PDA

View Full Version : Sorry, this is a bit jumbled but I'm a bit disturbed and need to vent



SnowStar
October 20th, 2001, 02:17 AM
As most of you know, my boyfriend (Will) and I go to different, one might even say opposing, schools. He plays in the marching band so every friday night he has to go wherever his school is having a game and play. Our arrangement for games is fairly simple: I go to my school's home games, and when my school has an away game, I'll go to his school's game. When I go with him, of course I'm hanging around with him and the rest of the band, and the dance team (vanguard) is also around. From some of the very first games I went to with him I got the impression that some of the girls in the vanguard did not care for me very much. Let's just say I've recieved a few looks that could kill. That didn't bother me too much, though because I'm used to people disliking me. I've dealt with it for most of my life. Probably the most plausible reason they do not care for me much is because many of them do not like Will. Okay, that'll happen, though I wish people wouldn't judge me by who I date. Anyway, so there's the background.

Tonight, one of my best friends (Amy) who is in the marching band at my school had the night off from playing. Since it was an away game for us, we decided to road trip to Americus (about an hour and a half away) for the game Will's school was playing. After a whole lot of shifting and begging and almost a total mess, we got permission to actually go. I was ecstatic because I didn't think I'd get to see my boyfriend this weekend because I'm going to be so busy. Most everything ran smooth as silk getting there, the game, and most of the trip home (save for Amy and I getting temporarily lost because Amy has no sense of direction). Though we followed the band/vanguard bus there, we had to find our own way back which wasn't much of a problem in the end. We arrived about 5 minutes after the bus had. I got out of the car and headed for the bandroom to talk to Will for a few minutes. He had to call his dad so I lent him my cell phone, and afterwards he said he had to go talk to the dance team director. Now, I had noticed (and earlier felt, but let's not get into that) that he had a pretty nasty scratch on his arm. Apparently one of the girls in the vanguard just clawed him. So as I sort of stood to the side I heard Will tell the dance tem director that if this girl (I didn't catch her name) kept badmouthing me that he'd backhand her. Now, what you've got to understand is that this was totally an empty threat. He has got a temper, but I know him well enough to know that he'd never hit a girl...at least like that. I've only known him for a little under 5 months. A lot of these people have known him for five YEARS or more and took this seriously. The lady just went off on him telling him that if he ever did that then he'd have to look for another school, etc., etc. Okay, now if that had not been an empty threat then I can understand this, but if I knew this having known him a FRACTION of the time this teacher had, she should have as well I would think.

Anyway, apparently this girl had said some stuff about me that really set Will off. My only guess as to the scratches was that possibly he had made a lunge at her out of anger reflex (you know what I mean?) and that was her defense response. I don't know what happened. I need to find someone to give me a relatively unbiased account. Basically, underneath the backhanding comment, which was simply what I would call a slip of the tongue (he needs to learn to watch what he says sometimes) he was simply asking the director to talk to this girl about badmouthing people and physically attacking people (she had drawn blood). Let me reiterate that I was in the car with my friend and not on the bus so I really had nothing to do with this other than I was the one being verbally slammed. The director told Will that I hadn't been around as long as they had so she'd take up for them before she would for me (which I understand) and that if I was going to be causing problems like that then I didn't need to come anymore. I had nothing to do with it, and he was simply taking up for me, which is understandable, but the director told him that if it was about me then he should let me take up for it myself, which is also understandable. Frankly, had he not made an issue of it I'd have never known in the first place and the fact that someone else was talking about me behind my back (which isn't unusual) would be negligable.

So after that whole ordeal, which I witnessed, we walked off, me in a bit of a huff trying not to cry. I tried to get Will to tell me what she said, but he was still too angry to want to talk about it. We walked around a bit as he tried to calm down, but I still couldn't get him to tell me what exactly had happened. All he told me that it was more meant to insult him but using me as a mechanism to do so.

On the way home with my friend she said to me "I think Will is in big trouble." To which I could only respond that he probably was. She had overheard this girl talking to the band and dance team directors and that her version of the events was that she had made some insult pertaining to me (which even my friend couldn't catch, something about gay, but just in the derisive sense) and then Will had like, grabbed her around the throat. When Amy told me that I was like, "No WAY...he would NEVER do that!" Truth is, unless what she said was so bad that it put him into a such total blind rage that he had no control over his actions, I cannot imagine him doing that to ANYONE.

So now I'm just sitting here, still without the whole story, but KNOWING that girl could not have been telling the absolute truth. I know Will better than that, and I know he'd never do that if he was truly in his own mind. Unfortunately, as it stands now there's more evidence against him than defending him. The way I see it now he's going to get into a bit of trouble over this. That worries me as much as the fact that there is the possibility that if this gets dragged out such that his parents are involved and my name comes up, he may not be allowed to see me because a comment about me was the start of this. This all could turn into a huge mess. I mean, ok, suppose that what this girl said actually happened. That would change things a little, but still, I worry about what all could happen. No matter what I feel like I'm going to be dragged into this and I'm gonna be hit with something when everything falls down. Worst case scenario is that quite possibly a relationship that is about is perfect as I can get right now will go down the drain just because some girl didn't like me because she didn't like Will. Chances are he will probably get grounded seeing as how he gets grounded for just minor stuff, the Hallowe'en party we've been planning for a month may or may not happen, and life just may very well just turn miserable again. Needless to say the outlook isn't too sunny.

Well, I think I might go cry again, and if I find out any more about what happened, I'll of course let you all know. Sorry this was so long, but I really feel a bit better now that I let it all out. I'm still horribly confused and quite upset, and I'm likely to make myself sick over this if I'm not careful. Any encouragement, advice, prayers, positive thoughts, etc. are appreciated.

bansidhe
October 20th, 2001, 06:17 AM
8O im sorry for what happened SnowStar, and i can kinda guess how youre feeling cos im in high skool too, i only get to see my boyf on the weekends, and i know juss how bitchy chicks can be in high skool too!!! :) tyr to calm down and let it run a little. i know its hard to do, but its not gonna help anything if you make yourself sick over it! whatever you do, dont do anything stupid like i did. i got grounded for a month, which meant i wouldnt see shaun for a month (ouchies) so i left home. i wasnt thinking clearly at the time, and i can look back now and see it was a pretty rash thing to do. me and my parents dont always see eye to eye as it is (ive only been living full time with them for about three years, since we moved to australia) but me doing something like that, which did seem like a good idea at the time, has caused even more probs between us. only you know what to do, but honestly the best thing to do is to juss calm down, step back and have a look at it. let things run its course and see how will's rents take the news first, and wait and see what degree of trouble he gets into, if any. i know its hard, but life throws it at us hard sometimes! i hope things fix up and i ll be thinking of ya!
take care and brightest blessings,
bans. :bubbles:

Da Witch
October 20th, 2001, 11:57 AM
My Advice, take it or leave it:




Ask Wil to meet with this teacher again and have him explaine that the threat was not meant and that he would never hit a female, that he was just very angry. Have him show her the scratch on his arm and tell her the comments she made and have him ask her to speak with the girl. I fear, however, that having the teacher confront this girl may make the taunting even worse. Some ppl are just nasty.

Better advice: Next time she makes a comment to either you or him simply explain to her that you do not give a *f* what she thinks. That she is a nasty person with a blackened heart.

Embarassing her in front of her friends and showing her humility and defeat may work in this senario.

Raynewitch
October 20th, 2001, 12:11 PM
I gotta agree with Da Witch on this one.....

Rayne

Sora
October 20th, 2001, 12:45 PM
I'm not going to advise you because... Well, I suck at doing that. All I'm going to say is that you have my blessings and I hope it sorts itself out. I'm sure it will. High school can be a real bitch, but it always gets better in the end...

Raynewitch
October 20th, 2001, 03:25 PM
Sora - Youre telling lies lol......

Unless you mean after High School...........ahhhh the relief of Graduation....I can still taste the freedom lol.

;) Rayne

Illuminatus
October 21st, 2001, 07:53 PM
Grown men and women don't become high school band directors and cheerleader instructors because they did something RIGHT in their life. Generally, these people are underpaid, overstressed, and their get their only real kicks from sadisticly abusing the power trips they get from being in authority position over kids. You need to remember, that the woman yelling at your boyfriend doesn't have any power whatsoever. If four parents write letters to the principal, guess what bitch gets to send her resume to other schools in the region come next term. Yep, that's right. Bullies who happen to be educators are still bullies, and this one is taking advantage of what students PERCEIVE as power, but is actually nothing more than a small responsibility, which she has abused.

If worst comes to worst, he can simply quit the band. I did it for four years in high school, and back then quitting would have been a fate worse than death, but let me tell you, in hindsight, it's just a stupid activity where you get an instant clique of friends. If he leaves and takes 4 or 5 friends with him, you can bet that an apology will be forthcoming.

- Ill

SnowStar
October 21st, 2001, 10:15 PM
Thanks Illuminatus, somehow you made me feel a bit better. Somehow I doubt he'd ever quit the band...its not so much a friends issue as much as he really loves to play. It would take this incident blowing up to astronomical proportions to make that happen, I'd think.

I talked to my boyfriend today and though he's still not giving information too readily I was able to gather that he didn't do anything to this girl (as I believed to be true to begin with) and also that this girl can't really do anything. The latter of which I DON'T believe, much like I don't believe he can smooth this over without his parents knowing like he says he can. I think he was just telling me that to calm me down because he could tell I'm still a bit shaken up. Sweet of him, but its effects were quite limited.

Anywho, thanks, I needed that.