Parents Treat Prettier Children Better?

[Pandoras]

An article from the New York Times reports that researchers assert parents take better care of prettier children. You can read the entire article here (http://www.nytimes.com/auth/login?URI=http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/03/health/03ugly.html&OP=62072f6f/4bIQ5E4Q22j_Q2AVjjfQ274Q27WWQ3A4WQ3A4WL4rICgfr4WL)6g!Q5Brf2g), but only if you're a registered member. If you're not, allow me to sum it up.

The researchers noted if the parents belted their youngsters into the grocery cart seat, how often the parents' attention lapsed and the number of times the children were allowed to engage in potentially dangerous activities like standing up in the shopping cart. They also rated each child's physical attractiveness on a 10-point scale.

When it came to buckling up, pretty and ugly children were treated in starkly different ways, with seat belt use increasing in direct proportion to attractiveness. When a woman was in charge, 4 percent of the homeliest children were strapped in compared with 13.3 percent of the most attractive children. The difference was even more acute when fathers led the shopping expedition - in those cases, none of the least attractive children were secured with seat belts, while 12.5 percent of the prettiest children were.

The official report isn't yet published, so these findings need further scrutiny by the scientific community, and already some scientists have their objections.

What do you think? I can't imagine that any parent sees their child as ugly, but perhaps its unconscious behavior. Personally, I generally think all kids are cute and strap down every kid that is under my care.

[ravenmyst]

I guess mine were and are always beautiful to me

[Élistariel]

I think I may have consumed too much chocolate today...

*grabs every child within a 50 mile radius*
You are sooo beautiful to meeeeeeee

[BelovedDru]

*opens mouth to say something, but suddenly dies of an annurism*

*headdesk*

[Lewen]

hmmmm that might explain why my mother always loved my sister best.....heh heh...
in regards to my own kids, I treat them all the same...but this was interesting to read.

[MorningDove030202]

If we only have one kid, then the point is moot right?

Yea, I'm Inocent!


Dove

[Dio]

WHAT?!?!?!? :blech:

[Silver_FireStar]

That's nothing to do with the childs attractiveness. A load of crap. My sister was always strapped in despite her being less than attractive and I wasn't. They assumed I was wise enough to do it. People make assumptions based on the kids mentality.

[Luminessence]

I thought parents saw all their kids as beautiful...

But then, I'm an only child.

[Mistress_Ravenshadow]

I dont think it has much to do with how a child looks i think its just that some parents are more conscious of what their kids are doing then others..and sadly some parents just do seem to give a crap..
i saw a gorgeous little girl down the street the other day and her mother was so busy looking at clothes that she didnt see that her daughter had a plastic bag over her head.. it wasnt until the shop keeper jumped up to get it off the girl that the mother noticed it and then all she did was yell at the girl to get it off her head and went back to looking at the clothes.... the little girl would have been only about 3 and she was allowed to walk around by herself too in a busy shopping centre where anyone could have walked off with her and the mother wouldnt have even noticed..
i just dont get some ppl..

[FlyingBear]

Uh yeh, I can tell you that at least my parents treated my younger sister different than me. To give you an example:

" We're glad that at least your sister cares enough about this family to maintain her looks."-Mom

" Your sister just lucked out and got all the good looks in the family. You're made from the left over scraps in the barrel" -Dad

" O honey, I know that everyone sees your sister's beauty first but at least you have personality." - Mom

" Why aren't you a boy? You're built like one, you act like one, you fight like one. Not like your sister, she's pretty."- Dad

" You need to learn to be more femnine, like your sister."- Dad

" You might as well learn to fend for yourself. No man will ever want such a fat pig for a wife. Luckily your sister won't have that problem. She'll have them kicking down the front door by tomorrow."- Dad

It goes on and on. So for me, from my personal experience, parents do treat the "ugly duckling" child different from the beautiful one. And then they wonder why I left home at 16. :ahhhhhhh:

[LadyTrinity]

I think in general cuter kids are treated better. I have been to stores with my gf and people always go to my son and rarely say anything about her child. Makes me feel uncomfortable that she probably gets upset about it. I'm not saying my child is cuter but people tend to think so.. might be the curls :huh:

[WingedTigerChild]

I think it's true for some families. It was/is for mine. To my mother, I was/am the unattractive, devious child who will amount to nothing, whereas my younger sister was considered prettier and better by all accounts, and thus she was treated better by all accounts. Well, she's dead now (drowned), and mum still treats her with more respect. I have an even younger sister who seems to get treated indifferently (somewhere inbetween) by both of my parents. Thankfully though, I think my father has always favoured me, though I know he tries very hard to treat us equally. A lot of families seem to play favourites.

[Pandoras]

When I first read the article, I was surprised and a bit disgusted really, but I suppose there is a little truth to what the researchers are pointing out. Adults are certainly often judged by their looks and after thinking about it a bit, I realize this sort of treatment probably does extend to children.

My sister has three small children, all of which I think are beautiful (you can see them on my MW Photo Album). But when we go out, Gabi (the youngest girl) gets a lot of attention and complements. People walk right up to her and say things like, "what a beautiful child." It's not that anyone says the other two are ugly; they don't say anything at all. I wonder what this does to their self-image and esteem.

Thing is the article isn't about how other people treat kids, but how parents treat their own children. Some of the stories here (like FlyingBear's and WingedTigerChild's) are heartbreaking. It's devasting when more than anything else children want to please and feel loved by their parents. It's so damaging.

[WingedTigerChild]

Uh yeh, I can tell you that at least my parents treated my younger sister different than me. To give you an example:

" We're glad that at least your sister cares enough about this family to maintain her looks."-Mom

" Your sister just lucked out and got all the good looks in the family. You're made from the left over scraps in the barrel" -Dad

" O honey, I know that everyone sees your sister's beauty first but at least you have personality." - Mom

" Why aren't you a boy? You're built like one, you act like one, you fight like one. Not like your sister, she's pretty."- Dad

" You need to learn to be more femnine, like your sister."- Dad

" You might as well learn to fend for yourself. No man will ever want such a fat pig for a wife. Luckily your sister won't have that problem. She'll have them kicking down the front door by tomorrow."- Dad

It goes on and on. So for me, from my personal experience, parents do treat the "ugly duckling" child different from the beautiful one. And then they wonder why I left home at 16. :ahhhhhhh:
That's how I was treated growing up. I figure that when mum gets old enough, I might just stick her in some crumb-bumb nursing home as thanks. :hehehehe:

[innocent]

With my experiance it has been that parents treat the child that looks most like them better than the other(s). Its not really related to how cute they are. But thats just what I see.

"Its such a shame your brother dyed his hair.... you should dye your hair blonde instead of that ratty color you have."
" You should wear those blue colored contacts. (Your eyes are not green, they are blue)" * well if they were blue I wouldn't need the contacts
" Your brother spent more time on his looks than you when he was your age, and you are not a boy."
"If my daughter would only dye her hair she might be able to make it look pretty like Jennifer Aniston's."

ect. ect. ect.

[banondraig]

Uh yeh, I can tell you that at least my parents treated my younger sister different than me. To give you an example:

" We're glad that at least your sister cares enough about this family to maintain her looks."-Mom

" Your sister just lucked out and got all the good looks in the family. You're made from the left over scraps in the barrel" -Dad

" O honey, I know that everyone sees your sister's beauty first but at least you have personality." - Mom

" Why aren't you a boy? You're built like one, you act like one, you fight like one. Not like your sister, she's pretty."- Dad

" You need to learn to be more femnine, like your sister."- Dad

" You might as well learn to fend for yourself. No man will ever want such a fat pig for a wife. Luckily your sister won't have that problem. She'll have them kicking down the front door by tomorrow."- Dad

It goes on and on. So for me, from my personal experience, parents do treat the "ugly duckling" child different from the beautiful one. And then they wonder why I left home at 16. :ahhhhhhh:

:hairraise :collapse: :hugz:

what exactly does maintaining looks have to do with caring about your family anyway?

[BlueMoon13]

Unfortunately,yes, I totally believe the study. This is not a new phenomenon,either. My great-grandmother died in the late 1920's, leaving her husband and her two daughters, one being prettier than the other. HE LEFT one of his daughters (my grandmother) on his in-laws' front stoop ( in New York City,in the middle of the night, her only 3) with a note pinned to her dress that said "here, you can have the ugly one". Nice,huh? :flamer:

[Sequoia]

I believe it. People who say "I don't love any of you more than the others" are either in an ideal situation, parents of only children, or... I don't know... possibly blind.

Families of two or more kids show STARK differences in how the kids are treated. No matter what mom and dad say.

EX: my little brother, being the baby, was allowed to attack me with lethal weapons (knives, golf clubs, etc), break open my bedroom windows (as in, smashed glass), steal, swear, get terrible grades, etc... he was the baby. I, on the other hand, being the middle child... if I even looked at him wrong, I was screamed at. If I ever "won" a fight (ie didn't get half killed), I had beaten him up. If I ever made any kind of self-defence, I had 'antagonized' him into fighting with me.

:rolleyes:

Think of it this way. Let's say you have more than one child. A car is coming. You can only grab one child in time - nevermind the "but I'd find a way" shpiel - you can only get one kid. Which child would you choose? And you can't say "the closest"... just pick a kid, people. No trying to play fair. Who pops into your mind first?

That's your favourite.

[AdNoctum]

Prettier adults get treated better overall. Why should it be any different with children?

[Faery-Wings]

Sadly I belive that this can happen. I try very hard to be as fair in all ways to both of my kids. And yes, both of my kids are absolutley beautiful, inside and out, to me. But I wonder if there are more factors involved, like sex and birth rank. I most likely left my daughter unbelted in the shopping cart b/c I think your guard/neuroses go down a bit with your second child. On the other hand, being a girl, I think I make more of a fuss with her clothes and hair- not b/c how she looks but b/c I can. And she is a girly girl and loves to have her hair done.
One other rambling thought-- My son was a beautiful baby. Cait was well....kinda funny looking. :lol: At 6 and 8, he is going through the silly boy looking stage- huge grown up teeth in a small face, while she has this long curly hair and cute little features. yet I don't see that I base my actions and attention any differently over the years. I am sometimes harder on one than the other-- but that changes as their moods and issues do.

This makes no sense, does it? :p

[fahawk]

Well first off, I have always felt reseachers have way too much time on their hands, LOL

With my kids, I guess bonding was really intense and special for me with each of them :)

I feel they are "beautiful" people

But..then I came from a family were there seemed to be alot of emphasis on "looks' - why ? I dont know. ( maybe it had to do more self-esteem and what they thought other people were thinking?)

My cousin and I were both the youngest girls..and we were always told we looked alike and we were homely. great confidence booster that is..
my sister 2 years older was the 'beautiful child'..
now looking back at photos, I realize my cousin and I share all the family traits..and look really NO different then other family members-- but somehow they had the perception we werent up to par..
go figure..
anyway..so maybe it is true with some people..
for me..I dont see "beauty" as just features..but the whole person that my child is.

[Dawa Lhamo]

Well, my parents never claimed that they loved us just the same. They loved us differently but equally. My little brother was the baby, and he used to milk that, especially when we would pick on him.... My older brother was the oldest, and so he had to deal with all the rules as they were being set up, and he generally tested every rule at least three times to see how concrete it was. ^_^

I'd be sad to be in the middle, but I'm the girl. ^_^ So I got all kinds of shopping and girly attention, where my brothers got the manly attention. ^_^ Not just my parents, but my family in general. My grandparents were very pleased that I was a girl (the only girl amid 8 grandchildren), and I KNOW that they treated me better than my brothers. I think the youngest/oldest thing and gender were really why we were treated differently, rather than "prettiness"... I mean, I don't even know how you'd rank us on a prettiness scale...

Tashi delek!
Dawa Lhamo

[fahawk]

P.S
It would be really great if adults were much more careful about the "messages" they give children..
children are great at taking in the unspoken, as well as spoken messages, and thus the "perception" of themselves..
Also many children grow and "blossom"- + features change..
I went to school with a friend who everyone thought was just the "cutest"..
well...guess what time and age can certainly change many things

[Chibi-Fallon]

Just have to say I love the picture with the piece. _tomatoe_

And you probably could say the same thing about the smarter kid. Or the kid that wasn't an accident.

Look at Welcome to the Dollhouse.

[Psypress]

I'm the youngest of five. My mom is extremely kind to me. I've never had any issues with her. I have to admit that I got better treatment than the older kids in the family. But I don't think that had anything to do with the way we look. All of my siblings are very beautiful. (And I'm not just saying that because my sister, Dio, is on here and will likely read this post) I think it had to do with the rank. The baby always gets away with more.
Although, as I'm growing up, I don't fit into any expectations that my mom had for me, so you would assume she'd lose favor for me. But it probably helps that I look the most like her. Either that, or the baby just never loses that "baby" status.

Dio - What's your take?

[Psypress]

WHAT?!?!?!? :blech:

Oh how funny! I didn't realize you'd already stated your opinion. HAHA! I guess that answers my question.

[Pandoras]

Prettier adults get treated better overall. Why should it be any different with children?

I understand the message here. The behavior is extended to children, but it shouldn't be. Of course, some people are more affected than others, but as adults, we realize how damaging this is to our self-image, our self-esteem, and our psyches in general. And yet, instead of learning from it, we perpetuate it and pass on the behavior to our children.

I understand there's a sort of innate biological aspect to all this -- the importance of beauty and the mating call -- but I'm not one for those kinds of excuses. As rational, thinking creatures, I believe we're capable of controlling our impulses.

[Dio]

I'm the youngest of five. My mom is extremely kind to me. I've never had any issues with her. I have to admit that I got better treatment than the older kids in the family. But I don't think that had anything to do with the way we look. All of my siblings are very beautiful. (And I'm not just saying that because my sister, Dio, is on here and will likely read this post) I think it had to do with the rank. The baby always gets away with more.
Although, as I'm growing up, I don't fit into any expectations that my mom had for me, so you would assume she'd lose favor for me. But it probably helps that I look the most like her. Either that, or the baby just never loses that "baby" status.

Dio - What's your take?
This is a little off topic, but I think that the reason the *baby* gets away with more, is because the parents' spirits are completely broken after raising the older ones.(especially when it is five children). :lol:

[Pandoras]

This is a little off topic, but I think that the reason the *baby* gets away with more, is because the parents' spirits are completely broken after raising the older ones.(especially when it is five children). :lol:

Ha ha! There is something to this! My sister has three kids. When the first one was born, we were soooo overprotective. When she started walking, it was like oohh oohhh she's going to fall, rope a pillow to her butt or something! Now, the third one is practically juggling knives and we're like, eh.

[Rowan Darkmoon]

I couldn't read the full article because I'm not a member, but did they look at other factors as well as attractiveness. I know when R.S. and I take his son out, whether or not he gets belted into the cart has more to do with his behavior that day this his attractiveness, although he is an adorable kid. If they didn't take outside factors into consideration, this doesn't necessarily have to be a cause and effect issue. It could be related to something else. As in, the more "attractive" child is usually the worse behaving. :crylaugh: I not really being serious, but I think there's probably a lot more to it.

P.S. I read the whole article, and to be honest, I think it's a load of crap. The results don't seem to be statiscally significant, nor did they publish if they were, and it seems like there's a lot more going on here then just physical attractiveness. And physical attractiveness is only a genetic benefit if other aspects of the child's health is known. What if you have a pretty child that's always sick. :eyebrow:

[Abren]

This isn't really parents this is more jsut people - My friend has 5 little half brothers and sisters, and though they are all totally adorable Phoebe looks like a little angel, and whenever her dad and step-mum need to go somewhere they seperate them up, because they are alid back about haivng so many but other people aren't. First time people get asked, they always take Phoebe because she's teh prettiest. Adn because she's knows she's the prettiest, she plays up and generally causes havec. Next time people always ask for Harriet and Ellie :)

I think people do treat pretty kids different - I can't really give an example from my family, as this sounds mean but my brothers arn't particuarly attractive and I look like a darragned hamster so none of us gets to be the 'pretty' one - but it really shows just how people do treat pretty kids different.

And I don't think its just parents either. At my last school, there was a girl called Amanada Pearson who was 'pretty' (I put it in quotations because I can see how other people think that but I don't) and she got away with more bad behavior then anyone, and got the lead in school plays, adn this has happened at other schools too.

I think people always assume pretty=good, and everyone wants good kids.

[Psypress]

This is a little off topic, but I think that the reason the *baby* gets away with more, is because the parents' spirits are completely broken after raising the older ones.(especially when it is five children). :lol:

You're right!

[Dio]

You're right!

Heheh, as your oldest sister, I do believe this means that you OWE ME BIG TIME!!! :abanana:

[Psypress]

Thanks for "breaking" mom and dad so that I could get away with all that I did. You're the BEST! :loveduv:

[Dio]

Thanks for "breaking" mom and dad so that I could get away with all that I did. You're the BEST! :loveduv:
I accept cash, checks and money orders :)

[Psypress]

I accept cash, checks and money orders :)

Check's in the mail. I swear! :noway: _wedgie_