Silverwitch
March 15th, 2001, 08:59 PM
I have been trying to sleep for the last hour, but thoughts keep buzzing around, and sleep won't come. So, best get them out of my head and into the community, because I "know" that's where they have to go.
I keep thinking about Tempest and that leads on to some very dark thoughts. I have also been "hearing" the desperation in some of the voices in the community, and I started wondering why one commits suicide and another doesn't. It seems to be tied up with self-esteem and faith in yourself. I think this is why our youngsters are so vunerable to this. It's a time when you are just finding out about self-esteem, and there doesn't seem to be much of it about!
This is going to be a bit long winded, but I want to get my thoughts down accurately, in the hope that it may help someone else. Besides the oral word is so open to misinterpretation!
My Mother committed suicide after being a life long sufferer of depression. I thought for a very long time that I would "inherit" this suicidal tendency, and so in a way, as always happens, my worst fears came true. After a series of life shattering events in close proximity I had a complete break down. I'd fallen off the roundabout in a big way, unable even to communicate, wash myself and utterly terrified of everything and everyone. I eventually took my car, drove it to the woods and stopped with the front wheels hanging over a 100ft drop. Decision time. The radio must have been playing because as I sat there, utterly convinced that the world would be a better place without me in it, the words of the song that was playing filtered through to me. "One day at a time, Sweet Jesus, that's all I'm asking of You". (Yes, I know it's a Christian song, but I was in no fit state to be picky). Right there and then I had an epiphany, a light bulb moment, a conversion on the road to Damascus, call it what you will. I survived, got better after a long, long time, and with hindsight, I think it was the best thing that ever happened to me. That probably sounds crazy, but I changed almost over night, to such a degree, that I used to get a shock if I looked in the mirror and saw the same face that had always been there.
Although I continued to suffer from depression (and still do have flashes of the Dark Night of the Soul), that experience led me to learn everything I could about depression, which led to Psychology and twas but a short step to Paganism.
I learnt that we cause our own depression, and, if that is our choice, our suicide. No one can "make you" depressed or suicidal, you have to "allow" yourself to be in those states. You always, always have a choice about these things, even if you don't know it. This obviously isn't done on a concious level, who'd deliberately want to inflict that sort of living hell on themselves! So, it's a subconcious thing, almost a
learned response. So, if you "reprogramme" the subconcious, you can get it to do what YOU want, not react to some outmoded "programme" that you've carried with you since the year dot, but were unaware of.
A typical learned response is the "All or Nothing" response, when you get into the habit of telling yourself lies, you know the ones I mean. "This always happens to me!" or "I'm always so clumsy,(ugly,bad,unloveable!)(choose any of the aforementioned)" or "everybody hates me" and any one of a thousand others. This response is often learnt in our teens, but instead of dropping it as outmoded thinking as we grow, we carry it forward with us, sometimes through the whole of our lives. Everytime you catch yourself (or your children) saying anything like this. Stop!! Examine the statement and then decide whether it's true or not. "Actually, if I'm honest, this doesn't always happen to me". "If I'm honest, I'm not always so clumsy, (ugly, bad, unloveable), look at that time I managed to juggle four cups without breaking them". I think you get the idea.
Don't get me wrong, it's hard work, and something that you constantly have to be on guard against, but you can do it, and it does work.
Even this simple step would make such a difference to people who are bullied and victimised, as it increases self-esteem in leaps and bounds, and our children need all the self-esteem we can give then if they are to survive in what can be a very harsh world. With renewed self-esteem, comes confidence and faith in yourself. Once you have faith in yourself, you can then begin to love, yourself and others, including the Gods and Goddess's.
If you are worried that your child is being bullied, or having a hard time, or maybe you are, get a copy of "You Can Heal Your Life", by Louise Hay, who explores some of the ideas here, in an easily accessible form, because as much as we hate bullies and thugs, you can't change other people, only yourself, and your attitude to them.
Perhaps this thread shoud be about our "All or Nothing" thinking. Anyone got any good ones?
That's it, it's off my chest. Thanks for listening.
I keep thinking about Tempest and that leads on to some very dark thoughts. I have also been "hearing" the desperation in some of the voices in the community, and I started wondering why one commits suicide and another doesn't. It seems to be tied up with self-esteem and faith in yourself. I think this is why our youngsters are so vunerable to this. It's a time when you are just finding out about self-esteem, and there doesn't seem to be much of it about!
This is going to be a bit long winded, but I want to get my thoughts down accurately, in the hope that it may help someone else. Besides the oral word is so open to misinterpretation!
My Mother committed suicide after being a life long sufferer of depression. I thought for a very long time that I would "inherit" this suicidal tendency, and so in a way, as always happens, my worst fears came true. After a series of life shattering events in close proximity I had a complete break down. I'd fallen off the roundabout in a big way, unable even to communicate, wash myself and utterly terrified of everything and everyone. I eventually took my car, drove it to the woods and stopped with the front wheels hanging over a 100ft drop. Decision time. The radio must have been playing because as I sat there, utterly convinced that the world would be a better place without me in it, the words of the song that was playing filtered through to me. "One day at a time, Sweet Jesus, that's all I'm asking of You". (Yes, I know it's a Christian song, but I was in no fit state to be picky). Right there and then I had an epiphany, a light bulb moment, a conversion on the road to Damascus, call it what you will. I survived, got better after a long, long time, and with hindsight, I think it was the best thing that ever happened to me. That probably sounds crazy, but I changed almost over night, to such a degree, that I used to get a shock if I looked in the mirror and saw the same face that had always been there.
Although I continued to suffer from depression (and still do have flashes of the Dark Night of the Soul), that experience led me to learn everything I could about depression, which led to Psychology and twas but a short step to Paganism.
I learnt that we cause our own depression, and, if that is our choice, our suicide. No one can "make you" depressed or suicidal, you have to "allow" yourself to be in those states. You always, always have a choice about these things, even if you don't know it. This obviously isn't done on a concious level, who'd deliberately want to inflict that sort of living hell on themselves! So, it's a subconcious thing, almost a
learned response. So, if you "reprogramme" the subconcious, you can get it to do what YOU want, not react to some outmoded "programme" that you've carried with you since the year dot, but were unaware of.
A typical learned response is the "All or Nothing" response, when you get into the habit of telling yourself lies, you know the ones I mean. "This always happens to me!" or "I'm always so clumsy,(ugly,bad,unloveable!)(choose any of the aforementioned)" or "everybody hates me" and any one of a thousand others. This response is often learnt in our teens, but instead of dropping it as outmoded thinking as we grow, we carry it forward with us, sometimes through the whole of our lives. Everytime you catch yourself (or your children) saying anything like this. Stop!! Examine the statement and then decide whether it's true or not. "Actually, if I'm honest, this doesn't always happen to me". "If I'm honest, I'm not always so clumsy, (ugly, bad, unloveable), look at that time I managed to juggle four cups without breaking them". I think you get the idea.
Don't get me wrong, it's hard work, and something that you constantly have to be on guard against, but you can do it, and it does work.
Even this simple step would make such a difference to people who are bullied and victimised, as it increases self-esteem in leaps and bounds, and our children need all the self-esteem we can give then if they are to survive in what can be a very harsh world. With renewed self-esteem, comes confidence and faith in yourself. Once you have faith in yourself, you can then begin to love, yourself and others, including the Gods and Goddess's.
If you are worried that your child is being bullied, or having a hard time, or maybe you are, get a copy of "You Can Heal Your Life", by Louise Hay, who explores some of the ideas here, in an easily accessible form, because as much as we hate bullies and thugs, you can't change other people, only yourself, and your attitude to them.
Perhaps this thread shoud be about our "All or Nothing" thinking. Anyone got any good ones?
That's it, it's off my chest. Thanks for listening.