Bleh

[KatieBear822]

I'm aware of the fact that this might sound rather stupid, but I'm going to say it anyway. I started feeling down a little while ago, no particular reason just kind of ... bleh. I really wanted to talk to someone about it, just one of those calls "Hey, can I get a pick-me-up?" People call me all the time for those "Pick-me-up's," and half the time they're for no reason, just kind of down like I'm feeling right now.

I went through my phone book, my incredibly long phone book, and realized I had no one to call. I realized that I have these crazy rules that I set upon myself, I call him for that, her for this, and I push people so far away that when I need someone, no one is there. Yet I'm always there for other people, I have this hero complex where I have to be everyone's savior.

I also realized for the first time, that I've never had a true friend in my entire life. I have never had someone I could call any time day or night just because "I was thinking of them." I've never been close to someone because of my damn rules, and I don't know where they came from! I can remember back to grade school and I still had these crazy rules. I talk to her about math, and him about reading and the teacher about this, and it's the same way now. I never discuss my emotions, it's always this logical This happened, then that happened, and I don't know why.

I don't know, I'm just feeling so lonely. I don't really know anyone in my phone book that has 500+ people in it. I know them but i don't KNOW any of them enough to talk to them about ... well about nothing. Only three people in my phone book have ever seen/heard me cry.

Normally, I wouldn't post anything like this, but I really need to get it off my chest, so there it is.

[ravenmyst]

:hugz: know exactly what you mean, dont have the rules, just dont make those type friends, you could join us in the wanted post, we do that for people, hoope you are feeling better soon, been alot of blues lately, :hugz: again

[QUEEN OF THE DAMNED]

I understand what you mean. I came to that realisation about myself a few years ago, since then I have worked hard at friendships and I am succeeding slowly. I suggest you do the same. I think you will find that some of the friendships you make will be so worthwhile. Let people into your life, and mistakes will be made......but as Shakespeare said....'it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all'. It's true. Love and hugs to you honey, you can change it xxx :hugz: xxx :tongueout