Domestic Violence Month

[Earth Walker]

October is domestic violence month.
Check out the Domestic Violence special for insight and
information that could help save a life.

http://incestabuse.about.com/bl_dvOct2001.htm?PM=n3100201g

[Swanspirit]

The kind that leaves marks only on the psyche.......

"I Love You, But..."

"Honey, I Love You BUT..."
is NOT a declaration of love.


It is so angelic to begin a
sentence with this
declaration of love. After
all, it can be said with a
smile on the face and
untold patience in the
voice.

You are being
manipulated in a
power play. You are
probably confused
and often feeling
guilty. You are being
verbally abused!
Declaration of love,
manipulation, power play, or
verbal abuse?
What is it?
Your partner is
constantly belittling
you and abusing you
while hiding behind a
guise of love. The "I
love you but..." person
is a clever abuser.
It is so sweet and tender to begin a
sentence with this declaration of love.
After all, it can be said with a smile on
the face and innocent patience in the
voice.

But is it tender and loving?

No!

It is actually a strategy for power and
control by guilt. The "I-love-you-but...
person" uses negativity for leverage.

This is really a manipulative ploy that
allows him/her to remain distant while
indicating that you should compromise to
counteract the but... It represents
withholding, not love, on the part of the
speaker. And it is a form of verbal and
emotional abuse.

It can also be quite psychologically
damaging, then, to be in a relationship
with this person. Your partner is
constantly belittling you while hiding
behind a guise of love.

You are being manipulated in a power
play. You are probably confused and
often feeling guilty. You are being
verbally abused!

And what about the "I-love-you-but...
person?"

This double-sided stance keeps
negatives constantly focused in his/her
mind.

What this person gains in power over
those around him/her will be lost in love.
Eventually this person usually loses
much more than he/she gains in power.

Verbal abuse is often sneaky from highly
manipulative and often charming people.

Most verbal abusers do not stop with
one kind of verbal abuse because verbal
abuse is about power, not love.

The "I love you, but..." is an easy to
recognize form of verbal abuse.

Another one would be "For such a smart
person you do the dumbest things
like..."

or

"For a person who say he loves his
children, you..."

or

"For such a creative person, you..."

I think you get the picture now!

Remember, verbal abuse always
escalates and is almost always followed
by physical abuse, particularly if you
stick around long enough.
Love and Light
Swannie