Personal/school politics and dating a christian *personal, not general*

[Grey]

*sighs*

I have a girlfriend again... its been a while frankly and Im quite happy with her. Shes great, shes a sweetheart with a sharp mind, a great sense of humor, and sense of being thats just flexable enough to talk to and just set enough to be strong. Her appearance is very much my type and I cant help but be pleased with the fact that she is as they say "the whole package".
Shes christian, but not pushy. Her love is theatre, and shes a lighting techinician/director/ producer/actor at a local theatre. Shes new the romance game, but thats fine- Im patient in her growth. To top it off Im the first guy her family has ever approved... and with two older sisters that have been dating a long time thats saying something.

The thing is, the folks around here dont like me dating her. Im pagan, shes christian- we both respect each others beliefs and dont involve them in the relationship... and dont intrude on the others. At the same time if she prays I join her... though to my lady not jehovah, and she respects my shrine. They however dont think it can work, they think I will corrupt her, turn her to my "wicked" ways... among other things.
To top it off many of these are people Ive known quite a while. They are now saying things about me behind my back, often times to her, and she of course feels the need to defend me.
Shes already stressed out with life, not to mention new at the whole dating thing. I can feel it creating a rift with us, between us, and I cant help but be afraid of losing her over this.

They bring up religious reasons, the tell lies, and they say other things Ive yet to dig out of people... I dont know what to do, I dont know how to help her and I dont know how to stop them.

I need advice.

[magickman12]

Hey Grey,
Let all these naysayers see what kind of person you are. Do you get involved in your community? Do you volunteer for things? Are you known for helping others? If you are contributing to your neighborhood, town, or whatever, then whatever they say about you will fall flat. Their very Bible says that ye shall know a tree by its fruit. Make sure your fruit is helpful to others. I am an open Wiccan in a very small and very conservative town. I own a successful grocery store. I was elected President of the local school board and president of the local water company. You don't have to go that far, but just give your time and/or resources to help others out. They will be slower to judge you once they see you for that.
Walk in Love and Light
MM12

[Grey]

Im a peer counselor, I help out in the community, Im known for not lying, not cheating, and for protecting and counseling people. It doesnt matter though... shoot some of these people are people Ive counseled, one I fixed her refrigerator and her relationship with her boyfriend in the same day, only four weeks ago.
They know who I am, and what I stand for... it doesnt seem to make any differance.

[magickman12]

Do you have discussions with them? I've had the occassional person come in to try and save my soul. My knowledge of the Bible and religion is extensive, however, so I explain to them those things about their religion that turns me away. I make sure they know I respect it, but it is not for me.
For one thing, I tell them that I am a humble man and I must follow a humble religion. I say, no offense, but I see it as arrogance when another religion claims that it is the one true way or even the best way. I cannot be a part of that conceit.
It is good to learn a little bit of Hebrew as well, then you can tell them that in the Hebrew Genesis, it says that Elohim made the universe in seven days. The word Elohim has been translated as 'God', but it is actually a plural word, meaning gods. The final letter is 'mem' and it is attached to a word to make it plural in teh same way that we attach the letter 's' to make a word plural.
I have 50 questions that I present to the most stubborn of Christians and I ask them to answer them. These questions point out the numerous contradictions, flawed mythology and immoral passages in the Bible such as if Jesus was born of a virgin, then why is his bloodline traced through Joseph? And why are there two different ancestries listed in two different books.
I ask them that since they do not like witches because they are using the Bible as the basis for their moral code, do they use the bible for everything they think is right? When they say yes, I point out Psalms 137, where the last verse says, "Happy is he who bashes their babies against the stones." So then, throwing babies against rocks must be part of the Christian moral code if they take everything in it as their guide. What about slavery. The Bible seems to promote slavery, heck in Leviticus, it even gives the proper rules concerning beating your slaves. When i present these questions to Christians, they see that maybe, just maybe, they don't really use everything in the Bible as their moral guide. And if they have to pick and choose, why do they have to choose to hate Wiccans?
Hope this helps.
MM12

[Grey]

Thanks for the support. Im still hoping for more advice... but your words have been good.

[Penthesilea]

Personally, I'd be calling these people to account for what they're saying, most especially, those who you've helped with their problems! As for the mixed religion thing -- my beloved (he's unChurched Christian) and I have been together for 32 years come November, 26 of those as man and wife. It can work and work well if both people are committed to making it work. Keep the lines of communication open with your lady and don't let the naysayers get you down!
:thewave:

[WingedTigerChild]

My first thought was: Have you expressed this to your girlfriend? because that's probably the best place to start.

[Grey]

Indeed, that is a good idea however its not needed... shes the one they are saying these things too, shes the one they are giving a hard time, and shes the one they are stressing out the most. Im used to being a bit different, people asking me wouldnt get to me much at all... but shes got no experiance with this.

[BabblingImp]

I think everyone has said what I would say, and just to give some comfort, I have good friends one is a Chrisain, and the other is Pagan, and they are happier then anyone I know, they have two beautiful babies too. So! Them other people saying it wouldn't work are just scared, so just hang in there.

[NiftyWings]

Have her practice making this statement: "I appreciate your concern, but this is not a topic I'm willing to discuss with you." When the well-meaning buttinsky's start in on her, she just needs to repeat that over and over, like a broken record. Eventually, they will get the hint.

[Jenne]

I think you should counsel *her* to be her own person and stand up to them. If they do not support her in her decision to be with her, then she needs to defend herself and then tell them she'll not hear another word. If they truly *care* for her, they will give you the benefit of the doubt you so obviously deserve, and back the aitch off.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I did as well, but for different reasons. Like your gf, I was dating a man from a different faith and then decided to marry him. OMG you should've seen the fur fly. But all I could tell people was, "I appreciate your concern, but I really am an adult, and I know this person and love him with all my heart."

Hang in there...the more they see you together, the more they will get used to the idea and leave the 2 of you alone.

[Ninjakitten]

Sounds to me like your girlfriend is the only true Christian in the mix. Godde is truth, and she seems to be the one to stand up for it. It's these other people who are bearing false witness against you (that would be breaking a Commandment in case you didn't know), and if they have to break a Commandment in order to split you two up, they don't have any real Christian points to make to keep you two apart. Oh, and yes, you do have my permission to mention this to your girlfriend. If they really want to get pissy about it, she could always mention that if it is God's will for you to accept Jesus, the Bible does mention that a Christian in the relationship will bring glory to God and show you the way, but I wouldn't have her resort to that one unless they simply won't back off out of the shame of betraying their own beliefs. All else fails, you two should ignore them, and she can move on WITH YOU knowing she serves Christ better as a defender of the truth and defending someone who otherwise can't really defend himself against these lies. Did I mention I'm a Christian? I think your girlfriend might appreciate knowing about these lines of defense, and they certainly aren't dishonest, at least from a Christian POV.

[Grey]

*nods* It seemed to me that the lying, lack of compassion and understanding, and down right meanness of all this were a bit unchristian. I Go to church alot actually, I like mingling that way and getting to see other veiws so Im somewhat familiar with different christian folks.
Thanks for your comments all of you, this has been rather helpful. Now to get through the next week *shakes head*. If this can get wrapped up in the next two days *wich it looks like it might* the rest of the school should stop asking her about it by the end of the week and perhaps shell have some peace. Any stray prayers, energies, or thoughts that might help are always welcome, as are any more comments or questions.

Have a good one, all of you.

[Tabby]

*hugs* That is rough. It is easy to say for you two to ignore it but I know that is not possible.

I've found that with people like that the best thing is to tell them nicely but firmly that you would prefer not to hear it. That if they do not have anything nice to say, then please do not say anything at all. Smile at them and be super polite. The trick is you have to say it each and every time they start and never let them see you be upset and never get angry at them.This is hard to do but I've found it works well.

You could try to explain to them that you do not understand why this is an issue and that you do not talk about them or harbor any ill feelings towards them. That you are the same person you were when you weren't dating her...and they didn't have a problem with you then. I am all for communication but sometimes that can lead to arguements if the other person/people's reasons are not valid and they decide to dig their heels in.

I am very sorry that you are going through this and I wish you two the best of luck. I know that you are very happy with her and she sounds like a wonderful girl.. Just perfect for the wonderful guy you are.

I will keep you both in my thoughts. _pounce_

[Grey]

Thanks tabby, I know how to do that... She is the one thats having such problems. As Ive said theyre barely bringing it up to me... *sighs* but thanks girl.

[Akhkharu Asgard]

It is up to her who she dates (unless she is underage, then parents can have a say). It's wonderful that you found what is probably the only non-extremesit Christian out there. But if this turns into a Long Term Relationship, I would be wary. Things you thought were ok always turn up and ravage a relationship (religion, politics, etc).

[Kyan's Daddy]

The thing is, the folks around here dont like me dating her. Im pagan, shes christian- we both respect each others beliefs and dont involve them in the relationship... and dont intrude on the others. At the same time if she prays I join her... though to my lady not jehovah, and she respects my shrine. They however dont think it can work, they think I will corrupt her, turn her to my "wicked" ways... among other things.
To top it off many of these are people Ive known quite a while. They are now saying things about me behind my back, often times to her, and she of course feels the need to defend me.
Shes already stressed out with life, not to mention new at the whole dating thing. I can feel it creating a rift with us, between us, and I cant help but be afraid of losing her over this.


Finally, a thread where my expertise can be used!

Unfortunately, this is really too easy to solve, so it won't even be taxing my incredible capabilities.

Alright, now that the ego is out of the way... :D

What it comes down to is this: Of course people aren't going to accept it. Whether it's because you're pagan or because you have too much hair, or not enough hair, or you speak funny, there is always going to be something. But, guess what? WHO CARES? Really? Who cares? You don't have to date those people, they don't have to date you. She doesn't have to date those people, they don't have to date her. In the end, what matters is that she likes you, you like her, and you're together.

Remember, when the radio came out, it was the work of the devil. Soon, everyone had one. Then, the TV came out, and was poised to ruin the minds of the youth. Soon, everybody had one. Then, the computer came out... It was a passing fad... Now, everybody has one.

After things have been around long enough, they are accepted as "the way things are." You just have to ride out the b.s. long enough until the busybodies have something else to occupy their time with.

[Grey]

Im aware of this... but try telling that to her? Shes not so used to it... thankfully she is dedicated to me. *puffs up and gets happy*

However Ive dealt with a good deal of it today... A full political counterassault if you will. I didnt even require lying, cuss words, or anything. A simple conversation with a few parents, some friends, and all of them seem to have dropped into line.
Now if the majority will just stop asking her why shes dating me cause Im "so weird"... lol, I can handle that though.

Thanks you guys.
*bows*

[equinox2]

Hi Grey-

Sounds like your are doing well with the situation. It will be hard – the Bible repeats over and over that marrying (I assume dating) outside the faith is not acceptable. This is repeated in books like Chronicles, kings, Jeremiah, Ezra, etc in the Old testament (see especially Ezra 10, where the wives are exiled). This is continued in the New testament, with Paul writing a lot about it, as well as John. Here is one example, by Paul:

2 Cor 6

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” 17“Therefore come out from them
and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing”

Now, Paul does say that if you are already married to a Pagan, and you become Christian, don’t divorce them. This happened a lot in Paul’s day, because nearly all the Christians had been Pagan first, and some had been married. He mentions this in 1Cor chap 7. This is part that Ninjakitten was talking about, but it really doesn’t help you too much, since it is aimed at a situation where one member of a Pagan couple converts to Christianity, and is considering divorcing the still pagan spouse.

Asgard brings up an important point. This issue may become significant at some time, and you should be aware of this. The Bible says many times that religion is more important than family, so if she is tied closely to a literal reading of the Bible, then things won’t work. If she is an open minded Christian who decides for herself which parts of the Bible she’ll follow, then your relationship could work well, because she will have to disregard parts of the Bible to stay with you, and that’s not even thinking about what will happen when there are kids involved.

You also might want to check out the local UU church. There you can both go to the same church, and no one has to hide their beliefs or be something they aren’t. There, you will both even be able to take your kids to Sunday school – because UU Sunday school respects all religions – something that Christian Sunday school doesn’t do. Here are local congregations:
http://www.uua.org/CONG/index.php

_handclapp Good luck! It sounds like you are handling this well. As long as you both keep your eyes open and think about the future, and as long as both beliefs are respected, this can work.

Blessed be-