Help Me!!! I Can't Stop Spending!!!

[blackroseivy]

Next to some of the direr messages in here, that will sound pretty silly, I suppose, but it's the plain truth: I am disabled & live on $7200 a YEAR, & here I go getiting roped in by the promise of $100,000,000.00 & a BUNCH of magazine subscriptions I DO NOT WANT!!! :(
:( :( I feel very lost - I am in HUGE debt on my CC already, I have most of it to pay back which very well may take me about 3 years at this rate of going, & I CANNOT seem to stop myself - especially when it comes to eBay!! HELP - what do I DO????????

Thank you in advance, anyone... :raining:

[LadyTrinity]

Oh boy hun! When did this shopping habit start?

[Faeawyn]

you could start by cutting up your credit cards and deactivating your ebay account. You may need to go to a financial aide center and see if they can put you on a reasonable budget, contact your creditors and work out a payment schedule you can manage. But the first step is to get rid of all the things that make you buy. Just like an alcoholic gets all the alcohol out of the house.....and a junk food addict throws out all the chips and chocolate...you have to do the same. You're addicted to shopping....its not uncommon, but you have to take the steps to stop yourself.

Also check here for others like yourself :) Good luck hon :hugz:
http://www.12step.org/dsa/

[Boogins]

Sounds like a manic reaction. How are you doing and how are you doing on your meds?

[CzechWoods]

Next to some of the direr messages in here, that will sound pretty silly, I suppose, but it's the plain truth: I am disabled & live on $7200 a YEAR, & here I go getiting roped in by the promise of $100,000,000.00 & a BUNCH of magazine subscriptions I DO NOT WANT!!! :(
:( :( I feel very lost - I am in HUGE debt on my CC already, I have most of it to pay back which very well may take me about 3 years at this rate of going, & I CANNOT seem to stop myself - especially when it comes to eBay!! HELP - what do I DO????????

Thank you in advance, anyone... :raining:

namaste.

if it would be alcohol, you would see the patern of addiction more easily.

you should find out what you try to compensate (and how it makes you feel) to actually do a purchase.

it is possible, that in the process of aquiring stuff, you feel yourself either alive or worthy

you should also know, that our society is grounded on the shop-til-you-drop menthality.

once you have figured out, what feeds the urge for the addictive, you can more easily try overcoming it

there are many stone remedies possible, but they all ground on you doing the very unkind and unpleasent work before:

* why am i shoping
*how does shoppingf make me feel
*when do i feel alive
* what makes me happy
*what makes me sad

etc.

[wolf]

I know it may seem unusual to tell someone who is spendnig too much money to spend money, but get this book. (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0785263268/qid=1113423445/sr=8-2/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i2_xgl14/102-3637509-8487333?v=glance&s=books&n=507846)

It's a fairly easy to follow the plan, and if you really dedicate yourself to it, you'll make headway. And it feels great!!

I've been doing this since January and I've already cleared four cards, but I've been as aggressive as possible about it.

Don't file bankruptcy, and don't go to a credit counselling "service." A lot of them are scams and you sometimes end up doing more damage to your credit.

[SphinYote]

good advice so far.

I'll add a few things. Make sure you ask yourself questions any time you want to purchase something:

WHY do I want this?

Will I even use this? (Be honest with youself on this one, you may WANT to use it, but will you have time? Will you have to cut time out of something else?)

Are there other things I already have that are just as effective?

Does this make me a better person in any way?

What do I already have that might satisfy me more?
(Honestly, sometimes you just have to step away and do something else for a while, and then what you wanted initially might not be so appealing.)

Also, I agree with sutting down your e-bay account, if only for a while. Ebay auctions things, setting a time-limit. It, and other places, give the sense that "If I don't buy this NOW, I won't have a chance for this bargain later, so I HAVE to buy it"

But the best thing to do actually is to BACK AWAY from the situation for a while (A day, a week, even a month) and ask yourself at the end of that time period, Do I still want this item? Most of the time, unless you are really into collecting some kind of rare object, the item you want will come up again eventually, you just have to wait. If you really want the thing, waiting for it will make it all the more gratifying. You will value it more for having wanted it longer (Hopefully).

Hope maybe some of this helps and good luck.

SphinYote

[~*Ginger*~]

If you have a problem with telemarketing, and phone sales.

When you answer the phone, and they start in on their 'selling' pitch.
Tell them, in a firm voice.
"I am not interested, please take my name off your phone list."
* If their listening, they will usually apologise for the inconvience, and tell you that they will. (sometimes they are not able to do so, since it may be in their computer.)

The one's who are not listening, but consentrating on their pre-typed, sales hype, usually keep on talking.

If this is the case.

Repeat, "I am not interested, please take my name off your phone list."
And simply hang up the phone.

Other wise, hand over the wallet. :crazy:

[CzechWoods]

I know it may seem unusual to tell someone who is spendnig too much money to spend money, but get this book. (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0785263268/qid=1113423445/sr=8-2/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i2_xgl14/102-3637509-8487333?v=glance&s=books&n=507846)

.

or if you want to save that money ... lols here is what one reader wrote as a review, with sumery of the book
the nutshell plan:

Spotlight Reviews
Write an online review and share your thoughts with other customers.

55 of 72 people found the following review helpful:

Good motivational tool....lots of fluff, February 1, 2004
Reviewer: Ralph E Brewer (Kentucky) - See all my reviews
First of all, I really do respect Dave Ramsey and the work that he does. I agree 100% with his "no debt" philosophy.
But...this book was kind of a letdown. Want to save $20? Here's a summary of the book:

1. Debt sucks. Don't get into it. Buy with cash.
2. Here's how to payoff debt: Concentrate on the smallest debt first. Pay what you can on it, over the minimum payment. Once the smallest debt is gone, add that former payment to the next outstanding debt payment...and so on...and so on (the "debt snowball").
3. After all debts are gone, set aside 3-6 months of expenses (emergency fund).
4. After the emergency fund, start investing.

That's it. Seriously. This book should've been a free/small PDF download from the web..and not a $20 book.

[Jenne]

All good advice, esp cutting up the credit cards! Good luck, Hon...:hugz:

[wolf]

Actually, there's more to the book than that brief rundown. The core of the system is the "debt snowball," but there's a lot more strategy info provided related to that.

[wiccanadri]

you could start by cutting up your credit cards and deactivating your ebay account. You may need to go to a financial aide center and see if they can put you on a reasonable budget, contact your creditors and work out a payment schedule you can manage. But the first step is to get rid of all the things that make you buy. Just like an alcoholic gets all the alcohol out of the house.....and a junk food addict throws out all the chips and chocolate...you have to do the same. You're addicted to shopping....its not uncommon, but you have to take the steps to stop yourself.

Also check here for others like yourself :) Good luck hon :hugz:
http://www.12step.org/dsa/


hello all,
I agree with Faeawyn. The first step to take is to get rid of the things that will tempt u. And then, how about picking up a hobby? Are you crafty? or do you write? You see, you have to trick your mind for a little while now. You have to keep it busy, and "entertained" .. Its gotten use to the bad habit and now needs "reprogramming".
But there is a very important thing you must know and keep reminding yourself, and that is that its ok. We all have our stumbles and our falls but we get up and keep walking. we are human and as such we learn from the mistakes we make .. this is ok.
We always have time to choose again if we dont like the choice we made. You chose to spend but werent always this way... you learned it from somewhere.. now release this bad habit to the guides and angels, they know what to do with that stuff ;)

Take a moment to meditate about this situation. Not just think about it but meditate about it. Stand or sit in front of a mirror and look straight at you. Discuss it with your inner self, dont lie to yourself, be honest, be brutally honest. Set yourself some new goals.
you will do just fine.- :sunny:

[CzechWoods]

Actually, there's more to the book than that brief rundown. The core of the system is the "debt snowball," but there's a lot more strategy info provided related to that.
+

i did not want to sound disrespectful neither
to you
nor
the author of the book

of course the book will have more to it but the core in the post i reproduced.

I was just thinking that in case they cant afford the book and forget the look, maybe just the summery will give some hints OR maybe
will even spark the light of interest to save up for such a book :reading: :weirdsmil

[blackroseivy]

Ok, well, 1st off, THANK YOU ALL!!! :D :D :D I really appreciate the concern!!

2nd of all, I thought I'd explain more details of my situation, as to what fits & what doesn't (although a LOT does!! ;) ). I am living on $7200 a YEAR (yes, you read that right, there is not a missing 0) & I am bi-polar. Boogins is concerned that my meds are OK; to that I can say, Yes, I don't think I need adjusting - it's more complicated than that.

I think it all started because I come from a frugal family with Mom in control, who NEVER WANTS TO SEE MONEY SPENT. Then, I was unable to make a living for myself & had practically nothing of my own for all of my early adulthood. This was very hard on me! :( We live in a consumer-based society, & I have a thing for "shtuff". I try hard not to be too materialistic, but I have a "thing" for certain "things"; I'm a doll-collector with only a tiny amount thus far, hardly anything. Actually, I don't aim for a "size" in my collection, really I don't; I just want certain things & am picky about it. I don't want everything. But living with barely $200 (on a good month) to spend, when I also need EXPENSIVE art & craft supplies (see, there I can't really get away from the spending, not if I'm going to do something as right as I need to!!!), is VERY DIFFICULT.

Now about my CC debt: I *am* in debtr a considerable amount for someone living on $7200 yearly, but it's a $2,000 CC, which is pretty small potatoes to people in the biz; I owe almost all of it, which scares me.

About eBay: I sell things on there as well, I really can't afford to give up the account. But, I can LIMIT MY TIME SPENT, & try ONLY SELLING & NOT BUYING for a while. Sound good?

& all the rest of the advice was really good - I just wanted to clarify some details, is all. I am very grateful for everyone's input! :D

So THANX again!!! ((((((((((((hugz)))))))))))))) to everyone!!

[wiccanadri]

you know hun ... there is a primary thing you need in order to fix this problem and that is the WILL
it sounds like you are not really willing to fight your addiction. you know u're in trouble but u dont really want to change your lifestyle.
i know what u're going thru, i'm an artist. and yes art supplies are CRAZY EXPENSIVE ... so wait off for a little while. u cant be too picky when u dont have the money to be it. right now you have to be smart about how u spend... trust me when u get hungry and dont have any food in the fridge and all u have is $5 in your pocket for the next 5 days u will learn to control your spending impulses.
... please remember it is all in our minds.

Light & Love

[blackroseivy]

Fortunately, I have food stamps... I am scaling back actually, I have something planned that I've been putting off for ages. Love to do it, too expensive. Y'know?

[wolf]

Oh my goodness!! I LOVE Sayre!! I know that a lot of people from there want to get out of there, but it's one of my favorite places in the world. Seriously. Say hi to the cranky, but funny lady on the midnight shift at the Dandy for me, would you?? ;)

Oh, and what's your craft??

[Raven Reed]

I am bi-polar and when I was out of balance I bounced checks every month for almost a year. :blech: Now that I am in balance again, my spending is also. But I absolutely CANNOT look at Ebay unless I know I have the money to spend. Maybe you can just not "shop" on Ebay, only sell when you have to.

:hugz: I hope you get things straightened out!

[Dragonladyofwater]

In order to get myself out of debt and debtfree (which I have been now for going on three years) I wrote an entire list of what I need to survive. BIG surprise to me it was a short list.
I put this list where I could see it every time I was on the computer and I put one in my wallet so I could see it when I was out. It was a constant reminder that if I had what I needed to survive I was fine and the world is full of things I can live without.

Now I do realize with your condition this will not solve the issue, it will take many different things in combination to solve it, but maybe a reminder of some sort on the computer might help you?

Also, have you considered making some of the things that you would normally buy? if that's possible. I make a lot of things myself and it saves me literally thousands a year. Not to mention while I'm looking at things to buy it makes me think about making them and I'm off to create... which is a great way to get some energy out and get some positive feedback too. :)

[blackroseivy]

Yeah, I'm trying to learn to sew, or at least I'll be doing that this summer. I do think that a reminder of what I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO HAVE would help immensely; I'll start planning for next month. Thanx all!!!!!!!!! (((((((((hugz)))))))))

[blackroseivy]

Oh my goodness!! I LOVE Sayre!! I know that a lot of people from there want to get out of there, but it's one of my favorite places in the world. Seriously. Say hi to the cranky, but funny lady on the midnight shift at the Dandy for me, would you?? ;)

Oh, and what's your craft??

WHOAH!! I cannot BELIEVE someone on here KNOWS this place!!! :D HEEHEE! I'm not usually at the Dandy that late, but one of these days I'll go in & see if I can't find someone of that description still there!

It's easy for YOU to say you think it's great here, you live in Philly!!! :scream: I WANT A CITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[CzechWoods]

Ok, well, 1st off, THANK YOU ALL!!! :D :D :D I really appreciate the concern!!

2nd of all, I thought I'd explain more details of my situation, as to what fits & what doesn't (although a LOT does!! ;) ). I am living on $7200 a YEAR (yes, you read that right, there is not a missing 0) & I am bi-polar. Boogins is concerned that my meds are OK; to that I can say, Yes, I don't think I need adjusting - it's more complicated than that.

I think it all started because I come from a frugal family with Mom in control, who NEVER WANTS TO SEE MONEY SPENT. Then, I was unable to make a living for myself & had practically nothing of my own for all of my early adulthood. This was very hard on me! :( We live in a consumer-based society, & I have a thing for "shtuff". I try hard not to be too materialistic, but I have a "thing" for certain "things"; I'm a doll-collector with only a tiny amount thus far, hardly anything. Actually, I don't aim for a "size" in my collection, really I don't; I just want certain things & am picky about it. I don't want everything. But living with barely $200 (on a good month) to spend, when I also need EXPENSIVE art & craft supplies (see, there I can't really get away from the spending, not if I'm going to do something as right as I need to!!!), is VERY DIFFICULT.

Now about my CC debt: I *am* in debtr a considerable amount for someone living on $7200 yearly, but it's a $2,000 CC, which is pretty small potatoes to people in the biz; I owe almost all of it, which scares me.

About eBay: I sell things on there as well, I really can't afford to give up the account. But, I can LIMIT MY TIME SPENT, & try ONLY SELLING & NOT BUYING for a while. Sound good?

& all the rest of the advice was really good - I just wanted to clarify some details, is all. I am very grateful for everyone's input! :D

So THANX again!!! ((((((((((((hugz)))))))))))))) to everyone!!


of course your condition is part of the background

but you need to answer the questions i posted, not to me but to yourself

you see: saying i had a mom who did this and that is a good explanation, but will not help any.

so my advice is, instead of looking for excuses
just try to get back the power of dicision

the boss of olivetti once said something which is true:
"it is not the point how much money you earn, that makes the difference, but how much money you do not spend."


good luck on finding answers .
it hurts at the beginning, but will make you free and happy in the long run

[Ulu]

I say I've gone Ebay crazy when I do it. Once I buy one thing it's easy to buy another. Especially with the thrill of "winning" an item you bid on. I know it's easier to say this than to do it, but I just dont go on ebay very often. Maybe you could stay away from the buying side.


Good Luck,

[blackroseivy]

of course your condition is part of the background

but you need to answer the questions i posted, not to me but to yourself

you see: saying i had a mom who did this and that is a good explanation, but will not help any.

so my advice is, instead of looking for excuses
just try to get back the power of dicision

the boss of olivetti once said something which is true:
"it is not the point how much money you earn, that makes the difference, but how much money you do not spend."


good luck on finding answers .
it hurts at the beginning, but will make you free and happy in the long run

I wasn't trying to answer any questions, nor was I making excuses - simply explaining where I'm at. That's all.

[blackroseivy]

I say I've gone Ebay crazy when I do it. Once I buy one thing it's easy to buy another. Especially with the thrill of "winning" an item you bid on. I know it's easier to say this than to do it, but I just dont go on ebay very often. Maybe you could stay away from the buying side.


Good Luck,

I will certaianly give it a try! Thanx! :smile:

[Hærfest Leah]

As for a budget I do this for us. I total what we spend in bills, gas, and groceries each month. Then I factor in what I want to pay on our credit card for the month (ONLY HAVE 1 CARD) which only used for emergencies and things like buying large appliances incase the fridge dies or something. Never give yourself a limit more than 2-4 thousand dollars. After that I put a certain amout in savings and if there is any left then that is free to spend money for fun stuff. That fun amount varies every month and some months its basically none.

[ëxø±î¢ §±å®]

Hey babe,

-I think a good plan is to write down everything you spend in a journal. This will help you see how much you're spending.

-Another good idea is to make up a budget...strictly stick to it! It might be hard at first, but after a few weeks, you'll just used to it.

-Always know that we're here for you! Anytime you feel temptation to spend, write someone an email or private message, or play a game you like. That will distract you, and also motivate you!

x0x huN!! <33333

[CzechWoods]

just another idea:
ionstead of the thrill of spnding money

#try selling stuff at online auctions,. is fun too and brings money home

try mysticwicks auctions. those are free, so you dont lose anything in case the stuff doesnt get sold
keep the money you gain through the auctions in an extra box/purse

2 ways of what to do with it

1. use it only to pay back credits
2. use this money exclusively for buying "fun" stuff / ebay etc.