Difficulty with my parents... Help...

[Sora]

All right. I have a little problem. Well, according to me, it’s a big problem. :blushake: About a year ago, I was talking with my mother, and a perfect opportunity came up to confess my pagan spirituality. Yeah, it went pretty well, because I told her nearly nothing, for the reason that I was rather scared about what her reaction would be. She handled what I was saying perfectly, saying it’s nice to know there is something up there… After that I stopped masking things like I did before, stopped hiding my books and erasing my computer’s history. But now, after I’ve been investigating this blessed path for nearly four years, both my mom and dad have forgotten they where okay with this whole thing. :dis: My father came into my room the other day, nearly gave me a heart attack with his not-knockingness, and then really did give me a heart attack. Well, not really… He said something like ‘Are you into that Wicca shit?’ I was so incredibly shocked and appalled by that. I’m not, really. I’ve never even considered the Wicca path, I’m just a lil ol pagan… I forget, now, what I said back to him. But he went on to tell me how it is a dead end, how it is just foolish. How is shuts a lot of doors in your life. How it condemns you in peoples eyes. It… hurt. A lot. Then, about two weeks later, me and my mother where in a book store. I saw a book ‘bout the witch trials, and I pointed it out. I did a school report on those trials of 1692, I told her as much. She said, ‘Your not going to be one of those freaks, are you?’ :scream: I’m serious here. I said, rather nervously, ‘What, someone who hunts witches?’ and she said, ‘No, a Wicca.’ End of conversation. I don’t know what to do. :wah: Please, give me some suggestions on how to approach them. I’d appreciate that.

[Margie]

Sora,

I'm sorry. I really don't have much advice. All I can do is express my sorrow for how your parents made you feel. I don't know how old you are but I'm almost 23 and am NO WHERE near "coming our of the closet" on this issue. Maybe ask your parents what they think Pagan or Wiccan is and try to educate them and show them what you know??? I'm really very sorry for your situation.

[Danustouch]

Try to get them to read a copy of Scott Cunninghams "The truth about witchcraft today". It's helped MANY People come to a better understanding about the modern craft, and pagans, as well. You might also try to get your hands on a copy of an article, called.."A christians response to paganism"..I think that's the title anyway. It was written BY a Christian, about Pagans. And basically, asserts that Wicca and Paganism are Valid Paths, and that we should be respected. I'll try to find it in a little while, and post a link for you. That might help your parents to read, as well.

If none of that works hon, I hate to say it, but you might just want to let it all go in one ear, and out the other. My advice to you , is develope a thick skin, sweetie. I know it hurts to experience intolerance and misunderstanings by those we love most..but..unfortunately, there is SO much of that floating around. You just can't take it personally. You have to follow your heart, and allow them to follow theirs. Just be willing to answer their questions. If they don't want to hear the answers..that's THEIR problem. Try to let it roll of your back...and go about your routine. You might have to be an "undercover pagan" for sometime, around them....but...sooner or later, you'll be on your own, and won't have to worry about it anymore.

Good Luck!

[Yvonne Belisle]

Somewhere in new pagans is a link to the goverments discription of paganism for the military chaplins it's posted in a few threads. The fact that the us military considers it a valid path may help you as well. Don't forget that sometimes fading quietly into the closet is not the cowards way out. You can't switch your parents for another set so if nothing else works the appearence of giving in gracefully may become nessesary for peaceful living. Good luck hopefully you won't have to resort to that.

[Wiccan Maeve]

I second Danustouch's recommendation of trying to get them to read The Truth About Witchcraft Today by Scott Cunningham. I had my mom read it and she stopped calling my path "that magical crap" and now we have very healthy conversations about the topic, :).

My thoughts are with you Sora, I hope it all works out, :).

Love & light,
HoneyDreads

[MistOfTheSea86]

I have to deal with this sometimes as well, with my other siblings. Who claim to be agnostic and yet condemn me whenever they get a chance. I agree to just try to develop a thick skin and try to get through, there will be those who understand and sadly those who dont... They will have to go on condemning their own beautiful daughter, let them deal with the guilt. Go on with your own path, and with your truth dont let them bring you down...

[CelticRain]

Hello,
Well I didn't catch your age, but I assume you are living at home, welcome to the wonderful world of becoming your own person. My mom wasn't thrilled when I told her I was a pagan, and she did her best to talk me out of it, but if you are a true believer in the Craft, you have to stick to your guns so to speak and accept what happens.

All my best,
Celtic Rain

[kittiepoetrygod]

They sound like they are going to stick with their opinions, and not take it very well if you prove them wrong about something, or make them look like fools or something ... just an observation, I'm not qualified to make that judgement, but by some of the things you've typed that they said, to me it sounds accurate. The first thing I would ask them, me being me, would be, "Since you two have so many judgements to make about Wicca and Wiccans, I'd like to know what you actually know about them, and how you can prove it. Oh, and if you didn't get the memo, Buffy and Charmed are fake. If I had to be the one to tell you this, I'm going to be terribly disappointed." What you have to understand is that I hate the American talk first, learn later attitude. Coming from an American who has always lived here.

Anyhoo, if they don't know anything, which i think is the case, tell them, "If you'd actually like facts about Wicca and Paganism, as much as it goes against the American spirit, please do the unthinkable, ask." This might get them to ask or get you kicked out ... I hope its the former. And if they don't beileve you, which might also be likely, say, "Cite your source, and your reasons." It'll stop them dead. Chances are they'll still think it, but they'll know they've lost.

Hope i helped ;)

[Danustouch]

Well, PoetryKitty, I think that honestly, your approach is MUCH more apt to put them on the defensive, than if she simply provided them with articles or books on the subject. If they read the book, and STILL think it's BS..then at least she can say.."well..I tried my best, to give them credible sources, and truth". If she tries to counter them with "demands" that they cite their source, and give HER proof, it will automatically put them on the defensive, and make them think that she believes herself to "Know Better" than they do. That comes from my own experience. My parents would have thought that was a very smart alecky attitude, and I would have gotten into deep crap because of it.

In my experience, one of the reasons that the teen years are so difficult, is because some parents have a very difficult time aknowledging that their child is no longer a child, but that they are becoming their OWN person, and are in the process of becoming adults. So..if a teenager comes across to their parents with an "i know better than you" attitude, it's likely to REALLY inflame the parents, and make them take the opposite response to the kid, than desired. Instead of being proud that their child is forming their own belief systems, opinions, values, morals, thoughts, etc...they are likely to think the kid is just being "Rebellious"...which, in some parent's terms, equals "immaturity".

Having been out on my own for about six or seven years now, and after many a conversation with my mother about how "difficult" a teenager I was when I was one...This is the conclusion that I've reached.

She can offer them answers, if they ask, she can provide them with sources, and information, but she really should stay away from what they would see as a "Challenge" to their intelligence, or their beliefs. Just my opinion.

[Kristine]

I've never found a reason to "come out" or announce my beliefs. I just do as I do and make no excuses or defend anything.

[GoddessofWisdom]

Unfortunatly, your parents might not change their veiw of your belief system. But that doesn't mean that you have to change yours. Be whom you want to be. Just don't rub it in their faces. It'll p*ss them off even more and you'll catch more hell for it. Yes ppl who follow the nature based paths do get sh*t on alot, but that doesn't mean we have to yeild and it doesn't me we have to pretend we're something we're not. It will make you a stronger person in the end;)

[Sora]

Thank you all, so much. I'll try to get a book or two to let them read. My dad doesn't trust the 'net for important stuff. And my mom thinks the computer is a curse, so web sites are out. I'm fourteen, for those of you who asked. (Yeah, I know.) Another thing happened today. My father was fixing my computer, and he pulled up the 'net. Saw this page set as the home page. And he was mad. Really mad. I asked why he thought it such a bad thing. He said because we don't believe in 'god'. I said it's not like I've ever been exposed to 'god', we never talked about Christianity or went to church or anything. He said that he believed in 'god' very, very much, and he never talks about it because he doesn't try to convert people; But paganism is WRONG and I should be Christian. Heh. I'm so confused, here...

Thanks for all your support.