Telling a friend?

[Shadowsong]

I know this has probably been asked so many times, but here goes: a friend and I recently started rebuilding our friendship, because we were in a huge fight and didn't speak for six months. Anyway, one thing we've agreed upon is being completely honest, which is rather relieving. But the thing is, I want to tell her about my religion, only she's very strongly Christian and doesn't really like (or feel comfy with) people who are not Christian, and well... being Pagan is about as far from being Christian as you can get!
So I'm nervous at how she's going to react, but I also know I should tell her. Does anyone have any ideas? Thanks!

[Ninjakitten]

Well, I'd start off reminding her about the "completely honest" pact, and that you feel it is important, and so wanting to be completely honest, you decided to tell her about your religion. I'd also ask her, before the telling of the religion part, to be willing to keep a cool and open mind to what you have to say and to let you have your say for the sake of the "pact". Then be prepared for her to be honest right back.

[Serenity's LostSoul]

Keep in mind, also, that someone who does not accept you as you are is not truly your friend.

I hope it goes well for you. :)

[bbnflpn]

i have thought about this one as well as in telling my future in -laws they are roman catholic and well religion has never come up. so i thought to my self what iwould say to them. first off be streight forward and second ask them if i had ever pushed my religous views on them. does actually knowing what religon i am some how change the fact that they like who i am as a person.

[SwordsFlameSong]

Be prepared though if she walks away. I have been Pagan for over 20 yrs and I had three good friends growing up - 1 I had known since we were three, another since kindergarten and the other ditto. I finally told them after our ten year class reunion - I have no contact with any of them now. One outright told me I was of the devil and would have nothing more to do with me. The other two just quit talking to me. Been ten years now and it still hurts because I thought all those years of friendship would count for something. <wry>

Hope it works out for you. :)

[Faeawyn]

Well...here's a different perspective. I've been pagan for 25 years and no one knows but my husband and children. Not my parents, not my best friends, not my sister...no one. Religion is a very personal thing and my relationship with my god is private. I don't feel the need to disclose it to anyone. Now if she comes out and asks you what you believe....thats different. You can't lie, so you just have to find a subtle way to tell her. Personally, I'd start out by saying "in my experience, people should never discuss politics or religion" and laugh about it. If she persists, then I'd find a vague way to tell her....like "I'm a very spiritual person" or "I have a very close personal relationship with my creator" :whatgives: However you work it out, I hope your friendship remains strong and you're able to grow spiritually together :)

[Shadowsong]

Thanks guys. I won't get to see her until Thursday, so hopefully I'll find a way to say it by then. But I do know I'll tell her, mostly because it was the secrets we kept from each other which started the six month ordeal. But I've also reached the conclusion that if she's too immature to handle the fact that I'm not Christian then tough luck.

[cheddarsox]

Honesty is way more complex than just telling each other everything. Sometimes honesty is recognizing the very real limits another person has. sometimes honesty is not going to a place, needlessly, that will tip the whole barrel of apples. There is no relationship on earth, not even the one we have with ourselves that includes total honesty. It is a myth. It is one of those "and they lived happily ever after" fantasies that we dream about in the innocence of our youth.

No one wants to, or needs to, or has the automatic right to know everything about another person, no matter what they say, swear or promise. We are all limited beings, we all have things that we can't deal with. We all have secrets.
There is a difference between witholding information the other person actually has a right to know (hey, sex partner, I have herpes), and information that will do them and us no good to provide.

whether you make this announcement to your friend is up to you. You are the best judge. But don't do it under the misguided assumption that you "owe" it to her. And it is not true that people who can't accept everything about you are not really your friends. Everyone has their limits and secrets. There are many levels of genuine friendship. This may stall you at a particular level, but it may still be a worthwhile level. Not everyone has to know the secrets of your soul to be a true asset in your life.

Many of us pass through idealistic stages and throw away good friendships, practices and belief systems because they are not "perfect" or whatever our conception of "perfect" was at the time.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

cheddar

[Ninjakitten]

You know, I've been thinking since my post, and I think Cheddarsox may be right. Don't feel you need to blurt out what you are for the sake of honesty. If she is your friend, she will not only figure it out on her own, but be your friend regardless. No need to stun her with the facts of your relationship with the Divine. I'd say reach out to the Divine, which may or may not be a common multi-faceted Divine we all share (I'm personally still working on that concept myself), and ask for guidance. Maybe even praying to the Christian Divine might be a way to go and asking how to deal with one of His/Her followers (I'm Christian and believe God is both masculine and feminine, BTW). I don't see a denial from Divine help since what you are doing is as an act of love. Many blessings, and I will do an intercessory prayer on your behalf that you may gain the wisdom to handle this situation well.

[Shadowsong]

Wow, thanks for the advice, guys. I went ahead and told her; I just said, "I'm Pagan, and now I don't know what else to say so ask what you want and let's leave it at that" sort of deal, because I didn't want either of us to feel uncomfy if I went too far. Interestingly, she was awesome with it, and then we spent the next three hours talking about religion and such... to think that we wouldn't have been able to do that six months ago is astounding.

[SohaliaGrimorie]

glad it when so well! :)

I was in the exact same boat recently, and my friends were totally intriqued and we had a nice lengthy discussion about religion until I had to leave, lol.

[cheddarsox]

Shadow,

Lovely. I am so happy for you both.

cheddar

[Ninjakitten]

Woo hoo! I'm really glad that worked out. I was really praying for the situation because I'm getting sick of my fellow Christians turning people off because their churches tell them they should avoid anything the church doesn't consider Christian... oh, unless you're working on converting people of course. I'm glad to see your friend had an open and loving heart to you about this.

[LyraDragonStar]

Yes, that is wonderful!!!