Leading a Ritual

[Mithrea]

I don't really know what I'm looking for. . . but maybe you will ;)

The circle I belong to has been sort of a thing that grew out of a few other groups and connections and somehow, I have become the one who does EVERYTHING for every ritual we do. I don't mind the work, per se. I understand that the people I'm working with are (for the most part) much less experienced than I am--and that's not saying I'm all that experienced anyway, but we are all doing the best we can living in relative isolation from other pagans.

Our rituals seem great. I could tell the Imbolc ritual went *very* well --- for eveyrone else. The other people in the circle seem to get so much out of the rituals I write or adapt, but I'm so busy coaxing, reassuring and guiding them, that I get nothing out of the ritual at all. In fact, I get quite bored.

Is there anything I can do to change this? I've suggested that we take turns leading the ritual, but no one seems willing to do it. Have this happend to any of you?

[Rick]

Yep, in fact it's been pretty common in most groups I've ever been a part of. If you don't want to conduct each ritual, make a list of sabbats, moons, whatever you gather for, pencil yourself in for a few, & present the unfinished list to the group so the others can volunteer... if no one steps forward, start penciling them in... explain it exactly as you've explained it here, that you feel as if you're not receiving your fair share of the spiritual experience... also remind 'em that the only way to gain experience is by doing...

Good luck

[Phaedra B]

Our rituals seem great. I could tell the Imbolc ritual went *very* well --- for eveyrone else. The other people in the circle seem to get so much out of the rituals I write or adapt, but I'm so busy coaxing, reassuring and guiding them, that I get nothing out of the ritual at all. In fact, I get quite bored.

Is there anything I can do to change this? I've suggested that we take turns leading the ritual, but no one seems willing to do it. Have this happend to any of you? It's called priestcraft, the literal art of being an effective priest/ess. If you're bored, things are going amiss.

The leader/HP/s of a ritual has a unique responsibility, that of keeping a foot in both worlds. S/he must both facilitate the ritual and experience it. It is hard, and it is a skill that can be developed.

Some suggestions: Don't do everything yourself. Ritual should be a participatory sport, not a spectator activity. If everyone wants to have the experiences, but doesn't want to do the work to get them, what does that tell you? Magic and ritual are not passive consumer activities, but all too often they are treated as such.

Try giving different parts of the ritual to other people to do. Use common themes or repeat certain elements, such as the circle casting or quarter calls, ritual to ritual. As they become familiar through repetition, it becomes easier to can give them to other people to do. Meet with them in advance for coaching if you need to. You are thus training other people to do the job you are doing. That's one of the functions of the traditional coven structure, btw, to teach people to do what you're doing.

Because you have a foot in both worlds, you will never be able to go as deeply into the ritual experience as the other participants. Therefore, you might also work to develop a working partner (HP to your HPS, for example). That co-facilitator can take over at the times you wish to relinquish some control in order to go deeper into the ritual experience.

[piglet]

It sounds like (like it or not) you have gotten yourself into a leadership position. Don't be afraid to delegate :) I definitely learned this the hard way - not in a ritual setting but in a work setting.

I think rick and phaedra both gave great advice. Your group has given you this role whether you want it or not. You can continue to "lead" the rituals while delegating out tasks or you can delegate out each ritual all together.

If no one is willing to volunteer then _give_ them the responsibilities (they chose you to lead, remember?) It sucks, but sometimes you have to be a hard-ass in these situations. Good luck!

[Oak King]

Yes, a HP would do well and perhaps drawing up rituals where all must get involved and play a part. In some traditions there is a maiden who's like an assistant HPs for purposes dealing with rituals.

[Luciferish]

It sounds like your group has grown to the point that you need to setup a structure of some kind.. There are several kinds and several methods that have been used... Your development as a priestess is going to be in understanding the rituals you do enough to really work them. I suggest some study in ritual methods, purposes and styles. Also I would recommend formalizing things a bit more, getting others to commit to leading these rites, feeding others can be a drain so you must persuade them to take some responsibility.

Mentioned before was a "Maiden", there are other offices that you may want to concider, though depending on your decided structure some of these would be modified, but I'll give you a basic outline of what we use...

High Priestess - The Love, represents The Goddess
High Priest - The Law, represents The God
Hand Maiden - The Joy (Assistant to the High Priestess), Represents Water
Summoner - The Will (Assistant to the High Priest), Represents Earth
Theign - The Hand (Keeper of temples and altar tools, the "Handy Man") Represents Fire
Scribe - The Word (Keeper of Records and Finances) Represents Air

This basic Structure works as follows:

Scribe - Hand Maiden - High Priestess
Theign - Summoner - High Priest

There is alot of lore in our tradition about symbols and other bits that surround this inner court office system, as well as there are many things you may want to modify... For instance if you are a group of only Women then the male side of the structure is missing, so you adapt..... Perhaps you can work first with elemental representatives and divide the work in that respect, Fire for "Actions", Earth for Material things, Air for Mental functions and then Water for those less tangible aspects.

Do some looking around, a structure of development and responsibility will take you a long way, then as your group solidifies you can start initiations, bringing new people in, recognizing formally the development and responsibiltiy others take in the group...

By the time you get your world wrapped around this you will have an understanding of human and spiritual development that you cannot imagine now... You must grow or this structure will replace you, so you have to work even harder on yourself... so be ready for it all.. Don't be heavy handed with it at first, let it develop from the basics naturally. Who knows in a few years you may have a fully functioning tradition if you do your homework.

[AlAskendir]

I don't really know what I'm looking for. . . but maybe you will ;)

The circle I belong to has been sort of a thing that grew out of a few other groups and connections and somehow, I have become the one who does EVERYTHING for every ritual we do. I don't mind the work, per se. I understand that the people I'm working with are (for the most part) much less experienced than I am--and that's not saying I'm all that experienced anyway, but we are all doing the best we can living in relative isolation from other pagans.

Our rituals seem great. I could tell the Imbolc ritual went *very* well --- for eveyrone else. The other people in the circle seem to get so much out of the rituals I write or adapt, but I'm so busy coaxing, reassuring and guiding them, that I get nothing out of the ritual at all. In fact, I get quite bored.

Is there anything I can do to change this? I've suggested that we take turns leading the ritual, but no one seems willing to do it. Have this happend to any of you?

Delegate.

When the rite starts, sit down and direct - - - "so and so cut the circle, you call South, Harry call East, Jane call West, Hitoshi call Sky, George call North, Hildy call Earth, Lynette, you'll be guardian, Dave soak and smoke, Mindy you'll be acting Priestess, Manuel get some dice or lots or something so the god can choose who He wants to be acting priest this time, this is all gonna go down in about 3 minutes, so get ready everybody.....chaos is part of life, let's go!"

The key is that there's no such thing as a 'perfect performance' and that they should not be relying on you to 'do all the work'. Some of learning is by doing, even if it means messing up.

[Mouse]

Write your rituals in advance, in play format as if you were all on stage. tell people to learn their lines. You can take the harder parts for yourself if you know they are not ready. but at least have everyone do something. :)

Best wishes
~miriam

[cheddarsox]

This thread is really ministering to me, as I am in a similar situation. Thank you all for your great input. I have found that I receive much spiritual benefit from the planning and preparing, but it does get exhausting. Also, I don't like the idea of creating spirituality for others ALL the time. I feel that they are getting too much of me, and my perspective, and it is healthier to mix it up.

I have had some sucess in inviting others to write the ritual with me. I invite them over. have snacks, offer an outline and then we brainstorm ideas. This also helps them build confidence that they have something to offer.

cheddar

[Mithrea]

*snip*

I'm not *that* inexperienced. I should have been more clear. My group is an informal group, not a coven and that's the way we want to keep it.

Thanks Rick, I think I'll try your idea ;)

[Kendrah]

I'm not *that* inexperienced. I should have been more clear. My group is an informal group, not a coven and that's the way we want to keep it.

But even in an informal setting, you have to set your foot down. The baby bird syndrome doesn't go away (except in rare cases) unless you make it go away. There won't be a day when you wake up and people will be fighting for that right to be priestess or lead rituals or such (for various reasons, including not wanting to step on your toes because you're the leader.)

As leader, you have to nudge them in the direction. With little things, like quarter calls, or whole sabbats/ esbats. It helps them more then if you did every thing for them. If you do everything for them, there will come a time when they will "plateau", so to speak, and move on. It seems like you're getting to that point yourself.

[Cinnamon Girl]

Yeah, go with Rick's advice and just lay it out there. And tell them that you want to experience this just as much as any of them and it's only fair to you if they take on some of the responsibility. And like others said, it's really the only way to learn. :)

[~Elise~]

*snip*

I'm not *that* inexperienced. I should have been more clear. My group is an informal group, not a coven and that's the way we want to keep it.

Thanks Rick, I think I'll try your idea ;)

Holly--

I WAS in the same situation that you are now. I'm in my fourth year of leading a non-coven group here in town. I did exactly what Rick suggested and it works. Now I have a steering committee type of thing--we meet once a quarter and decide who is taking care of each ritual.

Now instead of doing each and EVERY ritual...I only have to lead a couple a year and I get to choose which ones. I also started doing it though by doing what someone else suggested...I had them start by doing quarters, etc and worked them up to full rituals.

JMO and YMMV...I'll be happy to help you however I can if you ever need some advice.

Elise

[Dawa Lhamo]

I know your pain. I run the campus pagan group here, and no one feels experienced enough or whatever enough to take any responsibility themselves. For rituals themselves, though, I give out parts. We learn by doing, and the group is about learning and sharing. Even if they're hesitant, they have to do something. We have a ritual scaffold that's basically the same each time, so people become familiar rather quickly. Sometimes it's frustrating that the ritual doesn't seem to *click* the same way that it does with my coven, but we're all in different places with the group.

I actually find most of my trouble with delegating things outside of ritual. I'm nonconfrontational and rather passive. And if no-one steps up, well, I don't mind doing it all. But they're going to have to decide if it's worth it enough to them to keep it going when I leave this May. I do all I can, and I can't do any more. ^_^

I agree; script out the ritual and give parts. If you can assign people to write rituals, that's even better. And if people flake out, then tell them that they have to make a hard decision as to whether it's worth it to them or not. Magic takes work. Hard work, and honestly, if they flee at the word 'work', then perhaps it's not to be. Frustrating, but true.

Tashi delek!
Dawa Lhamo

[Windsmith]

First off, good for you, recognizing a situation in need of changing and wanting to do so before things get too bad. :yayhawaii I have a few ideas you might be able to use.

Our group (Reclaiming tradition) has a consensus-bases, non-hierarchical style utilizing "priestesses of the moment." The idea is that there's no one person, or pair of people, in charge. There are roles that need to be filled and tasks that need to be completed and, at the proper moment, someone with the skill and desire will be called by the Mysterious Ones to do it. One person enjoys decorating and design - they're in charge of preparing the ritual space. Someone else loves communications work - they get the word out that a ritual is coming up.

We encourage people to be involved with ritual planning. You say,The other people in the circle seem to get so much out of the rituals I write or adapt, but I'm so busy coaxing, reassuring and guiding them, that I get nothing out of the ritual at all. In fact, I get quite bored. Maybe one reason you spend so much time coaxing, reassuring, and guiding, is that they don't feel they've had any input in the ritual. Right or wrong, they see it as your ritual, and they're so worried about messing it up for you that they can't relax and go with it. I don't know your tradition - maybe your rituals need to go exactly according to script - but if you have a structure that allows creativity, take advantage of the creativity of everyone in your group. Of course you get bored with the rituals when you write them all; you practice them all; and there's nothing left to surprise you! If you encourage the people to get involved with the ritual from the ground up - planning, preparing, etc., you'll find that they get excited about it, because they'll feel like it's their ritual, too. And you won't be bored, because in some cases, you'll have no idea what's going to happen until you do a walk-through of the ritual beforehand!

Maybe your role changes from "does everything" to "facilitates." In the planning meeting, the group develops a blueprint for what they want the ritual to look like (when differences of opinion come up, ask which things are the way someone would "kinda like" things to be, and which are deal-breakers). From that, write a list of things that need to be done: do you need a permit for working outside in a public space? Do props need to be made/collected? Do quarters need to be called and Deities invoked? Distributing roles early on gives people time to get used to the roles they're expected to perform. If you give a minute to listen to the Mysterious One within, someone will feel called to at least 90% of the roles that need filling. For those that remain, there's nothing wrong with you looking at someone who hasn't volunteered for a lot and saying, "I feel called that you feel called to this role." :uhhuhuh:

Obviously, model can't be adopted by every tradition: if only certain levels of initiates can to do certain tasks; or if it's a tradition with more formalized rituals, it won't work. But if it can be done, it's pretty much a win-win situation. Others in the group feel more involved in the process - which makes them more comfortable in ritual - and you don't have to do everything anymore! Ta-da!

Hope some of this helps you! -Windsmith

[cheddarsox]

The previous post gave me a new idea. Windsmith's advice to listen to the Mysterious One for input and that 90% of the roles would be filled reminded me of something. When you go to people to ask for assistence and participation, use specific language and praise. For example "David, You always look so well put together, You have an eye for style, could you dress the altar for our next ritual?" Sometimes people don't recognize their own gifts and they need an outsider to alert them to it. That might be the boost of confidence they need to say "yes" to themselves and the group.

I will try it with my group as well.

cheddar

[Rhaevyn]

snip...
I know your pain. I run the campus pagan group here, and no one feels experienced enough or whatever enough to take any responsibility themselves. For rituals themselves, though, I give out parts. We learn by doing, and the group is about learning and sharing. Even if they're hesitant, they have to do something. We have a ritual scaffold that's basically the same each time, so people become familiar rather quickly. Sometimes it's frustrating that the ritual doesn't seem to *click* the same way that it does with my coven, but we're all in different places with the group.

I actually find most of my trouble with delegating things outside of ritual. I'm nonconfrontational and rather passive. And if no-one steps up, well, I don't mind doing it all. But they're going to have to decide if it's worth it enough to them to keep it going when I leave this May. I do all I can, and I can't do any more. ^_^
It's funny...for the record, Dawa Lhamo runs the same campus Pagan group that I did when I was in college. I graduated before she started school there. Hearing this story, all that comes to mind is the phrase: "Plus çe change, plus çe meme chose." (The more things change, the more they stay the same.) I didn't even have Dawa Lhamo's experience...I had only discovered Wicca freshman year, and I would have really loved to sit back and absorb what someone else could teach me. But someone had to do the research to lead the group, and the bonus was it helped promote my religious experience. I stayed on the group e-mail list for a while after graduation, but was forced to cut ties when a great PR opportunity came up several months after I moved away...everyone agreed it was a great opportunity, no one wanted to step up to the challenge, and people actually said, "I wish Rhaevyn was here to do this." I said I could no longer hold their hands and the group is theirs now. I didn't want to, but I felt it was best to leave the e-mail list at that point to try to eliminate some of that dependency. I've been solitary since then.

Overall, I think it's a matter of people coming from previous religious experiences (going to a building where someone stands up front and leads a ritual and sermon, and all you have to do is remember which parts to stand up for) so having to actively participate is a foreign concept. I think it's also why so many people come to Pagan religions and ask for a teacher or coven first, instead of researching the ins and outs of the religion to begin with.

As everyone else has suggested, definitely delegating the work is the best thing to do. They may see you as the one with the knowledge, so they don't know if what they're doing is "right" to you. Encouraging their talents (cheddarsox, your example of getting someone to dress the altar is a great idea) and reassurance are good things. But most of all, what I think we don't emphasize enough, is that they cannot learn by sitting back and watching...they have to DO and get their hands dirty in every step of the process. Perhaps instead of just delegating responsibility, you sit down with one person at a time to write a ritual. This month you sit with Joe. Make him write it for the group, and you do the one-on-one work to constantly ask him "why?" so he not only writes it, but learns about each step of the ritual so intimately that it makes more sense to him. Walk through it with him once he finishes writing it as an editing process. Be the first to ask him if he thinks things need to be changed. When you do it with the group, he'll put more energy into it because he's proud that the group is following his work...he's already got your approval that it's a good ritual, so it shouldn't be a problem with the group, right? Next month, sit down with Annie and do the same thing. Joe then will see the elements of his ritual in Annie's ritual, but will get something more out of it because again, he'll have a better understanding and can focus on the ritual instead of wondering if he's doing things right. People flourish under special attention, and if they gain some more self-confidence in one-on-one work, theoretically that will spill over into the group so you get something out of rituals too. Hopefully once you've gone through everyone, you can then say that the next ritual will be written by the entire group (by delegating parts) and they'll be more excited to contribute and you won't be so required to spend your energy with the coaxing and reassuring.

[RainInanna]

Mithrea, did you get this sorted out?

(this is an excellent thread by the way, very worthwhile reading in this forum)

[Nitefalle]

I was in the exact same place two years ago, except that I was pretty much pleading, begging and then demanding that others step up. I was so frustrated because we would have planning meetings before every ritual and still everyone just sat there and said "Whatever...ya, that sounds good." I even tried going with nothing in mind, seeing if others would step up of I didn't volunteer info, and nothing. I was so ready to just leave them, but I was so desperate for companionship in my spirituality because I hated being solitary.

Eventually, some others joined and the group dynamic changed radically and we went through some huge "personnel" changes.

Now, we are a pretty solid group and even though my friend Sandy and I are still "leaders", we are okay with that because we know that everyone that has joined us at this point is either really new to group experiences, or just new to Paganism, period. We've been with them since Yule and slowly we've been coaxing some feedback from them, asking how they like the guided meditations, if there was anything they loved / hated. On Beltaine, we asked them all on the spot to call one of the Three Realms, so they wouldn't have a chance to back out :lol: They bumbled through it, but it was the experience that was important. We don't script our rituals anyway (at least, I never script my parts) so I wanted something from the heart, to see what they would come up with. It was simple and hesitant, but it worked.

Today is our planning meeting for Litha and we are going to tell them that they all have to participate next time in the form of "bringing a friend" - rather than just sticking to a god and goddess, we are going to ask them to "invite" someone that they feel they need in their lives right now or reminds them of the spirit of Litha, whether it be a spirit guide, animal totem, god/dess, beloved ancestor or whatever. And they have to do it out loud.