In a bad situation....

[Tina]

Me & my sister like the same guy, I think for the same time, but she says she liked him longer! Anyways yesterday he called & asked for me to go hang out with him for the day, just him & me. My sister does not want me to go out with him because she likes him. I don't know what to do. I am pretty sure he likes me & not her(in that way) but I guess I am not allowed to go out with him because my sister wants it that way. Even though the guy is from the group of freinds I usually hang out with. I just dont know what to do.

[BrigidMoon]

Ah sisters, sisters....

I had this happen ONE time between my sister and me. It was the last time... It wasn't worth it to us to ruin our relationship over some dude.

[Tina]

I know guys are definitally not supposed to come between sisters, & I was not going to let it but my sister would not leave me alone. I told her not to worry about it & just go ask him out, but she has been doing things to try to get back at me for the whole thing which is not my fualt.

[Xentor]

Hmm? First come first served? Your sister liked him longer so she can forbid you from going out with a guy who likes you?

I'm clueless. Must be the genes.

[BrigidMoon]

I know guys are definitally not supposed to come between sisters, & I was not going to let it but my sister would not leave me alone. I told her not to worry about it & just go ask him out, but she has been doing things to try to get back at me for the whole thing which is not my fualt.

My sister and I are very loyal to each other. That's why we agreed together, hands off.

[Verthandi]

I only see a couple of possibilities:

1)You let him choose whom he dates and/or hangs out with. He may not be interested in your sister. If that's the case, the potentional relationship between him and you may widen the rift between you and your sister.

2)You choose what's more important--being with this guy in a relationship that may or may not last or your relationship with your sister.

Ugh, I understand what you're going through in your second post. I had a friend that got insanely jealous because I became friends with a guy she liked. It was just friends, too, we never dated, but she tried "getting even" with me.

I wish I had better advice and I wish you luck.

[soilsigh aingeal]

Have had this happen with close friends and it's not always nice. Would she agree not to try to date him if you didn't? If she wouldn'tsince she's liked him longer, that's a little selfish. It's not worth it for either of you to get hurt. :hugz: good luck

[Tina]

I have already pretty much made up my mind that sicne she does like him that I was just going to back off it still seems like its not good enough for her, I dunno. I think its more that she is taking it out on me that he called & asked for me & not her & I never even gave him any indication yet that I did like him, but I think I would just have to deal with it if she did end up with him. I do like another guy & have for awhile so I am going to call him up this week & finally tell him how I feel.

[Shatril]

Well just paint her green and call her jealous. Regardless of what you do, she is still going to be jealous for a time. Just show compassion and support, and assure her that you have no intention of going out with him. Just let her childish angst fade over time. You're a big girl, you can handle this. Sooner or later she will realize that you had no control over his decision to ask you out and not her.

Shatril

[Mistress_Ravenshadow]

just because she may have liked him longer doesnt mean anything in the larger scheme of things... if he likes you then she just has to deal with it.. she cant force him to like her just because she liked him longer..

[Xander67]

I'd hate to be in his shoes..

what does HE want? Who does HE like? Let the Ball bounce in his court, no sense fighting over him if he likes someone else?

Edited to add:

Yeah i know, I suck! but hey, why should you let a guy come between you and your sister... and why should he sit back and watch you two argue.

[Lunadria]

There is an unwritten rule with friends, you don't go after a guy your friend has an attachment to, you also don't date your friends ex's! To me the same would apply to sisters... you both like the same guy, so you both leave it alone! that way no one get's hurt and you don't ruin your relationship over it which to be honest is a lot more important than any guy!

[flar7]

I disagree..... to turn your back to the possibility of love is the action of cowardice. To not take the risk because of what might happen? What if this is the other half of your soul that you have sought forever? How do you know until you test it? If your sister loves you, she will get over it, a little explanation on things at a cooler date may help that.

It seems though, that you have already made up your mind in regards to this other fellow, and chosen. Pursue him with your heart and good luck. Speak to your sister and explain that just because you didnt go out with the fellow doesnt mean that she will.... and I dont mean any of this to be mean, just that your sister sounds a bit jealous and immature. Some growth may help her. Your cares and thoughts towards her were strong enough that you thought of her feelings about it before even responding either way, Tell her that.

[Lunadria]

I value my friendships and relationships with my family. I'm loyal and I really and truly beleive that there is more than one 'right' person for everyone. Pursuing a relationship with a guy that will ultimately ruin what someone I care about thinks of me just isn't worth the risk to me, but that is only my opinion.

[flar7]

my friends and family wish for the best for me in all aspects of life. I love them dearly and have never let such things interfere with how I felt for them, I would hope it does not alter there love for me.

My friends and I have chased the same girl many times, some of them went on to be married, and I married one of those very girls,my first marriage. I lost no friends that way, and actually strengthened my relationships with them.

[LadyTrinity]

Hmm..

If you care for your sister.. leave the guy alone... make a deal that neither of you will date him...

and maybe if the guy likes you enough.. he might still be around when your sister is no longer interested in him.. and she is crushing on someone new? :whatgives

[DixieWitch]

Do what your heart tells you to....

[Tina]

Thank you all for your help in this, alot of you have given me good advice. Some of you are saying the total opposite things to one another. One side is: dont go after him your sister is more important & the other side is: if you really like him & he likes you go with him & your sister will get over it. I can agree with both of these sides, the reason I want to back off is because she is my sister & I know she will be hurt but I also agree with the side, what if he could really be the one for me & I wont know??? Well I think I am going to back off for now or maybe for good whatever happens is outta my hands. Right now I can't go out with him but maybe in the future if my sister does move on & does not care if I do go with him then I will if his feelings are the same. I have liked another guy for awhile though so I think I should finally find out if he likes me too. The other guy I like though is like 6 years younger than me & I am 22 & my sister is one of the ones asking me isnt he a little younge???

[Rhianna813]

Well my sage like advice heheh comes in the form of 2 points and a story.

Point 1) If you both like him and he only likes one of you, the whole who could date him question is already answered.

Point 2) However, you have known your sister longer than this one guy. Which relationship comes first?

Story: When I was in my 20's I lived with my best friend Heather. She was prettier than I in some ways but she was also shy and quiet. We had just met a new bunch of friends and this one guy was so cool and good looking. I had an instant crush on him and of course told Heather. He hung out with us a few times and soon it became obvious that he liked Heather. I was really upset but not at her, just at the situation. She was not trying to persue him and it was obvious I was not going to "get him". So I backed off and we continued to all be friends.

Then one day he asked Heather out. And to my total shock she said yes. I was totally hurt because afterall if I could not have him why should she? Especially since she had never shown any interest in him. This really confused me. But he was really nice and I liked Heather so much that I wanted her to be happy.... so I just saved face and got over it, mostly. But here is where it gets good. After dating a couple of weeks it became apparent that he was not as mature as we thought. I suddenly had the inside view of his life, attitudes, and behaviours. His room mates were rude but he loved them. He wanted to play video games all night. Whenever Heather would visit or stay over she would sleep and he would play video games with his room mates. He was nice to her but everything was on his terms.

So in the end I was happy I didn't date him. I would not have liked the "whole package" that came with him. Soon Heather was over him as well and they broke up. Things worked out for the best. My point to this little story is the guy may not always be the best catch anyway. But if you do start dating this guy your sister may see that he is not guy for her afterall.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Rhianna

[Tina]

Ok so here is the latest in this little situation. Last night My sister & I & Matt & Scott(thats the guy) all went out together for the purpose to get this thing straightened out. My sister was pretty much trying to push herself onto this guy & I kept my distance the whole night. Noone was talking about the issue at hand & nothing was getting straightened out & we where running out of time. So when Scott stopped & got outta the car to get gas, I asked Matt what is going on I thought we where here to get this whole situation strightened out??? He said yes & I have done my part by getting us all together tonight. So I said to my sister, Lisa, well you take it from here then. Matt & I told her to take Scott for a walk while Matt & I stayed together. She asked us what to say to him, this bothered me, she likes him so much but she doesnt know what to say. I told her she should know. So we got to the place we where going to walk Lisa & Scott one way & I am Matt the other way. Now after Scott & Lisa where done talking we where like ok lets get home now so then Scott pulls me aside & takes me for a walk, totally unexpected. So Lisa & Matt stay together this time. I ask Scott so ok what happened, what did you say to her, do you like her, he says no not really. Then he goes on to say he has interest in me & wants me to go on a date with him. I told him that I don't want to hurt my sister or have her mad & yelling at me anymore so that we could wait & see if she gets over it or finds someone else then maybe we could go on that date, & I think he agreed with me but I think he was nervous. So then my sister gets mad at me again & she thinks I should not attempt to go with him or she will move away & never talk to me again. I did not tell her that I told Scott that I might go on a date with him if things cool off & I dont want to. I just hope she does get over him. I dated an asshole for 4 years, really the only b/f I had & it was hell. This is the 1st guy since I broke up with my b/f from hell that likes me & he is nice. I feel like I can't do anything, like its not in my hands at all. I hope this all ends soon. Lisa asked me what Scott said to me after we got home, so I told her most of it & I said what did he say to you, she said he told her he would think about it. I think he is afraid to say no because he knows she will freak out. When we where saying goodbye to Matt & Scott my sister tried to give Scott her flashing light key chain thingy, I think to try to get him to like her, which makes me feel sad.

[flar7]

Tina, its me, Dr. Flar.

if the guy you like is six years younger than you, and you are twenty-two, then you need to wait a couple of years or make dang sure nothing happens between you.... seriously. Thats statutory rape and it could be big trouble for you. I am not saying whether its right or wrong, merely the legal conseqeunces of your choice.

Its likely the other guy is staying friendly with your sister to maintain his contact and good relations with you. It does sound like your sister could use a bit of counseling on this problem before it does become a very serious problem for the whole family. Anytime a teen says, "I may leave," its time for the family to wake up.

As a guy, it does sound like this fella is seriously interested in you due to his very open confession and desire to date you. Think of what he has done to be near you and speak with you, thats some hard to do stuff for a guy.....at least for guys I know.

Good luck and be well.

[Tina]

Tina, its me, Dr. Flar.

if the guy you like is six years younger than you, and you are twenty-two, then you need to wait a couple of years or make dang sure nothing happens between you.... seriously. Thats statutory rape and it could be big trouble for you. I am not saying whether its right or wrong, merely the legal conseqeunces of your choice.

Its likely the other guy is staying friendly with your sister to maintain his contact and good relations with you. It does sound like your sister could use a bit of counseling on this problem before it does become a very serious problem for the whole family. Anytime a teen says, "I may leave," its time for the family to wake up.

As a guy, it does sound like this fella is seriously interested in you due to his very open confession and desire to date you. Think of what he has done to be near you and speak with you, thats some hard to do stuff for a guy.....at least for guys I know.

Good luck and be well.

The younger guy I like is 17 or 18 & I am 22, I am not sure because there has been talk about it (I live in Canada) changing lately but I think the safe age for me is over 16. Not that I am thinking about sleeping with anyone though.

[Tina]

I don't know what is going on now. I am getting depressed. I found out tonight that the younger guy I like is now dating someone, so I guess I wont be calling him after all. Also tonight Scott came over again & talked to me & my sister because yes she was all bitchy about it still. We have all agreed to be friends & hang out together but I know her bitching wont end. I don't know for sure if Scott likes me now because I think he is afraid to say anything. It seems like everything is all crashing down on me at once here. All I want is to be happy & have a lil fun cuz I have not been able to for so long. I hope things get better but at this point they are not looking good.

[flar7]

point blank. I would tell your sister to put up or shut up. If she is gonna punish you like she is for not dating him, then you might as well date the fellow. Explain that to her and see if you get lemonade or just lemons.

[Tina]

point blank. I would tell your sister to put up or shut up. If she is gonna punish you like she is for not dating him, then you might as well date the fellow. Explain that to her and see if you get lemonade or just lemons.
Thank you Flar7 you have been very helpful. I think what I am going to do now is just wait for a little while, I am hurting right now & there is no sence jumping into anything when I can't think straight. After all if it doesnt happen it wasnt meant to be & if it was meant to be it will happen. If he really likes me he will be there when things are better.

[Tina]

Ok now so I am dating that guy, Scott. He is amazing so far, really nice. I have been hanging out with him for the past week everynight. My sister is mad but I think she is getting over it now.

[MoonDragn]

At least you're not twins and he has to choose between you. You know how hard it is to choose between twins?

[BelovedDru]

Me & my sister like the same guy, I think for the same time, but she says she liked him longer! Anyways yesterday he called & asked for me to go hang out with him for the day, just him & me. My sister does not want me to go out with him because she likes him. I don't know what to do. I am pretty sure he likes me & not her(in that way) but I guess I am not allowed to go out with him because my sister wants it that way. Even though the guy is from the group of freinds I usually hang out with. I just dont know what to do.


Well, my sister and I have had this problem--but I backed down. One boy isn't worth my sister's love and friendship.

[Lunadria]

I have to agree. I don't have a sister, but I know I couldn't go ahead with something I know would hurt someone I love. There are plenty of men out there, why date one that your sister really likes?

[Black RiverWolf]

Im glad that I have a brother But Im bi so if we were crushing the same girl I would let him have her. but thats just me.

[Tina]

Ok I am posting this to tell everyone that I have been dating this guy for almost 6 months now & things are great. My sister is over it & she has her own b/f now!

[Tina]

I am bumping this up because I added a new post to it.

[Xander67]

:wave:

Glad to hear things are working out , thank you for the update.

[MsFireHaven]

Im so glad you went for it, and that it is working. Ive noticed alot of you mentioned 1 sister...Well I have 5 and Im glad I never let my sister guilt me into not dating someone.....
Blessings to you!