Danustouch
October 16th, 2001, 09:51 PM
I thought you guys would get a kick out of this. It's from the Citezens Times, in Asheville, NC.
********************************************
My planets just aren’t aligned right
By Mike Benzie, Staff Writer
Trouble talking have I had. Easier not much writing has been. Astrology excuse is mine.
If you want to be astrologically conscious, live in Asheville.
I, for one, know my sun sign, my ascendant and my moon sign — and I’m not even a girl.
Sorry, that was sexist, wasn’t it? Blame it on my Libra rising. Won’t happen again.
Anyway, just the other day this chick from work approached me about taking in a stray dog. During the conversation, I spoke very poorly. You know, saying completely absurd things that have no business participating in a sentence.
She told me not to worry, that Mercury was approaching retrograde, a phenomenon which is supposed to affect one’s ability to communicate.
According to one of many Web sites available on the matter, the word retrograde applies, in astrology, to the apparent backward motion of a planet through the zodiac, in this case, Mercury. The Mercury retrograde period, in Libra, started Oct. 1, and will last for about three weeks.
All the planets have retrograde periods, but Mercury, according to the Web site, "is most famous for them … because Mercury represents our very essential communication abilities."
The Web site warns that while Mercury is in retrograde, you should "be extra aware of what you say and what you interpret when chatting to friends." Sounds like Mercury might always be in retrograde for dope smokers.
Not everyone in the world monitors the stars and their effect as closely as our city’s residents. Last year, trying to find information that would help me find my ascendant, or rising sign, I asked my mother for my birth time. I figured she would know, although for some reason, she wasn’t entirely sure.
She seemed worried that I was asking — perhaps concerned I was into voodoo or witchcraft or Dungeons and Dragons. She should be more concerned that I’m into ’80s music.
She wanted to know if I would perhaps take the information I learned, and use it as a crutch.
But what she didn’t know was that I was in the market for a crutch.
How else would I explain my indecision, my lack of focus, or my inability to accept reality – all Pisces’ traits.
If I’m wishy-washy and blow off my friends, or forget to call someone, it’s my Pisces nature shining through. "Pisces nature," I’ll say, while shaking my head dramatically in defeat, "What are you going to do?"
Hey, by the way, if this column stinks, we can at least track the source. It’s Mercury cramping my style. Cramping my style? I don’t say that sort of thing.
Contact Benzie at 232-5864 or MBenzie@CITIZEN-TIMES.com
********************************************
My planets just aren’t aligned right
By Mike Benzie, Staff Writer
Trouble talking have I had. Easier not much writing has been. Astrology excuse is mine.
If you want to be astrologically conscious, live in Asheville.
I, for one, know my sun sign, my ascendant and my moon sign — and I’m not even a girl.
Sorry, that was sexist, wasn’t it? Blame it on my Libra rising. Won’t happen again.
Anyway, just the other day this chick from work approached me about taking in a stray dog. During the conversation, I spoke very poorly. You know, saying completely absurd things that have no business participating in a sentence.
She told me not to worry, that Mercury was approaching retrograde, a phenomenon which is supposed to affect one’s ability to communicate.
According to one of many Web sites available on the matter, the word retrograde applies, in astrology, to the apparent backward motion of a planet through the zodiac, in this case, Mercury. The Mercury retrograde period, in Libra, started Oct. 1, and will last for about three weeks.
All the planets have retrograde periods, but Mercury, according to the Web site, "is most famous for them … because Mercury represents our very essential communication abilities."
The Web site warns that while Mercury is in retrograde, you should "be extra aware of what you say and what you interpret when chatting to friends." Sounds like Mercury might always be in retrograde for dope smokers.
Not everyone in the world monitors the stars and their effect as closely as our city’s residents. Last year, trying to find information that would help me find my ascendant, or rising sign, I asked my mother for my birth time. I figured she would know, although for some reason, she wasn’t entirely sure.
She seemed worried that I was asking — perhaps concerned I was into voodoo or witchcraft or Dungeons and Dragons. She should be more concerned that I’m into ’80s music.
She wanted to know if I would perhaps take the information I learned, and use it as a crutch.
But what she didn’t know was that I was in the market for a crutch.
How else would I explain my indecision, my lack of focus, or my inability to accept reality – all Pisces’ traits.
If I’m wishy-washy and blow off my friends, or forget to call someone, it’s my Pisces nature shining through. "Pisces nature," I’ll say, while shaking my head dramatically in defeat, "What are you going to do?"
Hey, by the way, if this column stinks, we can at least track the source. It’s Mercury cramping my style. Cramping my style? I don’t say that sort of thing.
Contact Benzie at 232-5864 or MBenzie@CITIZEN-TIMES.com