How Do I Act Now?

[Lilith Morgaine]

I've become friends w/ a woman named Linda in my physics class. She's the mother of 3 boys, so patient, so sweet, an absolute angel.

Today we were emailing eachother about our final grades and one person listed got 100%......

This was Linda's email to me:
Good girl!!! Congrats. I'm the 91.58.
Thanks for straightening him out - I was going nuts waiting....
I suppose JAMES is the 100 - fag....hee hee.
L

I totally am freaking out.... I myself am BI and was married to a woman for 2 yrs.(She has NO idea...) Usually the only time I hear the word "fag" is Eminem, but I love him anyway....
But now that someone I am really close to just used it so casually (she'd be the *last* person I ever would think would use the word) it's *really* bothering me....

Any idea on how I should deal with this? Help......

[Amethyst Rose]

I would simply tell her that the word offends you, and request that she please not use it. If you're comfortable enough with her, explain why it offends you....if she's a friend she'll understand.

[BrigidMoon]

Oy. I mean, you have a choice. You can get upset about her using the word "fag". Or you can blow it off as her jokingly being a smartalek and name calling to show her jealousy over the higher grade.

I understand how that word would upset you. If she's your friend, then, tell her it upset you. Don't be mad just explain it's something that grates your nerves on a personal level. And if she's your friend she'll understand.

[QUEEN OF THE DAMNED]

I would simply tell her that the word offends you, and request that she please not use it. If you're comfortable enough with her, explain why it offends you....if she's a friend she'll understand.

I agree. :hugz:

[ravynbynorthwynd]

and if she looks at you funny, just tell her that your uncle was a bundle of sticks.

[Lilith Morgaine]

and if she looks at you funny, just tell her that your uncle was a bundle of sticks.
But I am not ashamed of who I am... I would tell her *exactly* why it offends me... and if she freaks, oh well... right? I mean a real friend wouldn't care....

[Dusk]

From your description, she sounds like a decent person. It is probable she used the word without thinking it could be offensive. I wouldn't be surprised if she picked up from one of her boys.


edited for spelling

[Lilith Morgaine]

this was her reply :
I always say that when someone makes me jealous....FAG.
Actually he's a nice kid. Matt too. I'll bet they are at the top of this list.
It was the MIDTERM that killed us... UGH.
L

[Amethyst Rose]

Did you tell her it offends you and ask her not to use it? Doesn't seem to me that she's sorry for using it at all.

[Lewen]

But I am not ashamed of who I am... I would tell her *exactly* why it offends me... and if she freaks, oh well... right? I mean a real friend wouldn't care....

Yep...a real friend wouldn't care! :hugz:

[AmbivalentMirage]

Some people just say things like that, not realizing that it could be offensive someone else. If you explain it to her, she might not be angry at all. :) She sounds like a reasonable, balanced person... I'd venture to guess that, if you explain why it is offensive to you, she might find it offensive as well!

On a side note... Does anyone here use the term "fag" or "faggot" as an affectionate, jovial name? A LOT of my friends (gay men) call each other "fag" and it's not seen as offensive... I am not sure why. When I hear someone else say it, it makes me angry... but when I hear someone who IS gay use it, I don't mind.

[DarkDancer]

It's more of an empowerment thing, just like if I walked up to a bunch of black guys and said "What's up my Nigga's!" they'd most likel;y be fine with it, since I am black, however...well, you see where I am going with this.