Return of old habits

[i_am_serenity16]

Recently my best friend committed suicide and since then I've been having a hard time of things. A lot of habits that used to rule my life have returned and this scares me. I don't think I've been fully sober in a week, and I had stopped drinking except at parties and when out with my frineds. This wouldn't be so bad except that now another old habit has come back too, A worse one. I've started cutting myself again. I used to do it a lot and then I stopped because I was sick of having scars all over me but last night I just sort of did it without thinking about it and only realized what I was doing once I started bleeding. I'm afraid that I may end up losing control and slipping back into what I consider my old life, the drugged up, suicidal part of me. I don't know what to do anymore.

[Viseux]

Don't walk, run to your nearest trusted councilor (preferably Pagan) or Group Elder.
You need help overcoming emotions this strong. Don't be afraid to seek out that help immediately.
I am sending you energy.

Blessings,
Viseux

[MoonDragn]

if you need someone to talk to on the phone, send me a private msg. Sometimes all you need is someone to talk to.

You can rant to me all you want, I'll listen :)

[i_am_serenity16]

Don't walk, run to your nearest trusted councilor (preferably Pagan) or Group Elder.
You need help overcoming emotions this strong. Don't be afraid to seek out that help immediately.
I am sending you energy.

Blessings,
Viseux

The thing is I don't trust any counsilors. I was alway sent to see them and they never did anything except made it worse by telling my parents or by telling me things that didn't have anything to do with my situation. Thank you for the energy.

[i_am_serenity16]

if you need someone to talk to on the phone, send me a private msg. Sometimes all you need is someone to talk to.

You can rant to me all you want, I'll listen :)
Thank you. I'll keep that in mind.

[MoonDragn]

I don't feel the way I've ever felt.
I know.
I'm gonna smile and not get worried.
I try but it shows.

Anyone can make what I have built.
And better now
Anyone can find the same white pills.
It takes my pain away.

[Chorus]
It's a lie. A kiss with opened eyes.
And she's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Nevermind these are horrid times.
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me.

I never thought I'd walk away from you.
I did.
But it's a false sense of accomplishment.
Everytime time I quit

Anyone can see my every flaw.
It isn't hard.
Anyone can say they're above this all.
It takes my pain away.

-Jimmy eat world.

[Pilot]

if you need someone to talk to on the phone, send me a private msg. Sometimes all you need is someone to talk to.

You can rant to me all you want, I'll listen :)


Hey seren, the same goes for me!

[i_am_serenity16]

I don't feel the way I've ever felt.
I know.
I'm gonna smile and not get worried.
I try but it shows.

Anyone can make what I have built.
And better now
Anyone can find the same white pills.
It takes my pain away.

[Chorus]
It's a lie. A kiss with opened eyes.
And she's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Nevermind these are horrid times.
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me.

I never thought I'd walk away from you.
I did.
But it's a false sense of accomplishment.
Everytime time I quit

Anyone can see my every flaw.
It isn't hard.
Anyone can say they're above this all.
It takes my pain away.

-Jimmy eat world.

Good lyrics, not a big Jimmy eat world fan but that was good. Thanks for sharing.

[i_am_serenity16]

Hey seren, the same goes for me!

Thanks Pilot.

[Viseux]

The thing is I don't trust any counsilors. I was alway sent to see them and they never did anything except made it worse by telling my parents or by telling me things that didn't have anything to do with my situation. Thank you for the energy.

Do you have any Pagan Clergy in your area? It might be worth looking at that possibility as most do counseling and are more apt to keep it private.

Blessings,
Viseux

[i_am_serenity16]

Unfortunatly no. I don't have anyone else around here who is pagan.

[Catiana]

Do you have any trusted friends you can talk to about it?

[Viseux]

Unfortunatly no. I don't have anyone else around here who is pagan.

You may be suprised. Try this link... http://www.witchvox.com/vn/vn_index/xclergy.html
Then click on you location. You'll find me listed in Wisconsin if you look. I really hope this helps. I would like to help more myself but personally believe that what can be accomplished over the net is somewhat limited.

Blessings,
Viseux

[i_am_serenity16]

Thanks Viseux. I'll check that link out.

Catina It's hard to talk with my friends at the moment as most of them are freaked cuz I've come out of the broom closet. Oh and I love your avatar by the way.

[Dragonladyofwater]

As I read through this thread one word kept popping to my mind over and over. Action.

When we are drowning in our own negativity we are often inactive and indulge that negativity to extremes. My suggestion to you would be to actively seek someone to talk to, Pagan Clergy is a good place to start. Make time each day to do something active and positive for yourself to get back to where you want to be. You said you went through this before and overcame it? Think back to how you did that and think about which of those steps might help you now. Think about what brought you back to this place and which steps brought you there so you can work on breaking those patterns for good... All this thinking shoud be done as objectively as possible. Interview yourself and see if it gets you answers you can't glean when emotional.

I hope this is helpful to you in some small way.