How young do children start asking about sex?

[Faerin]

My son is 5 and he is becoming curious about his private parts. He's asked me about girls and boys "pee pee's" and if they touch eachother. Is this too young to be inquiring about sex?

I don't feel that he is being touched or abused by anyone (I am with him 99% of the time) and even that 1% is with family or at his friends house. His friend is 4 years old and I don't fear that the parents are at all abusive in any way.

Should I be concerned?

[Seren_]

Some kids are just more curious than others. I'm sure I asked about where babies came from and all that at a young age, but I always got the answer "you're too young to know" - I guess they had ideas about preserving my innocence (and they just didn't talk about things like that at all).

A friend of mine asked at a young age and her parents told her straight up, here's the facts. I don't think it did her any harm. Another friend, who has young kids, takes the approach that if they ask she'll give an honest answer, but won't necessarily go into details. Her youngest started asking questions about his pee pee at about three years old. She feels it's all a bit too much information if she tells them everything straight away, but neither does she want them to feel ashamed of their bodies (she has issues with her Catholic upbringing I guess). So she gives them the facts and that's usually enough.

So no, I don't think you should be too concerned, especially if you've ruled out the more scary options - some people worrying about their kids being sexualised at too young an age, and while I think it can be a genuine concern, and something any parent would think about, sometimes kids touch themselves and realise it feels good, simple as that. How you deal with the questions is entirely a matter of personal choice.

[Nantonos]

I wouldn't be concerned - its not abnormal. I think its important to answer honestly. Also, kids will pick up as much from the tone and the emotion as from the facts. So a matter of fact tone is best in my opinion - otherwise they see it more as a joke (ask mummy about this, she goes red).

Also, they seem to appreciate getting a brief answer but remember for them its no big deal, its just a question, no different to 'why is fire hot' or whatever. So answer, and don't over-answer. Just give a short factual response that matches their current question. They will come back with more questions in their own time scales.

I think the honesty pays off. If I could share a couple of menarche stories to illustrate - my mum apparently rushed to her mother in a panic saying "I'm dying, there is blood coming out" .... etc to be told "Well you had better get used to it, it will happen once a month from now on". That was the first she had heard of it. It wasn't proper to discuss.
My daughter sent a text message on her phone, from school. "Hi mum, my periods have started."

[Raven Reed]

My kids wanted to know everything from an early age. I tried to explain just what was asked without going into too many overwhelming details. Most of the later talks about sex ended up being damage control as they got misinformation from other kids. The stuff kids come up with!

I think every kid is different. I don't think five is too young to inquire about sex in a limited fashion, just be careful your child doesn't then go and "educate" all his friends. That could get some other parents upset.

[kblackthorne]

It's not curiosity you need to worry about. It's knowledge.

If he were to demonstrate inappropriate behavior (or a desire for inappropriate behavior), it would be time to worry. (My friend's son said, "I wish you had a pee-pee too, Mamma, so I could kiss it like I kiss Billy's." Turns out his step-cousin had been teaching him things no child should learn.)

I know that by age 3, I had a concept of where babies come from, and by age 5 had a concept of how they were made.

It's normal, at this age, for kids to ask about the differences in their bodies. Even if he hasn't seen a little girl undressed -- including an infant getting her diaper changed -- he's not blind, and has noticed that women are shaped differently than men. He may even have seen you undressed, and noticed that you lack a penis but have breasts... unlike him or Daddy.

Answer him, honestly but briefly. Let him drive the conversation; if he wants more detail or more info, he'll ask.

As for touching, well, only Mommies and Daddies are supposed to touch each other there. (You might even ask if anyone has touched him there. It might lead to an answer, or might lead to the source of his curiosity. But in any case, it gives you a chance to instill the idea that he should come to you if anyone should try to touch him inappropriately.)

[Jenne]

You could answer at a level that your child understands--telling them yes, boys and girls pee-pees touch, but only when they are grown-ups/love each other like mommy and daddy, etc. You can get clinical and explain the whole birds-n-bees thang (a lot of educators say 5 years old is an excellent age to start). But it's your choice what you want to say and how you want to say it.

Personally, as a parent, I would rather make that choice before someone makes it for me. If my kid is asking those questions, like as not if I don't give him answers, someone else will. So I make the choice to tell him what I think he should know.

Good luck--I don't think your child is precocious at all--just naturally curious about human biology! :D

[Allegra2]

My son is 5 and he is becoming curious about his private parts. He's asked me about girls and boys "pee pee's" and if they touch eachother. Is this too young to be inquiring about sex?

I don't feel that he is being touched or abused by anyone (I am with him 99% of the time) and even that 1% is with family or at his friends house. His friend is 4 years old and I don't fear that the parents are at all abusive in any way.

Should I be concerned?

I asked my mum when I was 5, and she told me where babies came from and how they were maid. (Scientific even..) Of course I just nodded my head, I didn't know what she was talking about at the time. I still remember thinking how privlaged I was that I knew how babies were made and other kids didn't.

:viking: Of course I've always been strange. :awilly:

Allegra

[LadyTrinity]

It's pretty normal. My son right now is playing with him self and I jokingly tell him to stop that. It's always when I a changing his diaper. He is like Ahh a toy! But I guess all kids get curious sooner or later :whatmewor My son isnt old enough to ask me questions... YET :lookaroun

[LadyTrinity]

I asked my mum when I was 5, and she told me where babies came from and how they were maid.


LOL I remember that too.. I asked where babies came from and my mom said " the mommy" and I said where does it come from the mommy and she said the mommies tummy" and I asked my dad how babies where made and he said a mommy and daddy makes them.. so yea they kinda beat around the bush LOL

_cloud9_

[Kaliel]

I used to work in daycare, and imagine this scenario. Little three year old girl is playing with two naked barbie dolls, a ken and a barbie. I ask her what they're doing, and if they're going to get dressed for the party. She said, "They came back from the part already, now they're going to have sex."

Kids these days, yikes!

Kaliel

[Faerin]

Thanks everyone for the responses :) I do have one more question. I've always wanted to teach my son that it's ok to see naked bodies, that it's no big deal, etc. If there are naked people on TV or whatever I would not cover his eyes (of course I wouldn't show him anything pornographic). If he walks in my room while I am undressing it has always been no problem.
I'm starting to wonder if maybe that is not such a good idea...letting him see me naked. I would much rather him ask about other girls/women instead of me because it just freaks me out. I try not to let it, but when he gets curious about MY body, it bothers me. I know it is all innocent and just plain curiousity but still...

[Jenne]

Well, again, I think you as his mom would know when to stop dressing in front of him, or whether or not to continue. These are things that definitely differ from household to household. That transition from baby to child is tough on a momma. Your body used to house theres...so a lot of nakedness is so very natural. But when their little eyes and brains go clickety clack...ACK! LOL

:hugz: Just go with the flow. If you know it's natural and just good ol' curiosity, then together you'll find a way to keep things open and honest.

[Jenne]

I used to work in daycare, and imagine this scenario. Little three year old girl is playing with two naked barbie dolls, a ken and a barbie. I ask her what they're doing, and if they're going to get dressed for the party. She said, "They came back from the part already, now they're going to have sex."

Kids these days, yikes!

Kaliel
Oh yeah, I got one better. 3 kindergarten girls, playing on the playground (this was about 9 years ago). I was on yard duty, and I heard one "pretending" to be the girlfriend, the other girl was to be the "boyfriend" and she would give "him" a kiss on his penis!

WTF had that kid been watching? :bug:

SKEEERY!!!!:imout:

[winterrosewaitin]

I never told the kids to stop that, I told them it was private. when they have heard that time after time, they get the idea to do it in private, "bedroom or bathroom".
My youngest son always had his hand down his diaper.... I kept telling him it was private and the hands down the pants finally ended in front of people.
Some kids are just more sexual than others.

Winter Rose

[Faerin]

Thank you all for your wonderful replies :)

I'm leaving Mystic Wicks but I'm glad to know that most of you here are very caring, wonderful people. I wish you all the happiness.

[Jenne]

Hm...why are you leaving? Hope it's just a short time! We'll be here when ya come back! :hugz: