Shadow Journeys.

[9-2-2]

One of my mentors is helping me tackle some very deep, core problems with myself that's causing me to lose sleep and act crazy. He's preparing me for a shadow journey, where I turn inside and face who I really am. Remember that story from the Twilight Zone, where the man looks at himself through the glasses of truth, and dies because of the depth of his own evil? Well, I'm curious what I'd find within my own soul. I conciously remember times where I was violently angry and tried to do horrid, twisted things. I remember halls of flesh, where the walls bled as they pulsed. Yeah, I think deep down inside, I'm not a very happy camper. :\

I would like some tips and guidelines on preparing for the shadow journey, magickally and non-magickally. As far as I know, he won't be using any particular religious bent like Wicca or Shamanism. He's more Taoist in nature, and when he guides me, he won't suddenly bust out gemstones and incense and such.

I do have a book that talks about shadow journeys, but I find it slightly lacking. It's "Dark Moon Mysteries" by Timothy Roderick... for some reason, I feel it's missing some key elements though I value it quite a bit. I'll keep looking through it, since it's some help.

Aside from tips, has anyone here had a shadow journey? And how'd it go? :o

[Jolantru]

Aside from tips, has anyone here had a shadow journey? And how'd it go?

I haven't checked MW for a while as I am busy with stuff. This topic caught my attention. ;)

Hmm. I have done shamanic journeys but I haven't done a 'shadow journey' per se. Some of my shamanic journeys were critical in helping me look hard within myself and deal with gnarly issues. So, in a way, I have dealt with my shadow or aspects of it.

I think Starhawk wrote about dealing with the shadow in Dreaming The Dark whereby she brought a client through a journey (or journeys) to deal with her shadow (or self-hater). It is quite an interesting read.

Mmm. As for preparations, do take some time to reflect. What are you going to accomplish out of this shadow journey. I suspect it's not going to be one shadow journey but one of many - the shadow is one hard aspect to deal with. Also ask your mentor how he is going to bring you through the journey. Guided journeys will rely very much on the guide.

So, good luck. May you find learning through the process of the shadow journey.


Jolantru

[BlackMagicalCat]

Bless your heart,I dont know anything,but I pray the Lord will walk with you through the shadows.

[Bethra]

Interestingly enough I guess we've just been working through a similar area as this in my Qabala Class. I'm not sure I would personaly refure to it as a Shadow Journey but the basic idea is very similar to the work undertaken by some students of the Kabbalah in the sphere of Hod. An introverted meditation on the more negative areas of our own personas is never an easy trip to take. If your teacher is a good one the work you have been doing up to this point will have paved the way and prepared you for this journey. Also you will have a very good understanding of why you are doing it and what you gain from doing it. To prepare yourself for the work very much depends on the methods your teacher will be useing to send you on this journey. I personaly have used meditations on the Kabbalistic Spheres leading up to Hod as a way to help the students prepare themselves for their journey into themselves. We had some very spechial results from the meditations running up to that point that very much highlighted what they would find in the Hod sphere. Also you will be wanting to know what kind of suport you will be getting after taking this trip. While you can't take anyone with on this journey you do need to know there is someone ready to hear your findings when you come out of it. Again if your teacher is a good one he will be there to suport you afterwards. There is also no way he can really offer advice to fix the things you find that are wrong about you, but he will none the less be needed for a bit of suport and a compasionate ear if nothing else. This journey and your findings will be incredably personal and yes often you will find things out about yourself that you never wanted to know, but if you are prepared for this you will be able to handle it. We all must face our darkest corners, we all must find and recognise our own inner demonds, we all will often come back to this point over and over again if we ever hope to have true mastery over magical energy. How can you ever hope to have mastery over magic untill you have true mastery over yourself? This can be a devistating journey but to rewards at the end are worth fighting for.

I wish you every blessing on this journey and if there is any way I can help please fel fre to PM me. Good luck ;) Go shine a light in those dark corners and more power to you for doing it.

[-Ember]

Well, Bethra said much of what I would say (minus the Hod bits... ;) )

Something I would add though: It is important, I think, that not only should you have someone to be supportive after... but are you at a point where you can accept support after?

[9-2-2]

Considering how I'm reading about dreams and nightmares at work, pouring over all my materials, notes, and advice... yeah, I could use all the help I can get. :)

[Bethra]

Considering how I'm reading about dreams and nightmares at work, pouring over all my materials, notes, and advice... yeah, I could use all the help I can get. :)


So how can we help you prepare for this, how can we help you to be ready for what you may find? The journey is yours for the taking and the help is there for the asking, you just have to ask questions we can help with ;).

Argh I'll shut up now I'm in danger of heading off into Yoda mystical babble :lol:

Umm basicaly what I'm trying to say is how can I help? :hugz:

[BlueMoon13]

Ooooo! Me too. I wanna help :hugz: I don't know anything about "shadow journeys" per se,though. I guess if nothing else, I'll be here for when you "get back" :shift:

[9-2-2]

So how can we help you prepare for this, how can we help you to be ready for what you may find? The journey is yours for the taking and the help is there for the asking, you just have to ask questions we can help with ;).

Argh I'll shut up now I'm in danger of heading off into Yoda mystical babble :lol:

Umm basicaly what I'm trying to say is how can I help? :hugz:

1) What questions should I answer?
2) What qualities should I be aware of?
3) What things should I protect myself from?
4) What is the difference between the painful truth, and my own darkness?
5) What challenges should I prepare to face?

Me + mystical babble = :)

[Bethra]

1) What questions should I answer?
2) What qualities should I be aware of?
3) What things should I protect myself from?
4) What is the difference between the painful truth, and my own darkness?
5) What challenges should I prepare to face?

Me + mystical babble = :)

Let me think on this a little and come back to you. Its way too late for me to get my head around those questions right now but it seams like they are the right questions to be asking of yourself thats for sure ;)

Wiil sleep on it then get my Yoda head on for you tomorrow :D

[9-2-2]

I'm starting my first round today. Wish me luck, guys!

[Bethra]

Best of luck honey :D

I'm sure you will be fine, little steps, one at a time don't try going to deep to soon. You'll do fine I know you will I have every confidance in you. It's worth your while really it is you kind find out so much about yourself, who is to say its all got to be negative? None of it is truly negative since it is part of you. Face your demonds and then slowly accept them as part of you.

:rubhead:

[9-2-2]

I'm back. GODS I feel so weird!!! I had two sessions, and let me tell you, I had some major changes.

In my first session, I was "introduced" to my astral sanctuary. It was a place I'd never seen before, it was GORGEOUS. If I ever get that kind of money in the future, I'm building it... man, it's awesome. Well, the first room, that is. When I entered my sanctuary, I entered a spacious, bright, breezy room that was warm and comfy. I had a closet with archetypal outfits... if I put on an outfit, I become that archetype. I had this oversized, chihuahua outfit... I put it on, and I freakin' turned into a chihuahua. Man, it was awesome! I love those little bastards, they totally rock. It's the first time I've seen a room, like, from 5 inches off of the ground.

After my first session was over, we took a break for a few minutes before going into the second session. In my second session, I was introduced to my guardians... my mentor took note that I had two, and strangely enough, they are ancestral guardians - one from Asia, one from Europe. I'll interject here by saying that I have had the strongest urge lately to make a pair of portraits, long and narrow, of these guardians, one portrait per guardian. They are women, sisters... one has long, red hair and a deep, emerald gown. The second has voluminous black hair and a crimson red gown. Both have ivory-pale skin. They look like frail, ineffectual women, but for some reason, they have this sense of... of utter power, centuries deep. Like, they could lift a finger, and easily demolish everything around them. Effortlessly.

Well, in my first session, something rather nasty from my subconcious tried to force its way into my concious room, but my mentor blocked it out. In the second, it came to meet me.

I sat in my little parlor-type area, and something materialized directly across from me. A very dark form materialized with its own chair... the chair looked like an old, European throne, very dark, hard lines, uncomfortable, very Gutenburg-ish, very unkind. The figure seated upon it looked like an ancient Persian warrior from nobility... scale mail from head to toe, and his helmet had a spike on it. He was wearing a malevolent mask, with a mustache... he looked to be made entirely out of dark gray metal. His aura was shadowy and black, and it phased all over the place like crazy... you guys ever seen a frayed flag flapping in a strong wind? His frayed black aura looked like that. I guess he attempted to make a big show of himself, because when his aura got bigger, one of my guardians got fed up with him and cuffed him... lol. :)

Well, he wouldn't talk. I only learned his name: Fear. Oh yeah, one of my biggie problems, the cause of so many sleepless nights, raving madnesses, and hallucinations in the past. I had to ask one of my guardians to force his name out of him... but when he refused to say any further, like why he wanted to speak with me, I decided I'd had enough. I had a little epiphany: It is silly to fear Fear itself. I stood up, and said, "Since you won't speak to me, I have something to say to you. Get out of my life. Get out of my head. Stay out of my mind. Stay out of my dreams. Stay away from my thoughts. Stay away from my subconcious, my desires, get away from me, and don't ever come back!" I sat back down, and asked my guardian to please take him to where he belonged. Which, after my application of will, is NOWHERE.

After fear left, he LEFT. As in completely. I stood up and suddenly got really dizzy... I was quaking back and forth, like I was badly autistic or something. I lumbered to the door of my astral and up the stairs, I kept smacking into shit. I had a difficult time returning to my body because I was so disoriented... I'm fine now, but man, my head is bobbing, like a head-knocker doll, lol. I feel like my mind has this huge gaping hole in it, a major issue got ripped out. And this is what happened:

I eliminated fear from my psychology. Completely.

I'm looking out the window right now, into the dark of night, and I don't get the same sense of foreboding I used to. I saw a bug fly in the house, and I felt no aversion. I feel... comfortable with my surroundings. It's awesome, I've never felt so free before! My mentor didn't expect my to do a 180 on my first two journeys. He'll be back tomorrow for more, I think. n_n

[ancestral_lee]

well it sounds like you are progresing well. i think my suggestion would be for you to do your own work in between sessions, not the big sacale stuff you are working through with your mentor but smaller mediattions - self examinations - sit and think what it is about you that is causing the problems, do your own self analysis and try to oidentify all those things that you want to be rid of. i have done this and met my shadow self in the past - it wast as bad as i was expecting. in my case it was more a case of meeting and identifying 'him' rather than destroying him, being aware of him and what he is so that i can control him and keep him in check.

one thing i would mention - are you sure you want to be totally rid of these problems? for example, do you want to be totally rid of fear? after all a degree of fear is healthy? or are you saying youve gotten rid of the main causes of fear?

[Bethra]

well it sounds like you are progresing well. i think my suggestion would be for you to do your own work in between sessions, not the big sacale stuff you are working through with your mentor but smaller mediattions - self examinations - sit and think what it is about you that is causing the problems, do your own self analysis and try to oidentify all those things that you want to be rid of. i have done this and met my shadow self in the past - it wast as bad as i was expecting. in my case it was more a case of meeting and identifying 'him' rather than destroying him, being aware of him and what he is so that i can control him and keep him in check.

one thing i would mention - are you sure you want to be totally rid of these problems? for example, do you want to be totally rid of fear? after all a degree of fear is healthy? or are you saying youve gotten rid of the main causes of fear?

I must whole heartedly agree with you here. The advice you have given is sound and now that you have been shown your astral temple you can return to it anytime you like in your own time aswell as in the time you spend working with your mentor.

I also agree that it is not actualy required to remove the things you find within you rather to face them and understand them. Remember that all these things are as valid a part of you as the good parts. There is healthy fear and unhealthy fear so to clear it out totaly from your life may not be the best of course of action. Recognising what causes the fear and how you react to it is the important bit. You may have truly justified reasons for the creation of this fear and it probably wasn't your falt at all, but you are responcable for maintaining it when it is no longer required.

We all have our shadows, some seek to externalize them and blame other things for the creation of them, but once we are removed from the subject of creation we are souly responcable for maintaining the shadowy aspect. Untill we take a good hard look at this we can't really know if they are a valid part of us or not. This is very deep personal psycology work you are dealing with try not to externalize all of it, it is part of you and often a valid and important part of you. Learning to control it is the important thing rather than letting it control you.

There is a song by Incubus called Drive that I think sums this up totaly so I will quote them for you here.

Drive
By Incubus

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much
I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
should be the one behind the wheel.

Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..I'll be there.

So, if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?
Aah-ah-oo-o-o.

It's driven me before and it seems to be the way
that everyone else gets around.
But lately I'm beginning to find that when
I drive myself my light is found.

Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeahhh
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there...I'll be there.

Would you choose water over wine....hold the wheel and drive?

Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..I'll be there.
Do do do do do do do do do do do

[9-2-2]

I understand what you guys are saying. I'm not doing this to get rid of my shadow aspect... that would be a rather moronic thing to do. My own fear has caused me so many problems, so I had no choice. Yeah, I've worked to tone down my fear before, lock it down, talk it out, etc., but it always comes back with the same old run of hallucinations and bouts of panicked rage. That's more unhealthy than keeping it around to put up with all the time. Guys, I was a dangerous person not 3 days ago, when my fear took hold of me and made me damn near assault my own lover. This is the same fear I've shown "tough love" to, the same one many people throughout my life tried to "cure". So I said, to hell with it, and hacked it off.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not going to become this headstrong, overly proud retard who suddenly gets in bar fights. On top of getting rid of the repression, I am now a lot more aware. I can hear better (was very hard of hearing), I slept like a rock, I'm less snappish, less violent, etc. I'm smart enough and aware enough not to jump into a situation because "I'm not scared!". I've seen what happened to the reckless people who've done that, and I'm not following suit. :)

As with the others... my anger, my hatred, and the rest of my inner b.s., I'm more inclined to get them under control than hack those off. To not be angry is fine... but to rid myself of my aspect of anger is psychologically dangerous and foolhardy. Please understand that I am taking great pains to plan all of this out carefully... I am, after all, flipping switches in my own head. I don't want to end up flipping the wrong switch and start taking off my left shoe everytime a car honks, lol.

[Bethra]

Well yes I can see where you are comeing from on this totaly. I still want to stress that inorder to properly comfront these things we must fully understand them. Untill we have full comprihension of why we created them, what they are, why we maintain them and what we get from the maintinace I don't feel it is possible to fully eradicate them from our personas.
I wish you every luck on this transitional part of your life. I look forward to hearing more of your journeys.