Fathering Role - Thoughts?

[Ceres]

I am curious to see what people think about fathers on this board. Are fathers inherantly different from mothers? Should they parent children differently or should the sexes strive for gender neutrality? Do you think men are confused as to what exactly their roles as fathers is today? Where are we going with fatherhood in the future given the current trends? Is this a good thing?

[Rhianna813]

Well I have noticed that people in general parent differently and some of it is probably related to culture, regional, religious differences and most certainly how they were raised themselves. I was 35 when I became a mom and I had barely any experience with babies or children before that. I was scared and DH and I have just learned as we go.

As I have mentioned many times DH is our SAHD and has been since I returned to work full time when DS was 3 months old. He is a very loving, affectionate, and watchful Dad, similar to most Moms. He has NO embarassment playing with DS or acting goofy with him. He is also more apted to stick with what he or we think is best as opposed to some book, tv show, or "expert".

Some of things DH does impress me and bug me at the same time LOL I like that he is low key and does not get worried like I do. But there are times when I wish he would do some research on health and child dev issues. There has also been more than one occassion when DH and DS have visited my office or we have met for a doctor's appointment they both look like homeless dudes LOL DS is crusted over from head to toe, hair not combed, wearing clothes from the day before..... This fairly typical for DH. These things just do not concern him.

Also for parenting DH likes to think that he is a real disciplinarian, but he is sooooo not. He is a spoiler LOL We may have some issues in this area. We are both anti spanking and into gentle discipline but I try to research alternative ways to handle behavior issues. DH just says "No, Brendan!" 1,000,000 times a time and with no effect whatsoever. He thinks what works for the cats should work with the kid hehehehe yeah right. He is also VERY liberal with the toys and has introduced large sticks and other things that make a Mom's heart skip.

But all in all this is a huge contrast from say his friend Doug who has 3 maybe 4 kids. He has never changed one diaper and although he likes playing with kids he doesn't help out much with them.

Rhianna

[Rockprincess]

I do think fathers are inherently different than mothers. And while of course there is a wide spectrum of personality and parenting types within each gender, overall, fathers parent ina manly way, while mothers parent in a womanly way.

To me, this is right and natural, and not something we should strive against. As long as the child is recieving loving and sensible guidance, it would be silly to insist that it come in exactly the same way from each parent.

My husband is not confused about what his role will be with this babe. I will be staying home with him or her, and feeding him or her for the first year at least. But my husband will be helping raise the child in all other ways.

[spooky]

i thought everybody was confused. if i had a kid i've have NO IDEA what to do or ask of the father.

[~~Cypher~~]

In short:

I think that fathers (good fathers) are no different from mothers, speaking as one... if i may toot my own horn. There is nothing different that we cant do... if a woman can do it so can we... we can even be a substitute for a mother if the need arises. However... i do believe that there are assholes out there (excuse my french) that need to be sterilized, like my father for instance.

[farm girl]

There are both some really crappy mothers and fathers out there, so when I speak, I am actually talking about the good ones.

My husband and I are raising 5 children. Our roles are different, but equal. It is kinda like the God & the Goddess. The balance, in a good relationship, is perfect. Men do fatherly things without even thinking about. Teaching a child to play ball, go fishing, work on the car, work with tools, protect the family, just be guys. Yes, I can do all those things with my son, but there is a different psychological reaction when my husband does it. And with daughters.... there is just something special about Daddy's Little Girl. My father is definitely a pick up driving macho man, but it was the little sentimental man things he did/does, that makes me feel special.

I don't know what I expect of either gender except love your child & be interested in their lives. Beyond that, just be you and teach your child what you know. Spend time with them, read to them. Just love them. That's all a parent has to do. And for whatever reason, the studies show that doing just that is very important for both the mother & father if possible, as each parent nurtures a little different something in a child and helps with confidence.

That's not to say that every child gets this or they are doomed without it. I know many beautiful, wonderful single moms out there that do their absolute best. We all do the best with what we have.

[cheddarsox]

I think there are some general differences in the way people of different genders parent. That old biology thing. In the end, I think that most good couples have the mix of skills, and traits to parent a child. I think that most people sort of find a partner who compliments them and balences their traits.

Gender is not the biggest issue in parenting, I think it gives us certain tendencies, but most of us, through effort can provide the missing skills or see that the child gets what is needed.

Unfortunately, some don't want to make the effort.

cheddar