Aislingraven
June 21st, 2005, 03:18 AM
Okay, I am back with another delima. I do hope to quit having them soon so I can contribute something besides asking for opinions. heh.
alright here goes.
I am in a complete paranoid state. I was a member of a Pagan group for 2 years and it recently broke apart. I feel guilty because I said stuff that I wasn't supposed to tell (although most of it I didn't *know* I wasn't supposed to tell) and I ended up feeling like a gab.. and like I added fuel to the fire that wasn't necessary.
The group consisted of several solitaries and a few HP's (including myself) and after a little while one of the HP's started a coven and most of the members went into her coven.
During the 2 years there were 2 people removed from the group by 1. the other members talking about it behind the persons back and 2. someone telling them finally that either they were not welcome or they needed a "break".. total isolation from the group. no contact nothing. I was in favor of the isolation factor because there had been a relationship break up IN the group and it was one of the 2 and they were acting crazed at that point.
So on to now.. the HP I refered to (who started the coven) desided to involve herself in her students personal lives. It wasn't an area that they were comfortable talking about but she pried anyways. *I* went to this HP with a vision I had concerning them. I felt like perhaps since she was their HP, she was more familiar with the situation and better able to communicate it. She shared that she had had a vision similar to mine and that she would speak to them.
So we went on vacation for Beltaine together and she pops this convo on them first thing.. we were tired, we hadn't even settled in and from what I understand she was "death gloom and doom" about it.. "don't do this!!" instead of "this is what I saw, please keep it in mind and be careful".. standard vision stuff unless you see someone die..
So that is the point that I started feeling like a gab... and realizing the other HP was telling me stuff that was a "no no". People were upset and I was trying to be honest and open because quite frankly I feel like I got stuck in the middle of something that I had no right to be in. So I didn't know what to do or say..
So the group broke up. The 2 people left the coven, and stopped talking to the HP. The HP still has the on-line group connecting everyone but I dropped off as well so I don't know what is happening.
The whole time I was a member of this group, I always felt split. Sometimes I felt like everyone liked me and then there were time when I felt like people were just tolerating me. But because of the "not talking".. and the fact that I am not used to that.. I always felt paranoid. not a healthy situation I know but..
So now I wonder if this wasn't a big ploy to kick ME out. that sounds insane but I seriously think that.
I still talk to the 2 who left. I still sorta talk to the HP involved although she gets on my nerves for reasons between her and I. She is a VERY one sided friend.
And for the record, I am not normally paranoid when it comes to friendships. This is the first time I have felt this way.
So comments? suggestions? wake up calls or spankings?
alright here goes.
I am in a complete paranoid state. I was a member of a Pagan group for 2 years and it recently broke apart. I feel guilty because I said stuff that I wasn't supposed to tell (although most of it I didn't *know* I wasn't supposed to tell) and I ended up feeling like a gab.. and like I added fuel to the fire that wasn't necessary.
The group consisted of several solitaries and a few HP's (including myself) and after a little while one of the HP's started a coven and most of the members went into her coven.
During the 2 years there were 2 people removed from the group by 1. the other members talking about it behind the persons back and 2. someone telling them finally that either they were not welcome or they needed a "break".. total isolation from the group. no contact nothing. I was in favor of the isolation factor because there had been a relationship break up IN the group and it was one of the 2 and they were acting crazed at that point.
So on to now.. the HP I refered to (who started the coven) desided to involve herself in her students personal lives. It wasn't an area that they were comfortable talking about but she pried anyways. *I* went to this HP with a vision I had concerning them. I felt like perhaps since she was their HP, she was more familiar with the situation and better able to communicate it. She shared that she had had a vision similar to mine and that she would speak to them.
So we went on vacation for Beltaine together and she pops this convo on them first thing.. we were tired, we hadn't even settled in and from what I understand she was "death gloom and doom" about it.. "don't do this!!" instead of "this is what I saw, please keep it in mind and be careful".. standard vision stuff unless you see someone die..
So that is the point that I started feeling like a gab... and realizing the other HP was telling me stuff that was a "no no". People were upset and I was trying to be honest and open because quite frankly I feel like I got stuck in the middle of something that I had no right to be in. So I didn't know what to do or say..
So the group broke up. The 2 people left the coven, and stopped talking to the HP. The HP still has the on-line group connecting everyone but I dropped off as well so I don't know what is happening.
The whole time I was a member of this group, I always felt split. Sometimes I felt like everyone liked me and then there were time when I felt like people were just tolerating me. But because of the "not talking".. and the fact that I am not used to that.. I always felt paranoid. not a healthy situation I know but..
So now I wonder if this wasn't a big ploy to kick ME out. that sounds insane but I seriously think that.
I still talk to the 2 who left. I still sorta talk to the HP involved although she gets on my nerves for reasons between her and I. She is a VERY one sided friend.
And for the record, I am not normally paranoid when it comes to friendships. This is the first time I have felt this way.
So comments? suggestions? wake up calls or spankings?