How do you talk to a man?

[LadyTrinity]

My man is never punctual.. He is always 30-45 min late ALL the time.. and I keep telling him.. please call if your going to be late.. and he NEVER does.. Im very ticked because he did it again this morning. Im not talking to him right now. He hasnt even asked why... he doesnt care.. Im so ready to tell him to go f*** him self but I dont want to end the relationship over this.. help??? :sniffsnif

[Faeawyn]

Unfortunately, its very difficult to get someone to change. Some would say impossible....but occasionally they do. My suggestion would be to either tell him he needs to be somewhere 45 minutes earlier than he actually does...or just mentally prepare yourself and get used to it. You may need to change you...if you can't change him.

But on a side note....I'm very punctual, and it makes me crazy when people are late. :scream:

[Aelfoak]

I went out with a girl who was like this, in the end i just told her that if she was going to be late again then she shouldn't bother turning up at all, life's too short and time is precious to wait around for other people all the time.

[LacyRoze]

When he is late does it cause you to worry? If this is the case then maybe you should try sitting him down and explaining the feelings you go thru when he's late. Don't chastise him. Talk to him calmly but make your feelings clear. To some men being late is no big deal but once they realize what kind of thoughts go thru your head when they are late they often try harder to at least call.

[audi]

i have a freind who does this regularly. if you need to be somewhere at a spacific time, tell them earlier (30 or so minutes for your man) then you arent so upset when they show up- technically on time. this does only cover up the problem though. and for just a friend, as in my case that is ok. but for a possible life partner... i hope he can start to 'hear' you. take care. *hugs*

[Scyllas]

Aside from what was suggested by others...

you can also spank him.

(okay, my bad)

[~SleepyWillow~]

Aside from what was suggested by others...

you can also spank him.

(okay, my bad)

:yayah: hahahaha...my sweetheart would fully agree with that LOL. Im sorry I just don't see the issue here...you say you don't want this to be the end of your relationship? He didn't cheat on you...he didn't beat you up...he didn't hit your son...he has a problem being on time. THATS IT! it's really not that big of a deal but if it bothers you soooo much that you consider breaking up with him then you shouldn't be together anyway. It just strikes me as so petty and lame. Some people...I have a real problem with the attitude that you can change someone..you should never enter a relationship and feel you can change things about your person to make them suit YOU better, you are going to be really dissapointed when you realize that he isn't gonna change.

[Dove]

How do you talk to a man?

Depends on the man.
If he’s an idiot … I don’t bother talking to him at all!!

Aside from what was suggested by others...

you can also spank him.

(okay, my bad)Ohhhh my gawwwwwd Scyllas ... that was so funny!!!:rollingla

Seriously though ... reading your original post Lady Trinity,
It seems to me that you have a much bigger issue with this guy.
Well 2 issues that I can see …
# 1 - Lack of respect …
He doesn’t seem to respect you (or care ) enough to even ask you what’s wrong.
That’s not a great sign.

That leads to:
# 2 - Lack of Communication.
What relationship can possibly survive, if there’s NO communication??

Even the best of relationships have rough edges that need smoothing.
But if the two of you don’t have a solid “communication” foundation built,
How can you survive any of the "little" issues that are bound to come along???
Little issues like being on time.

good luck though.
If you love him, and he loves you ...
You'll work it out.

[6th Angel]

Schedule his lateness.
If you want to meet him at lets say 9:00 a.m. , tell him to meet you at 8:30 a.m. That way he arrives at the time you want him there and you don´t end up playing with your thumbs waiting for him.
If that doesn´t work, give him a dose of his own medicine, you start being late. See how he likes it.

It´s all I can advice you.... :bigblue:

[LadyTrinity]

:yayah: hahahaha...my sweetheart would fully agree with that LOL. Im sorry I just don't see the issue here...you say you don't want this to be the end of your relationship? He didn't cheat on you...he didn't beat you up...he didn't hit your son...he has a problem being on time. THATS IT! it's really not that big of a deal but if it bothers you soooo much that you consider breaking up with him then you shouldn't be together anyway. It just strikes me as so petty and lame. Some people...I have a real problem with the attitude that you can change someone..you should never enter a relationship and feel you can change things about your person to make them suit YOU better, you are going to be really dissapointed when you realize that he isn't gonna change.

Yes you are right, he is very good to me other than the fact that he doesnt know how to keep track of time.. or just doesnt care to.
When he promises me that he will call.. I assume that he is aware that he should call because we only have one car and I have a baby. if he says I promise I will be home around 8 am.. and he doesnt come home until 9:30 I have a problem with that because if something happened to my son and I needed to go someplace I wouldnt have any way to contact my spouce. I wouldnt know where he is. Its a respect thing. :abadpoker

[LadyTrinity]

I sat down and had a talk with him. He apoligized to me and he said that he didn't want it to effect our relationship. He seems to be sorry. Maybe it will happen again.. Maybe not.. but it felt good to talk to him about it. Im happy I can do that without him storming out the door. :smile:

[Lewen]

Trinity,
I can relate, my ex-hubby#2 (as well as his whole family) are chronically late. No amount of changing the time (say half hour to 45 minutes) before the actual time would change that fact. It was a family joke to them and a source of pride. I found it to be rude and disrespectful after I patiently tried to explain to them that there are indeed, times when it is best for one to be punctual.

I finally ended up taking my own vehicle and letting ex-hubby (and his family) know that I will be at such and such place and to "feel free to meet me there." If my in-laws wanted to come visit and I had things I needed to do, I told them of my plans and if they didn't arrive when they said they did, I left a note saying I had to run and to "feel free to wait on the porch, the carport or in their car or come back." Needless to say, after nearly 8 years of marriage, I've come away a bit more flexible and they've learnt to not be so late if it was really important.

I would sit down and nicely explain to your SO that being late causes you to worry and that you would try to be understanding, but would they please try to let you know what is going on so that you will not worry.

Being married to chronically late people was hard on me...my mother always taught us to be punctual and I try to instill with my children that being on time, even if it's fifteen minutes early is better than being late and holding up everyone else.

I feel for you and understand where you are coming from. :hugz:

[PoisonIvy]

I just had the same talk with my hubby. Actually I went "all the way off on him!" He got my point!!! I told him that he needs to give me the same respect that I give him.

It is inconsiderate of him not to be thinking of your child. Maybe you should tell him what you just said about,"what if the child gets hurt" maybe that'll wake him up. Honestly(no offense to the men)I don't think that it has anything to do with men not caring,I think that men really don't think that it's a big deal or they really aren't worried about it. They have more important things on there mind like "doin' it". :rotfl: _travolta_

[LadyTrinity]

Trinity,
I can relate, my ex-hubby#2 (as well as his whole family) are chronically late. No amount of changing the time (say half hour to 45 minutes) before the actual time would change that fact. It was a family joke to them and a source of pride. I found it to be rude and disrespectful after I patiently tried to explain to them that there are indeed, times when it is best for one to be punctual.

I finally ended up taking my own vehicle and letting ex-hubby (and his family) know that I will be at such and such place and to "feel free to meet me there." If my in-laws wanted to come visit and I had things I needed to do, I told them of my plans and if they didn't arrive when they said they did, I left a note saying I had to run and to "feel free to wait on the porch, the carport or in their car or come back." Needless to say, after nearly 8 years of marriage, I've come away a bit more flexible and they've learnt to not be so late if it was really important.

I would sit down and nicely explain to your SO that being late causes you to worry and that you would try to be understanding, but would they please try to let you know what is going on so that you will not worry.

Being married to chronically late people was hard on me...my mother always taught us to be punctual and I try to instill with my children that being on time, even if it's fifteen minutes early is better than being late and holding up everyone else.

I feel for you and understand where you are coming from. :hugz:


Yep my bf can be late all he wants but its the phone call that I expect.. I dont really expect him to be on time. When he doesnt call its when I worry. :shaker:

[samiaminsane]

My boyfriend is the same way. It drives me crazy because I am always early for everything. Now I just go everywhere by myself.

[butterflydreams]

I've had an ex in the past that was always late and I always ended up worrying about him. I wouldn't have had a problem with him staying gone longer if I was given the courtesy of a phone call to let me know what is going on. It's good that you were able to talk to him about it and I hope he will improve. Most of the time it seems like that is something that you need to figure out if you can deal with that for life (if you are very serious) cause it doesn't change easily. My mom and dad have been married almost 27 years now and he still doesn't call when he is going to be late. Luskily for their relationship, she chooese to just accept that he is like that (even if she still does get very mad about it).

[merlo]

I'm guilty
You won't change me
Deal with it or move on
I'ts nothing personal :bouncingb

[Romani Vixen]

Calmly and tactfully and honestly tell him how it makes you feel. he's not respecting you in doing this.

Oh... and you talk to a man by repeatedly motioning and saying "look me in the eyes".... ;)


um.... does he have a cell phone? cause that's honestly the easiest way... he has no excuse then.

[xarimae]

My brother is like that, and if you try to tell him that it bothers you, he gets really defensive and upset. If your boyfriend is anything like that, don't even bother arguing with him. Some people just won't change. I totally agree with 6thAngel on this situation. Just tell him to be there earlier than you really need him.

[BrigidMoon]

My man is never punctual.. He is always 30-45 min late ALL the time.. and I keep telling him.. please call if your going to be late.. and he NEVER does.. Im very ticked because he did it again this morning. Im not talking to him right now. He hasnt even asked why... he doesnt care.. Im so ready to tell him to go f*** him self but I dont want to end the relationship over this.. help??? :sniffsnif

I've had this before. What take I use?

Common courtesy. I don't use the "I'm your gf I should know these things." excuse. I use logic. It's logical to be worried when he's late. Is he in a ditch dead somewhere? What happened? Worrying about your bf is natural. So, I'd talk to him about what you need as far as common courtesy and respect. Not that you're needing him to tell you his whole life story...just a "Honey I'm running late." will suffice. I don't think he doesn't care but being angry and pushing him away will do just that.

[~SleepyWillow~]

I'm guilty
You won't change me
Deal with it or move on
I'ts nothing personal :bouncingb

this is the exact thing I was getting at in my post...I should aplogize Trin in case I came off a little snippy earlier I don't mean to the baby hormones make me a little crazy sometimes lol..and I do understand that your feelings are valid as far as getting at least a phone call...Im glad you talked it over with him and I hope he does hear what you are saying and make an honest effort to change but I still think that you need to look at this and ask yourself...Is this something I can put up with in our relationship? There are many many worse things but you cannot change the way a person is..you just have to accept them that way otherwise in the long run the peeves get the best of you.

[LadyTrinity]

I'm guilty
You won't change me
Deal with it or move on
I'ts nothing personal :bouncingb


It would be his loss. Im a great girl. :thumbsup:

[Philbo]

Bribery also works. Granted, talking through things is the best way to go, but putting on a few extra charms when he behaves properly works wonders. Little displays of affection can be rather persuasive.

Just out of curiosity, what's his sign?

[claxon]

If that doesn´t work, give him a dose of his own medicine, you start being late. See how he likes it.

This one could be fun. :uhhuhuh: Be late with EVERYTHING!! I mean really 'go to town' on it....

a couple of examples:
Going out - "I'll be right down" - 2 hours later you're ready (most girls tend to already have this one perfected though :p)
Food - "Dinner will be ready in 5 minutes" - 45 minutes later and it's still cooking
Giving the time - always add 45 minutes to the time whenever they ask you

and then the best one.....

During Conversations - When talking to him, wait for 5 minutes before replying anything. This one has real potential for driving somone insane (a little hobby of mine). :ahhhh: