I'm very upset...

[blackroseivy]

...My boyfriend hasn't spoken to me except for a very brief e-mail in over 2 weeks. He normally calls every couple of days. I stated in a previous thread that his father just died, & I know that I have to give him time, but I'm really getting worried!

[Shadowsong]

If his father died, hon, I think it's going to take more than two weeks for him to figure everything out. My best friend (I know it's not the same, but....) dealt with the grief of losing her mother in a very quiet, private way, which means not speaking to anyone for a month. Everyone's different. If you're really worried about him, don't hesitate to give him a call. Maybe that's all he needs! :) *hugs*

[blackroseivy]

I just had an online chat w/him, he has extreme job difficulties at the moment. It's because he had to take so much time for his father. He wants an apology or he's looking for another job. It's extremely disruptive, & I don't want to lose him over it... :( :( :(

[BlondeNorse]

I just had an online chat w/him, he has extreme job difficulties at the moment. It's because he had to take so much time for his father. He wants an apology or he's looking for another job. It's extremely disruptive, & I don't want to lose him over it... :( :( :(

Hiya Danuhbe,

I know that you're likely feeling helpless, which is never pleasant, but all your boyfriend needs right now is your support and understanding. There is no need to be concerned about losing him, IMHO. His current state of mind is his "stuff," and has nothing to do with you -- even when you WANT to be involved! Most guys don't like to appear "weak" and "unable to handle things." So, they don't "share." They don't want to "share." It doesn't feel "natural" to them.

He'll come out of his coccoon, eventually. Just be supportive, and be there when he re-emerges. It's a very touchy state he's in right now. Believe me; I've been where you are more times than I care to recall. (And I despise feeling helpless!) But it has worked out just fine, every time! Keep a good and positive thought! (I will too!) :spinnysmi

~Namaste~
Sharon aka Beep!

[blackroseivy]

Thanx so much for the words of encouragement, I needed to see this; I really need to know that even if he's distant at the moment, he's not going anywhere. I'm lonely & don't have anyone to talk to; it's hard to miss him so much right at a time when I know he can't be there for me. I hope that the job thingie works out without him having to leave me behind... :(

[huredriel]

Hugs to you danubhe, it is just going to take time, and he probably has a lot of paperwork and things to sort out and help his mum with.

x Huredriel

[dragoncrone]

This man is stressed to the MAX...death of a parent...job difficulties...sheesh...my thought would be, just keep on letting him know you're there each day for moral support...I hate to sound like a Jewish mother -'eat, eat!' - but maybe take him some Chinese food or a pizza?...the Carls Jr commercial is right, without fast food some guys WOULD starve...Be ready to listen when he finally opens up about all this. Good luck & blessings for caring so much---

[blackroseivy]

Well, 1st off, his mother, alas, has been gone since 1989 - he's now totally alone. & he lives in Ithaca, NY, & I live in Sayre, PA - about 45 min.'s - & I am without a car; but thanx for the charming suggestions, anyway... I'll cook for him when he *does* come back, howzat? :D & I certainly want him to know that I'm there for him. However, I'm hesitating to contact him right now because he is so closed off - the LAST thing I want is for him to think I'm pressuring him for attention right at the moment. I'll wait until he's ready to contact me...

I'll check back, I really do need the support right now... his grief has deeply affected me... Thank you all, again... :(

[RisenfromtheAshes]

Breath and relax I spent three years getting past my fathers death I still have nightmares. Just be there for him.

[Shadowsong]

Yep, RisenfromtheAshes said it. The most you can do is be there for him. *hugs*

[blackroseivy]

I'm here, & he isn't talking...

[RisenfromtheAshes]

don't expect him to talk girl guys just aren't like that I cried and talked to grievence counselors but I could not talk to anyone else. Do not try to force him to talk just be patient if you truly love him you will wait til he is ready and not give up -k-?

[blackroseivy]

You are very right, & I know that I'm really kinda being selfish... I'll try to just hang in there for a while.

[Lewen]

:hugz:
Just let him know that you are there for him and that you are concerned for him. I understand what you're saying and I agree with the others, don't worry about losing him, just make sure you keep communication open with him and let him know that you are there for him.
:hugz: again!

[Raintreewolf]

((((hugs))))) hang in there!

[RisenfromtheAshes]

You are very right, & I know that I'm really kinda being selfish... I'll try to just hang in there for a while.
We all can be at times The only reason I say to wait and be patient is my assosciate/dare I say friend Had the same situation only he was married and when he did not open up to his wife she found other places to go to feel comfort. Which led to divorce and his devastation

[~Estrailia*Ayame~]

hey i could use a friend ya know preferably a guy i have a boyfriend problem right now...and i could use some advice....any takers? :aburst:

[blackroseivy]

Yeah, I know that it's when the going gets tough that you show your colors most... I'm attempting to have mine be the good kind. I'm sure that he won't be happy when he comes back, but I have to let him come back on his own terms.

[RisenfromtheAshes]

By George I think she has it don't have your arms out to pull him in but have them there to catch him when he falls

[blackroseivy]

OMG, can I quote that?! Surely you didn't just make that up!!! :D I'll certainly remember it, whichever!!!

[RisenfromtheAshes]

Quote away honey that actually camme to me from Bigboper he is very profound at times the rest of the time he's a putz

[LadyTrinity]

One of my ex's parents died and he was distant for 3 months. He eventually told me that he just wanted to be friends. So I told him to kiss my :bigblue: Cause I waited around for 3 months of being ignored when I wanted to help him out. I can accept that people need space but to not be there for me after ive been there for them. Pshh! Whatever! :smile:

[RisenfromtheAshes]

Aww that sucks sorry

[LadyTrinity]

Aww that sucks sorry
:rubhead:

[RisenfromtheAshes]

So how popular is bigboper on here?

[blackroseivy]

Haha! Well, all I can say is, I sure do hope that doesn't happen to me...!

[Bigboper123]

So how popular is bigboper on here?
I don't know what you are up to but you better not be causing trouble.

By the way Danubhe if you are just there for your guy even if he doesn't talk he will remember it later and appreciate you more in the future when you need him. well unless he is an ass but I don't think that is the case right?

[RisenfromtheAshes]

I am behaving ask them

[blackroseivy]

I am hoping not (his being an ass, that is!)