I thought I was over this (friend troubles)

[Fleur]

I only joined here today but I have this big problem that's really messing me up..

Okay, so I have this exfriend, we'll call her J. She's an online friend, and I once considered her very close to me.

Let me give you some background info on myself. I've had depression/anxiety/possibly OCD for a long time. I was only diagnosed with depression and anxiety three and a half years ago, however. I've been self-injuring for those three and a half years, it only getting worse a year ago.

Three months ago, I was in the local hospital's psych ward for a week. I decided to give up self-injury, and did for two months. In that time, I was very pleased with my progress though the mental withdrawl was sometimes very difficult to deal with. I shared all this with J.
Then.. one day I couldn't take it any longer, and I scratched my wrist. When I told J what I had done, she blew up at me, telling me how she had lost all respect for me and yadda yadda yadda.
J and I have had plenty of fights before. Usually, I ended up apologizing for every one of them.

I'm not sure how the current fight started, I think it might've been because of the scratching thing (I'm horrible with the days lately, please excuse me). But basically, here's what J called me:
A drama queen. A bitch. A user. Worthless. Etc.. She told me something to the likes of "all your friends are going to discover what a bitch you are" and she even went so far as to say that my "Goddesses" probably don't love me either! She said she didn't want to be my friend anymore because she didn't want to get involved with my negative black hole, etc.

I had actually been laughing at all that. It was just so ridiculous. But then.. I was at one of my best online friends' MySpace (we'll call her S), and I saw J had been commenting there. She and S had been conversing with comments to each other's MySpaces, and basically it went like:
J: Your friend is a poo-head. [Yes, she really said that.]
S: What's happened?
J: She dramatizes everything and we've had 5 or 6 fights and she just keeps crawling back to me, blah blah blah..

And such like that. Every reply from S was rather neutral. I felt rather.. betrayed. Up until now, I was finding the whole J scenario funny. But then, seeing her chatting rather friendly-like with S just really set me off. It's not that they can't be friends, and it's not that I'm angry because S didn't defend me.. It's just.. I don't know.

But now I'm just questioning whether J was right in her insults to me. I just feel like I'm going crazy. I don't know who to trust, I don't know what's true and what's not.. My true friends say I'm a good person, but I feel like they're lying to me. I'm just going crazy right now. I know I should just ditch her for good but it seems like she's in every corner I go! I'm sick of her but is she right? I don't know.

Gaaaahhhhhhhh.

Thanks for reading this. Sorry.

[skyler]

I don't know your 'friend' J but if she treated you like that in one of your worse moments instead of being there for you then I don't think she was ever really a friend at all. No, she's not right in her insults about you. For all I can see this girl doesn't even understand what you're going through so why would her insults hold any truth? Don't ever let anyone put you down or make you feel bad about yourself, they're not worth it. So, Welcome to MysticWicks here you will find true friends who will ALWAYS listen to your troubles and won't judge you. I hope I helped a bit I'm not too good with words. :hugz:

[Fleur]

Thanks a bunch :) I'm feeling better now. She's having a good time defending herself and laughing at me. She's just a complete loser, really. But she's left me with some negative garbage energy so I'll have to get rid of that.

*hugs* This seems like a good community :)

[BrigidMoon]

I hope you like it here! I am sorry your friend let you down. So far, none of my friends here have let me down at ALL! :) Welcome!

[Lunacie]

Skyler's right. A real friend would have been supportive, not horrible. You don't need people like her in your life. I'll bet you'll meet some really great people here at MW and make friends with some of them. I met my 3 best online friends through a discussion board and we support each other and are honest with each other without being hurtful and disrespectful and hateful. Kiss J off, kick her to the curb, she's not really your friend at all.

[trippingdaisy]

first of all :welcome: to mysticwicks!!!!!

secondly, this girl is an idiot. I used to be a cutter, too, and if someone had said those things to me while I was trying my best to heal, it would have broken me. I can understand a friend being upset when another friend they care about is hurting themselves, but calling you what she did? no, thats wrong and idiotic and hurtful. the fact that you were able to laugh at most of what she said shows just how far you have come, and you should not let her take that away from you. Keep healing, and dont worry yourself for another minute about this girl. she is a poohead.

Love and :hugz:,

Trip