it, as so many can be. All I can say is to go slowly here. Become close and flirt your brains out. This is another charm of the internet, at the VERY WORST, you still don’t get turned down face to face.

lots o' love and hugs to you, good luck _pounce_
My sentiments exactly. Good luck hon :D

[XantheKelsylva]

You're a lot more fearful of being hurt than you realize- and it's comforting to have this sort of crush, because it allows you all the feelings of happiness and closeness and intimacy without actually having to be close and intimate.

You're in a situation with a guy who himself escapes reality with a fictional character.


I suspect that he likes her for the same reasons I like him as far as being hurt in the past. He's indicated that he's been through the same thing as me (which is actually two problems; not having a crush return feelings but also being persued by creeps/ pressured for sex). The weird thing about him is that a lot of people find him creepy either because of the obsession or because of the way he looks in my photos of him, but I understand him so well that I don't find him scary at all. I suspect we have very similar pasts because we have really similar childhood memories, we both obsessively try to return to the past (he even looks like he's from the 80's), and we both have relationship issues. It really fascinates me the way we're so similar even though we're from different countries and sometimes we understand eachother better than people I actually know understand me. There's things I say that don't make any sense to people who know English as well as I do, but they make perfect sense to him.

[parintachin5`]

It sounds like you're looking for validation of your feelings.