I have the terrible 2 blues, need advice.

[Hærfest Leah]

I need help. My oldest Loralie is turning 2 yrs old on the 17th next week and she's been dancing with the terrible twos since about 18 months. She demands everything and now, pitches tamtrums over everything. Last night, after she has been climbing her dresser and almost broke 2 drawers, she toppled it onto herself. She wasnt hurt but the dresser definitely has broken drawers now and we had to move it to her closet where she cant get to it. She got her butt busted for it.

I didn't raise my daughter to act like this and I'm finding myself very mad at her and disappointed. We had a beautilful border half way up in her room and over months shes been ripping it down, I replace the sections she peels it off again, finally I took it all down. Her room is bare and looks horrible because we can't put anythng in it anymore. She uses everything to climb to get to things in the house so half her toys get taken away for standing on them.

Last night I was holding our 3 month old Brianna saying "please don't you act like your sister". I'm so sad she's doing this. I know its a phase and how they learn to deal with their tempers but ugh I want to scream. And she has some sibling jealousy over the baby but she's not mean to her at all. Shes very good to her baby sister. She doesn't smack or bite yet so far. We are good parents and our diciplining always worked good until now, she doesn't get everything she wants to keep her happy, walk over us or get away with things like some kids do. She gets a pop on the butt or sent to her room for misbehaving.

How did you deal with it?

[Temptation]

Aah, the toddler years. They're good practice for the next road-block , the teen-age years. :lol:

Serioulsy though, what she's doing is perfectly normal. She's just testing you every day to see what she can get away with and how far she can push you before you put your foot down. I don't have a lot of patience, ok I have ZERO patience :lol:, so my daughter could only go so far before her loving mommy turned into Cruella DeVil :lol: .
What worked best for me was to completely ignore her when she was throwing tantrums (the hardest part, I know!), remove the items and temptation for bad behaviour (which you are already doing) and most importantly to only give her attention and praise when she was being a "good girl". Other than that, just keep telling yourself "This too shall pass."

Good luck with your wee monster. ;)

[Hærfest Leah]

Aah, the toddler years. They're good practice for the next road-block , the teen-age years. :lol:

Serioulsy though, what she's doing is perfectly normal. She's just testing you every day to see what she can get away with and how far she can push you before you put your foot down. I don't have a lot of patience, ok I have ZERO patience :lol:, so my daughter could only go so far before her loving mommy turned into Cruella DeVil :lol: .
What worked best for me was to completely ignore her when she was throwing tantrums (the hardest part, I know!), remove the items and temptation for bad behaviour (which you are already doing) and most importantly to only give her attention and praise when she was being a "good girl". Other than that, just keep telling yourself "This too shall pass."

Good luck with your wee monster. ;)

Thanks, then we are already doing everything you mention. My mom told me months ago that when she throws a fit to walk off and leave her there and ignore it, we've been doing that. When she demands something, like she'll throw a fit of we're not getting her milk fast enough, we stop and go do something else till she calms down then we get it for her. She does get praise for good behavior, so ok I'll just breath deeply and tell myself it will pass. Thanks

oh and I have no patience either...and hey I thought our kids didn't slam doors till they were teenagers, wrong.

[AeonWitch]

ITs not only 2 yr olds that do this children will always push you to find out thier limits. Best bet at this age is to strip her room down to the bare necesseties and tell her when shes done with the demolition she can pick how she wants it decorated, in her own way. If shes as smart as most two year olds she'll be curious and this might make her think rather then destroy. Supply her with a bunch of OLD design or good housekeeping mags and let her help decorate her room. Tell her she has a certain time limit to decide what she wants her room to look like. This isnt a cure for the tantrums but if you set up a time each day for her to do the planning it may give you that much needed time for a rest. Just a suggestion.... :atantrum: Good luck Aeon

[zehava]

"please don't you act like your sister".

i hope your 2 year old didn't hear that. :(

think about it this way... she's excited about all the new things she can do and reach, etc. i know it's frustrating (been there done that, twice), but try not to get too mad at her. and don't say anything like 'you're a bad girl'. 'you're a good girl'. say 'what you just did was bad' 'what you just did was good/good job'. i've found, even now that my kids are well past toddler-hood, it really works. it doesn't make the child feel bad about themselves, but rather makes them think about how they just acted.

and maybe she's having trouble because the new baby is getting a lot of attention she used to get? i know my daughter had issues when my son was born. it's hard to give them both the attention they want when they want it. but i found when i did make a super effort to spend time with my daughter when the baby was sleeping/happy, she acted out less.

does that make sense?

hang in there... they all grow out of it :D

-z

[Ceres]

the VERY best book for helping cope with really intelligent high need kids (which your daughter is) is how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk by adele faber and elaine mazlish. i cant recall who its by, but another good one is "without spanking or spoiling" and of course, barabara coloroso "kids are worth it" belongs on every parents bookshe'lf. in the last book, the author says that be glad for your strong willed children. they arent listening to what u are telling them to do now, but in years to come u will be thankful they arent listening to their peers tell them what to do.

[Hærfest Leah]

the VERY best book for helping cope with really intelligent high need kids (which your daughter is) is how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk by adele faber and elaine mazlish. i cant recall who its by, but another good one is "without spanking or spoiling" and of course, barabara coloroso "kids are worth it" belongs on every parents bookshe'lf. in the last book, the author says that be glad for your strong willed children. they arent listening to what u are telling them to do now, but in years to come u will be thankful they arent listening to their peers tell them what to do.
Oh thanks I'll look these up

[Seren_]

Have you tried a reward system for when she's good? Ignoring her when she's bad can pay dividends, but focus lots on her good behaviour too. Get a chart or something, and every time she does something good (like goes to bed without fuss if she's usually fussy, eats her dinner nicely if she usually messes around etc), give her a sparkly star on the chart or something like that. Promise her a treat once she gets so many stars by the end of the week, so it gives her something visible she can work towards. If she starts off a bit slow with it, you could try promising her a scale of treats - a few stars means a nice magazine or something she likes, whereas more stars means she gets a day out etc, so she doesn't feel like she's failed. It will give you both a focus on something a bit more positive (good for you too, if you're feeling bogged down and exhausted by all the bad behaviour). If you give it a week, then she won't get so impatient for her treat, either.

It may be a bit carrot and stick, but I've heard it can help, especially when there's younger siblings they may be jealous of, or are still adjusting to having to share the attention and so on. It's something special between you and her, which might help her through the adjustment. Eventually, once she realises that good behaviour means everyone's a lot happier, and she gets something from it, you'll be able to phase the chart out.

[Chesna]

and maybe she's having trouble because the new baby is getting a lot of attention she used to get?
-z

While I agree with the above statement I have an only child (for right now) and she has been in her terrible 2's since 18 months.. she is 2 1/2 now.. and oohh is my patience wearing thin!!!!!
She too throw tantrums and the word 'NO".. she hits, kicks, and once even tried to bit... but now its the whining.. ...and ohh boy I hate that worse than the tantrums.. so our trick now is when the tantrum or the whines start..it off to the time out couch.. where she can't get off it until she either stops that tantrum or stops whining and tells me what she needs.. it works for the most part....

I just need to think.. this too shall pass.. this too shall pass.. this too shall pass...(not helping) ... this too shall pass (is it over yet?)...

Anyways.. godd luck.. and know you are not alone


:wave:

Chesna

[Ceres]

i am all for giving a child attention when they are behaving and ignoring the bad, but i think star charts and other such reward systems can be a bad habit to get kids hooked on. it amazes me that babara coloroso, a well respected and often quoted speaker on parenting who is touted by teachers as being one of the best sources for child rearing is all but ignored on this point.
they can be bad for a few reasons: kids up the ante, until they refuse to do anything until they know what their carrot is and then do what is asked IF they want that carrot. it teaches kids that the things worth doing pay the most in material ways. sticker charts are not about motivation, they are about control. if all rewards are external, kids dont develop an internal motivation to do things and will always look for their carrot.

[skye*]

your not alone:)

my daughter will be turning 2 in 1 month and already i feel like im in for a horrible yr.
she opens the frig now and gets out food she wants and throws a fit if she dosent get to have it, throws her toys towards her brother kaden whos a newborn, screams in your face if shes mad, runs around naked when its diaper changing time, you name it she does it,lol.i play with her constantly this seems to help......but when im buisy with kaden thats usually when she acts out the most.

we were at the mall yest and i couldnt even shop, she keot wanting down but than when we let her walk shed break free of our hands and go running off, trying her best to hide.
my hubby had to carry her, or chase her aound the whole time, no fun!
scary when its in a public place i dont want someone nabbing her up!

at restaurants she talks loud and screams if she dosent get her way,no,no,no is her biggest thing now and she'll start throwing anything she can reach when she wants to go..........
we have decided that for now mcdonalds is probably the only food place we'll be taking her to for a while...last time she threw that plastic holder and broke it, it almost landed on the people behind us, i felt so embarrassed!

so yep this is the yr where shes going to test her limits to the height.......i am very patient on the other hand and it takes alot for me to get mad, so when she acts out i ignore her...
not feeding into it, wich has seemed to be working because she'll stop 2 min later and go play with something. you should try this, maybe it would work on yours.
my hubby isnt patient however so i have to keep reminding him shes in her terrible 2 stage and not to get upset if he can help it any, it only makes it worse.

good luck!!! i hope for both of us that it will go by fast !!
your a great mamma! dont ever forget that, or feel like its your fault!! i also tell myself that every day:)

merry blessings.

[zehava]

i am all for giving a child attention when they are behaving and ignoring the bad, but i think star charts and other such reward systems can be a bad habit to get kids hooked on. it amazes me that babara coloroso, a well respected and often quoted speaker on parenting who is touted by teachers as being one of the best sources for child rearing is all but ignored on this point.
they can be bad for a few reasons: kids up the ante, until they refuse to do anything until they know what their carrot is and then do what is asked IF they want that carrot. it teaches kids that the things worth doing pay the most in material ways. sticker charts are not about motivation, they are about control. if all rewards are external, kids dont develop an internal motivation to do things and will always look for their carrot.

_handclapp

(really, is it any surprise i agree with you? LOL)

-z

[Rowenna]

I can totally relate. My youngest daughter is almost 4 (b-day in may) and she's still in the "terrible 2's" stage. She actually started when she was 10 months, as soon as she started to walk. I've seen it all, temper tantrums, beating the crap out of her OLDER sister, before she was potty trained she would poop in her diapers and then take her pants off and cover her entire bedroom in crap, walls, carpet, windows...She also dismantled and destroyed a cot, a chair, and I can't even remember what else, there was so much. We have locks on some of our doors to keep her out of areas that we don't want her in (our bedroom for example) and she first discovered how to stand on something to reach the lock. We moved the lock higher, and she discovered that by reaching with a broom she could reach high enough to pop the lock open. We have to keep our freezer padlocked so she doesn't take all our meat and other food out of it to hide somewhere or feed to the dogs. Lately I've been catching her digging around in our little fishtank with a net. She's killed several fish by doing this. She's also decided that she doesn't like to poop, and so will hold her bowels for a week at a time, until it gets hard and extremely painful for her to poop. Then she'll get smears in her pants because she doesn't want to let it out, and the smears keep giving her urinary tract infections. She's had 3 of them in the past few months, all due to her stubborness. The doctors realize that it is behavioral and while they can treat the infections, there's not much else they can do. We tried everything, and we've finally had to resort to bribes to get her to poop. At her age, nearly 4, she knows better than to do all these things, and yet she continues to do them anyways. I'm about ready for the nuthouse. Anyways, good luck with your kid, hopefully they grow out of it soon.

[Hærfest Leah]

Thanks for all the stories and the suggestions, oh skye* I think we have the same child. LOL Loralie can't get into the fridge (she tries) yet but was opening the pantry for snacks and I had to put one of those baby proof white knob things on it so she can't get in it. I have tried time outs some and she won't do it, we have to put her in her room for it and take her toys out. But now that won't work becsaue now she opens the door and won't stay in there for her time out. And don't agree with parents who lock their kids in their rooms.

[Hærfest Leah]

I can totally relate. My youngest daughter is almost 4 (b-day in may) and she's still in the "terrible 2's" stage. She actually started when she was 10 months, as soon as she started to walk. I've seen it all, temper tantrums, beating the crap out of her OLDER sister, before she was potty trained she would poop in her diapers and then take her pants off and cover her entire bedroom in crap, walls, carpet, windows...She also dismantled and destroyed a cot, a chair, and I can't even remember what else, there was so much. We have locks on some of our doors to keep her out of areas that we don't want her in (our bedroom for example) and she first discovered how to stand on something to reach the lock. We moved the lock higher, and she discovered that by reaching with a broom she could reach high enough to pop the lock open. We have to keep our freezer padlocked so she doesn't take all our meat and other food out of it to hide somewhere or feed to the dogs. Lately I've been catching her digging around in our little fishtank with a net. She's killed several fish by doing this. She's also decided that she doesn't like to poop, and so will hold her bowels for a week at a time, until it gets hard and extremely painful for her to poop. Then she'll get smears in her pants because she doesn't want to let it out, and the smears keep giving her urinary tract infections. She's had 3 of them in the past few months, all due to her stubborness. The doctors realize that it is behavioral and while they can treat the infections, there's not much else they can do. We tried everything, and we've finally had to resort to bribes to get her to poop. At her age, nearly 4, she knows better than to do all these things, and yet she continues to do them anyways. I'm about ready for the nuthouse. Anyways, good luck with your kid, hopefully they grow out of it soon.
Poop on the walls, my mom said I did that. Its that "I hope you have kids just like you" curse that our parents put on us isn't it. Wow sounds like you have it harder than I so far, good luck to you also. ~hugs~

[Ceres]

Thanks for all the stories and the suggestions, oh skye* I think we have the same child. LOL Loralie can't get into the fridge (she tries) yet but was opening the pantry for snacks and I had to put one of those baby proof white knob things on it so she can't get in it. I have tried time outs some and she won't do it, we have to put her in her room for it and take her toys out. But now that won't work becsaue now she opens the door and won't stay in there for her time out. And don't agree with parents who lock their kids in their rooms.

i know its not always possible, but sometimes time outs are more effective if u time out together with the child and look at it more as a chance to teach them than a punishment tool. sit in her room with her and ask her to tell u about why she did the thing she is supposed to. talk about other ways she can show u she is mad, like telling u in words or making an angry picture.

[Hærfest Leah]

AGGGGH, she just climbed to the counter and got one of my lipsticks that was in a bowl and drew on the table and other things with it and riped a hole in one of my elephant ears.

[skye*]

Thanks for all the stories and the suggestions, oh skye* I think we have the same child. LOL Loralie can't get into the fridge (she tries) yet but was opening the pantry for snacks and I had to put one of those baby proof white knob things on it so she can't get in it. I have tried time outs some and she won't do it, we have to put her in her room for it and take her toys out. But now that won't work becsaue now she opens the door and won't stay in there for her time out. And don't agree with parents who lock their kids in their rooms.

yep yep she loves opneing the doors, she thinks its the coolest thing, so now we have to lock our bathroom door thats in the hallway and go in through our room........she hasnt figured that out yet. child proof knobs are great, and i also use hair binders to hold the cuboards shut in the kitchen, works well. i need to tape her more when shes at this stage so she can see what she was like when she was 2:) especially when she plays, soooo cute!
cant wait until her b day this yr were having a party for her and incviting all our family, should be a blast i hope:)

have a great day!!!
skye

[Rowenna]

AGGGGH, she just climbed to the counter and got one of my lipsticks that was in a bowl and drew on the table and other things with it and riped a hole in one of my elephant ears.

That reminds me...make sure your permanent markers are VERY well hidden. My daughter found mine (which I had hidden in a jewelry box inside my locked bedroom (which she had broken into)) and drew all over my bedroom and bathroom with it. Thank the Goddess I had Magic Erasers on hand and was able to get most of it up, except for what was on the walls and my cloth shower curtain :( Kids these days, I tell ya......

[Hærfest Leah]

That reminds me...make sure your permanent markers are VERY well hidden. My daughter found mine (which I had hidden in a jewelry box inside my locked bedroom (which she had broken into)) and drew all over my bedroom and bathroom with it. Thank the Goddess I had Magic Erasers on hand and was able to get most of it up, except for what was on the walls and my cloth shower curtain :( Kids these days, I tell ya......
Yes those are in a baby proofed drawer, those magic erasers are a parents best friend arent they. They worked great on crayon on her walls. This is her 2nd lipstick incident, atleast most of it was on a glass table. You don't want me to go into the red nailpolish on the carpet....sexually active teenagers should read this thread and they might think otherwise about sex.lol

[BrigidMoon]

I practiced times outs....AND.....removal and redirection. I also did the give a choice, like, for example, "You can choose to get down off the table OR I will get you down off the table." Then do a count down and if nothing happens then remove her yourself. Use 3 word sentances and be direct. If she won't listen, give her a consequence. Not fun, not fun at all but will help later on to make sure your child knows who is boss.

[Ceres]

Yes those are in a baby proofed drawer, those magic erasers are a parents best friend arent they. They worked great on crayon on her walls. This is her 2nd lipstick incident, atleast most of it was on a glass table. You don't want me to go into the red nailpolish on the carpet....sexually active teenagers should read this thread and they might think otherwise about sex.lol

take just her shopping tonight if u can so she relates the incident, buy her a chapstick or other harmless lipstick, make a big deal our of it being HER OWN makeup that she gets because she is so grown up now and not a baby and make a big deal out of teaching her the right way to put it on and blot it and everything. then u can say, now u know that lipstick is for lips, not for decorating. :) damn this is easy with other ppl's kids!