Parental Rights

[Da Witch]

I posted this in Pagan Family, but I thought I would post it here too:






Ok so here's the deal:

I'm trying to take my daughter's father to court to have him sign away his parental rights. He's never on time with his CS payments and when he does pay he doesn't pay the full amount, he's only spoken to her twice in her life (on the phone) (she's 3 now and the last time she got to talk to him was over a yr ago), and he has NEVER seen her. Now I dunno if that is grounds. If anyone knows anything about this please let me know what I can do.

Tx.

[Da Witch]

Mysty..I wouldn't be suprised if he was. I sometimes feel the same way:(

I think he likes to watch me fall into debt because he refuses to pay.

[MammaStar]

My ex is a pain too. However, he does pay his CS on time, because when we went tocourt to get the payments, I requested it be automatically deducted from his paycheck everyweek. When he was 2 (he's 9 now) he tried to take him from me. I used the CS thing & the lack of contact. BUT i was told by my son's "law guardian" (special lawyer just for the child) that his lack of contact & mistreatment of me, were not grounds to take away his rights. It burns me even now, because of all the crap he put me trhough to get to see him, & now he barely does. He's too busy with work all the time & he's not only neglecting my son, but his wife & other kid as well.

I wish I had something more positive to share, but that's how my experience turned out. I hope maybe you guys can come out to a better solution.

[Da Witch]

I don't really think that my daughter's father will contest signing over his right, but there is an off chance that he will just to be spiteful.

[LadyWinter]

Howdy. I just finished going to court to have my daughters fathers (here on known as buttmunch) rights terminated.

Buttmunch was ordered to pay $5.00 a week in support..Yes I know its a lot but bare with me...I have recieved a whopping $14.50 since my daughters birth 7 years ago.

I went to court Sept 24 to have his rights terminated. My lawyer says it varies from state to state but in most states if the father has not had physical contact for a year or financial contact for a year it is grounds for termination of rights. The father would have to have a "Damn good reason" (lawyers words not mine) for the lack of finances and contact. My daughters father didnt want to sign off at first and then I reminded him of all the child support he would save and he consented. My daughter does not know this buttmunch at all. My main reason behind this was in the event of my untimely demise I did not want my daughter to have to go live with a stranger. It is in my will now that she will live with "Grandma Cow" in the event I should go to the Summerland early.

I dont know know if this helps or not. But Good Luck!

Slan Astar
LadyWinter

(p.s. Dont accuse me of male bashing...I love men...just not ones who rape women and then get convicted and dont do actuall jail time but get suspended sentences :flamer: :uzi: :shot: )

[Illuminatus]

$5 a week? That's chump change. heh, it's even less in canadian money!!

Surely most men are required to pay more than this, or it wouldn't be such a big deal.

[Da Witch]

This is what I deal with when he actually pays his support:


The last payment on this case was in the amount of $14.60 and was entered into the system on 10/19/01 . The last check generated to the client on this case was on 10/19/01 in the amount of $14.60.

A $ 63.00 payment is due weekly on this case. This represents your current regular payment and if arrears are owed, any payment ordered on those arrears would be included. The next payment is due no later than 10/26/01 .

[LadyWinter]

So you cant get him on financial abondonment but possibly on physical? Also have you discussed with him that this would terminate his support obligation thereby saving him money and stopping any further arrears as well as any possible jail time for arrears?

This is enough to make me want to practice Family Law instead of Prosecutorial lol

Just some thoughts,
LadyWinter

[Da Witch]

I have no phone # nor and address for him so I have no clue how to get in touch with him.

[MammaStar]

$63.00???? Remind me not to complain anymore about how much I get. I received everyweek $169.00 for one child. That's double what my mom got over 20 years ago for 2 kids!

NYS law is 17% of the person's paycheck for 1-2 kids, I forgot how much it is after that.

I didn't have a lawyer when I went for support. I called Support Services and they helped me, FREE of CHARGE. I suggest to everyone who's having a problem to call their local DSS & Support Services, they can help. Sometimes it seems like a lot of red tape, but in the end it's worth it.

Men (and Women) who fail to pay court ordered child support have many things happen to them these days, at least in NY. Driver's licenses's are taken away, they get arrested, salary garnished. Look into it and see what can be done.

[Da Witch]

My daughter's father's salary is garnished, he's already lost his license. He doesn't care. It doesn't effect him at all. He was arrested last week. Guess what HE DOESN'T CARE. He has no remorse what-so-ever. I just spoke with his parents and he is driving reguardless of not having a license.

What do you do when you've done everything and have gotten niet results?????


GRRRRRRR.............this is so dang frustraiting

[LadyWinter]

Get a lawyer...that is my advice to you...go through legal aid if you have to....I agree with LdyStarlite on that one.

LOL
8O I like L.B. too

Also dear just take comfort in the fact that you are by no means alone...sad to say but look at all the replies you have gotten.

Sending peaceful and productive energies your way....

Slan Astar
LadyWinter

[faeriedust]

i have two child support cases going, (lucky me) my oldest is 14 and has never met her father. we were not married but we went to court and had her name changed and he was ordered to pay 150.00 a month. he was given visitation rights and has never once used them. i recieved my child support for one whole year and have never heard or recieved anything from him and that has been 13yrs. second case, she is 7. her dad never had much to do with her, every once in a while he could come around throw a pack of diapers my way, then a year ago he decided he wanted visitation, he was ordered to pay 218.00 a month to be taken out of his paycheck. he went to payroll where he works and reduced the amount hisself. and got away with it. meanwhile in this past year he has destroyed my happy free spirited daughter and turned her into a scared little girl. and i still can't get his rights taken away. so if there is a way to do it, please et me know!!!!!!!!!!

[Da Witch]

Originally posted by LadyWinter


Also dear just take comfort in the fact that you are by no means alone...sad to say but look at all the replies you have gotten.

Sending peaceful and productive energies your way....

Slan Astar
LadyWinter

Yeah it's sad that these men can help make the children but cannot help raise/support them. And then we're the one's who have to answer the question " Why doesn't my dad love me????"

What the H#ll do I say to that?

[Kadynas]

Wow! Some of you aren't getting hardly anything for CS! I know my ex was required to pay $300 a month to his ex because that was the bare minimum by law or something. But I guess it depends on what the laws are where you're at.

But I heard that usually if /you/ try to get /him/ to give up parental rights, then he gets out of paying child support... If he does it voluntarily, he still has to pay... At least I think that was how I heard it...Something to think about, even if he isn't giving you squat right now.

But if he never pays and doesn't even care enough to /see/ his kid, I don't think he should have any rights.

[Xois]

Wow

Ok, I am totally NOT trying to start a fight...and I totally AGREE that if a man has a child he should pay for him/ her....but I have a sort of related question

What if the guy says he doesn't want a child...says he isn't ready and wants the mother to get an abortion or give the child up for adoption...now she says no (for whatever reasons she might have) ... My question is, should the father be required to pay child support?! He made it clear that he didn't want to be a father...and lets just say, for the sake of argument that it was an "accident" (condom broke)...

I have had this discussion with my SO (and just so you know, I have NO children...that has been my personal choice--and does not reflect on those who choose to have children)

But I was just wondering...I feel, on the one hand I agree with this...if the woman made the decision to have the child or keep the child against the wishes of the father than the child should be her entire responsibility (including financial)...On the other hand, getting an abortion can be a dangerous surgery...On the other hand, if a man and woman have sex...this is what is SUPPOSED to happen...getting pregnant is not an "accident"...NOT getting pregnant is the "accident"--so both should take responsibility of any resulting children...On the other hand as I listen, most people who answered the above would RATHER have the father (for whatever reason) out of the picture...

(how many hands am I up to?!)

Just curious to know what people think?

Cheers
Xois

[GoddessofWisdom]

Well when I found out I was pregnant (at 18) my ex-husband wanted to get back together for the baby's sake, when I refused he started with the "how do I even know that you're pregnant" so I sent him the papers stating I was pregnant. Then came the "I highly doubt that baby is mine."

So I should've just realised at that point that I would never have any kind of support from him.




But on another note: to answer Xois. In NJ a mother who has just given birth to her child (up to I believe 6 weeks after birth) can drop the baby off at a police station/hospital/church and she will not be charged with abandonment.


I think Fathers should have the same rights. They should have 6 weeks to say "Look, I don't want anything to do with this baby."

[LadyWinter]

Okay....Just my ten cents worth.

In my opinion if a man doesnt want to have a child and the woman has one then he should go to court and terminate his rights. This can be done voluntary. What a termination of rights mean is the following as the judge told me last week...
1. The man is not responsible for Child Support only any arrears which may have occurred.
2. IF the man dies the child will be unable to collect social security
3. If the man dies the child forfeits all rights to his estate.
4. If the mother should die the man would have no rights or say where the child goes

Personally I could care less about my child support...all whopping $5.00 a week....(Which you moms know wouldnt even buy a bag of diapers) I didnt want to be a mother but I am now. Sometimes things happen. However if you honestly dont want a child as a man or woman terminate your rights in my opinion.

As for the question why doesnt my dad love me....I have told my daughter the following "Its not that he doesnt love you. He doesnt understand how to love right now. He doesnt even like himself. Maybe someday he will get his life together and be ready to be the kind of dad you deserve. Until then you got me babe and lots of grandmas, grandpas and uncles and aunts who love love love you."

Slan Astar
LadyWinter

[Kaylara]

Well, please don't forget that it's not only the men that do this. My father, flawed though he is, busted his ass for me and my sister. When my mother abandoned me and my sister to run off with her new boyfriend my father got another job; and then a third job. Before Miles was born, I was lucky if I got in touch with my mother once every 6 months. After Miles was born, she suddenly wanted me and Missy to go live with her. My father was moving to NYC and didn't want to take us there with him.

Now my mother never gave my father $0.01 the entire time that we were living with him. My mother expected my father to pay her all the time though, while we were living with her. (To clairfy, one of the stipulations of their divorce was that neither of them would pay the other child support)

My Father has always had custody of me and my sister. In the first custody case for me and Missy my mother was proven to be an unfit mother. So, I'm sorry, but it's not just the men. Should the mother have to pay child support if she is unfit to raise the kids?

Kaylara

[Da Witch]

I would feel the same way if i were a father who raise my child and her mother was unfit...............but I'm not.

I think NE one who does not have full custody of their child should pay child support. I am an equal opportunist

[MammaStar]

I agree wholeheartedly Kay. Anyone who does not have full custody of their kids should pay. I have 2 friends who are Male & they both have had problems getting money from their ex's. My friend Vinnie, was in the same situation as your Dad, Kay. His wife ran off with some guy & left the kids with him. Now, she's on the run, because Support Services is after her. My other friend, Tommy, just told the judges to skip it all together. He was tired of fighting with his ex, because the ex was causing more damage with their kid, he just wanted her visitation rights revoked. Which is what happened.

Don't get me wrong, I think that if you have a kid, both parents should be involved. Yes, there are times, when I wish his Dad wasn't around. But then, I'm grateful that even though it's not a lot, he does see him. It's gotten a little better. Not much, but more than when J-man was a baby. First thing I ever said to my ex when I finally told him I was pregnant (i was 6 months along before he knew--long story) that I didn't want anything from him. He insisted that he'd be involved, blah, blah, blah. I have another friend that would give anything in the whole world to be more involved with his son, but circumstances make that very hard for him right now.

All in all, I feel that if you are man enough to get a girl pregnant, then be a man and take care of your kid. Ditto for women. You're old enough to have sex. Your old enough to be responsible for your actions. IMO

[Kaylara]

I agree whole heartedly.

Kaylara

[Illuminatus]

Originally posted by LdyStarlite
NYS law is 17% of the person's paycheck for 1-2 kids, I forgot how much it is after that.

17% of your paycheck for 18 years... ouchie... I only put 12% into my 401k, and that adds up. All that, for one night of heated passionate reckless abandon...

- Ill

[Kaylara]

Only if you run from the responsibility. It's even more if you stick around, but the rewards are big too. ;)

Kaylara

[Illuminatus]

On a related note, I had a discussion a few weeks ago... I heard a story about a guy got a girl pregnant, and she decided to keep the baby even though he was categoricly against it. What ended up happening was, that he threatened her with a potential custody battle over the kid - he said that if she was going to extort money by legally entangling him in a family he did not want to have, then he would counter by making her life difficult by intervening and possibly taking the kid away from her. So, she did not persue child-support payments for this reason.

I really can't say that I blame the guy. He only signed on for a night, not an 18 year prison sentence! So a woman wants to have a baby. Fine with me! But she should acknowledge that she's doing it very much alone. If she wanted a father and not a one-night-stand, then get a ring on his finger and go before a preacher. That seals the legal obligation, no question.

My feelings on this? Well, I think that before anyone has a kid, they should first esablish a stable, two-parent family structure before deciding (together) to have a child or not. That's the right way. Bringing a human life into this world without taking these very basic and necessary steps is irresponsible and selfish.

- Ill

[Kaylara]

Yes, but when two people have sex, the natural outcome is supposed to be a child. When you are going to have sex with someone, you know that even with all of the protection in the world, there is still a chance of the girl getting pregnant. The only way to avoid being a parent "accidentally" would be to not have sex. And if you aren't ready to handle the consequences of your actions, you should not be having sex. Unfortunately, the consequence in this situation would be a child that would suffer for your irresponsibility.

Take it from the only kid in my family who was an accident... Me.

Kaylara

[faeriedust]

I was an "oops" too!!!!!!!!!:boing: :boing: :boing:

[Demeter]

Originally posted by Illuminatus


17% of your paycheck for 18 years... ouchie... I only put 12% into my 401k, and that adds up. All that, for one night of heated passionate reckless abandon...

- Ill

Well, actually, in New York, that's 17% of the first $80,000 of joint income for both parents which is allocated for child support. So if the father is the only wage earner, yeah, he gets stuck for 17%, but if both parents are working, the 17% gets split between them. Income over $80,000 is divvied usually by the settlement agreement or (if agreement is impossible) at the discretion of the judge. And it's 25% for two or more children.

And in answer to other questions, if the mother is the one who is the non-custodial parent, yes, she has to pay child support to the father.

And to LadyWinter or whoever it was who was thinking of working with family law instead of prosecutorial, my advice is: DON'T. Especially if you're an empathic type. The clients will bring in all their pain and rage and fear and leave it with you. And not just one client, but tens or hundreds of them. Day after day. Can you tell I know what I'm talking about? Can you tell I don't do that anymore?

[kittiepoetrygod]

Originally posted by faeriedust
I was an "oops" too!!!!!!!!!:boing: :boing: :boing:

Me too. I was not supposed to happen, and I was also supposed to be Meghan Elizabet when it did happen.

[Amora]

My ex gets away scott free as well... He got into a car accident while drunk driving one night and now I get an amazing $8 a month from social security to help with the cost of raising my daughter........... Oh, the generosity kills me. And him? Who the hell even knows (or cares, really) where he is...

LOSER!!!!!!

[MammaStar]

Originally posted by kittiepoetrygod


Me too. I was not supposed to happen, and I was also supposed to be Meghan Elizabet when it did happen.


'nother oops too. So was my son. But in my case my Dad was man enough to stick around--after he got the help he needed. After my folks divorced, he turned out to be a pretty neat guy.

All men are not bad & don't make bad parents. And despite what has been said, yes, the ideal is to have a 2 parent family, but it doesn't always work that way. The custodial parent shouldn't have to be punished for the thoughtlessness of the other.

Things aren't perfect with me & my son. But I can manage, somewhat. Yeah, I think his Dad is a jerk most times & I get peeved a lot of the time with him, but the fact is the guy pays his CS on time AND he sees his kid. It may only be 2 weekends (more like 2 overnight trips) but he SEES him.

Sometime 2 people can make it work (mol & Semele :D) and sometimes you can't. But you gotta try. Amora, I live in NY too, but I live closer to NYC, you should really try and get in touch with support services in your area or DSS & get more $$$ or find someone @ DSS that can help get his rights revoked.

[Da Witch]

Originally posted by kittiepoetrygod


Me too. I was not supposed to happen,


My father described me as a welcomed suprise. When I was 2 my mother threw him out so I cannot blame him for the lack of visiting. My mother wouldn't let him come see me. When I was 16 I wen to live with him and found out he was a racist. He loves me and we get along well enough, but I try not to be around him when he's spewing his racist trash.

My Daughter, too, was a welcomed suprise (by myself anyway).

[Illuminatus]

Originally posted by Kaylara
Yes, but when two people have sex, the natural outcome is supposed to be a child. When you are going to have sex with someone, you know that even with all of the protection in the world, there is still a chance of the girl getting pregnant. The only way to avoid being a parent "accidentally" would be to not have sex. And if you aren't ready to handle the consequences of your actions, you should not be having sex. Unfortunately, the consequence in this situation would be a child that would suffer for your irresponsibility.

Kay baby,

When you have sex for someone, I can name at least six seperate precautions, and by using two or more of them combined, can INSURE that birth will not occur.

Children are, indeed, the "natural outcome" of sex. It is natural. However, I'm going to go out onto a limb here, and say that not all things natural are RIGHT. Remember, my post above was about the RIGHT way to start a family.

- Ill

[Semele]

About the only way I see for a man to go around having sex with whoever he wants, whenever he wants, and not risk fathering children is to take birth control into his own hands, (not literally) and get a vasectomy. If a man is so against having children then he should be willing to make the trip to the Doc and not expect the woman to handle all the birth control arrangemnets. Just my opinion of course.

[Da Witch]

Originally posted by Illuminatus


17% of your paycheck for 18 years... ouchie... I only put 12% into my 401k, and that adds up. All that, for one night of heated passionate reckless abandon...

- Ill

Yes, so guys, cover it before you go in;)

[Kaylara]

Ill honey...
Even "getting fixed" is not 100% reliable. The only 100% guarrenteed way of not having children, is not having sex.

Kaylara

[Illuminatus]

Originally posted by Kaylara
Ill honey...
Even "getting fixed" is not 100% reliable. The only 100% guarrenteed way of not having children, is not having sex.

Kaylara

Who said anything about getting fixed?

Abortion is 100% effective

[Da Witch]

Originally posted by Illuminatus




Abortion is 100% effective

And 100% damaging to a womans reproductive organs

[Xois]

And 100% damaging to a womans reproductive organs

No not necessarily...if done properly by a reputable doctors office

however what Ill said is NOT accurate... Abortion does not prevent pregnancy, it prevents birth after conception has taken place...

However, there is risk with any surgery that is why using Abortion is not the best way to prevent having children...and I agree with Semele...IN our country, BC is really the responsibility of the woman...I mean, I have been on the pill since I was 15...

It is convienent, but i am sure its not the absolute BEST thing for my body...however, since i am in a relationship with 1 person, this is our only form of BC at the moment...it has been effective...:)

I only have CATS!!!

[Brooke23]

so how would I go about if my sons father wants to sign over rights?

Good luck and congrats to you.

[VelvetBlade]

In a perfect world..before anyone has sex they need to ask themselves the following questions. For the man....am I ready to support a child for the rest of my life. And for the woman....am I ready to raise this child alone if the father is no longer around. It's about being responsible for yourself...and if you aren't/can't do that..then you shouldn't have sex.

[Xander67]

so how would I go about if my sons father wants to sign over rights?

Good luck and congrats to you.

He can sign over his rights, but he can not get out of paying support.

[Moonlight's Daughter]

Who said anything about getting fixed?

Abortion is 100% effective

and that makes BC a woman's responsibility and takes it off of the man's which is ridiculous. Abortion should never be used for BC purposes and BC should be a man's responsibility just as much as a woman's. Putting it all on the woman is ridiculous.

Brandiwyn

PS: There maybe a right way for you to start a family, but it may not be the right way for someone else.

Brandiwyn