What do you think

[LadyTrinity]

:)

[LadyTrinity]

:spaceman:

[Viseux]

Ah My Lady,

You certainly ask tough questions.

My best answer is this...

No, you don't need to go over there and you don't need to have a relationship with you Ex for your childs sake.

However, You do have to do something that's even harder than that.
You have to stay neutral.
It's not fair for you to push your opinions and feelings about your Ex onto your child.
If your child asks your opinion, you need to shrug your shoulders and tell them it's their opinion/feelings that matter, not yours.

I've been through this myself.
My Ex did such a good job of brain washing my son that it took 2 years of living with me to get over his fear of me and to open up. The fact that I didn't "bad mouth" his mother to him helped a lot. He soon figured out who the Psycho was. We (my son & I) now have a incredible strong bond and relationship. He doesn't talk to his mother (his choice as he's 20 years old.)

I hope you understand I'm not saying your in any way like this.

I'm just trying to warn you of the importance of staying neutral.

Blessings,
Viseux

[~SleepyWillow~]

You know what I think Trin..I think if the new GF is willing to be there when you are, and to kind of be a mediator then I say go for it..She's asking for your help and what better way to be sure yourself that things are going well. You will be more comfortable in the long run with them having your child in thier care if you can see for yourself how they interact with him. You don't have to be his "friend" but you do need to communicate with him regarding your son(co-parenting)..If you cut ties and communication you are literally cutting yourself off from knowing how your ex's household runs or being able to discuss anything that you feel is making your son uncomfortable. How do you feel about the woman in your ex's life..it sounds to me like she is interested in making sure that the little guy is happy and that my dear is a BIG DEAL!! Many of us have to deal with women that are anything but helpful due to jealousy or insecurity or whatever. Take the opportunity she's offering...at least try to help..not for your ex's sake but for your sons. I think it will make everyone involved much more comfortable and happier as well..

[Rhianna813]

The most important thing for you to remember is that you have choices and that deciding to visit your ex or not can be changed later. You can always put your chips on the table too. I find just remembering this in life helps me feel more empowered and less stressed.

Now to your specific situation. I must say that I agree with both Visuex and Sleepy Willow because I am not sure the answer is so cut n dry. You should not have to be friends with your ex or feel you are somehow going to be drawn back into his cycle of abuse. But if you are going to "share" a child you will have to see and speak to each other (and put on a happy face for your kid). If you want those words to be only "Hi" and "Bye" then you run the risk of not knowing important details of your son's life when he visits his dads house. Conversations about health, behaviour, etc will come up and you will probably have to muddle through them with your ex - even it's only get some clarifying details out of him to help you resolve an issue.

Keeping things calm, unemotional, clear, and to the point on a regular basis - things may go better. Also if your ex's GF is acting as the go between and she seems nice that maybe a blessing in disguise. You may also consider going for the first visit and that's it. Or don't go and see what happens and you can always ask to visit later. Think about what would work for you and put it out there too. It does not have to be what they want and your only choice is yes or no.

Good luck and keep us posted!!

Rhianna

[Rockprincess]

Considering that you should be getting a restraining order against your ex, I don't think visiting with him right now is the best idea.

I think it's great that his girlfriend is talking to you about this, because hopefully she will be a moderate influence when the two of them are together.

But you are trying to keep this man out of your life - don't give him excuses for getting back into it, and allowing him to abuse you some more.

[MoonDragn]

Tell your ex's GF that you'll go if she can garantee that the ex will not beat you like he used to. Explain to her that you live in fear of this person because of the violence he has done in the past. She apparently don't get it.

Whether or not your son receive the proper perspective on either parent is not the point here. You are not safe around that man and I would not risk your life so that your son could see him in a different light.