childfree

[John_Mischief]

I haven't seen any threads about this really, and thought it could use it's own discussion.

Do you not have kids? Haven't ever had them, and don't want them? Don't think that having kids is the pinacle of female achievement?

Feel free to share stories, thoughts about being childfree, ect. ect.

[Athena-Nadine]

Well, I never wanted children. I spent my whole life perfectly happy to not be a parent. That has changed fairly recently, but I still don't think carrying, birthing, and raising a child is the pinnacle of anything.

Personally, I see nothing wrong with people who decide to not have children. I have much more respect for their choices than do for those people who absolutely should not have children but do so anyway (have you ever seen someone with children that ov=bviously doesn't even like children? It's horrible).

[Darakash]

I haven't seen any threads about this really, and thought it could use it's own discussion.

Do you not have kids? Haven't ever had them, and don't want them? Don't think that having kids is the pinacle of female achievement?

Feel free to share stories, thoughts about being childfree, ect. ect.

I hope ya dont mind my posting, since I do have one child...but had to say, I totally relate to not wanting kids, never planning to have them and having NO feelings that it was necessary as a female, nor that my life would have been "empty" or unfulfilled had I not had one....my baboo was a surprise, and I love her, but if not for that little surprise, I never would have had kids....it is a major change to one's lifestyle and choices,etc, and I think more people should consider childlessness as an option.

[Ceres]

I think its a responsible choice if you dont wish to put the vast amounts of energy and time into raising a child or children. It also shows the respect you have for those who parent well and the understanding that it IS a big commitment.
I dont consider it the pinnacle of womenhood for all women, but for me, it is the biggest expression of my feminity that I have made personally so far. There are many ways to express one's gender roles and people can express it in more than one way during their lifetime. It is wrong to claim that the way one does it is the only way - whether one is an at home mom or whether one is a childless career woman.
The women's movement has made popular the idea that its wrong to define oneself ONLY by their role as mother, but it has been often been mistakenly interpreted as its wrong to define oneself AT ALL by one's role as mother. I am a mother and until my children no longer need me full time thats my focus. That doesnt make me any less a feminist.

[Unorthodox]

I have NO desire to EVER have children. My husband feels the same way. We're both 32 and we love our life the way it is and don't want to give it up. I get SOOOOO tired of people asking us when we're going to have some-and then when I tell them we don't plan on having any, we get the---well, you'll change your mind. Well-we're not. My husband got a vasectomy 2 weeks ago.

[John_Mischief]

I get SOOOOO tired of people asking us when we're going to have some-and then when I tell them we don't plan on having any, we get the---well, you'll change your mind. Well-we're not. My husband got a vasectomy 2 weeks ago.

I get that a lot too; especially with my parents. They want grandkids...of course that's assuming that I would ever let them near my kids if I had them - my parents' bad parenting is one of the factors that led to me not wanting kids.

I don't know why some people will question the decision to not have kids so much. No one is like that when people want to have kids, when they want to go college, or get a job. All equally important things, I would say.

[WitchJezebel]

I have no children and I'm not planning for any. If it happens, so be it, but my life will still be complete if I don't. Besides, I have a niece and 2 nephews - that's quite enough for me thanks!

[KEishin]

I have no children, and I have known since I was a teenager that I didn’t want to have children. Caring for younger siblings was enough for me, thank you. I have put more thought and effort in avoiding pregnancy and motherhood than most people ever put into actually having kids. Statistically, more than 50% of pregnancies are unintentional. That means that over half of the people at the malls, driving slowly in front of me, plowing under arable land for more homes, overcrowding the schools, and bursting from the seams of this planet were accidents. Pretty scary to consider. It's not that I don't like kids - I adore being an auntie - but I don't want to have any of my own.

Why?
1. I don't another human being to depend on me so that I feel fulfilled.
2. They're expensive (toys, clothes, college, etc)
3. This planet is WAY too crowded as it is.
4. Children are not the end all and be all of life - the emphasis on youth has skewed our culture.
(This is just for starters)

And I welcome the company of well-behaved kids - I have no problem with children. But I won’t be polite if I paid good money for a meal or movie that is being ruined by bratty children. I’ll be a nice person, even if the parents won’t. And they shouldn’t worry about people like me; they should worry about people who like their kids too much.

You can call me selfish if you want - you won't be the first. So I want to maintain the lifestyle I've worked hard for. How does that harm you? Having kids is about the most selfish thing you can do. You're focussed only on yourself and not how you fit into the world. This overcrowded planet isn't going to miss one more kid. So many children are born who are not wanted. Let's have the ones that are here be wanted and not be 'oops-a-babies'.

Done ranting now :D
PS: The best birth control on the planet - go to Wal-Mart on the average Saturday morning. (Or Squall-Mart as I refer to it.)

[cheddarsox]

. Statistically, more than 50% of pregnancies are unintentional. That means that over half of the people at the malls, driving slowly in front of me, plowing under arable land for more homes, overcrowding the schools, and bursting from the seams of this planet were accidents. Pretty scary to consider. )

It also means that 50% of your friends, family, artists who's talents you adore, people who make your comfy life possible are accidents as well. Hmmm.

I don't have an issue with you not wanting kids. Do what you want. I'm all for choice. Just a bit saddened by your distain at humanity.

I hope you meet more people worth knowing! Some of them/us are the best sort of accident.

cheddar

[winterrosewaitin]

You can call me selfish if you want - you won't be the first. So I want to maintain the lifestyle I've worked hard for. How does that harm you? Having kids is about the most selfish thing you can do. You're focussed only on yourself and not how you fit into the world. This overcrowded planet isn't going to miss one more kid. So many children are born who are not wanted. Let's have the ones that are here be wanted and not be 'oops-a-babies'.

Done ranting now :D
PS: The best birth control on the planet - go to Wal-Mart on the average Saturday morning. (Or Squall-Mart as I refer to it.)


I wasn't going to post to this because I have children, but I just had to.
Having children is selfish? I have two daughters and adopted three sons because I was their foster parent . I fostered many children over the years. These five children were "wanted". I married a man who has seven children and I love them as my own.
I'm glad you have chosen not to have kids, it's a good choice for many people to make. But to assume I am selfish is a pretty big statement to make. I am focused on only myself? you better have something to back that up with!

[LadyAutumnCat]

I have chosen to not have children for a variety of reasons. I don't particularly care for children, I already helped raise my sister, and our planet just can't handle so many more people. It's much more important to me to help preserve the planet than it is to reproduce.

[Sun_and_Saturn]

You can call me selfish if you want - you won't be the first. So I want to maintain the lifestyle I've worked hard for. How does that harm you? Having kids is about the most selfish thing you can do. You're focussed only on yourself and not how you fit into the world. This overcrowded planet isn't going to miss one more kid. So many children are born who are not wanted. Let's have the ones that are here be wanted and not be 'oops-a-babies'.

Could you please explain what you meant by that? From what I understand you are saying that, ideally, people should only have children if they are planned, and if people aren't sure if they want children or not, then they should take steps to prevent it? Please correct me if I am wrong.

If that is what you are trying to say, then I totally agree with you, because so many children are born into the world and they aren't wanted. And often times they are abused. However, my child was not planned, and we did take steps toward prevention of pregnancy, but oops! what a surprise we got! I figure that since it happened when we were using protection then it was meant to happen, and now I cannot imagine life without my daughter. i love her more than anything.

But, I also totally respect someone's decision not to have children. They are certainly a big responsibility and I can understand a person's reasons for not wanting to take on that responsibility. To each their own.

(slowly and anxiously backing out of the room now, and bracing for attack)

[Jolixte]

Granted, I'm 16 so things may change. But right now, I like kids when they are being sweet, nice, and cute which is like 5% of the time, otherwise I can't stand them. I can't even imagine having one for 18 years, and I have very little maturnal instinct as it is.

[gwendar]

I'm only 20 (21 in Aug) so things could change by the time I'm 30.
But right now, I'm saying that I don't want to have kids. I really can't imagine having them. I think I would feel restricted.
Plus, the planet's overpopulated.;)

[Krystalin]

I have no desire to have children, although I am only 22. My husband is 35 and, a bit to my dismay, is just short of being obsessed with having children, so I know I will eventually cave in. I grew up with a parent that made no secret of telling her children that we ruined her life, so this is one of the factors that makes me hesitant to have children.
Living with my husband and meeting his family have only added on to my views; so many of them are drug addicts who negect their children and they are just.. I don't mean to offend, but they are little monsters. The idea of any children I have behaving like this or growing up around them makes my skin crawl. My family is very small, and several of them have chosen to not have children, and live very happy lives.

[KEishin]

What I'm talking about here are the people that have children on a whim, without planning, or any real forethought to what they're doing. This is the first true selfishness of a parent, in my opinion... and it's no way to provide a stable environment for a new life.

Then there are parents who only have children so they can have someone to love them, or because they feel the need to pass on their DNA for society or culture. Those are the parents who don't understand their children and only seem them as extensions of themselves. Also included are the parents who have children for the status it allows them (being a parent = respect, or those who need the trophy children). The ones I find the most selfish are those that need power over their kids - the ones that are insecure enough that they indimidate them to feel powerful. (Grr)

Why use the word selfish, knowing that it's inflammatory? Well, for me it sums it up best. The parent is having children for their own empowerment, not the welfare of the child. Why not have children for reasons like wanting to adopt or foster welfare kids, the fun and joy of having your toddler say 'I love you mommy', or just wanting to make someone's life better?

I don't feel I have a moral obligation to have children. Parenthood should be a choice, because not everyone is meant to be a parent. You shouldn't be forced into parenthood because you don't see another choice. If you do it, don it becuase you truly want to. Your kids will thank you for it.

[Sun_and_Saturn]

What I'm talking about here are the people that have children on a whim, without planning, or any real forethought to what they're doing. This is the first true selfishness of a parent, in my opinion... and it's no way to provide a stable environment for a new life.

Then there are parents who only have children so they can have someone to love them, or because they feel the need to pass on their DNA for society or culture. Those are the parents who don't understand their children and only seem them as extensions of themselves. Also included are the parents who have children for the status it allows them (being a parent = respect, or those who need the trophy children). The ones I find the most selfish are those that need power over their kids - the ones that are insecure enough that they indimidate them to feel powerful. (Grr)

Why use the word selfish, knowing that it's inflammatory? Well, for me it sums it up best. The parent is having children for their own empowerment, not the welfare of the child. Why not have children for reasons like wanting to adopt or foster welfare kids, the fun and joy of having your toddler say 'I love you mommy', or just wanting to make someone's life better?

I don't feel I have a moral obligation to have children. Parenthood should be a choice, because not everyone is meant to be a parent. You shouldn't be forced into parenthood because you don't see another choice. If you do it, don it becuase you truly want to. Your kids will thank you for it.


I can agree with that, and I don't think you are selfish for not wanting children.

[Yasmine Galenorn]

When I was young, I thought I wanted kids. But when I turned 17 and graduated from junior college, I realized that to achieve the goals I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to give children the attention they needed and still achieve what I wanted most in life.

And that summer, I took care of my sister's kids for a few months, basically took over as "mom" and it was an eye opening experience as to how much of your own life you have to give up.

Truth is, I don't really enjoy being around children much. Oh, there are exceptions, and I can handle the energy for awhile, but I like my house quiet, I like being able to have sex in the living room, being able to pick up and take off with my husband without making baby-sitter plans and so forth. I like not having to constantly worry about the perverts out there trying to get at the kids. I like not having somebody clinging on me all the time for my attention.

Even as a kid, I preferred being around adults (my sisters were all moved out by the time I was five, and my mother was 33 when she had me, my stepfather was 40 when I came along).

To me...childbirth is one choice, but it sure isn't something I hold in 'highest' regards.

For those women who truly want to parent and who have prepared themselves for it, good--and I wish them the best of luck and happiness.

But honestly? I've met a lot of so-so parents. I grew up in an abusive household. There are a lot of people out there who are really lousy--and outright cruel--to their kids. Parenting isn't natural to everybody, nor is it the be-all and end-all of professions, in my eyes. Just because a person can reproduce, doesn't mean they should.

Yes, it's hard to raise kids, yes it's demanding, but so are many other professions--and someone like a doctor or pilot who are responsible for hundreds of lives, well, I look up to their profession (not necessarily them as a person) more than I would to a waitress, or a librarian, or a mother, even though those are all important in their own right.

When I was with my ex, I knew it would be disaster if we had kids--he was abusive to me, he'd certainly be to his children. He hated the idea of having kids.

When I met my current husband, I was over the concept of ever really wanting to have kids, and I knew that between his diabetes and my health concerns, a child born to us would already have several major strikes against it. We decided that, if we wanted children, we would adopt. But over the years, we've just become happier and happier with our choice to remain childfree.

It's not a loss for us, so I don't call it 'childless'...I reserve that for the women who do want kids and can't have them. For us, it's freedom to live our lives the way we want, to focus on our careers and each other, and to just--in general--be happy.

Yasmine :colorful:

[Yasmine Galenorn]

I have NO desire to EVER have children. My husband feels the same way. We're both 32 and we love our life the way it is and don't want to give it up. I get SOOOOO tired of people asking us when we're going to have some-and then when I tell them we don't plan on having any, we get the---well, you'll change your mind. Well-we're not. My husband got a vasectomy 2 weeks ago.

Good for him! My husband got a vasectomy the year we got married and it was the best decision he made for us. Not only do we have peace of mind, but it saves so much on birth control. :)

And yes, I've had women (not men, but women) overhear me talking to friends about how happy I am without kids and they've come up and started trying to scold me. Although now they don't do that so much, since I started getting tattooed. LOL...but it used to infuriate me and I'd just say, "Who the HELL are you?"

Yasmine :colorful:

[Ceres]

What I'm talking about here are the people that have children on a whim, without planning, or any real forethought to what they're doing. This is the first true selfishness of a parent, in my opinion... and it's no way to provide a stable environment for a new life.

Then there are parents who only have children so they can have someone to love them, or because they feel the need to pass on their DNA for society or culture. Those are the parents who don't understand their children and only seem them as extensions of themselves. Also included are the parents who have children for the status it allows them (being a parent = respect, or those who need the trophy children). The ones I find the most selfish are those that need power over their kids - the ones that are insecure enough that they indimidate them to feel powerful. (Grr)

Why use the word selfish, knowing that it's inflammatory? Well, for me it sums it up best. The parent is having children for their own empowerment, not the welfare of the child. Why not have children for reasons like wanting to adopt or foster welfare kids, the fun and joy of having your toddler say 'I love you mommy', or just wanting to make someone's life better?

I don't feel I have a moral obligation to have children. Parenthood should be a choice, because not everyone is meant to be a parent. You shouldn't be forced into parenthood because you don't see another choice. If you do it, don it becuase you truly want to. Your kids will thank you for it.

But what you actually said was "having children is about the most selfish thing you can do" Did you mean some people do it selfishly, most people do it selfishly or we all do it for selfish reasons?
I would also like to add that while many may start out selfish or give it little thought, or even fall prey to biology and have an accident, the vast majority rally and do a pretty good job rasing their kids, Some even end up very grateful for the unplanned pregnacy. I would argue that few parents remain parents for the same reasons they started as we are all maturing and learning through experience, parents as well as kids. The majority of children are not abused or nelgected. Most kids are also bratty at some point in their lives, regardless of how well they are parented...its all part of the package and since we do need some children to continue with humanity, childless people are going to have to be patient with having the little "nusciences" around. Perhaps they might even be glad someone else is doing what they themselves dont want to, instead of criticizing.
Its all well and good to choose for yourself not to have children, but if you attack those who choose to, you cant be surprised when your own choices are attacked as well.

[MorningDove030202]

Although I think there is more in life to achieve than chidlren, I'll admit I always wanted to have a few. I think it stems from the fact that I'm an only child, and that I realy wanted to know the mystry of carying a life inside me. Well, it's no mystery any more, and I'm not having any more than two! LOL It's the toughest job in the world and I don't recomend for anyone who doesn't want or like kids. On the other hand, kids arn't contagious, and it doesn't hurt to help out your coven mates (if you have any) that have kids, because even just getting out of the house can become the most dificult thing once you have kids.

Dove


I haven't seen any threads about this really, and thought it could use it's own discussion.

Do you not have kids? Haven't ever had them, and don't want them? Don't think that having kids is the pinacle of female achievement?

Feel free to share stories, thoughts about being childfree, ect. ect.

[Yasmine Galenorn]

Although I think there is more in life to achieve than chidlren, I'll admit I always wanted to have a few. I think it stems from the fact that I'm an only child, and that I realy wanted to know the mystry of carying a life inside me. Well, it's no mystery any more, and I'm not having any more than two! LOL It's the toughest job in the world and I don't recomend for anyone who doesn't want or like kids. On the other hand, kids arn't contagious, and it doesn't hurt to help out your coven mates (if you have any) that have kids, because even just getting out of the house can become the most dificult thing once you have kids.

Dove

Hi Dove. I would have this to say though: I work at home. I have very strict deadlines on my work...I'm simply not available to help with my friends' children because I don't have the time, and what spare time I do have, is mine and my husband's. Heck, I don't even take my own family's phone calls during the day. They wouldn't like it if I called them at the office, they owe me the same respect.

When I held a job for the state, it bugged the hell out of me when I was expected to pick up the slack for someone who had to run off to their kid's ballgame....I had--and have--a full life. If I offer help, that's one thing, but I really didn't appreciate being asked to cancel my own plans because of somebody else's children. I'm sympathetic, but I'm still not going to adjust my own life for someone who isn't a part of my family unless it's a real emergency (I don't consider the common cold an emergency). This is a common problem and something needs to be done...a better system for daycare or something (especially in helping out daycare workers, who I agree are woefully underpaid).

As far as magic, when I worked with others, I worked within groups where children weren't allowed. Too much distraction. Parents can easily set up their own magical circles that include their children and friends' children, but there for the rituals I work, I don't feel the energy is appropriate (as in, too intense) for kids to be around.

There is a division, but it doesn't have to be a bad one, :) and it doesn't have to be for everything. We have friends who have children, when we go visit them, we accept that the visit will be filled with "kid stuff" and that's okay--we're in their house, we like their kids, and if I want to talk to my friend about adult subjects that might not be appropriate, we call and talk on the phone.

Yasmine :colorful:

[kitsch]

i have firmly decided i don't want children. ever.

i don't like kids. that's the biggest factor. i care about kids in the sense that i watch out for their safety, and i am pleased when they have good, happy lives, but i don't like them.

i don't have the patience, the time, nor the dedication it takes to be a parent. i don't have a puppy for the same reason -- i don't want to be that responsible for another life. i don't want to be woken from sleep at three a.m., i don't want someone else to tote around with me, and i most emphatically don't want someone else growing inside of me.

at least partially my decision is fuelled by my interactions with parents. now, don't get all riled before i finish: it's that i listen to parents talking about how this one is sick, this one's acting up again, this one mouthed off, this one won't do their schoolwork. i don't identify with wanting to be in the position parents are in. they've got a tough job. if my little jimmy threw a tantrum because he didn't want to eat his peas, i'd be throwing a tantrum right back. i wouldn't be patiently explaining to jimmy why peas make us strong, i'd be wigging out and sending him to his room. i respect the parents that can handle these situations calmly, and i know i wouldn't be amongst them.

i value my personal time and my freedom too much to want to have children. i enjoy the fact (as does my partner) that i can make plans on the spur of the moment. i can swear like a sailor and be naked anywhere in the house, anytime. i love that i can read books that i enjoy, see movies i like, and not have to worry about their appropriateness for smaller people. i'd rather be talking about ayn rand or eternal sunshine of the spotless mind than the wiggles or clifford the big red dog. or whatever it is that kids like these days.

a couple of other points:
i think that some parents really resent being parents. once i state my childfree stance, some parents seem to feel they can confide. it's not all fun, it's not all cute, and some have told me they resent being 'chained down' -- their words, not mine. not to say they don't make excellent parents, but having a child is a lifelong commitment, and i don't think everyone thinks it through first.

children just don't fit into our life plan. we've bought our house, we'll have it paid off when we're 39, retire early, and enjoy life being even more free. i honestly don't see, time-wise or financially, where children would fit.

also, i am frustrated by the child-centric stances of many people. we're 23 and 24, and my guy can't get a vasectomy because we're 'too young'. so, i could have a kid every year, starting at 18 or so, and no one says boo. yet we've thought about it thouroughly, analyzed and made a rational conclusion, but we're apparently incapable of making our own choices. just a little something that steams me.

i frequent a childfree board, and someone made a really cute comment. to paraphrase: no one asks me why i don't want to be a ballerina or a fireman, but most everyone is shocked when they find out i don't want to be a parent.

[Ziana]

When I held a job for the state, it bugged the hell out of me when I was expected to pick up the slack for someone who had to run off to their kid's ballgame....I had--and have--a full life. If I offer help, that's one thing, but I really didn't appreciate being asked to cancel my own plans because of somebody else's children. I'm sympathetic, but I'm still not going to adjust my own life for someone who isn't a part of my family unless it's a real emergency (I don't consider the common cold an emergency). This is a common problem and something needs to be done...a better system for daycare or something (especially in helping out daycare workers, who I agree are woefully underpaid).
Yasmine :colorful:

those are the very reasons why I did not want to be a working mom. Fortunately though the place I waitress at has mostly moms as employees and so we are all willing to 'pick up the slack' when the need arises. If not for that I don't think I would be able to handle both. I understand people not wanting to do so, we aren't related to each other and my kids have no bearing on your life, until the point where their illnesses and such create more work for you, and I can understand being put out by it. As for the common cold not being an emergency, in most cases this is true, however in some it can be. Daycare's will not allow a child with a cold to attend the school while they are sick. If not for the understanding of my boss and co-workers I would have no way to have my child cared for while I was at work. I have no living relatives in the area and all of my friends have jobs. My SO works for the railroad and is away from home more often than he is here. So if I have to dump my slack on a co-worker in order to take care of her so be it. She is more important to me. If that makes me selfish for having a child so what. Those co-workers who are willing to help out and not complain about it, I will help out as well, even if all they want is to leave early to go to the movies. At the same time those who are constantly wanting me to pick up their slack without ever lifting a hand to help me or complain about doing so irritate the heck out of me. The Golden Rule you learn about in Kindergarden still applies no matter how old you get.
One of these days I may get my wish and be able to stay home with my child, and I will be a very happy mom. :abanana:

For those of you who, like Yaz, are childfree by choice, I will admit to envying you from time to time, being able to do what you want, where you want and when you want. However, since my daughter just came to me as I was typing this, with a baby tooth in her hand and a big grin on her face, now is not one of those times. :toofless: Since I had my child when I was 19, I'll be 37 when she turns 18. Still young, and able to do what I want when I want, and when she moves out, where I want :shhhh: Best of both worlds as far as I am concerned. Wouldn't change it for all the stars in the sky.

[kitsch]

When I held a job for the state, it bugged the hell out of me when I was expected to pick up the slack for someone who had to run off to their kid's ballgame....I had--and have--a full life. If I offer help, that's one thing, but I really didn't appreciate being asked to cancel my own plans because of somebody else's children. I'm sympathetic, but I'm still not going to adjust my own life for someone who isn't a part of my family unless it's a real emergency (I don't consider the common cold an emergency).




yes! absolutely! i could not have phrased that better.

eta: ziana beat me to it. yasmine is so well spoken i couldn't help myself.

[Yasmine Galenorn]

For those of you who, like Yaz, are childfree by choice, I will admit to envying you from time to time, being able to do what you want, where you want and when you want. However, since my daughter just came to me as I was typing this, with a baby tooth in her hand and a big grin on her face, now is not one of those times. :toofless:

See, that's a common myth. For those of us with time-intensive careers, we cannot do anything we want, any time we want. If I don't produce my work, I can get sued. They don't care if I'm sick, if my car dies, if my goldfish threw up--there's a strict production schedule in publishing and you meet your deadlines or you are out on your ear.

I commonly work 50-60 hour weeks and still have the house to take care of, a husband to look after, etc., like everybody else.

And when I did work for the state, a number--not all by far, but quite a few--of the single parents there had 'emergencies' every single week, but if I needed to leave early, forget it--nobody ever offered to stay late for me because they had to get home to their children. Frankly, I got fed up with it and just started refusing to be a doormat, which is what it felt like I'd become.

Now, I have friends who would NEVER dream of acting this way, but there are some folks out there who seem to think having children gives them a special dispensation from meeting their obligations. Just like there are childfree slackers. :) Don't like dealing with either one of them.

Yasmine :colorful:

[Ziana]

I like being able to have sex in the living room, being able to pick up and take off with my husband without making baby-sitter plans and so forth. I like not having to constantly worry about the perverts out there trying to get at the kids. I like not having somebody clinging on me all the time for my attention.
Yasmine :colorful:

I understand work, housework and husbands being time consuming. It was the quote above that I was refering to. Unless you are one of the idle rich there is no such thing as anything you want anytime you want it. And I don't believe I stated it as such.

[Yasmine Galenorn]

I understand work, housework and husbands being time consuming. It was the quote above that I was refering to. Unless you are one of the idle rich there is no such thing as anything you want anytime you want it. And I don't believe I stated it as such.

I was reading: I will admit to envying you from time to time, being able to do what you want, where you want and when you want as being pretty much that.

As far as sex in the living room, etc., well, obviously, since we both work, it can only happen when we aren't working or doing the laundry, etc. Hell, we schedule our 'dates' a lot of the time. ;) If I was one of the idle rich...well...I wouldn't mind the second part, but I sure wouldn't like being idle. I'm a workaholic.

Yasmine :colorful:

[Ziana]

I don't believe idle would work for me either, I'd prolly end up adopting a bunch more kids and happily going from soccer game to ballet recital. Although, in being rich there is always the option of a part-time nanny. I would hate for anyone else to care for my kids full time.

I in no way intended to imply that childfree singles and couples have no responsibilities to keep them on the constant go, I simply meant (for example) that it would sometimes be nice to leave the house with my honey for the evening and not have to worry about the babysitter being late or not showing at all.

[Yasmine Galenorn]

I don't believe idle would work for me either, I'd prolly end up adopting a bunch more kids and happily going from soccer game to ballet recital. Although, in being rich there is always the option of a part-time nanny. I would hate for anyone else to care for my kids full time.

I in no way intended to imply that childfree singles and couples have no responsibilities to keep them on the constant go, I simply meant (for example) that it would sometimes be nice to leave the house with my honey for the evening and not have to worry about the babysitter being late or not showing at all.

I do understand, in my own way. My husband's a Type 1 diabetic who has an occasional low-blood sugar seizure during the night. I have to be here, have to immediately rush into take-charge mode and pull him out of it before he goes into coma, or he could die. It would be so nice to be able to go off with a friend for a girl's weekend out...but I can't chance it. It would be nice to not wake up in the middle of the night, panicking, and reach out to see if he's sweating (one of the signs)....but I always do. Sometimes, people we love--be they child or spouse--requires that we give up some of our freedom for their safety.

And I also understand about the nanny. If I had money for a nanny, I might have reconsidered adopting....but I'd want to homeschool and there again, I could never keep up the hours on my career I put in now if I did that.

We choose our passions. For some, it's children, for others, it's career, and for others, it's ...well...whatever this is left. ~grins~

Yasmine :colorful:

[Nellie]

When I was young it never crossed my mind about having children when I was older. My first partner never wanted to get married or have kids & I agreed with his decisions on the surface, but something was never quite right. After 4 years together we split & suddenly I was a different person. I did want children & to have a family life. Fortunately my current partner who I met soon after, felt exactly the same as me, though it was never a conscious decision to get pregnant. It was a case of if it happened then it was meant to be. We conceived our daughter after 6 months, but it only took 1 time of no protection for our son to be produced. Theres only 15 months between them & I gotta be honest, its the hardest job in the world. I don't think I could be paid enough to do this if they weren't my own. I've never particularly liked children, but something inside of me yearned for a child (difficult to explain) even though I consciously never thought about it. I guess my reasons for having them was my love for their father & to have an extention of both him & me. Theres times when I look at them with so much love I could burst, but theres also times when i feel so trapped I wanna scream. I'm lucky to have grandparents who adore them & are willing to help out when the need arises. Without the occasional break I think I would go mad lol. :wah: I would never expect couples to have to have children. To me that idea is ridiculous. I can't believe anybody would actually think this way. As others have stated the world is over populated and it saddens me to think of the kind of future my children may have, but there being here was also their choice in MO. I sometimes look back at my childfree days & dream about being spontaneous again, but I had my youth & I don't regret my decision. I guess what I'm trying to say is do what you feel is right for you & if people come up & try to put your decision down - walk away. Whats it gotta do with anybody else. As my best friend recently taught me, you don't have to justify your reasons to anybody but yourself!!! And after all that waffle I now have the priviledge of organising my son's 5th Birthday party for tomorrow. 21 screaming kids to look forward to :fpartyfav .... now come on & admit you ain't all jealous!!!! :geez:

[Ceres]

We choose our passions. For some, it's children, for others, it's career, and for others, it's ...well...whatever this is left. ~grins~

Yasmine :colorful:

I LOVE the way you put this! "Choose our passions", thats exactly it! We cant do it all and to do anything properly, we have to make choices.

[KEishin]

I didn't intend my post as an attack, so I'm sorry you took it that way.
Granted, I'm a little jaded as many people have told me it is my "job" to have children and attack me publicly for not doing so.

I realize not everyone is that way (thankfully), for if they were, then there would be a lot less well-adjusted children in the world.

[WandererInGray]

For as long as I have remembered I didn't want kids. *shrugs* Not part of my plan. I love kids...other people's kids. :D

I ended up with a son anyway. My husband has a boy from his first marriage. His mother has full custody, so we only see him off and on, and he's a joy. He is also *laughs* a constant reminder why we don't want children of our own.

Most people get it, *shrugs* a few don't. I usually just ignore them or tell them off if they get too pushy.