Freakin' pagans!

[Dawa Lhamo]

It's like trying to herd freaking cats! You try and set up something nice and a bunch of people say they'll come, and then you spend your whole week preparing and making everything just so. (I mean, I cooked for hours, I really took my time writing the ritual, etc...) and no one shows. Does anyone think to email and say they can't come? Of course not. That would be courteous.

This was supposed to be my time to show them my ritual style, and I was going to feed them. I have so much food (yummy Indian food: I fried Aloo Parathas, I made homemade chai masala, I made a dish with 2 lbs of chicken and a lb of spinach!).... I made enough for at least 8 people to have a full meal.... Grrr..... I waited and waited....

Freaking pagans! No respect at all! It's a good thing my roommate from last year came by, or I would have drunk that whole bottle of nice French wine... I was even sharing with them our special kind of invocations.

I mean, I suppose I should be used to it, but people said they'd come, and I said I'd make it personally my kind of ritual, and then no one shows or writes. What a freakin' slap in the face. If they'd rather I resign now than hand it over in a few months, they should freaking tell me!

I honestly don't know what I'm doing wrong. They say they don't know how they're going to replace me, but honestly, I don't know if they even want me at all.... :ack:

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I think I need to cry now...

Tashi delek,
Dawa Lhamo

[SilentDreams]

Pagans passing up free booze and food, you sure these are pagans you asked?

_pounce_ I'm really sorry. I know one way they could make it up, chip in too pay back for all the money you spent on the evening.

[mothwench]

aww, that's rotten. and all the more hurtful when you assume that spiritual people might have a better sense of courtesy than those that aren't... wrong again, i guess. :sadman:

btw, i don't quite understand what you meant by "resign" or "hand it in"... resign from what, your beliefs? :woah: you shouldn't even be considering that just because of what other people have done.

:hugz: i would have called. but then actually i would have shown up in the first place. :uhhuhuh:

[Druchii]

Sorry to hear that happened. But maybe it's just something here in Missouri. :)
I meet a lot of uppity pagans, wiccans, whatever...
But there are a few decent ones. They sure seemed a lot nicer in Colorado.

[Wolfie Girl]

I tried the coven thing too, but it was a slap in the face and I lost friendships over it. From now on I am solitary...it's not so bad that way.
So I kinda know how you feel. I'm sorry you had a bad time of it too.
^..^

[celticfire]

[QUOTE=Silent_lover]Pagans passing up free booze and food, you sure these are pagans you asked?

that quote says it all.

{HUGS} to you but don't let it make you feel badly about what you're doing or want to do...its not up to everyone else.

[Haruka2077]

That really sucks- how rude! I would have come. Sounds like you had some really great food. Unfortunately I think that sort of thing has happened to many of us. I don't know whether it's Pagans or just the general inconsiderate attitude of people these days. :geez:

[Mouse]

*big hugs* I know how you feel and i'm sorry you had to go through that.
take cares.

[RubyRose]

Aww. I'm so sorry. :hugz:

[Shatril]

Well I'm sorry to hear that, but not terribly surprised. Go over the the COT and read some of the rants there. Those teachers put lots of effort into their classes, people sign up and take the slots that are available, and then never participate. They aren't even courtious enough to explain why they aren't finishing. That is so discourtious. I think pagans are pagans in some instances because they are tooo lazy to be of a faith that requires you to show up for services on occasion; as pagans are free spirits they worship when and if they feel like it. No strings just free. I've tried on a couple of occassions to have get togethers and they didn't go well. I have stopped now, and let shyt happen when it does. No more trying to choreagraph meetings.

I wish I were close, I'd come and help you eat that food. :heybaby:

[TornadoAli]

wow that sucks. I'm sorry - I know how disappointing that must be :-(
I hate people who dont do what they say they're going to do.

[Aidron]

I would have showed! You had me at free food and drink. :sadeyes:

[Viseux]

Yes, with Pagans it is like herding cats.
I will say however that I believe that it is more a general attitude of people in general. We live in a world of me first and instant gratification. Manners have gone out the window and we are all the poorer for this turn in society.
What is accepted now would have effectively gotten you "black listed" with others as little as 20 years ago.

_pounce_

Blessings,
Viseux

[Akhkharu Asgard]

It must have been the spinach that made them not come. I don't know anything about Indian food, but I would have showed up. I like new things. That blows that no one came. I dislike unreliable people like that, even moreso if you went out of your way with the cooking and ritual. At least you know some pagans in your state.

you should pitchfork them :farmerjoe

[LadyTrinity]

Aww.. Im sorry they did that to you. Not all Pagan's are that rude! Trust me! When a local witch invited me and some others to a ritual for Fall EVERYONE showed up! It's like family to partake in something that makes you feel sooo whole.. If I lived near u.. I would come and drink all ur wine :hehehehe:

[PoisonIvy]

Maybe they weren't really pagans at all. Maybe they are wannabes and the "ritual" part of it scared them. :rotfl: I would've flew right over! :broomride

[Faeawyn]

Sounds like a wonderful evening. I would have definitely come..or I would have called and explained myself.
But I don't think its a Pagan thing. I find many of my non-Pagan friends and family behaving the same way. People have no respect for a commitment any more :( Things like punctuality, honesty, responsibility, honor, reliability and such are fading from our society. Its a sad thing.

[MoonDragn]

Yeah free food... I'd have been there in a sec.

[Mowri]

I know how you feel...Happens to me all the time here with the balefire group.

[spooky]

i'm so sorry. it sounds like you had a wonderful evening prepared. herding cats or no- that is inexcusable in my book. leaving you like that. what a good person you are to be so generous. lame lame lame. i'eda been there. in shades, man.

[audi]

how nice of you to make all those plans! im so sorry things didnt work out for you. as disapointing as that is, try not to get too down. *hugs* :uhhuhuh:

[gwendar]

Sad. I wonder why they were all so rude?
Sorry you had such a bad experience.

[Amethyst Rose]

It's sad that that happens, and I totally understand. I ran a Pagan club at university for 2 years, and even though we have 50 members by the second year, we could never get more than 8 people together at once, and that was a good turn out! Usually it was just 5 of us. Very tacktless for people to not even let you know, though, if they already said they'd be there.

[Catiana]

Yes, with Pagans it is like herding cats.
I will say however that I believe that it is more a general attitude of people in general. We live in a world of me first and instant gratification. Manners have gone out the window and we are all the poorer for this turn in society.
What is accepted now would have effectively gotten you "black listed" with others as little as 20 years ago.

_pounce_

Blessings,
Viseux


I couldn't agree more.

[DragonsChest]

I don't think it had anything to do with the group being Pagan. I think it's a symptom of the ME NOW culture we live in. I was brought up to RSVP for events, and then to keep to that committment unless an emergency came up. My mom taught me the old fashioned forms of etiquette.

Over the last 7-9 years of throwing bday parties for the kids, and trying to hostess grownup parties at our house, I have never ceased to be amazed by the folks who just won't commit. I never hear from them, and if I do decide to be gauche and call to find out if they are coming, I usually get an "oh, I don't know what our plans are for this Saturday, we might be busy."

Grrrrrr.... so I definately commiserate with you on your function, but it's not your fault. People just don't have any manners any more. :grrrrr:

[Rhaevyn]

:hugz:

I woulda been there, even if the food wasn't entirely free. And again, I know how you feel, hun. You didn't do anything wrong at all. I'm assuming you're talking about Silver Crescent...I'd love to re-join the list and give them a piece of my mind on your behalf, but it's not my place...but do know you have my support. It was this kind of horse-puckey that made me go solitary and gives me a "once bitten, twice shy" feeling about groups.

Have you, or are you going to tell them how you feel? They'll probably give excuses like they had to study or had something else that came up, or just plain forgot...let them know that they're not the only ones with tests, papers, and an outside life, and yet you just wasted a lot of time, energy, and (the part that maybe they'll comprehend) MONEY on having a special evening FOR THEM (because you could do it on your own on a smaller scale whenever you frickin' felt like it) and they didn't even have the simple human courtesy to say they couldn't make it.

I don't know how you can motivate them in the next few months. I don't know how you can make it clear to them how lucky they are right now and how the coddling and hand-holding will be gone in a short while. Above all else, remember...if they let the group die out, you did nothing wrong.

[Yasmine Galenorn]

It isn't just pagans, though I've had that happen far more than I care to remember. It's a general lack of respect. If you say you're going to be somewhere, you owe it to the host/ess to either show up or call in advance if at all possible to apologize and say you can't make it.

I cannot believe how often I've put RSVP on my invitations and people don't call or write to say "I'll be there" or "I can't make it"...I'm so fed up with this sort of behavior that I regularly throw fits about it.

Common courtesy has taken a backseat in society today, at least with a number of people I know, and frankly, I think we're far worse off for it. What happened to holding the door open for someone (male or female), not bumping into people with your grocery carts, saying "I'm sorry" if you do knock into someone?

My husband is disabled and walks with a cane; I cannot tell you how many damned shoppers have run into him with their grocery cart because they either weren't paying attention or because they let their kids run amok with those child-sized carts (which I detest--kids don't usually think about being careful with them) or because they're on their cell phones and not watching. I've taken to running interference and boy can I make a person back off with one glare.

Sigh...soap box time.

Yasmine :colorful:

[Pure Ahimsa]

Pass the Indian Food (have any Na'an, Zatar or Bariyani?) Yummmm

[Cielamara]

It isn't just pagans, though I've had that happen far more than I care to remember. It's a general lack of respect. If you say you're going to be somewhere, you owe it to the host/ess to either show up or call in advance if at all possible to apologize and say you can't make it.

I cannot believe how often I've put RSVP on my invitations and people don't call or write to say "I'll be there" or "I can't make it"...I'm so fed up with this sort of behavior that I regularly throw fits about it.

Common courtesy has taken a backseat in society today, at least with a number of people I know, and frankly, I think we're far worse off for it. What happened to holding the door open for someone (male or female), not bumping into people with your grocery carts, saying "I'm sorry" if you do knock into someone?

My husband is disabled and walks with a cane; I cannot tell you how many damned shoppers have run into him with their grocery cart because they either weren't paying attention or because they let their kids run amok with those child-sized carts (which I detest--kids don't usually think about being careful with them) or because they're on their cell phones and not watching. I've taken to running interference and boy can I make a person back off with one glare.

Sigh...soap box time.

Yasmine :colorful:

This is a case for the Etiquette Grrls.
Etiquette Grrls (http://www.etiquettegrrls.com)
Go buy their books, folks. We could all use them.

[BrigidMoon]

Well people can be rude. Perhaps a new group would be better?

Sorry this happened to you.

[WandererInGray]

That sucks. :hugz:
I hope you tell them all how you feel about this too.

[WitchJezebel]

But I don't think its a Pagan thing. I find many of my non-Pagan friends and family behaving the same way. People have no respect for a commitment any more :( Things like punctuality, honesty, responsibility, honor, reliability and such are fading from our society. Its a sad thing.

You're so right, and it's really sad. I've been through it too with many friends, pagan or not whom I can't be bothered with anymore because of it.

BTW I love Indian food!

[Incendia]

:( :hugz:

[Raevynn]

That REALLY bites!!! I'd definately let them know all the trouble you had gone through and how upset you are. :uhhuhuh:

[Ivy Artemisia]

This EXACT same thing happened in a coven that I was heading up. I'd set the altar, write the the ritual, buy food... lots of time consuming stuff. And then for no one to show. And no one to call. After I sent lots of reminder emails, etc?!

The third time that happened, I was finished.

It's probably not going to change. What you need to ask yourself is if you want to be part of a group where the commitment factor is small.

You should tell them how you feel at your next meeting. Or, if you are regularly in charge of the group, call a special meeting to talk about it. I know that you mentioned handing over the reins... talk to the person who you are handing it off to. Explain to her how you feel about what happened, and if they two of you can talk to the group in general- a united front.

If there are a lot of factors why people can't come... then it might be unfixable. For example, my group was geographically challenged- we took turns hosting, but no one wanted to make the 45 minute to an hour drive. It wasn't worth it to some of them. So we ultimately disbanded- I felt as though all my effort was wasted, and no one else wanted to lead. :(

Good luck!

[TheTempestuous1]

This is just so simptomatic of people today. I think its one of the reasons I have problems findng friends. No one wants to *commit* anymore. Yeah maybe they'll come.. if they feel like it. What ever happened to leaving calling cards, RSVPing weeks ahead of time for an event and good notice if you weren't going to come? Or even writing letters to keep in touch and going out of your way to welcome people or actually taking the time to get to know interesting people you meet better? I think people put a lot more care and thought in to their relationships and commitment years ago. Something as simple as a birthday card is often not even done amoung the friends that I have. Poor college student or not they could still do something! So I have taken to not getting them anything either because they wont appreciate it and wont reciprocate.

But as far as planning things with a big group I know how that goes. I have been the president of the HP potter club on my campus for 2 years now and it is like pulling teeth to get people to volunteer their time. I just don't get it. Then there are the times when you plan an event to do and no one really wants to so they all start doing something else. Thus again, I've taken to not planning much anymore. Its really disapointing that people can't summon up a little commitment and common curtesy anymore.

[arctic splash]

I would have come... or at *least* let you know what was going on... :hugz:

[ravynbynorthwynd]

i had a similar thing happen to me once: i had spent a good $40-$50 on firewood and food, etc. for a beach bonfire for a few people. the only people to show was me and my ride. that really sucked, a lot.

[Maverynthia]

I for one, wouldn't invite them back. If you feel compelled to try again with new people that show up, I'd tell them that if they don't show up then they won't be asked again. OR ask for $2 security deposit, that if they show up they get it back, otherwise they donated to the food fund.

[SilentDreams]

I for one, wouldn't invite them back. If you feel compelled to try again with new people that show up, I'd tell them that if they don't show up then they won't be asked again. OR ask for $2 security deposit, that if they show up they get it back, otherwise they donated to the food fund.


*dies laughing* I can see your logic but in this day and age asking people to give there money for something like that is like asking a crack head to give his stash, it aint happening.

[Dragon_Lady_of_Air]

One thing I have notices about fellow pagans is the lack of ability to follow threw. Or at least be in the tadest bit organized.

[Witchzee1]

It's like trying to herd freaking cats! You try and set up something nice and a bunch of people say they'll come, and then you spend your whole week preparing and making everything just so. (I mean, I cooked for hours, I really took my time writing the ritual, etc...) and no one shows. Does anyone think to email and say they can't come? Of course not. That would be courteous.

This was supposed to be my time to show them my ritual style, and I was going to feed them. I have so much food (yummy Indian food: I fried Aloo Parathas, I made homemade chai masala, I made a dish with 2 lbs of chicken and a lb of spinach!).... I made enough for at least 8 people to have a full meal.... Grrr..... I waited and waited....

Freaking pagans! No respect at all! It's a good thing my roommate from last year came by, or I would have drunk that whole bottle of nice French wine... I was even sharing with them our special kind of invocations.

I mean, I suppose I should be used to it, but people said they'd come, and I said I'd make it personally my kind of ritual, and then no one shows or writes. What a freakin' slap in the face. If they'd rather I resign now than hand it over in a few months, they should freaking tell me!

I honestly don't know what I'm doing wrong. They say they don't know how they're going to replace me, but honestly, I don't know if they even want me at all.... :ack:

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I think I need to cry now...

Tashi delek,
Dawa Lhamo
:hugz: I'm sorry Hun! People (not just Pagans) can be very rude and inconsiderate at times. Sorta shoots the law of three all to hell doesn't it!

Don't give up though! Remember that a spiritual path is one between you and Spirit. No one else needs to be involved in it.

That's why I'm a solitary!

But aside from that it really sucks when your "friends" let you down.

But don't even worry about that cuz you've got a ton of friends here!

:hugz: Keep your chin up!

[Threase]

Yeah, that kind of crap happens with us all the time... just last Sunday we made reservations for 15 people at the Harmony House (a buffet, all you can eat for $15.00)... adults and teens were invited, and the only people that showed up were the 4 other teens that Draco had invited! So there's 6 of us, sitting at this huge table, and the waitress keeps givin us a weird look cause we're all scrunched up at one end of the table... it was still fun, but it's typical...