how do i help someone with low self esteem?

[StormVixen]

my bfs best friend has very low self esteem, his first gf ever dumped him just b4 his 18 bday after going out with him for three years!

he looks like a cross between jack sparrow (jonny depp) and orlando bloom... i want to help him realise he is hotter than he thinks he is... but he doesnt believe what anyone says about him... so i dunno what to do!!!

[~*Ginger*~]

Well, helping to boost someone's self esteem is great, just give positive affrimations, as best you can.
Self esteem is sort of a personal thing, so until he's ready to see more clearly, it's not something you can 'do' for him, but something he'll have to work on as well.

Hope he gets to feeling better soon!
:hugz:

[Myrica]

try to show him how great he is without really telling him he is great.
shiw respect when he does or tries to do somthing good, point it out when a girl looks at him and tell him she must think he is hot,... etc.
just saying "but you are sooo amazingly great and cute" etc is probably not very convincing :p
I used to have a very low self esteem and because I have friends who show me respect and show me how great some thing I do or say,... how I can say something smart and look great,... I love bein,g myself now. I know I'm not perfect but nobody is.
hope this helps :)

[Philbo]

Say "Thank you " a lot

[-Ember]

Be paitient, persistent and constistent. If he really is in a bad spot self esteem wise, it is really easy to discount or twist stuff.

For example:

"Cheer up, you are hot."

Eh, they are just saying that because they are my friends and nice people and know I'm not feeling well and don't really mean it.


This doesn't mean bombard the poor guy with compliments. Just expect it to take a while and don't give up just because you aren't getting instant gratification in his response.

[ravynbynorthwynd]

hmmm..... johnny depp and orlando bloom?


soooooo, whats his number?

[StormVixen]

hmmm..... johnny depp and orlando bloom?


soooooo, whats his number?

lol... he wants to be a pirate... he is like a brother to me... ive been thru kinda the same as him... i guess (not wanting to be a pirate tho lol)... im just guna be nice... do you think mentioning the admireing looks he gets would be a good idea? i dunno... he put ice in my bra!!!

[Toby Stimpson]

Oh :(...thats a horrible spot to be in. Without knowing more about the breakup...my advice would be when he's feeling down tell him that a girl (and obviously it was a pretty big relationship) did like him and did find him attractive...and that you are sure there will be soemone come around the corner any time. When it coems to self esteem...it's a long process, but like you said Myrica, friends who are there can make a great and significant difference. With me, when I was around 11 I started to become really depressed becasue I was feeling like I was ugly...and becasue of that I stopped taking care of myself as much as I did (and partly becasue I was coming to terms with my sexuality). In Grade 10 however when I started to actually open up and be who i was...only then did the things that needed to happen to me start happening. As a result of that I started to take care of myself more and realized that I was a beautiful person...inside and outside. Is he one to stay to himself, and stay some what detached from his surroundings? With self esteem, one doesnt really put one's self out there as much as others...and dthey do tend to stay back...which doesnt really help in opening them up :(.

Tobias

[StormVixen]

Oh :(...thats a horrible spot to be in. Without knowing more about the breakup...my advice would be when he's feeling down tell him that a girl (and obviously it was a pretty big relationship) did like him and did find him attractive...and that you are sure there will be soemone come around the corner any time. When it coems to self esteem...it's a long process, but like you said Myrica, friends who are there can make a great and significant difference. With me, when I was around 11 I started to become really depressed becasue I was feeling like I was ugly...and becasue of that I stopped taking care of myself as much as I did (and partly becasue I was coming to terms with my sexuality). In Grade 10 however when I started to actually open up and be who i was...only then did the things that needed to happen to me start happening. As a result of that I started to take care of myself more and realized that I was a beautiful person...inside and outside. Is he one to stay to himself, and stay some what detached from his surroundings? With self esteem, one doesnt really put one's self out there as much as others...and dthey do tend to stay back...which doesnt really help in opening them up :(.

Tobias

thanx! he stays to himself but me and my boyf have been making ALOT of effort to get him to do stuff... they both came round my house lastnight and we watched ross noble dvds (sooo funny!)... and i huged him lots and did his hair for him (its long and he was complaining it was fluffy)... awww

[sari0009]

my bfs best friend has very low self esteem, his first gf ever dumped him just b4 his 18 bday after going out with him for three years!

he looks like a cross between jack sparrow (jonny depp) and orlando bloom... i want to help him realise he is hotter than he thinks he is... but he doesnt believe what anyone says about him... so i dunno what to do!!!

Compliments are often best specific rather than general (people are more suspicious or unbelieving of general compliments/praise).

He may simply be confusing his whole sense of worth with that particular failed relationship.

Right now he might care more about his character, worth and ability to keep a mate even more than his looks (is mourning and taking it personally to the point of feeling sentenced by his past relationship)?

[rottencandy7]

sounds like my friend chris. he's so hot yet he thinks hes ugly b/c he was the "fat kid in school" he's lost all that weight and he works out.... sometimes i think he's just fishing for compliments but he needs constant reassurance. he's always asking me why if he's so hot then why doesn't he have a gf. i'm like u dont need a gf to be hot or w/e. you're obviously talking to the wrong girls. duh

[Abren]

Take him shopping, and get him to try something on.

Nothing boosts my self-esteem as much as when I step out the changing room and my friend grins and gets excited and tells me I look great

but if people just tell me I am pretty I don't belive them, but that always works.

Try it with him.

[Teresa]

Be very reassuring and supportive.Let him know that he's valued and show positive affirmations as You can.To be honest,Your firend will have to do some work in this area on his own.He has to learn to love and accept who he is and do some personal positive affirmations. Your support and any support of other friends will make it easier on him to learn to gain confidence in himself! :hugz:

[Elderbush]

You might like to suggest to him that he gets some help, counciling. Put it to him that he's got a long time to live and should do everything in his power to improve the quality of his life. I've not had very good luck improving anyone's self esteem. That's something they have to do themselves.

[Toby Stimpson]

To come right out and say "perhaps counselling might be good for you' at this stage would not be the best course...at it makes them feel like hey have soemthing wrong with them becasue you are suggesting it. It seems like he just has some post relationship problems and inseurities...we all have them. If it turns for the worst however, and he starts saying things depressing like, "whats the point in living' or becomes preoccupied with death...THEN suggest a trip to the hospital and counselling sessions. But right now he seems, by what you've described to be just dealing with soem issues. Good luck my dear :D

Namaste

Tobias

[StormVixen]

i went to a counceller at collage... twas fun she was a hippy! um... hes not THAT bad tho... he just need reasurence and stuff...

cheers