Semele
July 4th, 2005, 08:30 PM
Trinity was interupted during her nap by her loudly singing brother who proceeded to then wake up the other sister so we were all standing around crying for a second which is understandable. After about five minutes Trinity, who will be three in November and was very late to start talking anyway, was still screaming.
We tried to get her to stop crying and just tell us what she wanted with words but she just gave us dirty looks and screamed louder. Trey started asking her random things like, "Are you hungry, thirsty, etc." She was shaking her head and screaming no all mean every time and he would say, "Ok..sorry..wait" and keep guessing..it was a bit much to take watching him just tip toe around her like that trying to pacify her. I made him stop asking so she would talk and it mad her mad, him sad and Maci confused.
A bit about my fun lil family, I am incredibly empathic especially when it comes to Trey and he is also empathic so we kind of bounce around a bit at times anyway. Trinity is either not empathic at all or she chooses not to respond to it, as is perfectly age appropriate. I love watching people in general and seeing how they respond to things and how they display their own emotions..sort of how they process things and react or not react etc, but in small children it is even more fascinating because they don't really have an overload of society's rules interferring with all their original thoughts and emotions in the situation. They deal with more raw emotion and it can be very intense.
Maci is just 18 months old and about an inch shorter than Trinity and speaks quietly and not too often. She is very even tempered and apparently somewhat empathic herself. She watched from about two feet away, looking from me to Trey to Trinity as I was trying to figure out how to proceed. Trey was pleading with me with his eyes to let him fix Trinity's obvious horrific pain and she was defiantly screaming her head off and refusing to answer her shush and after several complete head to toe assessments she was in perfect health, typical two year old tantrum usually quickly relieved with a time out, but with Trey in the vacinity it turns into a major lifetime original tearjerker.
I told her if she didn't stop crying I was going to make her go to her room and Trey actually went over to her and was telling her to stop crying and tell me what was wrong and she was glaring at me and screaming louder. I knew at this point is was so gonna be ugly. Trey got frantic trying to calm Trinity and Maci came charging in with tissues trying to calm Trinity and she was crying and Trinity was just making mean faces and pushing them away. I am ashamed to admit that I sat on the floor with them and watched unobtrusively for a couple of minutes just to see what they would do. Finally when Maci was wiping the tears off my cheeks I figured I had better put an end to the drama before Mol came home and thought we were all insane. Trey really dissapproved of my decision to put his already distessed sister in time out. If someone is crying they need a hug in his mind.
Trinity took a time out through which she screamed for exactly 1 min and 37 seconds and Trey took a time out through which he silently sobbed for the same amount of time. Maci and I sat on the couch and waited. She just looked at me and every 15 seconds or so she would look down the hall and say owies and look like she would cry but she never did. As soon as Trinity stopped crying they both came out and she understood and didn't scream anymore.
The experience was neat because I got to see some very real examples of development in action in my children and affirmations that yes I did do exactly the right thing for the desired outcome and I think it is important as parents to pat ourselves on the back once in a while and realise that though we may occasionally scar them for life we also scar them with good things. For instance, through a very painful display Trinity learned that screaming and not communicating sucks, ok so this lesson will be repeated over and over in life..it was a gentle first one I think. Trey ...well, maybe if we start with his sisters he will learn how to stand up to pretty girls instead of letting them dominate him and manipulate him so easily and maybe the complexities of people using tears manipulatively will reveal itself without me having to actually say such things. Maci is awesome and she walked away from Trinity after about the third time she pushed her away and then she came and sat by me and fretted from over there. She learned a valuable lesson there.
I have to go but wanted to jot this all down somewhere.
We tried to get her to stop crying and just tell us what she wanted with words but she just gave us dirty looks and screamed louder. Trey started asking her random things like, "Are you hungry, thirsty, etc." She was shaking her head and screaming no all mean every time and he would say, "Ok..sorry..wait" and keep guessing..it was a bit much to take watching him just tip toe around her like that trying to pacify her. I made him stop asking so she would talk and it mad her mad, him sad and Maci confused.
A bit about my fun lil family, I am incredibly empathic especially when it comes to Trey and he is also empathic so we kind of bounce around a bit at times anyway. Trinity is either not empathic at all or she chooses not to respond to it, as is perfectly age appropriate. I love watching people in general and seeing how they respond to things and how they display their own emotions..sort of how they process things and react or not react etc, but in small children it is even more fascinating because they don't really have an overload of society's rules interferring with all their original thoughts and emotions in the situation. They deal with more raw emotion and it can be very intense.
Maci is just 18 months old and about an inch shorter than Trinity and speaks quietly and not too often. She is very even tempered and apparently somewhat empathic herself. She watched from about two feet away, looking from me to Trey to Trinity as I was trying to figure out how to proceed. Trey was pleading with me with his eyes to let him fix Trinity's obvious horrific pain and she was defiantly screaming her head off and refusing to answer her shush and after several complete head to toe assessments she was in perfect health, typical two year old tantrum usually quickly relieved with a time out, but with Trey in the vacinity it turns into a major lifetime original tearjerker.
I told her if she didn't stop crying I was going to make her go to her room and Trey actually went over to her and was telling her to stop crying and tell me what was wrong and she was glaring at me and screaming louder. I knew at this point is was so gonna be ugly. Trey got frantic trying to calm Trinity and Maci came charging in with tissues trying to calm Trinity and she was crying and Trinity was just making mean faces and pushing them away. I am ashamed to admit that I sat on the floor with them and watched unobtrusively for a couple of minutes just to see what they would do. Finally when Maci was wiping the tears off my cheeks I figured I had better put an end to the drama before Mol came home and thought we were all insane. Trey really dissapproved of my decision to put his already distessed sister in time out. If someone is crying they need a hug in his mind.
Trinity took a time out through which she screamed for exactly 1 min and 37 seconds and Trey took a time out through which he silently sobbed for the same amount of time. Maci and I sat on the couch and waited. She just looked at me and every 15 seconds or so she would look down the hall and say owies and look like she would cry but she never did. As soon as Trinity stopped crying they both came out and she understood and didn't scream anymore.
The experience was neat because I got to see some very real examples of development in action in my children and affirmations that yes I did do exactly the right thing for the desired outcome and I think it is important as parents to pat ourselves on the back once in a while and realise that though we may occasionally scar them for life we also scar them with good things. For instance, through a very painful display Trinity learned that screaming and not communicating sucks, ok so this lesson will be repeated over and over in life..it was a gentle first one I think. Trey ...well, maybe if we start with his sisters he will learn how to stand up to pretty girls instead of letting them dominate him and manipulate him so easily and maybe the complexities of people using tears manipulatively will reveal itself without me having to actually say such things. Maci is awesome and she walked away from Trinity after about the third time she pushed her away and then she came and sat by me and fretted from over there. She learned a valuable lesson there.
I have to go but wanted to jot this all down somewhere.