Typical Stage, or something else?

[Darakash]

I have been noticing a trend with my 4-year-old daughter. Whenever she gets something new, she immediately asks if she can "keep" it....whether it is hers, and then, "can I keep (whatever it is) forever, mommy?"

Now, I know this may sound like an odd thing to be worried about, but really what I am wondering is if this is sort of a usual stage type thing, OR, if it could specifically be a reaction to the fact that she lost almost every one of her toys in Hurricane Francis this past August. I have tried to explain that these "things" are hers, and therefore, she can keep it as long as she wants it, etc. But, what I think I am worried about, is if this is more of a reaction to losing everything, then, i want to makes sure I address that issue more directly. I don't know if that makes sense, but I don't want her forming a complex of some sort, like a fear of abandonment type thing, but with stuff instead of people.

So, anyone have (or used to have) kids in this age group see this behavior, or do ya'll think this is something more associated with the trauma of this past summer?
Help!
DK

[Valkie]

Honestly, it sounds like a reaction from loosing her things from the hurricane. My boys didn't go through it.

Rather than taking the approach of "keeping things forever", I think it may be better to address it as things staying as long as we need them. If she thought that the things that she lost had to go to someone who needed them more, or if they thought that she didn't need them as much, it may be an easier way of her dealing with loss... rather than trying to keep things forever.

[Shanti]

It doesnt sound like a typical stage but..
I wonder if its because of the loss and the emotions that went with it or,

She thought her stuff was gone forever and forever..never will have 'stuff' again!!! But!!!!! she has found that she is getting new stuff ( she didnt expect that !!) and its the new stuff that has her going. So its not the loss but the getting repalcements that she is concentrating on?

I would talk. I would spend time went opportunties arise to ask questions and show a calm in the topic so she knows its ok to talk. Share feelings with her, let her talk and if she doesnt want to...thats ok too!!

But I would look to her for the answers as to why. At 4 she is able to gives signs and words with clues as to what she thinks and feels. She couldnt tell all in one conversation but a question here and a question there should open some doors. I would ask something, and listen and watch her behavior and stuff like that and talk about my feelings.

Thats how I would deal with it. :)

[Ceres]

I think it sounds like she is working though the losing things to the hurricane in her head. I doubt it will traumatize her. That said, she might find comfort in talking about it. I would take the bull by the horns and ask her if she worries about losing things to a hurricane again. It may help even just to talk about what you lost and how it was replacable and though you are sad its gone, you are glad to be able to get new things too.
My own four year old seems to be trying to work out HOW we get things. He seems confused about why when we get books or movies at the library we have to give them back, but we can buy books or movies if we go elsewhere and keep them. He asks a lot of questions about keeping things and borrowing things and where we do what.

[Pandoras]

I generally agree with Radikalwomyn. I don't think this is somethign that will scar her and it will probably go away on its own with time (as memories of the hurricane fade and security is slowly restored). But if you want to address it, I think being direct is a fine approach - gently asking your daughter why she asks this question, is she afraid of losing her things again. Whether you address it this way or not, you can still assure her that these items are hers and while you value them, they can all be replaced.

[Darakash]

Thanks ladies, I appreciate the feedback and input. It helps put things in perspective. I also got a PM that was very helpful, and all the responses combine to make a much clearer picture of what may be going on with her. I just didn't want to make things worse, if it was merely a stage....but it seems more and more obvious that this is more specific to our experiences this past summer. So, I am gonna follow the advice and discuss things with her from the many perspectives y'all suggested, and see how we do.

Thanks again,
Dk

[Antoninus]

Some kids go through such a stage when they realize that they can have things that are actually thiers and no one elses. The Hurricane could have also helped. My niece went through something similar when she was 5, even a penny she found she'd ask if she could keep it.

I think its more of her trying to find out what she can rightfully call "hers"