Problem with my teacher

[Saeryn]

Merry Meet all, I am fairly new to Wicca and I'm hoping some of you might be able to advse me on this dilemma I have. This might be a bit long, but it's something I need to get off my chest. Please bear with me.

About 2 years ago, I decided that I wanted to study Wicca. I felt truly drawn to this beautiful, earth-based pagan spirituality and decided that this would be my spirtual path. I enjoy the individuality and lack of dogma it offers. I read some of the books suggested by other pagans/wiccan (Cunningham, Farrar, and other Pagan/Wicca 101 type books) and in January of this year, I found a teacher.

My teacher is a High Priestess of a local coven and came to me as being highly recommended. She has been practicing for over 23 years and has done many great hings for the local Craft community. I had no desire to join a coven since I wanted to study as a solitary, but had heard that this woman taught solitaries. I liked her, found her to be very intelligent and frank. I soon began my studies and was enjoying the learning process.

Next thing I knew I became part of a coven (not Intiated yet, natch) and I have been feeling a little overwhelmed by some of the demands from my teacher. Just last week, I had called her and she told me of a ritual that was happening at a place that was a 2 hour drive away. I had already made plans, months in advance, to attend a Ren fair with my husband and some friends for that day. She got upset and said, "Well if you find a fair to be more important to you than pagan issues, then fine, go." I felt very bewildered and stressed by this remark. She also got upset because I wouldn't cancel out of dinner plans that I had already made in advance with my parent-in-laws and my husband. She told me that part of being truly Wiccan is admitting that you're wrong (that *I'm* wrong in having other plans, I guess).

Yesterday, she told me that I need to be more serious about my studies and that to choose this path meant sacrifices--if it meant canceling out a Saturday night with friends, then that's what I should do. She accused me of wanting to "socialize" rather than devote myself to my studies. She was upset at me for not wanting to drive 45 minutes every Tuesday night for a circle/study with another coven. She mentioned that she wanted to make me into a High Priestess (she hasn't brought anyone up to 3rd degree, yet). I told that I have NO desire to be a High Priestess, I simply wish to grow, and learn, and practice the path of Wicca--to enjoy the natural world and the spirituality of the Craft. I DON'T want to direct a group of people--heck I really don't really dig group work all that much.

She told me that if the Goddess wants me to do something, that She sometimes will drag someone "kicking and screaming" to it, so that I shouldn't put aside the idea of becoming a High Priestess. She seems to view anyone who doesn't want to devote almost *all* their time to what she is involved in (i.e., spending *a lot* of time driving all over to different rituals, spending hours at her house beyond our Saturday afternoon studies) as "fluffy bunnies" who are only into the Craft to "socialize". My teacher has been making me feel very stressed, constricted and almost "unworthy" of the path I have chosen. I am unable to devote all the time that she wants me to because I know that something will eventually "give" if I do--my schoolwork, loss of needed personal time to myself which may well effect my own well-being, relations with my husband.

Now, I have gone to my Saturday afternoon Wicca studies and meetings without fail. I ty to read books recommeded to me as much as possible.I also work full-time and go to school at the U at night. I also have a husband. Saturday night is usually the only time my husband and I can connect with friends since we both have busy schedules. I hate feeling that I'm not "giving enough" to my studies. Am I the wrong one? I don't know anymore--my teacher has been in Wicca for a long time, so I'm wondering if she's right. But why, then have I been plagued with a growing sense of unease? I love Wicca, but am I really not dedicated enough to follow this Path? I really don't want to turn away fro a spirituality that henjoy so much? What do I do? I feel so overwhelmed and twisted up inside! :( :(

Thanks all who got this far in reading this. Hope you can help!

Blessings,
Saeryn

[Wiccan Maeve]

Merry meet Saeryn,

This teacher of yours sounds like a control freak to me. This path does not require you to drop everything else in your life, it instead is meant to work with your life. Just because she's been on this path for 20 something years it doesn't mean she knows everything, that's impossible. I think that your intuition is telling you something, you should listen.

Love & light,
HoneyDreads

[Nyx]

I would say, drop your teacher, but not your religion. You can be wiccan and have a life. Your teacher is obviously a control freak, who will only do you more harm than good, if you continue to work with her. There's nothing shameful about at your own pace. It is always better to do what's best for you. I agree with Wiccan Maeve, follow your intuition and get out of there!




~~Nyx~~

[Myst]

As a High Priestess she may have to devote a large part of her time to her beliefs, but you don't. You told her you didn't want to be part of the coven, let alone another High Priestess, so don't. You can do just as well on this path without her, and perhaps this was even supposed to happen so you'd realize you could follow your path your own way. Bright blessings.

[Adrenaline Junkie]

Your teacher has some issues she needs to work on.

I say tell her, that you're serious about your studies and religion but you're not willing to vacate the rest of your life to do so. Wicca does not require you to cancel all of your plans. The Goddess knows you have more than religion in life. If after you've talked to her and she still remains the same way - drop her like a sac of stale potato chips. You don't need that nonsense.

You can teach yourself with books, websites, videos and other solitary contacts. That is the route I've taken and I love it.

Blessed be & Good luck!

[Lilu]

Everyone here has had some good advice, and if you are feeling the need to get out, then absolutely, you should get out!

If you feel the need to try and work with her, then you need to set some ground rules. Drop out of the coven if you never wanted to be a part of it, and tell your teacher that you will not attend any rituals/circles that you are not comfortable with.

On top of that, make it very clear that you need to know in ADVANCE, at least two weeks of any "rituals" she might like to attend so that you don't make plans for that weekend - and last of all - yes, part of being A PERSON is knowing when to admit you are wrong, and you TEACHER is the person in the wrong here - and you should demand an apology from her before attempting to continue any sort of teacher/student relationship with her.

But my gut feeling is GET THE HECK OUT OF THERE, this woman is obviously a control freak and a little weirded out with screwed up priorities in regard to YOUR life.

As for the comment of "sometimes the Goddess drags you kicking and screaming" ... sounds like she's been reading a little too much of Marion Zimmer Bradley to me. My experience is that the Goddess will not force you to do anything that you aren't READY to do.

BB
Lilu

[Twilight Garden]

Listen to your own intuition. If the Goddess is telling her that you should be a HPS, maybe you should ask her to ask the Goddess to tell YOU! If you are not wanting something someone offers, don't take it. You are the one allowing this person to make you feel unconfortable. As many before me in this thread... Get out if you feel it. You are doing nothing wrong from what you say. You are married, you have a life. What is the point of living your religion if you are not allowed to live at all? When it's truely time for you to be a High Priestess, you'll know. Sounds to me like this person is afraid that you'll grow... into what you are, instead of what she thinks you should be.

[GoddessofWisdom]

Ditch the teacher and quick.............it sounds like she's making her own cult not really following wicca, paganism nor any other Nature based path. You have clearly stated to her that not only do you NOT want to be part of a coven/grove but that you do not want to be a high priestess yet she's luring you into it anyway.

I say get rid of her.

You could learn more from a bar of soap.

[Lavender]

Hi Saeryn, from reading your post, I think you've probably realized what you should do. Are you sure you need a teacher? I agree with Lilu about this. If you still want to work with this teacher, ground rules needs to be set up. Yes, you should be living your path, but not to the exclusion of everything else. All the best to you.

[Socharis]

All I can say is "SHE IS NOT A GOOD TEACHER" Get rid of her and quick, if she makes you feel this way then she is not doing a good job as a teacher, wiccan, and a person.

[Sequoia]

Hi there Saeryn.

Find a different teacher or strike out on your own. What this woman is doing is the farthest from wicca or paganism than anything I've heard in a while. It's not about controlling, or HAVING to be somewhere, or HAVING to do this or that. . . . it's about connecting with yourself, and finding your own path and understanding and harmony (in my opinion, anyway). What she's doing is wrong and most likely, as everyone's saying, she's a control freak. Get out of that relationship! I wouldn't want a friend like that.

btw. . . her comment about the goddess dragging people kicking and screaming? I don't know what goddess SHE'S talking about, but the one I know and love is gentle and GUIDES, not FORCES. . . . and the goddess would not ask of you anything unless you were ready to do so.

Basically, I think this teacher of yours needs help. But it's not your job to help her. I would suggest finding another way to learn. And hey - you don't always need a teacher. One of the best things a teacher ever told me was this: "think for yourself!" that's what a good teacher will try to do. . . . not force or control you. Good luck with your path, my friend.

*huggles* welcome! ^_^

[moonmagick4]

This is how I am learning.I also do not like the "group" thing.You could learn a lot from reading and do it at your own pace!!I think you will be more comfortable learning from books!
An' it harm none,Do what ye will!!!;)

[Dria El]

What an aweful experience for you! I can honestly say not all teachers are like that! I agree with most of what everyone else has said (control freak, etc.) but would make one amendment.

Whenever I've heard the saying 'Goddess wants me to do something, that She sometimes will drag someone "kicking and screaming" to it' it wasn't meant literally. I'm not trying to speak for her (your 'teacher') but just give you something to think about.

BTW... Welcome to Mystic Wicks!!! So glad you found us ok!

:)

[Saeryn]

Goodness, I never expected to get all these responses so quickly! Also, all of you seem to be telling me exactly what I've felt deep down inside lately. My HPS is not a bad person, but I guess we simply don't see eye to eye on a few things--especially the idea of me being a HPS! I haven't even been able to do a magickal working yet (she doesn't think I'm ready) and she's already telling me that I'm going to be a HPS!?

Also, I thank you all for your kind, helpful responses--what a great group! I hope y'all don't mind if I stick around a bit?

On top of attending all my Wicca classes with her, I've done all the readings assigned to me and have done *a lot* of other reading on my own. I just have difficulty juggling my job, my night-time courses at the University, husband/time for self, etc., to be able attend every outside activity that she wants me to go to. My schoolwork last semester suffered as a result (which I don't want happening since I'm paying for college myself) and I ended up feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

Thanks for letting me rant--It's taken some of the weight off from my shoulders and I must admit, I *do* feel better now. At least, I feel more ready to "face the music" in the decision that I need to make for myself.

I will try to communicate my concerns with my teacher, but I feel like I may end up going solitary for a while. I don't feel that this relationship will work out. Hopefully, I may be able to connect with someone in the future to study Wicca with. In the meantime, I'll do it my way--at my own pace.

On that note, I can't help but be anal while re-reading my first post (and possibly THIS one)--AARRGH! Sentence structure, sentence structure! I'm an English major, I should know better! *hangs her head in shame* ;)

BTW, thanks for the warm welcome! I've lurked on this board for a bit and you guys seem like such a nice group! :)

Blessed be,
Saeryn

[Twilight]

welcome to mysticwicks!

you answered your own question, by the way, just read your own post. why are people so hesitant to listen to themselves?

- twilight

[Saeryn]

>>you answered your own question, by the way, just read your own post. why are people so hesitant to listen to themselves?

- twilight<<

Heheh. Yeah I know, twilight--but I'm workin' on it! I have a tendency to "second guess" myself a bit, but I'm slowly and surely learning to trust my intuitions more. :)

Being rather new to all this, I really wanted to seek a second opinion--as well as to have a good vent. I still got some good advice/input to consider and that certainly helps! ;)

~~Saeryn

[Lilu]

Originally posted by Saeryn
Also, I thank you all for your kind, helpful responses--what a great group! I hope y'all don't mind if I stick around a bit?


Not all all! This is a great community and I hope to see some more from you :) Welcome to Mysticwicks!

BB
Lilu

[Twilight Garden]

It can be hard to end a relationship. It sounds like that's what you will end up doing with your teacher. It's natural to second guess yourself, especially when other people are involved. You are doing the right thing. There's bunches of support in this community, if you need it. There are a number of solitaries here. Best of Luck!
*LM

[GoddessofWisdom]

there are more than a few courses online that will offer and education in witchcraft.............I posted this link on another board in here but I'll post it for you again.

http://www.crystalwaterfall.com
there is also:
http://www.wica.org.uk

[yemayasdaughter]

Blessings to you, Saeryn:

I went through a similar experience in my teen years with a Christian church I was going to. I was studying for my G.E.D. and was chastisted for wanted to study my G.E.D. textbook, and not the bible. It was then and there that I knew I would NOT stay with them, and thank the Goddess I made that decision.

That High Priestess had *NO RIGHT* to tell you what the Goddess wants of you. She is basically saying that whatever connection you have with your Goddess is not valid. What SHE says is the only thing, and that sucks.

I will send you light, as I am sure we all will. Know that you dont have to use this avenue to find the Goddess. :) :) :) :) :)

[Mythrel]

you made a comment about her not letting you do any magickal work of your own yet. That you were not ready. In my opinion she is really holding you back. Hopefully she gave you some good basics to work with but I think it is time to move on to bigger and better things. I hope you don't turn away from the Goddess because of one person's stupidity!!

oh well that's my two cents worth
Mythrel

[Lavender]

Hi Saeryn! I'm glad that you've decided to stick around! The more the merrier here! :D Sometimes, people are put in our paths for us to learn from and to challenge us. We're probably someone else's challenge! :D Don't feel bad about whatever decision you've come to about your teacher. Think of all that she has taught you so far & remember her for that.

[yemayasdaughter]

Right on, Wildchild!!!! :) :) :) :)

[GoddessofWisdom]

Originally posted by yemayasdaughter
Blessings to you, Saeryn:

I went through a similar experience in my teen years with a Christian church I was going to. I was studying for my G.E.D. and was chastisted for wanted to study my G.E.D. textbook, and not the bible. It was then and there that I knew I would NOT stay with them, and thank the Goddess I made that decision.

That High Priestess had *NO RIGHT* to tell you what the Goddess wants of you. She is basically saying that whatever connection you have with your Goddess is not valid. What SHE says is the only thing, and that sucks.

I will send you light, as I am sure we all will. Know that you dont have to use this avenue to find the Goddess. :) :) :) :) :)



^
Agrees
For all that you might as well just go and become catholic and have the priest dictate what you should believe


But I know in my heart you'll make the right choice for you

Good luck with your decision

:)

[Mythrel]

:huh: :confused:
what ever happened with this?
Just being nosey!!!!!!
Mythrel

[Saeryn]

Originally posted by Mythrel
:huh: :confused:
what ever happened with this?
Just being nosey!!!!!!
Mythrel

Oops, I forgot about a possible update--thanks for reminding me. It would have been kind of rude of me of not to let you guys know. Especially after all the helpful advice I was given by all you nice folks on this board.

My decision is this: I am definitely going solitary. It will take me longer to learn (I've only been studying for 2 years, formal "teaching" for less than a year). But I plan to take a workshop here and there since there are a couple of pagan stores in my area that offer them. I also want to try and see if I can find/connect with other witches/pagans in my area to study and learn with.

So for now, I just plan to keep reading books (LOTS of reading) and learning from others--either online or IRL.

I have not decided as to whether I should tell my teacher about my decision or just to break off without a word (I haven't spoken to her since I posted the intial message). She can think I'm a "fluffy bunny who can't handle the real work" all she wants for all I care. I know it's not true--I am dedicated to this path as well as to the Goddess. I know in my heart that I'm serious of about the work involved to learn the Craft as well as knowing that's it not all "white light and rainbows". I try to connect with my Dieties as often as I can.

BTW, I did my own Samhain ritual. It was the fist Sabbat ritual that I did on my own. I used a few ideas from Cunningham's Samhain ritual as well as my own bits and pieces. I got pomagranate juice ALL OVER my altar cloth when I pierced the fruit during the riual--LOL, I think the Lord and Lady were laughing right along with me when it happened. Heck, I know they were, and it was a delightful feeling.) It was quite satisfying and it felt so right. I set some food out for the spirits and did my very first Tarot reading.

My teacher would have disapproved--she didn't think I was ready to do working on my own yet, but how can you learn if you don't practice? I know there is always the risk of backfire if I'm not careful, but it's a risk I'm willing to hold myself responsible for if I'm to learn on my own. And I do my best to make sure that I cover myself with "with harm to none, for the good of all involved" when I do a working. If anyone else has suggestions to help avoid a backfire--please, feel free to advise.

So there you have it. Again, I thank all of you for your kind concerns and suggestions.

~~Saeryn

[Sequoia]

hey there! ^_^ wow, that sounds like your ritual was fun! hehe and if you felt happy and good doing it. . . congrats! you did it right!! hehe ^_~ that's been my experience, anyway.

well, it'd prolly be best to at least drop your old teacher a note, but if she just keeps pressing it then try to get rid of all contact. . . dropping off the face of the planet can be hard to do (I'v edone it though lol). But perhaps she'll understand.

At any rate, I wish you the best of luck! ^_^

~Puma

[Mythrel]

Awesome...that is great...keep up the good work...I am proud of you.
Mythrel

[Kristin Ann]

Thanks for the update Saeryn, :).

I'm so glad you've decided to do what's best for you instead of what's best for your teacher.

Congrats on your first solitary ritual it sounds like it was wonderful, even with the pomegranate mishap, hehe. And you're right, the deities were probably laughing right along with you, :).

Congrats on your first Tarot reading too, :).

I'm so happy for you {{{{{{{{Saeryn}}}}}}}}.

Love & light always,
Kristin Ann

[Margie]

Sorry late to reply-but so glad to hear everything has worked out and that you've decided to do what you felt was right. That's VERY important!

[faeriedust]

glad everything worked out okay, and really glad you decided to hang out with us here at MW!!!!!!

oh yeah Merry Meet and Welcome to you!!!!!!:wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave:

[kittiepoetrygod]

Good for you! She sounds like Vivianne in the begining of the MoA sorta. She sounds like she has no life outside her religion, which is ok, but I think the extreme she made it to is unhealthy.

If you talk to her again, i would tell her that you're taking some time to find the Goddess through yourself, and that her teachings were wonderful (even if they weren't), but that there is more ways than her ways and that everyone who disagrees/d with her simply isn't a fluffy bunny. Thats the kind of thinking that lead to things like the Crusades and Witch Hunts, thinking the for or against deal. Thank her as well. Just what i would do!