And just when I thought he was givin' up magick forever....(one of my long stories)

[Tabbykitty]

Its been many weeks since I wrote another of my long stories regarding the experiences in my local new age community. It's mostly cos of work and all the courses I had to go for.

Anyways, a few interesting things happened, one of which concerned this young guy N, who some months ago, had a spell done to him so he could open up his "third eye".
Well, for those of ya who follow these posts you might remember, N decided some months ago to give up doing magick forever and had his "third eye" spell removed. Well, we were rather glad for it, because his whinning about his psychic / magickal abilities (or lack thereof) was really starting to get on my nerves.

Anywho, he started taking lessons in meditation with me and my friend Wendell. We go for classes at the house of this rather nice lady healer, who also gives lessons in energy healing and other energy work. The meditation and energies used were mostly of the healing / karmic clearing nature. We thought this was good for him, because it meant that he could finally give up and clear the stuff that was making him feel unhappy.

However, we couldn't have been more wrong. :P

The classes are rather popular with quite a section of my local new age community. This meant that a regular stream of healers, yoga practicioners, tarot card readers, psychics, channellers and the occasional wiccan or ceremonial magickian attended the classes and meditations. Now, before this, N's contact with practicioners of the mystical was limited to the small group of people he knew and Wendell, Pete the magus, Gareth the occultist, J the medicine woman, a few others and myself. You can imagine his eyes really popped open wide when he saw the people who attended the classes.

Some of these people had amazing experiences and when N heard about them, I guess he started growing envious again. We never really paid much attention to his attitude cos well, we all had a lot to learn, and we were too used to hearing him go "I see... I see... bad energies in that corner!" and well, when we all looked, there was absolutely nothing there. :whatmewor

I kinda had him pegged for a drama-queen so I didnt really bother paying him much attention. I guess everyone felt the same way, cos I noticed that most of the others had the same reaction to his "visions".

I guess that must have been real frustrating for him, because it doesnt take a truly smart man to realise that he isnt exactly the high man on the totem pole.

Anyway, the thing that REALLY REALLY got to him was that quite a few young people who attended the classes discovered their psychic gifts in a very very big way. The found it as a result of having "awakened" their true authentic self (ie. the subconsious self and memories that you carry with you through all your countless incarnations.) This awakening usually results in the person remembering skills and knowledge that he or she had picked up in previous incarnations.

Now, the problem with N was that, although we were sure he had some incarnations as a magickian of SOME SORT, he was a really really lousy one. (It's a LOOOOONNNGGGG story on how he was able to authenticate his past life experience and info......but believe me, it is true what I say)

Well, he was still stumbling along learning how to manipulate energy, when I had a casual conversation with him during one of the meditation events. At one point N said, "Even a humble stableboy can one day become a great warrior!" (well, you gotta understand, N is heavily influenced by the heroic, grandiose anime he watches)

I kinda scratched my head and said, "Well, N, what if you discovered that er.... your true authentic self is really just Stablehand Number 12345.... and that at the end of the day, the best path for you to follow would be just to be the best Stablehand 12345 there ever was? I mean, are you gonna beat yourself over the head for being someone simple and uncomplicated?"

I tried to assure him that he wasnt alone, I said, "Well, look at me, Im just Milk Maid Number 5678, I arent no one special, or having uber powers or whatever, but I like being Milk Maid 5678 cos if I would one day decide to destroy my identity, personality and quirks just to be some uber powered person..... the unique being that is Milk Maid 5678 would then cease to exist and that would be a sad thing wont it?"

Well, he wasn't really satisfied by what I said and he muttered, "I don't believe you... you're always saying that... but it isnt true...."

Well, seeing that he was incorrigable, I decided to just ignore him cos he was just being downright silly, cos I cant imagine people getting all competitve over their progress in a particular spiritual path.

Well, some of the claims he made got a bit nuttier over time. But I just ignored them till I recently heard he got M (you remember her... the psy vamp who is at times under the influence of entities) to make him a wand and he had stuck a crystal into a wooden sword that he possessed. I had thought he would NEVER talk to M, because he was present at the cleansing/banishment session we did for her.

And here I was thinking the guy had sworn off magick forever for his own good.

Well, his attitude has certainly changed. He is no longer the slightly sullen, bumbly but carefree, unobservant guy we knew from before. He is now this envious, secretive, aggressive, demanding person who is becoming more and more like the person that some of the psychics had seen in his past lives. His friends cant believe the change in him, and some of them even think that he should quit meditating altogether.

Well, despite his extravagant claims to power, he seems to manifest little of it. S, his "best friend" and at-times rival, called me up one day and gleefully told me everything that N was up to. He also noted that N had once tried to "heal" him by sending to him an energy that S described as being a dull red. (S is strongly clairvoyant)

S stoutly refused but secretly chuckled when he noticed that N had to concentrate almost to the point of constipation to "force out" the red energy from his hands. I rolled my eyes when I heard about it.

Anyways, does anyone know what this dull red energy might be? Cos if Im not wrong, healing energy is mostly on the greenish range and it doesnt much look like the energy type that I and my friends are currently learning.



Currently, I am feeling a little annoyed with N, cos the man obviously doesnt wanna listen to advice, yet when he is facing trouble, doubt or a question he cant answer, I get a call from him. One time, while I was having a real busy day in my office, he called me sounding a little distressed. I had to walk outside the building to call hiim back... cos he wanted to talk about something mystic-related that happened to him. (my colleagues don't know I attend meditations and all that) Then when he got the answer he wanted, he made an excuse to hang up without even so much as a thank you.

When I am talking in a group, the man obviously treats what I say as a lot of "wind around the ears", but when I am having a private one-to-one discussion with friends and my instructor about psychic / spiritual / mystical stuff, he would be hanging around rather blatently listening in on what we are saying. One time, I had a discussion with Wendell about a theological subject. (Wendell and I both are of the same religion)..... and our friend poked his head in trying to listen.

Well, I found it rather disconcerting to have a huge head cocked in my direction, so I said to him, "N, what are you doing?"

Well, as it turns out, he joined our discussion and tried tellin us, in a rather sneering and condescending manner, what HE would do if confronted by the same issues in our shoes..... It was a little like, a non-<name that religion> telling a believer what his religion was REALLY all about and how he would go about practicing it.... I was more than a little annoyed and gave him the tongue lashing he deserved. Well, he got annoyed when I cited examples to him supporting my view and he realised he couldnt cite any examples back. He stomped off like a spoilt child... Wendell tried to talk sense into him, but the man wont listen to a thing.



Well folks, thanks for lending a ear to hear my story / rant....
Its kinda nuts having to deal with N, cos the guy obviously hates my guts but doesnt wanna 100% ignore / stop talking to me.

[Sage Rainsong]

yay story time!!

[Dawa Lhamo]

Anyways, does anyone know what this dull red energy might be? Cos if Im not wrong, healing energy is mostly on the greenish range and it doesnt much look like the energy type that I and my friends are currently learning.Well, I don't see energy, so I don't really know about that, but my color symbology does use red as healing. Red being associated with blood and life and Brigid who is a healer. Perhaps it was just a different type of healing energy and not the type you commonly use? I usually visualize healing energy as red or a white-gold kind of color. But I visualize; I don't see objectively. ^_^

As for your troubles with N, I can sympathize, somewhat with you and somewhat with him. It's frustrating when all the people around you are manifesting these gifts and while you may be learned, you're either blocked or simply unable to do anything so.... ostentatious. I, myself, am just a "milk maid" or some such, just an ordinary person with not so great talent, but I consistently attract people into my life who have startling talents and it's really easy to become jealous and resentful. ^_^ (though I try not to)....

On the other hand, I know this about myself and I don't try to pretend I have something I don't or I am something I'm not. THAT can be incredibly annoying, when people are petty or when they delude themselves into thinking they are "uber-powerful", when they're just a regular Joe. I've come across these kinds of people before. Luckily, I could just deal with it by merely smiling and nodding... I try not to get too involved in other people's spiritual paths, anyway, so I just let them be...

Tashi delek!
Dawa Lhamo

[Rick]

_handclapp Thanks, TK! (You know how I love your stories :hehehehe: )

I think N is (understandably, maybe) envious. It occurs to me that, by continuing to associate with him, it's probably doing no favors for either him or the rest of your group (although I love reading about it... is that wrong? :whatgives ). Maybe going to this particular meditation place was serendipitous for him. It might give him other avenues to pursue where the pace or skill levels are more to his needs. Ya might 'plant' that thought in his mind... but N strikes me as the type person that, well, ya gotta make him think that HE thought of it... am I close?

Anyway, good luck, and keep the stories coming (and if you do ever consider putting these into some sort of book form, remember your ol' MW friends that encouraged you along, and would love to have an original autographed copy... :reading: hehehe).

[Tabbykitty]

Well, I don't see energy, so I don't really know about that, but my color symbology does use red as healing.

Im just curious... the colour symbology ya mentioned..... which system/modality is it from?


As for your troubles with N, I can sympathize, somewhat with you and somewhat with him. It's frustrating when all the people around you are manifesting these gifts and while you may be learned, you're either blocked or simply unable to do anything so...

I guess it is tough for him to see everyone "shooting ahead"... so to speak..
But I kinda like to think everyone has different gifts and plays different roles in the dance of life ... so it doesnt mean one's gifts are less than another. I think I told him that too... but it probably never sunk in.



On the other hand, I know this about myself and I don't try to pretend I have something I don't or I am something I'm not. THAT can be incredibly annoying, when people are petty or when they delude themselves into thinking they are "uber-powerful", when they're just a regular Joe.


actually despite the fact that N is a regular Joe in this lifetime, I believe he was someone really famous in another lifetime.... (I know I know... this sounds crazy... but quite a few psychics who took a look at him confirmed this thing....)
Thing is, unfortunately N found out about his famous lifetime through some kind of past life regression. I guess this might fuel his dreams of grandeur. However, as I stressed to him, every lifetime is different and besides:

1. The famous person in question wasn't some mystic, psychic or magickian. So probably his real talents lay OUTSIDE of the field of mysticism. Wendell and I have been trying our best to nudge him into that direction, but he refused to take up the courses we suggested which might help him discover his natural talents.

2. NO ONE is gonna believe him.

3. He will definitely have to relearn some skills and start from scratch if he wants to be somebody again. This should be a logical conclusion... but NOOOOOO our friend doesnt seem to get it.

[Tabbykitty]

_handclapp Thanks, TK! (You know how I love your stories :hehehehe: )

hey thanks Rick... actually quite a few things happened during these weeks, I'll open up another post soon about them.

I think N is (understandably, maybe) envious. It occurs to me that, by continuing to associate with him, it's probably doing no favors for either him or the rest of your group

I thought about just disassociating, but its hard, cos we ALL attend the same classes at the meditation place. So Im kinda stuck with him for the time being. Besides, I think despite his grouching, he DOES want to grab whatever knowledge he can from the people around him. (ie. us..... grrrrr) so he probably will try to stick to us like glue.

He mentioned to S privately once that the only reason he was going for the meditation and energy work classes was so that he could get "power". Those were his exact words. I kinda found it laughable cos what's he gonna do with energy healin' /karma clearing techniques, shoot it at people like a hex? :lol:

Someone suggested once if he really wanted power, he should try apprenticing himself to a local witchdoctor. :p

Ya might 'plant' that thought in his mind... but N strikes me as the type person that, well, ya gotta make him think that HE thought of it... am I close?

haha..... that certainly sounds like him. He certainly has selective amnesia when it comes to stuff like assigning credit for information or good ideas.


Anyway, good luck, and keep the stories coming (and if you do ever consider putting these into some sort of book form, remember your ol' MW friends that encouraged you along, and would love to have an original autographed copy... :reading: hehehe).

Thanks Rick... its nice to have people who love reading these stories... although sometimes it feels like Im ranting.....
Thing about it is.... if I did put them into a book, I might get sued for libel and er, probably no one will believe that people like these really exist. But if it really does turn into a book, I'll send ya a copy. :D

[Jolantru]

Hehe, well, it sounds like N is going through a "Mad B*stard" phase, where he suddenly finds himself with 'powers' or 'gifts'. People in the "Mad B*stard" phase suddeny see themselves as protectors against things evil.

A good link about the different stages of Pagans (very tongue-in-cheek but very true too):

http://www.ravenblack.net/thoughts/pagans.html


Jolantru

[Aidron]

Well, if we take everything you say at face value (which is never wise, but let's do it for the sake of this post) then I advise you to just ignore him outright and indefinitely. He is obviously hindering people and annoying them and who needs that?

As for the dull red energy, that to me symbolizes both health and a lack of power. Red being associated with elemental Fire, life force and health has a long history. When energy can be observed by color, the tint or shade of it is just as important. If the color is dull then obviously it does not contain as much power as a brighter version would, which would confirm his strain to unleash to the energy. When color appears to be fading or as if the very vitality (vitality also being something often associated with red, as well as orange and yellow to a lesser extent; i.e. warm colors) of the color itself is either not up to the usual standard or simply not as potent. Again, it re-affirms in my mind his lack of ability in this area, which given the stories I've read regarding this seem to relate a lack of ability on his part and the unwillingness to accept that and properly hone his skills, leading him down a path to assume power quickly which in the end is only hollow power. In other words, you may grasp it, but you won't hold onto it. You can lead for a time, but you may not be able to hold on to that leadership if you do not have the ability to keep it-and keeping it is much more difficult than harnessing it.

[ajna]

When I studied colors (the short period that was....I should get back to that), I tend to see colored energies, red meant some sort of base emotion (anger, jealousy, a hunger of some sort, etc.) which could be plausable considering his frame of mind -- trying so hard to prove himself all the time.
That's only from one source though and I can't remember what that source is anymore.

[Dawa Lhamo]

Im just curious... the colour symbology ya mentioned..... which system/modality is it from? Ummmm......... well, the thing is, I don't exactly know. If I were to make a guess, I'd say Alexandrian Wicca, because my mom was trained that and she's the one who taught me. Of course, it could just be her own personal system or something else she picked up... I really don't know... :wth:

Tashi delek!
Dawa Lhamo

[Cathubodva]

To fail is frustrating, to fail continously is even more frustrating...to fail constinously in front of others that are succeding, besides being the most frustrating thing, is also angering, sadning, and it lowers your self esteem immensly. You try this recipe for several lives and N is the result. But this result is just what your are showing us, now, just imagine how your friend must feel everyday with friends proving him how bad he is at magick. In one hand he has magic, a world of possibilities, on the other hand, he has his friends proving him is inability to do it right, and in the middle he has himself, probably the worst thing he has to face.

This isnt easy , tabbykitty, this isnt easy at all, and maybe, just maybe, yours and your friends atitude isnt very helpfull either. Is he your friend? Do you really consider him your friend? -if so, help him. The best you can. It seems to me that your friend N is an ambitious person, and thats good, very good. We are all born in this earth, we all came from the same mother: our planet, we are all under the same sun and the same moon, therefore, we all have the same right to use their gifts and to express those gifts in magic, poetry, whatever ways we feel right. Probably, your friend, like us, chose, amoong others, magic. And probably, just probably, the reason of his faillures isnt is lack of abilities, but his lack of understanding of whats going on inside himself. Maybe your should help him out a little in this field. One day i was complaining to my boyfriend that i didnt knew how to draw. He said that a few years ago he didnt knew how to draw as well, but he wanted to draw, and so he practiced and practiced, he studied, he fought to understood what was he supposed to do with the pencil...and now he draws beutifully. The same principle can be applied to your friend. Before meditating, do energy work, spells, try clairvoiense, whatever, he must undertsnad himself and how those gifts express themselves in his being. Maybe you could help him out in here, instead of telling him to remain a stableboy. Thats good for some, for other it isnt, and if he wants to be a high rank warrior, he first has to pick up a sword and learn how to sway it. But he can only pick up a sword if he knows his own strengh and agility. If i cant wield a broadsword, maybe he should start with a wooden sword, and work in his strengh. It may take him more time, but in the right time, we will use the broadsword.

Most people block themselves. I honestly believe that the sky is the limit, and the sky is nothing but what we allow our eyes to see. Evolution in magic is evolution in the self, evolution in the self is evolution in the being, you only evolve in the being if you know yourself. Try giving him a link to franz bardon's "initiation into hermetics". Its the most demanding magical traning, but each complete degree is a step forward to the rank of knight.

Cheers.

[9-2-2]

If he's so pissy about magick, then he should just settle for the universal Armchair tradition. :p
It sounds like when he attempted to "heal", he strained out some of his own life force... it's possible to do, and rather stupid. Firstly, you don't even heal with your own damn energy, jeez.

Keep the tales rollin', I love hearin' crap like this... it's rather entertaining here in Jesusland. :yayhawaii

[Tabbykitty]

This isnt easy , tabbykitty, this isnt easy at all, and maybe, just maybe, yours and your friends atitude isnt very helpfull either. Is he your friend? Do you really consider him your friend? -if so, help him. The best you can.

we have done whatever we could to help him. Including casting a spell for him to be able to "see" and bringing him out with various psychics who have tried giving him tips and lessons on observation and "seeing" and explaining the nature of energy and the universe. This went on for a space of a few months, until finally we all decided to divine the cause for his inability to see.

All of the psychics and tarot readers we got to do the divination, without exception stated that his inability to see lies with the fact that he has:

1. little talent in this area
2. is tremendously unobservant
and
3.that he wasn't really meant to see in this lifetime.

In fact, if he were to get into magick in this lifetime, it would seriously hinder his spiritual development/evolution. What he truly needs is something simple and uncomplicated.

That is why we have asked him to seriously reconsider doing magick and try something else. I mean, one can still be a pagan or an eclectic believer without actually being able to do any magick.


Most people block themselves. I honestly believe that the sky is the limit, and the sky is nothing but what we allow our eyes to see. Evolution in magic is evolution in the self, evolution in the self is evolution in the being, you only evolve in the being if you know yourself. Try giving him a link to franz bardon's "initiation into hermetics". Its the most demanding magical traning, but each complete degree is a step forward to the rank of knight.


well, we have brought him to the bookstores with books on magick and initiation into magick. We have even pulled down the books from the shelves and read from them aloud and had discussions regarding the points brought up in the book. He was there all the time.

Thing is, NEVER reads any of the books himself. He never does any research into his area of interest - ie Magick. Everything he knows he has learned either through direct instruction, listening in on gossip, hearsay or discussions or demanding to be taught.

I don't fault a guy for having ambition and wanting to be something higher, grander, better than he currently is. However, I won't take anyone seriously who whines continuously all day about not being able to do this and that, and yet doesnt bother to pick up a book, search the internet or go to the library/bookstore and do some serious self study. I had brought up these points in my other posts regarding this topic, do check them out as they were posted in this forum.

The stablehand imagery was to get him to understand that he had to love himself, no matter who he is or was. That was the main point. It didnt mean that we thought he was just a stablehand. Unlike the rest of us, he was someone really famous, and none of us have ever disbelieved that claim or refuted it. I think he is a really lucky man to have so many people trying to advise him, but clearly as you can see from the stories, he doesnt appreciate them.

[dr_zeus440]

if i were you, id cut off his hands. im not particularly sure as to why i would do that, but nonetheless, it seems like the right response to me (he seems quite ineffectual as it is, so i doubt that altogether that much would change if he did happen to get his hands accidentally sniiiiicked off by a well aimed cleaver in the dark). 10 points for a long story.

[BrigidMoon]

I'm always excited to read your stories Tabby ;)

[Tabbykitty]

An interesting thing happened recently involving N. My phone rang suddenly while I was at a meeting, and I saw that it was from N. I ignored it intending to call back later.

Much later, when I called back, N told me a story about how a bunch of his roommates saw something real weird. On that same day, when N walked into a room where some of his roommates were sitting around in, 1 - 2 of them saw a dark shadow, slightly smaller than him walk in with him!

Trying to calm N down, I tried see if there was any way it could be scientifically explained. However, there were two witnesses and they were fairly sure that the thing they saw was a fully 3 dimensional person that looked like a shadow. It was then that N confessed to me that for the past 1 - 2 months, there had been a spate of strange phenomena witnessed by his roomates and the people living near them. These involved strange ghostly sightings and sounds.

The only person who wasn't really affected by any of the supernatural stuff was N himself. He saw and heard nothing..... nothing that is until that afternoon he called me. After the sighting of the strange shadow, all of them, including N, heard a strange noise that sounded inside the room. According to N, it sounded like something big in the process of falling over.

Naturally N was very worried.... and naturally.... he called me *roll eyes*

I said that it was possible for him to become attached to a random spirit now and again, because the place he is currently staying at has a reputation of being slightly haunted. I then reccomended some things he could do to help himself. Well, he was really really worried and decided to consult our instructor. He arrived early at one of the evening classes she conducted so he could ask her for help. Coincidently I was there as well to have a talk with her.

Anyway, while talking to our instructor, a theory popped up into my head regarding the cause of N's problem. I took a dowsing stone and confirmed my suspicions with it. Our instructor started asking N if he knew the cause of his problems. He looked confused and said he didn't know what could have caused it.

I then interjected and asked our instructor if it was possible for her to divine if it was something to do with an object that N has in his possession. The result was a definite yes.

The next few questions were:
1. if the object was bought - No
2. if the object was a gift - Yes
3. did he bring it with him - no
4. did he leave it in his family home - yes
5. Did he receive it very very recently - yes.

Finally, I asked if the person who gave the gift was M (the lady with the attached entities whom we had previously warned N against) the answer was a yes.

Well, think N probably knew what gift it was that all our divinations were pointing to. I had decided against divining the answer myself and allowed our instructor to do the divining cos well, N doesn't really respect me or my skills much. Instead of zeroing in on the fact that he had received a wand from her about 2 months ago, he asked if it was something else he had received from her a year ago.

I rolled my eyes. Obviously either N wasn't using his brains or he was indeed trying to lie his way out. However, our instructor divined again, and said that it was indeed something recent. Well, at this point, N admitted receiving a wand from her. At that point, he was still asking how can a wand, which he said was something she made for him "for fun", be somehow tainted. I guess he really didn't want to admit that it was the cause of his troubles.

I pointed out the time frame of the incidents and he saw the pattern. It was now as clear as day, and there was no way for him to run away from it. Well, our instructor told him very clearly to get rid of it. He seemed reluctant and had this unhappy look on his face. Well, I guess he didn't like the fact that he had to get rid of something he put a lot of significance into AND shown to be a liar by the one person whom I think he still has some respect for. (ie. He had said to her and everyone many times that he was going to give up magick stuff forever)

N later said he would get rid of the wand. He started talking about how he was completely ignorant of things magickal and that he didnt know how an object of "protection" could harbour bad stuff. Well, when he said that I jumped up off my seat and said something to the effect of, "Hey (who are you bluffing), a wand isn't an object of protection. It signifies the desire to invoke occult force!..... You said yourself you were going onto another path. Why are you back tracking?"

I guess I was really annoyed by N these past few weeks, and since there was the chance to break all of N's illusions, well, I took it.

Currently according to N, he has gotten rid of the wand. Now I don't know how true that is, I guess I'll just have to wait and see.